The International Society of National Organizational Associations

When you work in hotels you see a lot of stuff. More than you want to, actually. Like conventions. There are conventions for everything you can possibly imagine. And the reason there are so many conventions is that, for any actuvity or interest or occupation you could possibly imagine, no matter how specific or obscure or silly it might seem to you, there is a society or organization that holds international meetings to discuss these topics in excruciating detail.

There is a National Glass Association and a National Concrete Association. They hold week-long conventions and talk about glass, and concrete. Glass. And Concrete. That's what they talk about. That's all they talk about. For a week.

I never saw any of their speeches or seminars, but its hard to imagine finding stuff to talk about.

8:00 am--New Member Orientation: Did You Know Glass Is Made Of Sand?

10:00 am--Glass-Blowing 101: Try Not To Inhale

12:00 pm--Our Silent Enemy: Great Big Rocks

2:00 pm--Lazer Tag Tournament Against Those Dorks At The Plastic Symposium

Every so often one of these groups goes completely over-the-top and stages a lavish production that despite huge expense still manages to be cheesy. Like the National Tube Sock Society will have this huge stage and neon tube socks will drop from the ceiling and George Michael will come out and sing "I Want Your Socks".

Socks are natural
Socks are neat
Socks are best when they're
On
Your
Feet

All the groups are called Associations if they're about business, and Societies if they're about hobbies, but I know sometimes these fancy-schmancy pharmaceutical groups have these international meetings and they actually call them "congresses". That, to me, hardly sounds pretentious or self-important at all.

For several years in the late 80's, there was an International Congress on Gastroenterology that always seemed to be meeting in these small, politically-unstable countries in Eastern Europe and Central America. I don't know why they chose those locations, but still thousands of people would go to them. I always wondered what would happen if one of those governments collapsed while this "congress" was in session? Would they assume political power? Would it be thrust upon them? Perhaps we would have seen the world's first functional Gastroenterocracy.

I want to start my own society. I'm just not sure what it would be about, or what I would call it.

That River In Egypt

People say that kids today have a lot more problems than they did even just a generation or so ago. Not just kids either, I reckon, but pretty much everybody, I should say. I don't know how true it is, though.

Well, there's crack. But people just think that's new, because back in the 70's they used to call that freebasing, the thing was though that hardly anyone did it because cocaine was just for millionaires. You didn't hear about "drive-by" shootings back then, either, but people still shot and killed one another. They just used different names.

There are other kinds of problems, though. Depression and Alcoholism and Obsessions and Compulsions. You see and hear about that stuff all the time. I don't know if that's because this stuff is just more common now, or just because folks talk about it more. I do know, for sure, that folks talk about stuff more. They talk to family and friends and even total strangers about ever single problem or thought or emotion, real or imagined. There's counselors and groups to help you get over anything, and if you don't want to get over things there's always clubs you can join.

Now, I am all for helping and supporting people, really and truly. But what ever happened to good old-fashioned denial? I believe denial is under-rated. And its so much simpler, and less expensive.

"I think you have a problem."
"No, I don't."

Problem solved. You don't have to acknowledge anything, confront anyone, or make any changes.

More Stupid Stuff They Do On TV

On TV, whenever anyone is in an uncomfortable situation, they say "I need some air," and then they leave. You hear it all the time. "I'm gonna get some air."

And on TV, no one thinks this is odd, yet in real life, I don't know anyone who's ever said it. No one says, "Why? There's air in here." In fact, air is kind of...everywhere, isn't it? And if you were in a place where there was NO air, you would hardly be able to tell someone you needed it.

Another stupid thing folks do on TV is, when a phone call gets disconnected, they click the button up and down real fast and say "Hello? Hello?" When has this ever worked? When have phone lines ever RE-connected by clicking on that button? Maybe I'm missing something. Folks did this on TV and movies way before call-waiting, too. Maybe an old person can clue me in.