Joining Groups

People have a need to belong to things. Everyone talks about "rugged individualism," which is fine, but it only goes so far. Even the lone wolf mavericks who make their own rules and do things their own way still need to define themselves as soldiers or cops or whatever.

This is why people identify themselves as being Irish or black or Hispanic. Its why kids join clubs and teams.

So what about people who swim, or golf? Those are sports where success or failure are measured by individual achievement and not as part of a team, right? ok. But have you ever known a tennis player, or a golf pro? Who do they hang out with? Other tennis players, or golf pros. And what do they talk about? Tennis and golf. They may not belong to teams, per se, but they belong with the groups and hang out with people just like them.

I'm not saying this is a bad thing. It's just how we are. We need to join, and belong, and be accepted, and identify ourselves this way.

Sometimes you see people who want to belong to groups and really totally don't. Like on "I Love Lucy" how Lucy was always coming up with wacky plans to sing at Ricky's club. It wasn't because she needed to get Ricky's attention; she just wanted to belong, to be an entertainer like Ricky, and John Wayne and Groucho Marx.

In every hotel I've ever worked at there's always been at least one security guard who swaggered around like he owned the place and was always quoting rules and regulations, and they always talk in code on the radio and use words like "protocol" just because it makes them feel official. These guys so much want to be cops. But the first time there's ever a real crisis, it's obvious why they're not cops: It's because for all their posturing, they fold under pressure. What they want is to step into a situation and instantly be in command and have everyone acknowledge them; what they don't want is to have to actually do any work or earn any respect. In many ways these guys are like Barney Fife.

Call them wannabes, or posers. We all know one or two. It's not like someone who wants to entertain and so they get up onstage at the Moose Lodge on karaoke night; it's more like one of these angry high school kids too young to join the Army so they hang out with shell-shocked Vietnam vets and smoke pot. You see these people all the time on Ricky Lake. And then there's guys like Vanilla Ice and Bryant Gumbel.

Gandhi was a poser. I mean, to do what he did, he kind of almost had to be a poser, He had to keep the Muslims and Christians and Hindus all happy so that they could put aside their differences and get the British out of their country. And to do that he had to be a Muslim to the Muslims and a Hindu to the Hindus and so he was this big religious poser.

I'm not talking about what people believe in, either. I'll get to that later. I'm talking about how people identify themselves as part of groups because it gives them purpose or a sense of belonging.

Ok, look at Worf. He was a Klingon, loyal to the Empire, son of Mogh, serving the House of Martok, and always off on some mission on a Klingon ship. But he was also a Russian, a Federation citizen, a Starfleet commander, and Cheif of Operations on Deep Space Nine. He had so many loyalties and obligations it's a wonder he ever slept.

Now, here's my next point, and it goes along with this. Everyone needs to believe in something, something bigger than themselves. For most people this means God, even if its some nameless force in the universe that has less to do with us personally than gravity.

I think most everybody believes in God, even most of the people who call themselves "atheists". They say they don't believe, but really they're just angry at God and they think by "not believing" in Him they're hurting Him some kind of way. They say "If there is a God, then why is there so much suffering in the world?" And most people who ask that do sincerely believe it, except that by "the world" they mean "my life personally". They don't care about children starving in Mongolia, they're just mad because their mom died when they were six or their girlfriend dumped them right before the prom. Besides, if they were worried about starving children in Mongolia, you can always ask them how much of their money goes to Mongolian Relief.

Now, there are folks who honestly don't believe in God. And even most folks who do believe in God think that God's so happy to have them believing in Him that He'll go along with whatever they want and shower them with blessings for their faith. But then, most folks, believing or not believing, could care less whether there's a God or not.

But soldiers serve a higher purpose, like freedom or liberty or whatever, which might be corny and old-fashioned and still be real and true. Communists serve a higher purpose, whether they call it "The Revolution" or "dialectic materialism". People who sell herbal diet supplements or join Amway do the same thing.

But here's the problem. It's fine to join or belong to whatever group you want, and its fine to believe in God or the Force or holy cows. The problem is when the groups you belong to and the things you believe in define themselves not by what they stand for or what they're in favor of, but by what they're against and who they hate.

It seems so counter-productive. Take Hitler, for example. What if he'd won the war? I mean, it's easy to hate homosexuals and Jews and gypsies as long as they're all over the place, but what are you going to do once you kill everybody? What are you going to stand FOR? You can blame all your troubles on somebody else, that's easy, but what are you going to do when there's no one left to blame?

But even forgetting that, it just seems like some folks aren't happy unless they're talking bad about other folks. Can't you believe what you believe, and even believe that you're right, without having to tell everyone else they're wrong?

Anyway, that's what I think.

Funny Things To Do At Home

When someone talks about Anthrax, here's something funny you can say: Tell them, "O, I love Anthrax! It's great!" And then when they say WHAT THE *&%$ ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, tell them you had to take a train one time and Anthrax was just great. Then when they tell you that's AMTRAK, not ANTHRAX, just say something like "same thing!" This will be funny only until someone actually uses Anthrax in a biological attack. After that, don't make this joke.

Here's another funny thing to say: When someone uses the word "gubernatorial" in a sentence, giggle and say "goober" over and over.