My head hurts. My stomach hurts. I keep falling asleep watching TV and all the stuff that's happening on TV keeps happening in my dreams, which in a weird kind of way is kind of like having a TV in your head. Like that movie with Keanu Reeves where he plugs the data line right into his head, only instead of important data I have cartoons in my head. I have major writer's block and haven't been able come up with anything to write about in days, so I just thought I would spend this time complaining.

I'm really not watching cartoons, I'm watching Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. This is the greatest Star Trek show ever, as far as I'm concerned. Star Trek is supposed to be set in the future, though, which I don't get. Maybe it's a parallel universe where people on Earth never thought up seatbelts. Even so, you'd think the Vulcans would have thought of them. But you never see seatbelts. They travel the galaxy at a hundred bajillion times the speed of light and they don't even have seatbelts.

My head still hurts. Less now that I was able to take a painkiller. Now I kind of feel like I am floating on a cloud. With my luck, though, it'll turn out to be a thunderhead.

What I really hate is when people complain all the time about their lives and their situations but do nothing to improve them. Those people suck. Some people no matter how much they have or no matter how much people try to help them, they still complain. They might have friends but they always want better friends or different friends. The absolute worst place for them to live or work is always going to be wherever they happen to be living or working at the time. Whatever they're eating, it tastes like crap, they want something else. Their car sucks. They want a promotion at their job, or they want a different job with a different company. Their neighbor's kids are more well-behaved. Their best friend's wife is prettier. They're always dwelling on past girlfriends and missed opportunities.

So they wind up divorced and in debt up to their eyes, always having to have more and more stuff, always after that something a little bit better, and more and more they wind up miserable.

See now that's really depressing stuff to think about. And the thing is, I'm not even depressed at all. It's easier to write depressed stuff than to think up anything funny or clever.

I don't like it when people talk to me and ask me questions and act like they know me. It's just weird. Like when I'm at work and someone comes in off the street and asks for directions and then gets mad if I can't tell them how to get where they're going. Or when someone smiles and calls me by my first name when I never seen them before. Or when someone comes in to use the restroom and then gets mad when I tell them that its locked.

The movie Fatal Attraction started a whole genre of film where normal people enter your life, befriend you, become obsessed with you, and then try to kill you. For a while they were really popular but I haven't seen one in a while. Here is a list of all the ones I can think of:

My head still hurts.

It would be cool to be a changeling like the guy on Deep Space Nine. You know, Odo, the guy who's made of jelly. I could be a bird or a dog or make myself look like someone else. A lot of people would choose to look like Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt, but I think I would rather look like Bill Gates. I'm sure he gets a lot more respect.

A single guy might think about using these abilities to pick up women. But women would freak out once they found out you were really made of jelly. Face it, it would be kind of gross to be making out with someone and have them turn to goo.

If you were made of jelly like that, you could do like they do in the cartoons like when you got hit in the head with a frying pan and then your head is in the shape of a frying pan and then you go boing-oing-oing and it's back to normal. On second thought, in real life that would just be creepy.