Applying What We've Learned From The Three Stooges

I wish that in real life, when someone annoyed you, you could just slap them or poke them in the eye like the Three Stooges do. Moe Howard should have run seminars in conflict resolution. It was especially effective how he used whatever was handy, like if they were working in construction, Moe would take a handsaw and run it across Curly's head, or if they were in a bakery he'd stick Shemp's head in the oven.

Sure, he was caustic and obnoxious, but he had a very effective, hands-on management technique that left little doubt as to who was in charge. He was goal-oriented and favored an authority-driven corporate structure using negative reinforcement as a means of goal achievement. It might not sound like an attractive package to offer prospective employees, but the pay is fantastic. Only two people ever had to be replaced, and that was only because they died. Any kind of multi-level corporate organizational structure would obviously be more complex than just the three guys slapping each other around. Department Heads would have to administer eye-pokes and face-slaps in a fair and impartial manner.

Corporate management is just one area where we can apply what the Three Stooges have taught us.

I have always thought that the Stooges could teach us a great deal about martial arts. Maybe Jet Li or Jackie Chan could start showing us a few spinning eye-pokes in their next few movies. Or it might be what we need is a new school in martial arts to teach the new forms, like laying down on your side and running around the floor in circles. Or like when you warm up, you growl like a dog or go *nyuk nyuk* to clear your mind and focus.

I wonder how the Three Stooges would do fighting against Xena Warrior Princess? Of course, the Stooges don't do flips and all that, but on the other hand, Xena and Gabrielle would only use the weapons that they brought with them, but the Stooges use anything they can get their hands on. Plus, they have Xena outnumbered.

I also think the Stooges could be considered religious icons in some weird alien culture. That would be some temple, with handsaws on the walls, and pliers that the priests use to grab the altar boys by the noses with.

Every so often you hear someone say that there was a rare talent or genius that "no one's been able to duplicate". But the thing about the Stooges is, no one's ever even tried to duplicate them. I mean, there were other comedy teams, like the Marx Brothers and Abbott & Costello, but isn't there room in the world for one more violent, eye-gouging comedy team?

Maybe its just as well. If they tried to do a show like Stooges now, they'd try to give them "depth". You know, like every time Moe grabbed Shemp's nose and then slapped it, he would get into this deep introspection and then flashback to how his dad used to do the same to him. Or Larry and Curly would always be telling one another that, even though they are constantly hitting each other they really love each other. And of course there would be a 10-minute disclaimer before every one.

Questions For Hollywood

TV shows and movies seem to be governed by their own laws of physics and probability.

For instance, how many times in his life does the average guy meet someone who looks just like him? It happens all the time on TV. How many people have you dated who wound up being master criminals, or time travelers, or aliens, or unfrozen cavemen? How many teenagers working out of their basement have discovered cold fusion, time travel, or invisibilty? How many times have you actually been kidnapped? How many private detectives do you know? How many of them have accidentally stumbled across world-wide conspiracies? When you were a teenager and you had a problem, did life in your house come to a complete standstill until it was solved? Are there any people anywhere, in any profession, who routinely run through a hail of bullets without ever getting hit? Do people who are exposed to massive doses of radiation spontaneously mutate? Do cars exlode every time they hit something (except fire hydrants, which they always knock over, sending a huge spout of water into the air)?

Just points to ponder.