And Yet Still More Random Thoughts
June 1, 2002

Observational Psychology: The Stupid Things People Do

Part I: Almost Out Of Gas
 
Once I was working at the front desk at a hotel in a downtown area and a woman came in the lobby, obviously very agitated. She said she was almost out of gas and that she's driven around for 45 minutes trying to find a gas station. Apparently because I worked in the area, this was my fault.
 
So I told her, take a left out of the driveway, go down one block to the light, and take another left. That's Franklin Street, and there's a gas station six blocks down on the right. I repeated it in its entirety 3 times, then each step individually twice:
 
So I take a left out of the driveway?
Yes.
And then down one bloack to Franklin?
Yes.
Left at the light, and then down six blocks?
Uh-huh. You think you got it?
I think so. Say it again.
 
So finally I wrote them down, and then went back to my work. Twenty minutes later she was back, and now she was really pissed. Now she says she drove down eight blocks and didn't see a gas station and now she doesn't even know if she has enough gas to get back down there.
 
Ma'm, did you not see the QT down there on the right?
 
QT? We don't have those where I'm from! You mean that convenience store?
 
Yes, the big convenience store with the...brightly-lit gas pumps in front...
 
You should have said it was a convenience store, not a gas station! I went right past it!
 
Didn't you see the Ambassador hotel right next to it? Why didn't you stop there?
 
Why the hell would I stop there?
 
Because...um, that's where you already were...?
 
Why should I expect someone else to know, if you don't?
 
I really did not understand this woman. None of her reasoning made sense to me. She drove eight blocks, afraid she would run out of gas, and instead of asking for directions right there where she was, she turned around and drove all the way back to ask someone who she already thought had given her bad directions once. She did all this knowing that she drove right past gas pumps, twice in fact, but didn't stop because it was a "convenience store" and not a "gas station". Did she think those pumps sold a different kind of gas, or weren't working? Was she just going to keep asking me directions until I gave her ones that worked?
 
What I mean is, in schol we're taught logic like this: All dogs are animals; all poodles are dogs; ergo, all poodles are animals. But this woman's logic went along the lines of: I'm lost; this guy gave me bad directions already; ergo, no one else can tell me where to go but him.
 
I've often thought it would be interesting to have a psychologist on staff to interview people at times like this to analyze the thought processes that led them to these conclusions.
 
Of course, this was just one incident, but giving directions is never easy.
 
Part II: Directions To Your Meeting
 
I worked at one hotel where people entered a lower lobby from a parking area. In this lower lobby was a bellstand and a board where we posted a list of all the day's meetings and seminars, their times and locations. Next to the board were the elevtors to go up one level to the main lobby. In the main lobby, straight ahead, was the front desk, and to the right was a big set of doors with a sign that said "Convention Center & Meeting Rooms", and then a small footbridge that went to the meeting rooms in the Convention Center.
 
Sound complicated? Well, there was just one set of elevators and then one set of doors. It shouldn't have been difficult for anyone to find; it's not like it was a maze. So say some guy came in at street level, saw where his meeting was located, say, in the Executive Room, and then turns to the bellman:

How do I get to the Executive Room?
 
Take the elevator up one level to the main lobby, sir, go to the right and follow the footbridge to the meeting rooms.
 
It really sounds simple. Except that I've found when folks ask for directions, the only set of instructions they ever seem to understand is Don't do anything, you're already right there. Even when the instructions are Walk a straight line from here to there, you have to repeat it five times, write it down, and draw a map. It's interesting that these are the same instructions police use to determine whether or not you're drunk. I should count myself lucky that the Zone 5 Precinct didn't bring drunks over and ask me to give them directions to the Convention Center.
 
Anyway, as simple as those directions may sound, the hotel encountered a problem. Whenever there was two or three functions, the front desk couldn't check people in or out fast enough because they spent so much time giving directions. Because almost everyone got off the elevators, walked right past the footbridge to the front desk and asked for directions again.
 
One department head at the hotel suggested that we make up big signs for the Convention Center so that the guests will be able to tell where the meetings were being held. Surprisingly, only one other department head pointed out that signs in the Convention Center wouldn't do any good if people weren't getting to the Convention Center to begin with. It's like giving an instructional video to someone having trouble installing a VCR.
 
(Note: If you just read what I wrote about VCRs and thought to yourself "So what's wrong with that?", then please sign off your computer now and don't get back on. Ever.)
 
One bellman came to me and said why can't the hotel make a big map so that the guests can see where to go? I told him I didn't think it would work. He got upset because he thought I was belittling his ideas, so he went to the Front Office and the manager there took his idea to the G.M., who did two things:
  1. He called me into his office and told me that I needed to start listening more to the people who worked under me, and
  2. Spent over $1600.00 on a mounted, brass-framed map of the building showing the lower lobby, the elevtors, and the footbridge leading to the Convention Center.

Well, the maps didn't work. Because the same people who wouldn't read a sign over the footbridge doors, wouldn't read a map either. And the same people who couldn't follow directions in a straight line couldn't understand a three-dimensional map either.
 
The next idea was to put a big sign up outside the elevators with a big arrow pointing to the footbridge doors. Most people ignored it, or walked around it. The next idea was to have a manager assigned to stand by the sign and give directions. A manager who had a department to run, to take an hour or two in the morning to stand and point. This helped a little, but all the managers complained at having to do it, plus every time they were answering one person's questions, ten more would walk past to the front desk.
 
To be honest, I didn't involve myself much in this situation because I was on the night shift and this almost all happened when I was home in bed. But I swear if the hotel had bought seeing-eye dogs to physically lead people from the lower lobby to the meeting rooms, people would still have come to the front desk and said "Is this dog taking me to the right place?" But as long as the G.M. was so intent on throwing money at the problem, I might have suggested he install a series of gigantic pneumatic tubes like they have at the drive-through bank teller, to suck people from the lower lobby all the way across to their meeting.
 
I did observe, though, that it didn't seem to matter what kind of group it was or what their level of education was: No one reads signs or follows directions. If anything, the ones who should have been better at it were worse. Teachers and doctors were unbelievable. Especially surgeons. Maybe because surgeons are all egotistical bastards who are used to having everything done for them. Maybe we should have had two managers in the lobby: One to give directions, and one to stand there with a box of Kleenex in case one of them needed him to wipe his nose.
 
Part III: The Door Experiment
 
I maintain that these problems are not organizational or logistical, but behavioral. Let's look at one final example:
 
Another hotel where I worked had a set of two automatic sliding glass doors. You walked in through the first set into a foyer. The second set had a big sign that said "After 11pm, please use your room key to enter the building", and on the wall to the right was an intercomm button and a card swipe that any room key would open.
 
One of the perks of these jobs is watching people try to figure out situations like this. It's like one of those experiments people do with monkeys, where the banana hangs from the ceiling and they have to stack boxes up to get it down.
 
If I stood there at the front desk, I could see the people and they could see me. If I hadn't thought it would have gotten me fired, it would have been fun to get a white lab coat and take notes.
 
Here, though, are some purely subjective and unscientific observtions:
 
.0002% of the people read the sign, swipe their card, and enter the building
92% bang on the doors
78% walk right into the doors
62% try to pry the doors open with their hands
48% kick the doors
99.998% ring the intercomm button
84% read the sign and then ring the intercomm to ask how to get in
64% take out their key, ring the intercomm, and then try to swipe it
37% lean over so they can look past the sign and cuss at me; of these, 98.7% do not read the sign
24% after finally getting in, stop and ask me if the doors are always locked at night
I sometimes wonder how these numbers might change using different methods of reinforcement, like a button they can press on the inside that gives them a cookie if they get in, or a guy who scratches them behind the ear. Or set it so that if they touch the doors they get a mild shock.
 
Maybe I could get a grant and do research. Only instead of using monkeys, of course, I use businessmen. And then I can write a paper called:
 
Who's a Good Boy?
You're A Good Boy! Yes You Are!
Motivating Executives In The 21st Century

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