At work I have a new can of air. You spray this can of air on computer components to get dust out of them. If someone had told me 20 years ago that I would be buying cans of air, I would think 1) Cool! I'm going to live in space!, or 2) This is paranoid hippy talk about air pollution.

So here I am buying cans of air and not living in space. People are selling air in cans. Other people are buying it. I picture some young kid in knee pants with one of those flat-brimmed caps on, standing on a street corner going "Aiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrr for saaaaaaaaaaaaaaale!!! Get your nice fresh cans of air here!!!"

Its like a Hans Christen Andersen story where a troll is selling cans of air and some idiot buys them and loses all his money. And then he tricks the troll into buying them all back. Or the troll eats him. No wait that's the Brothers Grimm.

I wonder if their name really was Grimm. Its kind of ironic considering that their stories all had to do with beheadings and mutilations and children being cooked alive (which luckily Disney omitted). Its almost like their name was Morbid or Ghastly.

Maybe its because they were German. Germany seems like a very grim country with a grim culture. And the language is supposed to be similar to English but with more phlegm. Every time you hear someone speaking German it sounds like Grullerhoffenmiterheimlichten.

Russian's the same way, though. They all seem to have names like Stolychevestinowski.

Irish people are different. I mean, they're always pissed off, so they could be as grim as the Germans are, except that they have the good sense to stay drunk all the time. The stereotypical Irishman is an easy-going, laid-back, cheery leprechaun. Top 'o The Mornin' To Ye! I don't know where this image comes from. I mean, it would be funny if the Lucky Charms guy went ape-shit on those kids who are always stealing his cereal, or one of those ladies on the Irish Spring commercials bitch-slapped that guy for taking the soap from her: "Manly me arse, Shawn O'Finnigan! I like it too!" That's how real Irish people would act. At least they would in my family. In fact I'm pretty sure the title of The Quiet Man was meant to be ironic, because Irish people are not quiet. It should have been called the Singing-Bar-Songs-Real-Loud Man.

The Irish Catholics have been trying to throw the British out of their country for a long time now. Knowing my grandmother, I don't see why they haven't done it yet. I know about their tempers and I'm having a hard time imagining a whole country like that. And add to that their drinking, and they almost sound like Klingons.

Except of course to the British. To them, the Irish are just rednecks. They look at Ireland like the rest of America looks at the South. To get some idea of what that is, look at any episode of The Beverly Hillbillies. I mean, I liked the Beverly Hillbillies but I don't see how they functioned. Who did their grocery shopping? Where did they find possum in Beverly Hills?

Back on the subject, though, the Irish Catholics are trying to get the British to leave their country. You know what they call this? "The Troubles". Its like a century or more of violence and bloodshed, and they call it "The Troubles".

Maybe they just don't know what else to call it. They don't have a real army (well, they go fight for the British, but that's the British army; and there's the IRA but that's different) so they can't call it a war, and besides war is bad and wrong. You can't really say "resistance" I guess. So they came up with "The Troubles", which I guess is accurate, just grossly understated. It sounds like a Broadway musical:

We got troubles
Right here in River City
With a capital 'T'
And that rhymes with 'B'
and that stands for Bomb

It just seems so unfair. I mean, America didn't like the British so we had a war and got it over with. The Indians didn't like them so they got this passive-resistance thing going and kicked them out. I'm not sure what happened with Canada and Australia but I think it amounts to just ignoring them til they went away. And what do the Irish get? Troubles.

I don't mean to make fun of it or make it sound less serious than it is. I don't think bombings and death are funny, I just don't understand the situation in Ireland. Why are the Irish so dead-set against the Brits? Its not like they're the Soviets or the Nazis. Even if you don't like them you have to have an awful lot of hate to be shooting and bombing people. On the other hand, what does Ireland have the Brits don't just let them go? If I had a dog that kept biting me and trying to run away, I reckon sooner or later I'd cut it loose.

I'm Irish and German. What a combination. Plus, I'm from Philadelphia, so I don't think I could get angrier, unless I was on fire or something. Anyway, Philadelphia is a nice place to visit but I'm glad I didn't grow up there. They do make good cheesesteak. And scrapple. I love scrapple. I even wrote a poem about it: