I don't know why it happens this way. It's not that I mind, really; if someone has troubles, I always want to help, if I can. Maybe that's just exactly my problem, though. I don't know. They say that this tendency to want to "save" women, to come into their lives and sweep all of their problems away and be perceived as a kind of a Superman, is fairly common in guys. From just my own limited personal observation, however, I should qualify that by saying that, yeah, it may be common enough so that everyone knows what I'm talking about, but not nearly as common as the tendency in guys to want to abuse, control, and basically screw up women's lives. But anyway, there it is.

 

Folks have told me I'm a good listener. It's not really hard to do, though. I don't make any judgements about the freaky-ass stuff that they tell me, I reflect back to them what they're saying to help clarify their thoughts, I try to get them to always understand the other person's point of view (if there is one), and generally I just don't say much. And usually I am able to do all of these things well past the .002 seconds that it takes me to figure out that they're totally screwed up way, way, waaaay beyond my ability to ever help them. And of course, , the best thing is that it's always easy to fake. Or sleep through.

 

Sometimes help is really easy to give. Like I may be talking to someone and then realize that they're totally insane, and so I'll say, "Do you see any kind of therapist about these problems?" And more often than not they'll say "Yeah, I do see a therapist, but I don't really tell him anything because I don't trust therapists."

 

This is kind of like taking your car to the mechanic, and not letting him look under the hood. And my instinct is to say, "Why do you even go?" but of course if I say that they'll take it to mean "stop going to therapy" instead of the much more subtle way I have of pointing out that they're a dumb ass. And I don't waste any time trying to convince them to actually tell the therapist all the freaky stuff that they just told me, because usually all they'll say to that is "I wouldn't know how to say it," forgetting, naturally, that they haven't had any problem saying it to me. So instead I just say, the next time you go, tell the guy you don't trust him!! Then, you can spend some time resolving that issue, and hopefully move on to more important things like why you're attracted to midgets or keep a dead cat in your freezer.

 

And most times they think that that's an amazing idea, and that I'm just brilliant, but to me it says less about my own ability to give advice then it does about what a dumb ass their therapist is for not suggesting it to begin with.

 

I used to like to listen to folks' problems and try to help them figure stuff out. I guess I still do, but I've just started to realize that, even though almost everyone wants to prattle on endlessly about their own problems, hardly any of them will ever actually put forth any effort to make things even a little bit better.

 

Like this Amanda Bynes girl. Ok, she says she's in love with this guy and so she sleeps with him whenever he wants her to, and he swears to her that someday they'll probably get married, but in the meantime he's sleeping with three or four other women. To most people, I'm sure, her problem would not be that hard to fix. And I ask her, do you really think that this guy cares about you?

 

And you know what she said?

 

Yes!

 

Now in fairness, I've been there. I've done stupid crap like that, although maybe not to that extreme. I've been lied to and used. I've devoted myself to, and invested myself in relationships with these women who would talk for hours on end about these other guys who were perfect for them....even though these other, perfect guys never listened to a word they said and lied to and manipulated them and guilted them into getting their way.

 

I guess the only difference is, I learned when to say screw this!!

 

Although it still feels monumentally unfair that these asswipes wind up with all the great women.

 

Yeah, I'm in therapy, so what? Shut up.