God Spoke To Me...

At 5:10 am on July 17, God spoke to me. I don’t mean like in an audible voice that shook the walls, but in a way that was just as clear as if it had been. It was like I was suddenly aware of so much, about myself and my own life and what I should be doing. It wasn’t like when I used to wonder, or dream, about what would happen if I did this-or-that, and what the outcome would be and what it would lead to on down the line. It wasn’t even that a plan formed in my mind. It was just a strange certainty that there were things I had to do and specific people that I had to speak to. And it wasn’t like I saw the future, but I will say that there were things I imagined that I think could happen (not that they’re written in stone) if I just do the things that He showed me to do, and I stay the course.

I have to say that, up to this point, I didn’t really believe that God spoke to people this way, or I should say, about things that are this specific. Or anyway, not anymore, like maybe He did in the old-timey Bible days, but not now.

I think about those Christian evangelist shows that I used to watch in the 80s and how folks on there used to always claim that God spoke to them that way, and I reckon I thought it was cool, and that since I was supposed to be a Christian I was supposed to believe them, but I don’t think I ever really did. At least, in retrospect, it seems strange that He would only choose to speak to guys in suits with bad hair plugs, kind of like how aliens only appear to people in trailer parks or logging camps and no one knows why.

I also think about that episode of WKRP In Cincinatti, where God spoke to Dr. Johnny Fever. I don’t remember what all else happened, except that everyone thought he was crazy and then Mr. Carlson said that maybe God did talk to Johnny, even if he couldn’t prove it, at least none of them could prove otherwise. I think this is more accurate to my situation, or anyway most times I think I have more in common with Dr. Johnny Fever than any preacher on TV.

For a few days beforehand, I’d been walking around and things just seemed different. I couldn’t figure out what it was: Things didn’t look different, or sound different. But it was like I was walking up to strangers and asking how they were, I was making conversation with beautiful women, I was dealing with crises with my kids without getting irritated, I was hardly ever tired and I was only eating one meal a day, I wasn’t worried about anything, anything at all. I concluded that this is just what it felt like to be confident, and also that I had never been confident before. I’d always tried to be enthusiastic and hoped that I could fake the confident part. So it was totally totally awesome, but still I wasn’t thinking at this point that it was, like, God or anything.

But Sunday morning I was sitting there in bed and I looked at the clock and it said 5:10 am, and that seemed suddenly to be very significant and I didn’t know why. And then it happened, and let’s see if I can explain it in a way that makes a little bit of sense.

It was like, a thought would occur to me. A very specific thought. For an example, the first thing I thought was “I need to seek God.” It’s not that it’s such a bizarre thing to think, but honestly I usually don’t think in full sentences. I might imagine God, or what does it mean to seek Him, or whatever, before I would reach this conclusion that it was something I needed to be doing. But that’s not how this was; it was more like an anvil dropping from the sky like in a Roadrunner Cartoon: a thought, fully formed, dropping right into my mind. And after that came complete certainty that it was true and that it was very, very important that I tell folks about it. And there was just no doubt, I was more sure of this thing than anything I had ever known. Or maybe like I was more awake than I had ever been.

But it just wasn’t one anvil. It was like 25, one right after another. And each one accompanied by this complete assurance, I was so sure that it was God that I thought Jesus was coming again right that minute, and I ran out the front door fully expecting to hear trumpets or something. The weirdest thing was, I wasn’t even afraid. I thought briefly about my kids, but I just knew they would be all right.

So I kind of accepted these things as they came to me, and I believed them in my heart. But I didn’t really understand them, at least not all at once. So the first thing I did was just start to write them all down, to remember them and keep them straight, but also to help me think about them and be open to what I was supposed to do about them once I did figure them out.

Now some of you may think that I was dreaming all this, and I may have been. Except that I was already awake and sitting up in bed when it started. And you might think I hallucinated it, but seriously, aren’t hallucinations a little different, a little less specific, a little less organized than this? (You’ll see what I mean by that in the next part). I didn’t see walls melting or hear voices. And you might even think that I am making this up, which, ok, I might very well be. To that, all I can say is, as I write these things here this day and as I set out to do them for the next week or month or year, just see what happens. If something does happen, it won’t matter whether I was lying or crazy or what. If nothing happens, so, call me a liar or a lunatic. I really don’t care.

The time is significant. I mean, the fact that it happened at 5:10 am, I'm quite sure that when I tell people, it will mean something else to someone else and they will freak out. Maybe someone was having a similar experience at that exact moment, or someone was praying for me right then.

My ex wife and I will reconcile. Not the marriage. The marriage is dead. But she and I have no relationship at all, we don’t even communicate. But that will change, if we both seek God. And she is seeking God as well, in her heart.....Not that I have seen this for myself, but that it was also part of what I believe was being revealed to me.

I need to let my ex-wife know that her children are safe, and that I will listen to whatever she has to say. I know that she worries about the boys when they are away from her, especially since she has always believed that I was the devil incarnate. But for some reason I thought this meant I had to let her know right away, at 5:10 am, and I left a message on her answering machine.

My parents think there is something wrong with me. Well, since I woke them up when I ran outside at 5:10 am, this kind of goes without saying. But what I mean is, they thought there was something wrong with me at just this moment, and not in general.

I will have to speak to people but I will have the confidence that I need as I need it. I don’t know what this means. I hope it doesn’t mean like speaking to big crowds or audiences. That would suck. I mean, I would still do it and all, but it would totally totally suck.

People will ask you questions. I wondered briefly if this was a reference to my Stupid Questions page? Or maybe if I was supposed to speak to huge crowds I could do one of those Carol Burnett Q&A things at the end. But as time went on and I talked to folks more and more about this, it occurred to me that this is how I always try to make a point, by trying to always anticipate their questions and I would go off on tangents and not even finish. This just means, make your point and shut up, people will ask you whatever questions they have

I’m supposed to tell people about this. Not all of it. Because somethings, if I talk about, others will be really negative about and I’ll let that discourage me. So just do them and don’t worry about them.

I will have lots of friends. I’ve always had lots of friends, but lately (like the last few years) very few close friends. And because I was married for so long, it felt weird to have any friends who were women. But it doesn’t anymore.

Here’s a weird one: I’m supposed to start going to services at the Buddhist Temple. I have been going. It’s actually kind of cool. And a little weird. And I don’t get a whole lot from the services, but I do feel really good about it like it’s where I am supposed to be, for now.

My Schedule. Ok, I am going to start selling t-shirts on this website. Also I am working kind of back-up part-time relief for a restaurant in town, and I am also going to try to get certified to substitute teach. This is all going to be like open-ended flexible scheduling and hopefully let me spend time with my boys.

When the early disciples were first preaching in Jerusalem, they kept getting arrested and set in front of the politicians, who were all pissed. There was a kind of ruling class that had amassed power over a long long time, and most of it depended on the regular folks looking to them to know what God wanted them to do. So, clearly, any new kind of teaching about grace and forgiveness was a threat to them.

Now back in these days, just like today, there were all kind of whackos preaching in the streets and gathering crowds and picking up followers. They'd come along and say "Follow me, listen to what I'm saying". And sometimes folks would follow them, for a time, but every time they died (or they were put to death, if you want to quibble), folks forgot all about them.

And so, when this whole bunch of politicians is all worked up, this old, respected, wise dude gets up and says “What are ya’ll so upset about? If these Christians are right, and this is God, then there’s nothing we can do to stop this. And if they’re wrong, we won’t have to worry about it anyway, because everyone will forget about them."