Don't leave me now
Oh, no, no, no, no
Please don't go
I want you to know
That I, I, I, love you so
Don't leave me baby
Please don't go

I wasn't in love or anything, but she was cool, and creative and intelligent. And I was really attracted to her. I mean, maybe it's just me, and being single and 40 and alone for the last five years (ten if you count the last five years of my marriage), it may be that I would be more discriminating in other circumstances. But she was so full of energy and so enthusiastic about everything, and she seemed to approach life on her own terms, and to me there is nothing sexier than that.

She had on glittery lipstick and these big sunglasses, and I kept thinking she looked like a Bratz doll. Tara says Bratz dolls look like prostitutes and my sister-in-law won't let her kids play with them, but whatever anyone else says, the look worked for her. She was awesome. And the thing is, I didn't just believe she was interested; she said she was interested. In that many words.

So I called her the next day, and I went to see her that afternoon at her work and she said she would call me that night on her way home and everything was going really well....and then she didn't call. And she didn't call the next day. Or the next. And I wasn't going to be all desperate and stalkery and keep after her, when obviously she wasn't interested. And I started thinking about every little thing she said and parsing every motion for subtext, and I concluded that I had completely misread the entire situation.

Whether I did or not, whatever. Who knows what these women are thinking? And then I thought about what Barney Fife said, that women are like trolley cars and you just take the next one that comes along, and then I though how stupid that was and how pathetic to be taking comfort from the words of Barney Fife. And then I heard this song by K.C. And The Sunshine Band and it was so incredibly pathetic and co-dependent that I had to laugh.

And then I thought about all the rejection and disappointment that one routinely faces in their life, especially when one is trying an online dating service, and how the Buddha would say that this is attachment and that expecting these external circumstances to lead to happiness was foolish and covered at least the first two of the Four Noble Truths.

I'm a deep thinker like that.

Anyway I got over it in very short order, and sometimes one good date is just one good date and I just accept it for what it is, and not be disappointed that it wasn't more. I had a good time, and that was enough.

 

I've gotten some feedback from people who think that this entry is pathetic and sad, and that I read way too much into every little thing that people do.

 

Don't you people know me at all? Of course I do. For more examples of how I overthink things, see every other thing I've written on this site.