The List and other lists

Poetry and popping off

Some of you will not know what THE LIST is but that's your own fault for not knowing us well enough so ha! Basically this is THE LIST and lots of other pointless lists will be added as and when they are created. Feel free to comment on THE LIST on our message board which is situated in the home page, perhaps you would like to tell us your current position number 1-10? Please tell us we are genuinely desperate to know!!! and tell us how much of the list of things to do before you die you have actually done...remember you HAVE to do it all before we will let you die...MWAHAHAHA!! ah yes and does anyone know any other things to add to any of the other lists??

Ok, so this is THE LIST. It is an adaptation of the snogging scale first written by Georgia Nicholson in ''Angus Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging'' We think this is far more accurate than the original version in todays society.

1. Hug

2. Peck on the cheek

2 1/2. Bottom Fondling

3. Kiss on the lips

4. Open Mouths

5. Tongues

6. Love Bite

7. Upper Body Fondling

8. Below Stairs Handywork

9. Below Stairs Oral Activities

10. The Full Monty

or perhaps even more accurate for todays society:

1. Open mouths

2. Upper body fondling

3. Below stairs handywork

4. The full monty

5. Talking

Loads of cheesy chat-up lines!

You know, it's not premarital sex unless you plan on getting married.

Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? No? Then do you wanna go upstairs and talk?

Do you want to go to breakfast? ("Sure.") Should I call you, or nudge you?

Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken leg? No? Well, let's go on a picnic and find out!

I bet you $20 you're gonna turn me down.

Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.

I'll cook you dinner if you cook me breakfast.

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by you again?

You say "I'm sorry, but you owe me a drink" she says "Why?" you say "Because I dropped mine when I looked at you".

Why do you have to be so damn fine every single day? Can't you take a break and let me concentrate on something else for a change?

Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.

I'd like to use your thighs as earmuffs.

I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?

You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.

Nice fucking weather. Want to?

Would you fuck a complete stranger? (No) Then Hi, my name is...

Excuse me, but I think that you are too drunk to drive. Can you recite the alphabet backwards? [Does it] Next, I need for you to bend over and spell "RUN".

Congratulations! You've been voted "Most Beautiful Girl In This Room" and the grand prize is a night with me!

Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.

If I gave you a sexy negligee, would there be anything in it for me?

Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven's a long way from here.

I didn't know that angels could fly so low!

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

If I followed you home, would you keep me?

If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.

Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night.

All those curves, and me with no brakes.

Believe it or not, gettin' laid is still hard when you're this good-looking.

The word of the day is legs. Let's go back to my crib and spread the word.

You should consider yourself lucky that I'm talking to you... I usually don't lower my standards this far just to bust a nut.

You say "Do you want to do a 68?" she says "What's that?" you say "You go down, and I'll owe you one."

Life is like a dick. When it gets hard... fuck it.

Want to make a porno? We don't have to tape it.

Will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into that cheap motel room.

Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?

Do you like to dance? Well then, could you go dance so I can talk to your friend?

If I had a nickel for each time I thought of you... I'd still be broke.

I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.

Love ain't nothin' but sex misspelled.

Excuse me, have I fucked you yet?

If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?

Do you like my belt buckle? (any response is okay ) It would look better against your forehead!

(Stare at her until she says "What!?") Then say "It isn't just gonna suck itself".

What's a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this?

You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other women look really bad.

You know, I'd really love to fuck your brains out, but it appears someone beat me to it.

Nice to meet you, I'm (your name) and you are...gorgeous!

Hi, my name is (your name), how do you like me so far?

Hi! Can I buy you a car?

Helen was so beautiful, the Trojans climbed into a horse. You're so beautiful, I wanna climb into a Trojan.

Some people are great. Others have greatness thrust upon them. If I told you that you were great, would you thrust yourself upon me?

Things to do before you die

Go to Australia
Fall in love and be loved in return
learn to drive a car (oh yes, cat and nicky are already there! and maybe esther too!)
Walk 2 the end of a bowling ally and see wher the pins go
have sex (as if you havn't already!)
go surfing
go on a spa holiday
get dream job/man
go on a cruise
Be serenaded on a balcony
go to a prom (done!)
have a toned tummy
do the splits
scuba dive in the coral reef
Have somthing named after u so u go down in history
swim with dolphins
be someone else for a day
Dress in drag and do the hula
Work in an office 4 a while
have a gay guy as a best friend
eat a whole chilli whole
milk an elk
get married
Throw a boomerang and catch it again
Influence someone's life in a good way
yodel on a mountain in Austria wearing a dindle. With a goat.
Skinny dip
see a ghost
Buy a lottery ticket (and win it while were on the topic...)
Boogie in the nuddy pants (as if nicky hasn't)
Become a farmer
Crowd surf
Die your hair
fly a plane
eat until you're sick
go for a detox
kareoke (in the irish pub in koblenz...)
get on the back of a bus
travel around on a donkey
go for a day without food
ride in a shopping trolley without getting injured (above the age of 4)
Visit every continent
be a vegetarian
plan your funeral
VOTE!!! YAY!!!
Give Mrs Allen a wedgy, see if that puts a smile on her face!

May a handful of horny ninjas eat your baby and some garbage in an evil parallel universe of your bum.

May 64 recovering alcoholic clowns bring life to a barrel of monkeys at a fund-raising event for your pet jelly-fish.

Thou art a jaded onion-eyed clack-dish !

Oh my God, look at you. Anyone else hurt in the accident?

"Like a death at a birthday party, you ruin all the fun...

Like a sucked and spat out smartie, you're no use to anyone."

"She has an insipid double chin, her legs are too short, and she has a slight potbelly."

I don't want you to turn the other cheek - it's just as ugly.

Can I borrow your face for a few days? My ass is going on holiday.

See, that's what's meant by dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome.

Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege!

I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission!

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own

As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you?

How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.

Yo moma so fat......

...she makes Free Willy look like a tic tac

...when she walked in front of the TV I missed 3 commercials

...the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale

...when she steps on the scale it says one at a time please

...when she steps on the scale it says sorry we don't do livestock

...when she goes to a restaurant she gets and estimate

...at a restaurant when they give her the menu she replies " yes Please"

...when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her back in the water.

...when she went to get a water bed, they put a blanket across Lake Michigan.

...when she sat on a rainbow, Skittle's fell out.

...when she tiptoes, everyone yells "Stampede!"

...she makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic.

...she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck.

...when she wore a shirt with an AA on it, people thought it was American Airlines biggest jet.

...Dr. Martens had to kill 3 cows just to make her a pair of shoes.

...when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.

...she can't stay on a basketball court for three seconds without getting called for a key violation.

...that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step.

...I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.

...when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.

...she's 36-24-36... but that's her forearm, neck, and thigh!

...they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through.

...she can lay down and stand up and her height doesn't change.

...the horse on her Polo shirt is real.

...when she runs she makes the CD player skip... at the radio station.

...her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine.

...all the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Momma"

...when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.

...instead of wide leg jeans, she wears wide load.

...when she gets in an elevator, it has to go down.

...when I said I wanted "Pigs in a blanket" she got back in bed.

...when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her 5 years to live.

...she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.

...she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.

...a picture of her fell off the wall!

...her picture takes two frames.

...her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.

Top 10 sayings that sound dirty in law:

10.Have you looked at her briefs?

9. He is one hard judge!

8. Counsellor, lets do it in the chambers

7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute

6. Is it a penal offense?

5. Better leave the handcuffs on

4. For £200 an hour, she better be good!

3. Can you get him to drop his suit?

2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could

1. Think you can get me off?

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading these keep in mind that these 6 year-olds, because the last one's classic!

Better to be safe than...................................................................................punch a 5th grader.

Strike while the ........................................................................................................bug is close.
It's always darkest before.......................................................................Daylight Saving Time.
Never underestimate the power of..............................................................................termites.
You can lead a horse to water but.....................................................................................how?
Don't bite the hand that...............................................................................................looks dirty.
No news is..................................................................................................................impossible.
A miss is as good as a.............................................................................................................Mr.
If you lie down with dogs, you'll................................................................stink in the morning.
Love all, trust..............................................................................................................................me
The pen is mightier than the................................................................................................pigs.
An idle mind is...........................................................................................the best way to relax.
Where there's smoke there's.......................................................................................pollution.
Happy the bride who................................................................................gets all the presents.
A penny saved is...........................................................................................................not much.
Two's company, three's....................................................................................the Musketeers.
Don't put off till tomorrow what............................................................you put on to go to bed.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and............you have to blow your nose.
There are none so blind as...............................................................................Stevie Wonder.
Children should be seen and not........................................................spanked or grounded.
If at first you don't succeed............................................................................get new batteries.
You get out of something only what you................................. see in the picture on the box.
When the blind leadeth the blind.................................................................get out of the way.
And the favorite: Better late than..................................................................................pregnant!!

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