Warning: ("Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!") If you hate tentacles, run away NOW. The author denies any and all accusations of substance abuse while writing this story.
Yurimaru VS Cthulu
There are, in this world, places where the sludge and unsavoury bowel movements of humanity collect in a slimy, nauseating pile. These foul stains of society are generally avoided by the masses, and exist in greasy darkness known only to a few.
Denny's at 2:00 AM is such a place.
Yurimaru Ishikawa sat alone in a booth, sipping a cup of rancid coffee and mulling over the menu. Slender and beautiful, he seemed too pristine for his surroundings; he was not a man but a serene painting brought to life. Or so it seemed until he shifted uncomfortably, wincing and rubbing absently at his posterior.
"Itai..." he muttered as he looked over the not-so-amazing selection of omelettes. The waitress, ageing wretchedly, approached his table and asked for his order. Wincing again, Yurimaru requested a Belgian waffle and sat back to wait. The theme from "Brazil" was playing on the radio in the kitchen and the sound drifted lazily throughout the restaurant. Sore and bored, Yurimaru looked around; curious as to what other sort of freaks frequent a Denny's at such an insane hour of the morning. In the far corner there was a group of people dressed almost entirely in black, eating various desserts and occasionally throwing their food at one another. One of this group kept cackling in an unnerving manner and falling over. Not far from the gothies sat an Asian guy who was quietly attempting to drink a cup of coffee. Sadly, every time he took a sip something would distract him...
'Coffee's probably stone-cold by now...' Yurimaru thought, and shifted position. "Ssss... kestu no ana..."* He sighed and tried to sit so he was sort of leaning on his side, when suddenly his eyes locked on the figure seated in the booth beside his own.
The guy was a movie star waiting to be discovered. Blonde hair fell carelessly into eyes the colour of an autumn sky, and before Yurimaru could either look away or mop up the drool puddle forming on his placemat, said eyes looked into his own.
Smile.
Yurimaru blinked as the handsome blonde stood and advanced to his table. "Hello," said the blonde. "I noticed you were looking at me."
"Anou.." Yurimaru swallowed. "Nice teeth."
"Thanks. Can I sit?"
"Sure."
The blonde slid into the booth on the opposite side, movie-star mouth still set in a charming grin. Yurimaru adopted his usual cool demeanour, privately embarrassed that he should be caught gawking like a schoolgirl. "Do you have a name?" he inquired icily.
"Lou. And you are...?"
"Yurimaru. Don't bother trying to pronounce it. Just call me Yu."
Lou smiled. "Okay... Yu."
Yurimaru thawed a bit and smiled back. "Lou."
**We interrupt this story so we may point out that the author IS aware of the hideous rhyming occurring here. She does not apologise. MWAHAHAHAHA!.***
The waffle arrived. "So, you're Japanese?" Lou inquired.
Yurimaru poked at the waffle with a fork. "Does it show?"
Lou laughed a little. "You don't like many people, do you?"
"I like people for brief periods of time," Yurimaru said. The group of food-throwing goths was departing without paying the bill. "The more money you have, the more I like you."
"At least you're honest." His hand found Yurimaru's knee under the table. "How much money do I need?"
"That all depends." Raising an eyebrow, Yurimaru took his fork and dropped it on the floor. "Oh look at that, clumsy me. I best retrieve that. Yes, Lookit me go." He slipped under the table.
The Asian guy at the other table tried to sip his coffee but wound up nearly spewing it everywhere after viewing this little scene.
Under the table, Yurimaru proceeded to grope the area of Lou's body he was most interested in. His eyes widened considerably and he looked up at the smiling face watching his actions. "Do you keep a bunch of rolled up socks in here or something?!"
"Nope."
Further widening of the eyes. "Oh. Well." He looked at Lou's crotch again. "Your house or mine?" Casual grope. "Screw that, let's just go to the bathroom..."
"How about right here?"
"I think that violates several health codes, and--" Yurimaru paused. Something about the bulge under his hands was decidedly... odd.
"And?"
Yurimaru stared. The bulge under his hand had, well, moved. Wriggled, to be precise. Lou was still looking down at him with interest, but Yurimaru noticed with dawning dread that the once-blue eyes were now a sickly yellow.
Cautiously, Yurimaru undid Lou's fly.
**You might want to stop reading this, now**
Green. Slimy. Nasty-looking sucker-pads.
Yurimaru backed up as fast as possible, banging his head on the underside of the table in the process. Wavering, the tentacle pulled itself out of Lou's pants.
"NANJAKORYA?!!!"* Yurimaru shrieked and scrambled out from underneath the table. Lou stood, grinning in that way people who are possessed by demons always seems to grin. His hands were becoming runny, like wax, dripping off to reveal more tentacles. His head also appeared to be melting. This was a subtle clue, Yurimaru decided, that Lou was not human.
That poor Asian dude sprayed his coffee again, then wisely hid under his table.
"So, how much?" asked the thing that had been Lou. Its human guise was completely gone now, and it stood there in dripping, tentacled splendour. (A detailed description of what this creature looked like would be nice, but it would drive the reader mad to read it! Oh the dark and spooky HORROR!)
"Sorry, I just remembered I left the iron on. Gotta go..." Yurimaru tried to scoot away, but found his escape route blocked by gooey tentacles. "Look, Lou..."
"Well, it's Cthulu, actually. Don't bother trying to pronounce it."
Yurimaru sighed as a tentacle slithered up his leg. "I probably deserved that..."
The slimy creature from beyond the reaches of time and space (oooh) wrapped its dripping appendages around the slight Japanese and lifted him onto a table, shredding most of his clothes in the process.
"OI! That shirt was a gift, you--"
"Silence! That which is not given freely to Cthulu, Cthulu TAKES! Puny human, you shall experience the force of the Elder Gods! Mwahahaha!"
Yurimaru blinked. "You're going to rape me?"
"Yes."
"With... tentacles?"
"Well, yes."
"Hentai..."
Cthulu paused. "You know, you're reacting quite calmly for someone who's just been confronted with an ancient, indescribable terror."
"You should see my ex-boyfriend."
"Ah. Anyhow, RAPAGE!"
"WAIT! You don't know where I've been!"
"Probably all over town."
"Oi, I have n--" Yurimaru thought about it and shrugged. "Nevermind, you got me."
Tentacles wavered irritably. "Look, are we going to do this rape thing properly or not?"
Eyebrow arched. "I beg your pardon?"
"I am a hideous tentacle demon. You are a my hapless prey. You should be screaming and struggling, or at the very least weeping like a little girl."
Yurimaru laughed. "Is THAT what you want me to do? Sob like a bitch with a skinned knee?!"
"Well, yes. I AM an unmentionably horrific monster, you know."
"So I should cry?"
"Yes."
"And beg?"
"Please."
"Hmm..." Yurimaru's eyes took on a sly glint. "That'll cost extra."
"I thought you left your iron on?"
"Take it or leave it."
"Done."
**Time Lapse**
Yu and Lou passed a cigarette back and forth, watching the overhead fan cut the smoke apart. The table was... very wet.
"Well?"
"Nani?"
"What did you think?" Cthulu apparently had performance issues.
"One nice thing about those tentacles, you don't need any lube. What with all the slime, I mean."
"Yeah." He sounded proud.
Quiet for a while; the only sound was the whooshing of the fan blades and the whimpering of that poor guy who was still under the other table, too traumatised to move. He never DID get to drink his coffee.
"Well," Cthulu said as he slithered off of the tabletop. "I must go." Slime-coated money changed hands. "Thanks."
"No problem. Have fun terrorising writers, or eating poodles, or whatever it is you do."
The indescribable creature waved some limb or another and vanished through a rift in reality. Yurimaru gathered up the remains of his clothes the best he could and departed without paying for his waffle, since the staff had fled long ago. As he exited, he muttered to himself, "I am NEVER eating at Denny's again..."
FINI
Translation of Random Japanese:
* - Ketsu = ass. No = relational. Ana = hole. Gee, guess what Yu was doing...
* - "nan ja korya?" = "What the shit is this?!"
Thank you, and goodnight.