Heat 5/4/03
Welcome to this week's edition of Sunday Night We Can't Come Up With One or Two Lousy Storylines For This Show to Make You Care.  I'm Greg and this show is Al's newest lease on career life, as he's the new announcer, along with Jonathan Coachman (who really has done an OK job on RAW now that he toned down the lame jokes he tells on Heat).  So let's get to it shall we? 
We start Heat with, big surprise, a RAW recap, of co-GM Austin.  Wanna bet we see that clip again later? Cheap pyro and some lame, wannabe hardcore music and we're off. 
Match 1 is Lance Storm vs. Spike Dudley Al: I am SOOOO glad to be back, and I hope to be back for a long time.  We'll be great partners, like Abbot & Costello, Laurel & Hardy, Martin & Lewis, Siskel & Ebert... 
Coach: Did you say a long time? 
Later Coach mention's Al's new hairstyle.  Al: Thank you!  I had Jan sit in the makeup chair & put Jan put pillows in my hair.  That's why they call me Puff Daddy baby! 
On Spike's weight: Did you say all 451 pounds of Spike?! Coach: No, all 151 pounds! AL: Oh I was gonna say, did he go on some kinda special diet or something? Coach: Been eatin' his Wheaties! 
The match is really good (big surprise since it features Storm & Spike), featuring Spike doing the roll-through to reverse the game of mercy that Bret Hart taught us all when we were kids, and Lance holding Spike up for a British Bulldog suplex.  Lance counters a victory roll into a pin.  
Al: I saw a pin like that in a movie once! (lol) 
After the break, we have a recap of soldiers watching RAW, Al gives 'em big ups.  Match 2 is Molly Holly (they better not have fired her like I heard) vs. Ivory (she of the not-needed boob job). 
Al on special referee Jacqueline: She can count me out anytime! 
Coach & Al talk about Molly not being happy.  No crap, she's the best female wrestler on the roster & she's not doing a damn thing. 
Al: Coach, you & me are ebony & ivory, complete opposites!  Coach talks about Al having "intimate moments" w/ Ivory on Tough Enough (*coughwrongseasoncough*). 
Al talks ring psychology while Molly works the arm, solid commentating. 
Al after an "interesting" pin attempt by Ivory: That may be the pinning combination of the night!  I think I saw a movie with that too! 
Molly & Ivory have a great match w/ no heat.  I love Trish & Jazz & Victoria, but lets put these two in the mix!  It's not like the women's division has a deep roster!  Ivory gets the win w/ an electric chair (which Al properly calls-Coach would do good to pay attention). 
RAW recap of the tag title match, where HHH made sure to make it look like he had Kane and RVD beat before Kevin Nash interrupted the count.  They should just call that damn thing the Clique World Title & be done w/ it.  Flair looked great though. Al & Coach played it up like HHH was hurt when the sledgehammer slipped out of Nash's hands & flew through the window. 
Hey, more recaps!  Yay!  At least it's of MY HERO & YOURS, THE HI-LITE OF THE NITE, THE KING OF THE WORLD, CHRIS F'N JERICHO and Goldberg.  That was a great, well put together segment, & Goldberg's speak through the barricade was just what needed to be done.  Goldberg's push just got a shot of Jerichohol. 
Rosie & Jamal come out for their match.  On the spoilers, they said Rosie and Jamal were limping, and now we see that that's because of selling for TV.  Good call!  They squashed Jason Bacaro & Arch Kincaid.  Bacaro and Kincaid try to isolate Jamal, who squashes them both.  Kincaid has amateur headgear on for some reason.  Rosie doesn't tag in & Rico comes out to congratulate them on the win. 
Al talks about Christian strategies while facing Goldberg, and how Goldberg was a standup guy for helping the one guy who welcome him. 
Al: While leaving a dark spot on the ol' turnbuckle (After Jamal splashes Arch in the corner). 
You all owe me money, cuz we get aaaaaanother recap of Austin/Linda/Bischoff.  My question is, since Austin didn't start his new jobby-job til Tuesday morning and Bischoff wasn't fired, did he still get to nail Trish back in his hotel room? 
Al: Coming up next on Heat though, MY BOY Maven faces off against Maven, so don't go anywhere! 
La Resistance recap.  Al on La Resistance: They say they're fighters & lovers, what are they, sadomasochists or something? 
Apparently  3 Minute warning has been in the ring that whole time. 
Maven vs. Rico is the last match. 
Al ribs Coach for saying "North Cackalacky" a la Michael Hayes. 
Al on Maven: He is my legacy, he is my immortality in the ring, him and all the other Tough Enough kids.  Coach then compliments him, to which he says "You're damn right! I'm REAL good! Yeah!" 
Al to Coach: You really add something besides an earthy aroma, shadowy connections to underground figures and a restraining order from Gary Coleman, you really do! 
Al on Maven's talent: It's the training. 
Al & Maven have another solid match, besides the 3MW squash all the wrasslin's been good tonight.  Rico gets the win with a spin kick. And the show ends.  Good job by Al, but I still miss Raven, best damn color man I've ever heard.  Beats the pink slip though.  Fade out....................