"Briann."

"Yes, Dr. Williams?" I said into the receiver.

"I called in your refill. It should be ready tomorrow. I just thought I'd let you know."

"Oh, thanks Doc."

"I'm kind of concerned, Briann."

"What about?"

"Well, I got your last set of test results today."

"Yeah..."

"Well, when you went in last time, your morphine levels were pretty high. How many times a day are you injecting yourself?"

"Three." I didn't tell her that each time I was doubling up the dosage.

"Well, I am curious, why are we refilling this already? It should have lasted another week."

"Oh, well, I just thought I'd stay on top of it. I still have plenty for next week. It's just that Brian is going on tour soon and I want to be prepared for when he's no longer around to fund my habit."

"Hey, I heard that," he said.

"He's over there?" Dr. Williams asked.

"Yeah."

"Can I speak to him?"

"Sure, hang on a sec." I handed the phone to Brian. "She wants to speak to you," I told him. He took the phone and put it to his ear.

"Hi Doc," he said.

I couldn't hear what Dr. Williams was telling Brian, but I did hear him say, "I've only seen her once. And that's it. Just one. Okay. Yeah, we definitely need to get together before I leave. Sure, hang on, here she is." He handed the phone back to me.

"What was that all about?" I asked my doctor.

"Oh, I was just curious how you were doing injecting yourself around others. Anyway, I have to go. I just thought I'd let you know about the refill."

"Thanks Doc. I'll see you in a few months. Bye." I hung up the phone. Turning my attention back to Brian, I asked, "Now, what was it you wanted to ask me?"

"Oh, it was nothing."

"Yeah, right. What was it Bri?"

"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to take a walk with me."

"Sure. Now?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, let me grab my coat." I found my coat in the closet and headed towards the door. Brian held open the door for me and we walked out together. We must have walked for blocks in silence, neither one of us saying a word. Finally, as we neared a park that I had never seen, I spoke up. "So, Bri, what was it you wanted to say to me?"

Brian took my hand and led me to a nearby bench. "Well, Briann, I was kinda curious to know what you thought of me."

"I think you are sweet, kind, caring, and extremely funny. Is that all?"

"No Briann. What do you really think of me?" He caressed the back of my hand. "Why did you scream at the talent show? Why were you so bummed when I told you I was going to Florida? Why did you hate Stephanie? What was the real reason you were in recovery that day? Come on, Briann. Don't hide your feelings from me. I've known about them all along. Every concert you went to, I knew about it. I could hear your voice above everyone elses. I could see you, no matter how far away you sat. So tell me Briann, what are your true feelings for me?"

I looked at him. He knew; I didn't need to tell him that I loved him. He already knew. My eyes welled up with tears. All those nights I'd spent wishing he would like me other than a friend came back to me. So many nights I had lain in bed wondering what Brian was doing. We had worked side by side for so long and had been friends for so long I had all but given up hope. And especially when he became the object of so many girls' affection, I had decided that it probably wasn't meant to be. Very softly, I whispered, "I love you."

"I know you do," he whispered back to me. "I knew it since the very first day I met. I was just too shy to act on it. I thought it would go away, but it never did. As much as I tried to hide it, by dating other girls, by going out with the guys, it was always there. It was always nagging me that I had never expressed my feelings to you. Briann, I'm sorry. I should have told you sooner."

"So what exactly are you trying to say?" I asked leaning my head on his shoulder.

"I love you, Briann Marie Michelle Little. I've always loved you. I'm gonna love you till the day I die."

I closed my eyes. It felt so good to finally hear him say that. I knew he wasn't finished. There was something he wasn't telling me. "What else, Brian? There's something more."

He laid a hand on my cheek. "Briann, may I kiss you? For real this time. Not like all those other times, but a real kiss."

I lifted me head and smiled at him. "Yes," I said softly. He leaned over and our lips met. It was magic. My heart was racing. Although the kiss only lasted a few moments, it went on forever in my mind. I wanted to be with Brian. I was myself around him. I felt completely comfortable with him and I knew that he was the one I had been waiting for.

We broke apart and stared at each other for a moment. I was the first to break the silence. "Do you remember our first kiss?" I asked him. He stared at me with a blank look. "Remember, we were ten. It was after school on the basketball court. Come on, you remember. We were playing and you asked me if I had ever kissed anyone before. I told you no because guys had cooties. You then..."

"Asked you if you thought I had cooties. I remember." Brian picked up the memory from that point on. "You told me no, and I asked if you would prove it to me. You then leaned over and kissed me."

"I kissed you? I think your memory is a little screwy. As I remember it, you kissed me."

"Na uh."

"Uh huh."

"No way."

"Yes way. It was you who did the kissing."

"Whatever. Hey, swings are open," he said changing the subject. We raced towards the swings and jumped on. We must have stayed there for hours, because it was getting dark and I saw Kevin walking up the sidewalk.

"Yo, Bri," Kevin said. "We've been looking for you everywhere. What have you been up to?"

Slowly, Brian and I slowed ourselves down and came to a stop. "Not much Kev. Just talkin' with Bre, here."

"Oh, well, we were getting worried," Kevin replied.

"Aw, come on Kev. I wouldn't keep him out too late, you know that," I told the older cousin. "We were just gonna head back, weren't we Bri?" I said, winking.

"Oh, yeah. Just heading back."

I leaned over to Brian and whispered to him, "Smooth, real smooth."

"Come on kiddies, it's bed time," Kevin teased us.

"Aw, do we have to?" I whined.

"Come on, Kevy, just a little while longer," Brian said, joining in.

"No, now. You have to be up early tomorrow mister. And you, young lady, have school tomorrow." Kevin was playing right along. It was funny. I wanted to burst out laughing, but I continued role-playing.

I pouted and jumped off the swing. "Walk me home, Bri?" I asked.

"Sure," he said, taking a flying leap off the swing.

"Brian, you know better. What would your mom say?" Kevin continued.

Brian turned towards Kev and stuck his tongue out. "Go home, Kev. I'll see you tomorrow."

Kevin stuck his tongue out and Brian and said, "Sure thing, Cuz. Don't be out too late."

Brian linked arms with me and shot over his shoulder, "Don't worry, I won't." He walked me to my door and leaned over and kissed me once again. "I could get used to this," he said.

"Well, don't get too comfortable, mister. You're going on tour in a couple weeks."

"Yeah, but you're coming to the birthday show, right?"

"We'll see, okay? Now go home. I have things I need to do."

Brian leaned over and kissed me once more. "I told you I could get used to this. But I'm ghost. Love ya, Bre."

"Love ya too, Bri." I stood on my doorstep and watched him leave. Later that night, as I lay in bed, I thought about how happy and peaceful I was feeling. Then the pain started coming back.

To Chapter Twelve

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