Chapter Sixteen
I grew quiet. I didn't want to tell him, but I knew I needed to. "You know how I told you that I was hit by a drunk driver," I said slowly.
"Yes," Brian said, sitting down on the edge of my bed.
"Well, that wasn't the entire truth. A drunk driver didn't hit me; I was the drunk driver. I had had a little too much to drink and kinda ran into a tree."
"That still doesn't tell me who Dave is."
"Dave was my fiancé. We were coming home from my parents' house. He'd just proposed that night. He was in the passenger seat and died instantly."
"Oh Briann, I'm so sorry."
"It was all my fault. If I hadn't insisted on driving, he'd be alive today and we'd be married by now. God, what have I done?" I started sobbing.
"How does this tie in with the pain and the morphine?" my father asked.
"I could feel his pain," I cried. "Every time I moved, I felt it. I couldn't get away from it. The morphine was an escape, Dad. It let me get away from the pain I was feeling. Not physical pain, but all the pain in here," I said tapping my chest. "And Brian, I really did want to die that day in the hospital. I had no intentions on living a life without Dave. But then I found out you were in for your surgery and I just had to see you. When I saw you, something inside of me changed for a brief moment. For a minute, I didn't feel the pain, I didn't think of Dave. For a brief moment, everything in my life was fine."
"But I don't understand," Brian said. "That was a year ago. Why are you on the morphine now?"
"Because the pain has gotten worse."
"How so?"
"I dunno."
"I'd like to put you into a rehab program, Briann," Dr. Williams said. "I'll be sure to stress that you need some counseling."
I looked down at my hands. "It's okay Briann. You're gonna get help. Everything will be alright," Brian said, placing his hand on top of mine.