More Than That © 6/23/2001 I can see that you've been crying You can't hide it with a lie What's the use in you denying That what you have is wrong ~*~*~*~ She sat alone on the beach. It was nearing dawn. The warm rays of the sun warmed her body but not her heart. A soft sea breeze blew across the sand, making her shiver, but she wasn't sure if the shiver was from the breeze or her own frozen heart. She wore a soft white dress, surrounding her like a cocoon. It hung off her shoulders and dangled on her calves. She wore no shoes, relishing in the feeling of the damp sand between her toes. She pulled the crocheted shall tighter around her body, covering her bare shoulders from the wind. Her feet were tucked up underneath her and the breeze blew her brunette hair around her face. The tears slowly trickled down her cheeks from her dark blue eyes in a marathon race. Some stopped at her chin and feel aimlessly towards the sand. Others ran down her neck and into her bust line. She couldn't stop them from falling, even if she were to deftly wipe them away, they would still fall. She somehow found comfort in their consistency. She lifted her head from the spot she had been staring at on the sand and stared out into the crashing waves of the ocean. How simple it would be to just walk out into the continually moving water and not look back. To let the heavy ocean currents carry her out to sea and far off places. How fitting an end it would be to her distraught life. ~*~*~*~ I heard him promise you forever But forever's come and gone Baby, he would say whatever It takes to keep you blind To the truth between the lines, oh... ~*~*~*~ He had promised her forever. Given her a ring and everything. She had thought she was in love with him. Today was supposed to be their wedding day. But that day would never come. She slowly twisted the ring on her left hand around in circles thinking back on the day that she had received it. It had been one of those joyous days. One of those days she would never forget. She would also never forget the day he betrayed her. Everything he had ever told her was a lie. Like a naïve, gullible child, she believed him, never once questioning him. She had her doubts, but never had the nerve to ask him. His family, his friends, his schooling, his job, everything he had ever mentioned had turned out to be false. She had found out quite by accident that he had been lying, though she never found out exactly what he was keeping from her. It must have been something tremendous for him to make up such an elaborate story as he had. Even now, after all this time, she didn't question it. She never asked "Why" telling herself that she really didn't want to know. If it were something he wanted to tell her, he would have. Or would he? Oh the pretty pictures he had painted with the words he had told her. Of their future together, the children they would have, the life they would live. In the end though, it was he who thought she was lying, keeping secrets from him. He had been the one to call off the wedding, citing something that had never happened. But he had never asked for the ring back. She looked down at her hand and caught the sunlight in the one-carat diamond on the golden band. ~*~*~*~ I will love you more than that I won't say the words Then take them back Don't give loneliness a chance Baby, listen to me when I say I will love you more than that ~*~*~*~ She was so lost in thought she didn't hear the man come up behind her. He didn't say anything to her, didn't reach out to touch her, just let her sit there and stare. He had been there through it all and long before it all began. They had been friends for so long, he had forgotten how they met. He wore a white dress suit, pants, jacket, button down top, no shoes though. He had followed her out here, knowing exactly where she would go. He wanted to comfort her, but not knowing how, he let her cry. Having seen the way this man had come in and swept her off her feet at such a young age and then persuaded her to do things that she normally wouldn't have made him angry. He never knew his true feelings for the woman before him until he had come along. Having been there when he got down on one knee and proposed to her, up upon the cliffs directly above them, he knew then that he was in love, but he wouldn't admit it to her. She would laugh at him. Tell him that they were nothing more than friends, but he knew better. He had seen him lie and he knew the truth. He didn't have the parents he claimed he did; he was an orphan. The friends he named were no more than classmates of his, only knowing that they shared classes. The job he said he had was one he had seen in the paper but never applied for. He had never finished high school, never gone to college; all things he had professed he had accomplished. If anything he was embarrassed about his past. He didn't want anyone to know. But one person did know; only he was too afraid to her. He didn't want to be the one to smash her dreams to pieces. He couldn't live with himself if he did. ~*~*~*~ Baby you deserve much better What's the use in holding on Don't you see it's now or never 'Cuz I just can't be friends Baby knowing in the end that... ~*~*~*~ The wind blew a stray lock of hair into her face and she slowly lifted a heavy hand and brushed it behind her ear. Slowly she stood up, again staring into the crashing waves. Gingerly she walked down the beach to a spot that was still wet with the tide. She slowly wrote out the words "I love you" in the sand with her finger. Stepping back from the impressions in the sand, she watched as the waves lapped at her work, taking away bits of sand as they rolled right back out into the ocean. She thought that it was fitting. He had said he loved her, and then taken those precious words back. She had waited her entire life, all twenty-one years to hear them and then he had so easily taken them back like they were candy caught a naughty child's hands. But then again, how could she really be sure that he had loved her? He had lied about everything else. What made her so sure he wasn't lying about loving her? The water hadn't completed its destruction of her devotion when she continued walking down the beach, contemplating her fate. ~*~*~*~ I will love you more than that I won't say the words Then take them back Don't give loneliness a chance Baby, listen to me when I say ~*~*~*~ He followed her along the sand, watching her soft bare feet leave footprints in the wet dirt. He stopped at her confession of love that the water was quickly devouring. He reached down and ran his fingers through the waves and wet sand as they carried away her dreams. Wanting to hold her, to tell her that it would be all right, he fixed his gaze on her back. The dress was the one he had helped her pick for today. She had told him the day they had found it that he really deserved to be the maid of honor and they had laughed. That was the last time he had seen her laugh. She never smiled any more; she never came around. She was drifting away from him because of the pain she had been put through. He saw how the lies tore her apart. He saw how the accusation of her dishonesty pained her. She hadn't lied, except to herself. She kept telling herself that he would come back, that he still loved her. If only she knew. ~*~*~*~ There's not a day that passes by I don't wonder why we haven't tried It's not too late to change your mind So take my hand, don't say goodbye ~*~*~*~ Glancing out over the horizon, she saw a figure. Her heart leapt into her throat. Could it be him coming to marry her after all? She could swear that it was he, dressed in his white tuxedo. He was walking towards her, hands outstretched. She reached her hands out to him and as they neared each other, she strained to grab his hands. Falling to her knees and not into his arms, she cried more salty tears that she didn't think she had. It had been an illusion. A gorgeous illusion, but an illusion nonetheless. She stared at the sand below her. Shaking her head, she scooped up a handful of the creamy colored dirt. She slowly let it slip out of her fingers, just like she had let him fall. The wind blew hard at that moment, moving the falling particles away from her and carrying them up on the sandbar. She followed the trail with sad eyes. ~*~*~*~ I will love you more than that I won't say the words Then take them back ~*~*~*~ When she had fallen forward, he almost ran to her. He didn't want to see her hurt, but then again she was already in so much pain. He watched as she followed the sand with her eyes. If he could only tell her how he really felt. If he only had the courage to go over to her, take her by the shoulders and kiss her the way she needed to and deserved to be kissed. If he only could say those words to her, tell her that he loved her, that he had been in love with her for a long time. When her boyfriend had proposed, when the two of them had gone dress shopping and flower shopping and done all the arranging for the wedding, he couldn't help but feel sick to his stomach. The woman he loved with all his heart and soul was going to marry someone else. When the jerk had called off the wedding for the insane reasons he did, one part of him wanted to jump for joy. The other part of him wanted to hit the idiot. He had let go of the best thing in his life and hurt her in ways not even she knew. ~*~*~*~ I will love you more than that I won't say the words Then take them back Don't give loneliness a chance Baby, listen to me when I say I will love you more than that ~*~*~*~ She looked back out into the ocean. How perfect it would be. Walk out there, never come back, just like in that Garth Brooks song. Her death would weigh on him for the rest of his life. For as long as he lived he would know that he had driven her to that point, that point of no return. Watching the waves again, she found herself walking towards them, drawing ever closer to her destiny. At twenty-one, she felt she had nothing left to live for. The man of her dreams had not only shattered all her hopes, but also had left her there, left her there for dead. And now, she was going to fulfill his wish, her destiny. She stopped at the water's edge. The waves tickled her toes. It was now or never. Gathering the courage, she sucked in what she knew would be her last breath of sweet air. She glanced up at the sky and committed the hazy dawn to memory before walking out into the water. ~*~*~*~ I will love you more than that I won't say the words Then take them back Don't give loneliness a chance Baby, listen to me when I say I will love you more than that ~*~*~*~ He saw her start towards the water then stop. His heart leapt. Maybe she wasn't going to do what he thought she was. She stood but a moment and then took a step into the water. He willed his feet to fly and moved as fast as could. He had to stop her. The balls of his feet pounded on the sand, leaving deep impressions from the impact. She was barely three steps in the water, the waves just starting to dampen the hem of her dress when he reached her. Reaching out his hand, he grabbed her shoulder and pulled her back into his chest. He startled her and she fell. Catching her in his arms, he turned her around to look him in the eyes. She looked up at him, instantly recognizing her childhood friend. With the waves caressing their ankles, he placed one hand on either side of her face, wiping the tear stains with his thumbs before tilting her chin up and brushing her lips with his. They stayed that way for only a moment. He looked deep into her blue eyes and whispered, "I love you." To his amazement, she replied. "I love you too," she said softly and then added in a whisper, "Nick."