Nick and Sheri
© 2001

"Sheri are you ready?" a man's voice wafted through the dressing room 
door.

There wasn't much I had to get ready for, so I pulled the terrycloth 
robe around me a little tighter to my chest and pushed the swinging 
door open. On the other side stood four people. Mary, my make-up artist 
was tall and thin with short, curly dark hair. Teresa, my hair stylist, 
had long red hair that she was wearing up in a ponytail. Stephan, the 
assistant, was wearing jean shorts, a white tee shirt and had really 
short wavy brown hair. He was wearing steel rimmed oval shaped glasses. 
Andre, the photographer, was easily the oldest person there. He 
reminded me of Steven Spielberg crossed with George Lucas. He had wavy 
gray hair, glasses, and like Stephan, was in shorts and a tee shirt. He 
was checking the film in his camera as I walked out. Laid out on the 
ground at Andre's feet were hundreds of pink rose petals. "I'm always 
ready," I replied coolly, walking across the cold floor in my bare 
feet. I stopped by a cassette player sitting on the ground near Andre's 
feet and hit the play button. Journey's "Greatest Hits" came from the 
speakers. I slowly slid the white robe off my shoulders. It fell in a 
puddle around my feet. I practically pranced to the layer of roses as 
Andre pulled a stepladder over near me. I had no qualms about being 
naked in front of the four people around me. I'd done this many times 
before. I slowly lowered myself onto the petals, enjoying the feel of 
the soft flowers on my skin. Stephan came over and taped four rose 
petals to my breasts covering my nipples. My long brown hair was done 
up on top of my head with strands falling down around my face. Teresa 
came over and adjusted them so they looked right as Stephan layered 
pink roses over the tight black curls between my legs. When everything 
was set, Andre started snapping pictures of me. The first roll would be 
by myself. I closed my eyes, followed Andre's instructions, and soon he 
was down off the stepladder changing rolls. "Where's Nick?" I asked, 
referring to my boyfriend of three years.

"He should be right out," Teresa said. The words were no sooner out of 
her mouth than the tall blonde bombshell that I had come to know and 
love walked out of the door across the room. He was in a white 
terrycloth robe as well, walking barefoot towards me. His hair was 
short and spiked, his current style for the next three months. His 
crystal blue eyes drove daggers into my heart. I continued to lie on 
the floor, not wanting to mess up Stephan's handiwork with roses, and 
waited for Nick to come over to me. He looked at me lying there covered 
in roses and smiled before he slipped the robe off. Like myself, he was 
completely nude beneath the cloth. He walked over to me and kneeled 
down beside my right side.

"Hi," he said leaning over and kissing me on the lips.

"Hi," I breathed, as he straightened up. "You ready?"

He nodded. Andre was standing at my feet, watching us. He'd been so 
enthralled by the way Nick and I interacted since we first met when we 
were fifteen. Nick reached down and stroked my tummy with the back of 
his hand and as luck would have it, Andre was right there poised and 
ready to catch it on film. I locked eyes with Nick as he ran his 
fingers over my skin and then looked away. Around me I could hear the 
clicking of Andre's camera. There was a pause and I caught Andre's eye. 
He grabbed a chair that Stephan had brought near us and brought it 
around to the left of me. Standing on the chair, he said, "Nick, could 
you grab a handful of petals and drop them over Sheri's body?" Nick did 
as he was instructed, and dropped the handful of petals over me very 
slowly, watching where they fell. I reached up and watched as a pink 
petal fell softly into my hand. I heard the camera click empty as Nick 
dropped the last petal on my body.

"Let's do a few sitting up," Andre said as he went to go change rolls. 
"Stephan, why don't you pull over that ladder over there and a bucket 
of rose petals? Also, adjust the flashes." Stephan was a very quiet 
young man and went about his orders quickly. Nick reached over under my 
shoulders and practically picked me up to a sitting position. I leaned 
over and kissed him before he picked me up and placed me in his lap. I 
grinned and turned my head to look at him.

"I'm so glad you're doing this with me," I commented.

"I know," he whispered in me ear, taking my lobe between his lips and 
sucking slightly. He stopped nibbling and glanced at Andre. "When will 
we have prints?" he asked the older man who had his head buried in the 
back of a camera.

"Hopefully the beginning of next week," he replied. "That's cute," he 
said, looking at our position. "I don't think we've done one like that 
before."

I giggled. "Not this way. We did one where were facing each other." 
Teresa came over and fixed the loose strands around my face again.

"I remember that one," Nick whispered seductively in my ear. I giggled 
again; remembering the lust filled night we'd had after that photo 
shoot.

"This will probably be the last roll," Andre said as he came over to 
us. Teresa stepped back and looked at me then tousled Nick's hair 
slightly. She nodded and went back to stand with Mary.

"What? Out of ideas already?" Nick said.

The man looked at us while I glanced over at Stephan who was climbing 
the ladder near us. "Never!" he said. "The rest of the fellas are due 
here soon. You remember, don't you Nick?"

"Oh yeah," my boyfriend said. "New stuff." He rolled his eyes, 
squeezing my body to his.

"Stephan, could you start shaking out those petals please?" Stephan did 
as he was asked and Nick and I were softly showered with pink petals. 
Nick and I started off by looking in different directions, me covering 
my lower body with my arms, and he keeping his arms wrapped around my 
waist. I then glanced up at the petals falling on us and he leaned over 
and kissed my neck. The one thing Andre had always told us was that the 
pictures worked out best when we acted natural, especially the type of 
photos that we were doing. Nick also looked up at the falling petals as 
I reached for the sky with both arms. I then wrapped my arms around his 
shoulders, leaning back into his chest. Nick lowered his chin to my 
shoulder and looked down over my body, while I stared back at the 
ceiling. His fingers trailed up the middle of my chest just as I heard 
the camera click into extinction. The roll was over and so was this 
shoot. I turned around in Nick's arms and planted my lips to his before 
climbing up out of his lap and heading for my robe. He stood up rather 
quickly after me and went straight for his robe. He was about six feet 
tall, and I was an entire foot shorter than he was. When we had first 
met, we were just about the same height, then he grew. He picked up the 
white article of clothing and smoothly slipped it on, tying the belt 
around his waist. He padded over to me and wrapped his arms around my 
waist as I tied the belt around me. 

"You look beautiful," he whispered in my ear.

I glanced over at his face. "Thank you." I kissed his lips, just as the 
door to the studio flew open.

"Hey Andre," an auburn haired man with bright blue eyes said. His hair 
curled down onto his forehead. Behind him came three dark haired men. 
One was in braids, another's hair was falling slightly into his face, 
and the third had lighter brown hair than the others that hung straight 
to his shoulders. They were all dressed in earth tones and were raring 
to go.

"Hey guys," Andre said, cocking his head towards Stephan in a silent 
command to sweep up the rose petals. Stephan immediately got to work, 
picking up the large push broom and sweeping the pink petals into a 
large pile in the corner of the room. "We were just finishing up," he 
told the men as they walked over to Nick and I.

With Nick's arms still firmly wrapped around my waist, I leaned over 
and stopped the Journey tape. Andre had said music often relaxed his 
subjects, and when I had first come to him asking to do nude 
photography, he told me it would be best if I remained calm during the 
shoots. I usually listened to Boyz II Men, but when Nick and I did a 
shoot together, we listened to Journey to keep us relaxed. Sometimes we 
didn't even need the music, we were so relaxed into each other's touch, 
but we still had it just in case. "Do you mind if I stay and watch?" I 
asked.

"I don't mind," Andre said, reaching for rolls of colored film. "It's 
up to the guys really."

"Nah, we don't mind Sheri," the one with straight hair said.

"Thanks Howie," I replied, fluttering my eyelashes at him.

"I'm gonna go get changed," Nick whispered in my ear. "I can't wait to 
see how they turned out."

"Neither can I," I said, as he headed across the room to the dressing 
room he had emerged from. "I'm gonna go change back into my street 
clothes," I said flippantly to no one in particular. I quickly walked 
over to my little cell of a dressing room and changed into my clothes. 
The four men that were waiting in the studio were Nick's friends. They 
were a singing group and none of them knew that Nick and I did nude 
photos together. They didn't even know that I did nudes.

I had met them back in 1995 when I was fifteen. I had gotten into 
modeling at thirteen and Andre had been my photographer since that 
point. Andre had met the guys in '95 on a magazine shoot and a couple 
years later became their personal photographer. I had been with Andre 
on that magazine shoot and had been introduced to them there. I was 
amazed that they were close to my age. When I met them, I had an 
instant connection to Nick, the youngest of the group. We were only 
four months apart and interacted like siblings most of the time. Andre 
loved our friendship and had taken tons of pictures of us when were 
young. I also had pictures with the rest of the guys, but the ones with 
Nick were my favorite. You could really see how we had grown up.

When I was almost seventeen, I bugged Andre to let me do nude photos. 
He told me that he'd let me do them, but for my eighteenth birthday and 
not a second before. So I waited. On my eighteenth birthday, I had a 
session with Andre and I did my first nude set. We did a set in color 
and a set in black and white. The entire time I was doing the shoot, I 
wasn't nervous as Andre expected. I think he thought that I'd do one 
set, be so embarrassed doing them that I'd never want to do them again 
and that would be it. Unfortunately for him, I loved it. I was in a 
bubble bath and when the proofs came to me, I decided I didn't like the 
color ones. After that, I did several more nude photo sessions with 
Andre, always on black and white film. 

That same year, Nick and I started dating exclusively. It was a big 
change for us from best friends to boyfriend and girlfriend. Nick had 
no idea that I was doing nude photography, until he came across my 
portfolio one night. We had moved in together a year after we had 
started dating and I had left my portfolio of pictures out in the 
living room one night and he skimmed through it. When he saw the black 
and whites, he came and knocked on my bedroom door. I told him that I'd 
been doing them for a year and that Andre had done them. He was 
impressed, but worried. It wasn't for another year till I asked him to 
do a session with me. He was understandably concerned, being a big 
celebrity now in the United States, he was afraid that the pictures 
would be leaked to the press. I assured him that I not only kept the 
prints and proofs, but Andre also gave me all the negatives. He 
softened a bit after he heard that, but was still concerned that it was 
pornography. I again pulled out my portfolio and showed him the 
pictures I had done. He agreed with me, saying they were very classy 
and weren't lewd in any way. Our first set together had been of me in 
an old claw-footed bathtub. He was kneeling on the floor next to the 
tub, dangling his hand in the water. My favorite picture from that 
shoot was the one of Nick's hand circling in the water near my feet. I 
always seemed to love the photos Andre did that were of our bodies and 
not our faces. There was an element of art to them.

Nick kept his photos with me a secret, not letting his friends know 
that he was doing nude photography. He would hardly let Andre, or any 
other photographer for that matter, take pictures of him without a 
shirt on. His friends told him he was "tummy shy." I didn't think of it 
like that. I considered it modesty.

I walked back out into the studio, just as the guys were positioning 
themselves for the shoot. I had no idea what this one was for, but knew 
that Andre would do a good job. I stood back with Mary and Teresa and 
we all chitchatted a while. Andre did about five rolls of the guys and 
then let them leave. Nick and I left together, heading home for the 
afternoon. We spent the rest of the day wrapped up in a blanket sitting 
on the sofa watching television. Sometime after eight that evening, I 
got up and dug out my portfolio of photos. Nick and I sat on the floor 
until close to midnight reminiscing about the sessions we had done.

I pulled out a picture of us and laid it on the ground between us. The 
photo had Nick standing directly behind me. The bottom of the picture 
was right above my bellybutton. My head was thrown back, my lips 
slightly parted, my eyes closed softly. Nick's chin was on my shoulder 
and he was looking down my body. My arms were crossed, my hands cupping 
my breasts. Nick's arms were along side of my body, his hands out of 
the picture. I pulled out another one that was similar. In this one, 
Nick was sucking on my neck. Another one, our lips were locked 
together. Nick leaned over the pictures and scrutinized them.

"I remember these," he said.

"So do I."

"The only real porn we've done." He was right. Andre had had this 
wonderful idea of having Nick stand behind me and putting me on a block 
so I was closer to his height. At first Nick was the one covering my 
breasts and I was hiding my lower body, but then we switched positions. 
When we did this, I felt Nick press up against my lower back. By this 
point in our lives, we had done a couple dozen sets of nudes and had 
never been turned on by what we were doing. I could feel Nick's 
hardness against me and it succeeded in turning me on. Nick's left hand 
slid between my legs and teased me before slipping inside me. By this 
point in the shoot, Andre had moved to upper body shots and completely 
ignored the fact that Nick was getting me off in the middle of the 
shoot. When we finished, Andre said nothing and neither did any of the 
assistants. Nick and I weren't even embarrassed about it. When we got 
the photos back, Andre loved the ones we had done. He had wanted copies 
for his gallery, but we denied. Nick and I weren't usually very sexual 
towards each other, and therefore didn't want our accidental display of 
passion on permanent showcase.

I pulled out another set of photos. These were done out in Andre's 
backyard. It was about October of the past year and I was sitting in 
Nick's lap facing him with my arms and legs wrapped around his body. 
Between us, I could feel his erection pressing against my stomach. 
Feeling him like that made me wet with anticipation. We managed to 
finish the shoot without incident, but once we got home, we jumped in 
the pool together naked. Swimming around together completely exposed to 
the other; the tension between us practically boiled the water. Nick 
pinned me against the steps, pressing himself against me. We stayed 
there a long time, making out in the water, letting lust almost get the 
best of us. That night we shared a bed; something we didn't do very 
often. We curled up in each other's arms, enjoying the closeness we 
were feeling. By the next morning, the heat between us had dissipated, 
and we were back to normal.

A week after the photo shoot, Andre called me at home to say the proofs 
were ready. I immediately headed over to Andre's shop and sat down with 
him to view them. I pointed out the ones that were my favorites, the 
ones that turned out well, and the ones that didn't. I told him which 
ones I wanted for my portfolio and he agreed to print them in an eight-
by-ten size for me. I could pick them up the following week because he 
had to get the photo shoot he had done with the Backstreet Boys, Nick's 
friends, done and he was on a deadline. I told him I didn't mind. I 
asked him if I could take the proofs home to show Nick and he agreed, 
marking down which pictures I wanted.

That night, I showed Nick the proofs and he was impressed as always. 
"Andre does such a wonderful job with you," he said. He wasn't 
complimenting Andre per se; he was complimenting me. He loved my body 
but never really told me directly.

"I know," I answered softly, placing a hand on his knee. He looked up 
into my dark eyes and then pressed his lips to mine. The kiss lasted 
only a minute, and then he went back to scrutinizing the pictures lying 
out before him on the kitchen table.

"So which ones did you pick?" he asked me. I pointed them out to him 
and he glanced at them. "Always an eye for beauty," he complimented. 
"That's why I never pick them."

"Hey, what about that photo shoot that you guys were doing after ours?" 
I asked. "How'd they turn out?"

Nick smiled. "Really well. They were just for no reason," he said, 
answering my underlying question. "Publicity shots. Andre likes to keep 
us new in the eyes of the public, so whenever all five of us are going 
to be around he schedules an appointment and then calls us." That was 
Andre's way, I knew. He would schedule the appointment and then call 
his clients.

"Speaking of appointments," I slyly segued, "I had a new idea for us." 
Nick glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. "I was listening to 
Savage Garden's 'Truly Madly Deeply' today on the way over to Andre's 
and thought of something."

"What?"

"We haven't done any photos at the beach. And I know how much you love 
it out there."

"But...but..." Nick tried to protest.

"I'm not talking nudes," I reassured him. "Just regular photos. I was 
glancing through all our old stuff today and saw that we've never done 
anything at the beach."

Nick grinned. He loved the ocean. On warm days when he was home we 
would spend the entire day out on the beach taking in the waves and the 
rays. If I couldn't find him, I knew were to look. "Well, I've only got 
another couple weeks here, so you'd better call Andre and get it 
arranged."

"I'm going to call him tomorrow and set it up for this weekend, is that 
okay?"

"For your birthday?" Nick asked, reminding me of the approaching day 
marking the twenty-first year of my birth.

"Why not? It'd be fun and a wonderful way to mark the afternoon. Plus I 
know the party isn't until that night, so Saturday would be the perfect 
day." He chuckled and pulled me towards him, kissing my head.

That weekend, for my birthday, Nick woke me up with breakfast in bed. 
It was really sweet of him. After I ate and he took away the tray, he 
curled up in bed with me and we talked for a long time about nothing in 
particular. Later that morning, we got dressed and headed to the beach. 
Andre and Stephan were already waiting for us. Everything was set up, 
including the portable boombox. I slipped in Savage Garden's self-
titled CD. I skipped up to the song "Truly Madly Deeply" and let Andre 
and Nick listen to it. They both caught on to what I had in mind and 
Nick now understood why I had brought our swimsuits with us. We got 
started on the shoot with Nick cradling me in his arms standing on this 
small outcropping of rocks. Andre stood below us on the sand and 
alternated between cameras, one having black and white film, the other 
having color. After he exhausted both rolls, Nick helped me down and we 
went and changed quickly into our swimsuits. It wasn't that warm out, 
so Nick and I stood there shaking waiting for Andre to change rolls of 
film. He then had us do a few shots actually on the sand. Nick and I 
managed to fake that it was a lovely day and that we weren't frozen to 
the bone. Then Andre slipped off his shoes as he changed film. "Let's 
do some in the water," he said.

"Are you nuts?" Nick asked.

"Yep," he said, laughing at us as we gingerly stepped into the ice cold 
water. We waded in up to our waists and Andre rolled up his pants to 
follow us in. He snapped pictures of us as we slowly waded into the 
water and half-heartedly splashed each other. We played around a little 
while longer until Andre finished off the roll and then begged to get 
out of the frigid liquid. He agreed and said that he wanted to do some 
of us walking down the beach. Nick took my hand and we skipped out away 
from Andre.

"Just act natural!" he called to us as we clasped hands and started 
walking towards him. We both watched the ground before us. "Sheri, look 
at Nick." I did as instructed. "Now Nick, make eye contact." Nick did 
this, locking his eyes with mine as a wave lapped at our bare feet. 
"Pull her into an embrace." Nick pulled my back to his chest and leaned 
over my body laughing. His arms were clasped tightly around me, pinning 
my arms to my side. His laughter was infectious and soon I was laughing 
with him. I turned around in his arms and we stopped there on the 
beach. I wrapped my arms around his body, pressing my cheek to his bare 
chest. Andre was off to the side of us and I made momentary eye contact 
with him. Nick draped his arms around my body and leaned over my head 
looking down at me. I heard the camera click beside us. I then looked 
up at Nick and he down at me. We made eye contact and stayed there for 
a moment as Andre focused on us and snapped the picture. Nick stroked 
my cheek and then leaned over and kissed me. Andre continued to snap 
pictures even as Nick and I broke for air.

"Happy birthday Baby," Nick said to me, smoothing my hair out. At that 
moment, a wave broke around our ankles, and Andre took the last picture 
on the roll.

"Well, that's it," Andre said, rewinding the film. "Hope it's what you 
wanted."

"Exactly," I breathed, as Nick's fingertips grazed my cheek once again.

"Happy birthday Sheri."

"Thanks Andre," I replied absentmindedly. "You are going to be at the 
party tonight, right?"

Andre glanced over at us. "Of course. You're finally legal in every 
sense of the word. And since I've nothing else going on today, I might 
even have these proofs ready for you by then."

Nick's fingers ran down the side of my neck as I mumbled my thanks to 
Andre. He left us then, letting us stand there in the waves relishing 
in the moment. We must have stood there for a good fifteen minutes. A 
sea breeze finally blew our way and knocked us out of our collective 
trance. We found ourselves alone on the beach and slowly walked back up 
the shore to our car. We drove home in silence, not wanting to break 
the tranquility that had befallen us.

* * *

Several weeks had gone by. Nick was out on tour again having millions 
of girls ogle and gawk at him. No one really knew he was dating. The 
fans had no idea and Nick wanted to keep it that way. He was the most 
liked of the group, being the youngest, and he didn't want to put me in 
harms way by letting the fans know about me. Right at the time Nick 
wanted to tell the world about me, two of his friends announced their 
engagements. In private interviews with MTV's John Norris, Kevin 
Richardson and his cousin Brian Littrell had let it be known that they 
were engaged to be married. Nick didn't want to take away from their 
day, so he kept his mouth shut. As the months progressed, Nick would 
gain the courage to say that he had a girlfriend in an interview, only 
to find out the death threats that had befallen the fiancées. Even 
though we were living together, no one knew who I was. I was the 
rumored girlfriend, but no one had ever seen Nick and I out together, 
holding hands, or kissing. When asked about me in interviews, he always 
told them that I was his roommate and that their photographer had 
introduced us.

In all sense of the word, I was Nick's roommate. We had separate rooms, 
lived separate lives, did separate things. When I did auditions for 
modeling jobs, I never dropped Nick's name. I didn't want to be known 
because of him. Occasionally when asked about the photos I had in my 
work portfolio, I would tell them that Andre Csillag had taken them. It 
was always the one interviewing me who would make the Backstreet Boy 
connection, but I never brought it up. 

Nick and I had been dating for three years but sex was never an issue 
with us. We both knew that with him being gone so much, it probably 
wouldn't be a good idea to elevate our relationship to that point. The 
photos that we did together served as whatever release we needed. And I 
kept everything we did practically locked in my room.

I went out one day towards the end of May. Nick was going to be 
performing soon in Orlando, which meant he would be actually at home 
for about two weeks beforehand. He was flying in later that afternoon 
from Puerto Rico, so I decided to get a little shopping done before he 
came home. I planned to fix him dinner that night: homemade pizza. We 
both loved it and I couldn't wait to get home and get cracking. At the 
grocery store, I picked up all the essentials: tomato sauce, grated 
cheese, pepperoni, olives, all his favorites. I headed towards the 
check out line and as I was standing in line, my eyes glanced over the 
magazines. Cosmo, Red Book, the new Rosie magazine. My eyes then fell 
on the tabloids. On the cover of the National Enquirer, there was a 
small picture of Tom Cruise in the corner. "Tom's Custody Battle," the 
headline claimed. I huffed and glanced further down the cover. What I 
saw made my stomach turn and my head start to ache. There was one of 
the black and white's Nick and I had done. It was one of the more 
recent ones with the rose petals. Right there on the cover. "Backstreet 
Boy Nick's Shocking Secret," the headline read. "Photo Album Inside." I 
quickly picked up the paper and tossed it in my basket. I wanted to 
take them all out of the store and burn them as quickly as possible. I 
tried to remain calm, going over in my head where the tabloid paper 
could have gotten the photos. I quickly paid for the groceries without 
looking up at the checker and headed out to the car. Once inside the 
safety of the car, I quickly opened the trash-talking magazine. Inside, 
I found more of our pictures. I skimmed the article. Nick was painted 
as the bad boy of Backstreet, yet at the same time an innocent victim 
of a porn star's obsession. What I read made me sick to my stomach and 
angry as a raging bull. I drove over to Andre's studio, hoping he would 
be in. On my way over there, I paged Nick, telling him to meet me there 
when he got in.

I pulled my little Ford Escort up in front of the large house that 
served as Andre's studio. Grabbing the magazine, I hopped out of the 
car and raced for the door. I composed myself and slowly opened the 
door. Andre's secretary, Janae was sitting behind the desk. "Sheri, 
what are you doing here?"

"Is Andre available?"

"He's with a client right now. Is there something I can help you with?"

My mind fumbled for something civilized to say. I didn't want to snap 
at the receptionist. "No," I sighed. "Do you know how long he'll be?"

Janae, a stunning brunette with curly hair glanced down at the 
appointment book before her. "Maybe another ten minutes. Can it wait?"

"I guess it'll have to," I sighed, flopping down on one of the couches 
in the room. I glanced over at the coffee table. There was a copy of 
the Backstreet Boys Official Book. Andre and the Boys had put it 
together for their fans. I had a copy at home and was always bugging 
Andre to put out another book of the other photographs he had done. Now 
that he was known for being the Boys personal photographer, he should 
take advantage of that, at least in my eyes. I opened the book and the 
first page I opened to was the one of Nick on New Year's Eve in 1998. 
It was their performance at the Orlando Arena. I was there, backstage, 
waiting for my beau to finish the performance. It was one of the first 
times I actually got to see him perform live. Tears clouded my eyes, 
more of anger than sorrow. How could someone do this to my little 
Nicky? How could someone do this to me?

The front door to Andre's studio opened and Nick walked in. He looked 
tired, like he'd just gotten off a plane. I glanced at my watch. He'd 
just gotten back into town. He'd probably gotten the page and headed 
straight over. I saw him and I started sobbing. Standing up, I wrapped 
my arms around him. "Oh Nicky, I'm so sorry. I never meant for this to 
happen. I never thought it would happen," I cried into his chest.

Nick reached down and lifted my chin so my sad brown eyes met his blue 
ones. "What?" he asked.

I let go of him and walked over to the sofa where the tabloid sat face 
down. Nick followed me and I picked up the paper. Handing it to him, I 
stared at the floor. "This," I replied, feeling him take the paper out 
of my hands.

I looked up and watched him as he slowly turned it over and looked at 
the cover. All the color drained out of his face as he saw the photo 
making up the main story. He sank to a sitting position on the sofa and 
thumbed the edges of the pages. "Where did you find this?" he asked 
softly.

"The grocery store. I was shopping for dinner tonight and I saw it 
there. I wanted to buy all of them Nick." I shook my head, trying to 
find the words. "It would be no use. It's probably in every store in 
the nation by now."

"But how..." Nick tried to ask.

I placed my hand on his knee. "I have no idea. That's why I'm here. 
Andre would never do something like this to us. He's with a client 
right now."

Nick covered his mouth with his hand. "I guess I should call the guys. 
And the management. We gotta get a press release out on it. This is bad 
Sheri."

"I know," I whispered, clasping my hands together and resting my elbows 
on my knees.

Before Nick could get his cell phone out of his pocket, the door opened 
yet again. The remaining Backstreet Boys filed in, full of energy. 
"Nick, why'd you run off like that?" Kevin Richardson asked. All the 
men were in shorts, tee shirts and sunglasses.

Nick looked at me and said nothing. I glanced up as Andre and one of 
his clients, Gordon, walked out of one of the studios in the back. 
"I'll have the proofs ready in a couple days. Tell your agent she'll 
have them soon," I heard him tell the tall red headed man. He then 
noticed the men gathered in his waiting room. "Guys, what are you doing 
here? I wasn't expecting you back here so soon."

"We followed Nick here," Brian Littrell said.

"And now he's not talking," Howie Dorough commented.

Without saying a word, Nick flipped the tabloid out onto the coffee 
table face up so everyone could see why we were so upset. All the men 
looked at the headline.

AJ McLean was the first to react. "Whoa Nick. Looks like you've got a 
rep now."

Howie leaned over the newspaper photographs. "That's not Nick. How 
could that be him?"

"Yeah really," Brian commented. "We are talking about Nick here, the 
one who won't even take his shirt off." Brian flipped the paper open to 
the article and found more photos. "They've gotta be fakes."

"They're not," Nick said softly, but sternly.

"Of course they are," Kevin said. "Those papers have their ways."

"They're not fake," Nick said again, looking up at his friends.

"But who's the chick?" AJ asked. I slowly raised my hand. "Shit, Nicky. 
When did you do these? And who took them? Nick you're naked in them." 
He then looked at me. "And you're naked in them. Shit. I did not wanna 
know what you two looked like naked."

"We've done them over the past year," I commented softly. "And Andre 
took them."

The four men's heads snapped up and stared at their photographer. 
"Sheri's been doing nudes for three years now," Andre said in my 
defense.

"But why did you get Nick involved?" Kevin asked. "You knew he was a 
celebrity. And you knew he was a celebrity too, Andre," Kevin said 
turning toward the older man. "Why the hell did you let him do it?"

I looked at Nick. He took my hand and squeezed it briefly. "Look, 
that's beside the point right now," he said to the group.

"Why don't you all come back to my office, and we'll talk about this, 
okay?" Andre said patting Kevin on the shoulder. The men headed towards 
a closed door at the end of a long hallway. Nick and I hung back for a 
minute. Slowly he stood up and walked down the hallway, not even 
acknowledging me. I followed the men back to Andre's office and closed 
the door behind me. Andre was sitting behind a desk towards the back 
wall of the room. Behind him was a light table. There was a sofa in the 
corner with a small coffee table near by. There were two chairs that 
were directly in front of Andre's desk. I slowly lowered myself into 
one of the chairs. Brian and Howie were sitting on the couch. AJ was 
leaning up against the wall shaking his head in disbelief. Kevin 
occupied the other chair while Nick paced the floor, wringing his hands 
out subconsciously. 

I saw him heave a breath, stop in his tracks and turn towards Andre. 
"The thing I wanna know is how did they get out?" he asked very calmly.

"I do not know Nick," Andre said. "I don't have the negatives anymore. 
You have them Sheri."

"And they're all at home, locked up." Nick sighed. 

Howie spoke up. "Could Stephan have printed a set of proofs and given 
them to the Enquirer?"

I turned around to face Howie. "I don't see why he'd do that. I know 
Andre pays him enough so why would he go to the Enquirer?"

"It's just a thought," Howie said.

"I'm not mad at you Howie," I said.

"Well, we can't exactly ask Stephan, he doesn't work today," Andre 
added to the conversation. "Mondays are my assistants days off. Don't 
worry. We'll get to the bottom of this."

"Well, however the photos got out, that's the least of our problems to 
worry about right now," Kevin said. "We've gotta let the management 
know and we've gotta get a press release out."

"Sheri, you're going to have to come out of the woodwork," Brian said.

I turned around and stared at the married man. "And become the victim 
of hate-campaigns and death threats? I don't think so Brian."

Nick walked over and placed a hand on my shoulder. "He's right on this 
one, Sheri. I knew I couldn't keep you hidden forever."

"Nick, what am I going to tell them?"

Nick squatted down in front of me and took my hands. "We should file a 
lawsuit against the Enquirer and whoever did this. I'm pretty sure the 
management's going to say the same thing. The Enquirer may not have 
named you, but once it comes out that you did the photos with me, 
you're rep is ruined, unless we do this right."

I ran my hand through my hair. "This isn't going to be pretty, is it?"

"It never is," Nick said, kissing my cheek. "Don't worry, I'm here for 
you."

Andre cleared his throat. "I know this is probably a bad time, but are 
you two still gonna wanna go head with this week's session?"

The four Backstreet Boys stared at us; I'm sure mentally undressing 
both of us, though not really wanting to. "It would give us a chance to 
catch who's doing this," Nick said to me. "What's it this time?"

I smiled. "I made the appointment a week ago. It's whatever you want it 
to be."

"Can we do it at the house?" he asked me. I looked at Andre who 
shrugged his shoulders.

"What were you thinking?"

"Well, since the world thinks I'm a porn star now, why not do a set in 
the bed?"

AJ raised his hands above his head and the covered his eyes. "Okay you 
two. You are quickly crossing over into the realm of TMI."

I looked at AJ. "You guys are more than welcome to come and watch. I 
don't mind. Do you mind Nicky?"

"Nah, I don't mind," Nick replied, glancing at the men around the room. 
"There's nothing sexual about it. They're just photos. There's nothing 
different about them than any other photos we've done."

Kevin coughed and Howie tried to keep from laughing. "Um, yes there is 
Nick," Brian said, with a slight laugh to his voice.

"Yeah, you're biff naked!" AJ told all of us. "Now you're not going to 
get kinky on us are you?"

I laughed. "What and not involve all of you?"

"Alright, getting back to the matter at hand," Kevin called into the 
room, "what are we going to tell the Firm?"

I picked up the magazine from Andre's desk. "Look, fax them a copy of 
the article and pictures. Let them know what was said and what is 
really going on. If they wanna press charges, let me know." I stood up. 
"As for right now, I wanna get my Nick home, feed him some pizza, and 
go to bed. If we wanna figure out how the Enquirer got the pictures, I 
think that the photo shoot this week will be an excellent chance to do 
that. If you guys have any more questions, we'll have a meeting and 
we'll talk about it, okay?" I grabbed Nick's hand. "Come on Nicky, 
we've gotta get going." We walked out of Andre's office and headed 
towards the exit. "I'm really sorry about this Nick," I said, as we 
climbed in my car.

"It's not your fault," he said, resting a hand on my knee. "You just 
wanted more out of life than the simple things. I've never regretted 
doing those photos with you. Even now. We have a wonderful collection 
of photos. Andre has done such a wonderful job with them and they are 
so classy. No matter what the Enquirer or anyone else might say. They 
aren't porn."

I glanced over at him momentary and then back at the road before me. "I 
know Hon. We're gonna find out who did this to us." We drove the rest 
of the way home in silence. Something that Nick had said struck a chord 
with me and I wanted to get home and look through our year of nudes 
before the thought escaped my mind.

* * *

A few days later, Nick and I were walking around our house in robes 
waiting for Andre. Mary and Teresa had already done our hair and make-
up so we tried our best not to mess anything up. There was a knock on 
the front door and Nick went to answer it. I stayed down in his bedroom 
smoothing the sheets on his bed over. The room was large enough that 
even with all of Andre's stuff, which he had taken the time to bring 
over and set up the previous day, there was still plenty of room to 
move about. "Hey Sheri, guess who decided to show up?" Nick called from 
down the hall. I glanced up at the doorway as he entered, followed by 
five people. One was Andre and the other four were Nick's friends.

"Looking to get in on the action?" I teased.

"Nah, we're the assistants for today," Howie replied, smiling back at 
me.

I sat down on the edge of the bed as the men filled into the room. 
"Yeah, right, Howie. I know the real reason y'all are here. AJ just 
wants to see me nekkid." I walked over to AJ and slowly dropped my robe 
off my body exposing myself to him.

He turned his head away quickly, covering his eyes. "No, I did not 
wanna see that!" he exclaimed. Andre and the rest of the men in the 
room laughed.

"Since you've already disrobed Sheri, why don't you crawl into bed and 
we'll get Nick stripping before he gets into bed with you," Andre said 
to me. I carefully lifted the sheets on Nick's full sized bed and 
crawled beneath them. Andre had Nick stand off to the right side of the 
bed and he stood back in the corner behind Nick. As Nick stripped off 
his robe, Andre got pictures of his back with me lying in the bed 
behind him. The Boys stood back and watched as Nick crawled into bed 
with me and Andre repositioned himself at the end of the bed. Nick 
plopped himself on his back and I crawled up on his chest. Before Andre 
started snapping pictures, he adjusted the sheet over our bodies so 
that it lay on Nick's waist and completely covered my lower body. He 
climbed up on the mattress and stood above us snapping pictures of me 
running my hand down Nick's stomach. I reached his navel and he 
giggled. I traced circles around the little indent in his smooth skin. 
He started laughing, sitting up and engulfing me in his arms to get me 
to stop tickling him. Andre continued to snap pictures and when the 
roll ran out, he simply asked for another camera to continue getting us 
on film. I rolled over on top of Nick and pinned him to bed. Andre 
jumped off and came around the side to get us from a different angle. I 
leaned over and kissed his neck and then moved up to his lips. I 
stopped kissing him as he placed his arms around my body. I ran my 
fingers through his hair, looking deep into his eyes. I heard the 
camera click empty around me and I looked at Andre. He stopped, 
allowing us to sit up. When we did, the other men in the room averted 
their eyes.

"What?" I asked, turning to look at them. "Don't tell me you're turned 
on by this?"

"Just the opposite," Brian said with a smirk.

"Try repulsed!" AJ joked.

Nick laughed and pulled me in close to his chest kissing the top of my 
head. Andre looked at us, letting us know that he had changed the film. 
I grabbed a pillow, rolled over onto my stomach and placed a pillow 
under my chest. Nick crawled up on top of my back. We did a roll of me 
on my stomach and Nick either massaging my back or just looking cute 
behind me.

"Hey doesn't People want to do an article on you two?" Brian asked as 
we lounged there on the bed with Andre taking pictures.

"Yeah, they just got in touch with us," Nick replied placing his hands 
on my shoulders.

"They were wondering about photos too," Andre said as he took the last 
picture on the roll. "I know you don't like colors Sheri, but People 
has asked me if there are any in your portfolio that we could put on 
the cover and then inside with the article."

"I don't know Andre. We haven't even done the interview yet," I 
protested.

Nick tapped me on the shoulder and I rolled over in his arms. "I have 
an idea. We have tons of throw pillows around here. Why don't we have 
the guys try and cover us with them?"

Staring up into his blue eyes, I answered, "Cute idea Nick. Are you 
fellas game?" I asked. They looked at each other for a moment and then 
shrugged. "The interview is tomorrow, I wonder if we can do it at the 
studio and this way Andre could do the photos beforehand?"

"I'm sure we could," Nick said, leaning over and nibbling on my ear. 
Beside us, Andre was still going at it with the camera, taking pictures 
of us interacting as we talked about the People interview. We finished 
the shoot up shortly after that and Nick and I actually put on clothes. 
As Andre packed everything up with our help, we all talked about what 
had gone on. There had been an official statement released to the press 
simply stating that Nick had done the photos with his girlfriend and 
that they were part of their private collection. A lawsuit was in the 
process of being filed against the Enquirer for defamation of character 
and one would be filed against the person who gave the photos to the 
tabloid. I was not named in the official release, but since we had been 
given permission to talk to the press about it, I knew I was going to 
be found out shortly.

People Magazine had been one of the first to contact the Boys' agent to 
find out about the photos and wanted to interview both Nick and I. We 
had agreed. Also in the works was a short bit for Entertainment Tonight 
as well as Access Hollywood.

"So what do you guys think of a book?" I asked, sitting down on the 
floor next to Nick.

"What do you mean?" Kevin asked. The other four men were sitting either 
on the couch or in our big oversized chairs.

"Well, Nick and I were thinking of putting together a photo book," I 
commented, placing a hand on Nick's knee.

"What kind of a photo book?" AJ asked, raising an eyebrow.

Nick looked up at his friends. "It would be with the help of Andre. 
Probably all the nudes that we've done."

"Are you sure that's wise?" inquired Brian.

"Well, we've talked about it a lot over the past couple days," I said.

"And well, we'd be letting the fans see that these aren't porn shots. 
They're actual decent photos," Nick added.

"It'd be similar to the photo book you guys did with Andre and put out 
last year." I sighed. "This way, it would give the fans a chance to see 
the real reason behind the photos. Then they can get the real story."

Howie glanced at us. "Why are you telling us?"

"Because it will affect the group," Nick said. "I talked to management 
about it and they told me to tell you. This is something that if we do 
it correctly could reflect positively on us."

"If it's what you two wanna do," Kevin said.

"I think it'll be nice," I told the group. "I just told Nick that I 
wanted your guys' opinion before we proceeded with it. More than likely 
the pictures we do tomorrow for People will end up in it."

Kevin made momentary eye contact with me. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure Kev."

"Why'd you get Nick involved in this?"

"Why?" I thought for a minute before answering. "Because it was 
something we could do together."

"But you knew Nick's standing in the public," Howie stated.

"Yes, I did. And I honestly didn't think the photos would ever get out. 
I keep the negatives and proofs locked up in my room."

"And I wanted to," Nick said. "You guys all know that Sheri and I don't 
do much together, especially out and about in public. That was one of 
the reasons as to why I agreed. This was something for us to do 
together. Something for us to cherish." He glanced at me beside him and 
wrapped an arm around my shoulder. "And now that the secret's out, I 
think it's best that both Sheri and I come clean with it and let the 
fans know."

"What about your parents?" Brian asked.

I smiled slightly. "My mom is gonna love them. She's always loved my 
work and knows that I would never do anything that made me feel 
uncomfortable. My father on the other hand, well, he'll probably disown 
me," I told them with a touch of sadness in my voice. "He was very 
concerned when I told him that I was dating a rock star. He didn't want 
me to become the next Pamela Lee. I assured him that I wouldn't and 
that Nick wasn't like that. But now...Well, we'll just have to wait and 
see." I looked at the ground beneath me and ran my fingers over the 
plush tan carpet.

"You guys all know that my mom is gonna flip out. She'll probably end 
up saying something along the lines of setting a good example for the 
rest of the crew, especially Aaron." Nick squeezed me tighter to him.

"I'm surprised that she hasn't gotten in touch with you already," Kevin 
commented.

I heard Nick sigh. "I know. It worries me."

"Aw, don't worry Nicky," I said, looking up at his blue eyes. 
"Everything will be fine."

* * *

It was two days before the concert. The People issue with our picture 
on the cover had hit newsstands. I was terrified. I knew my parents 
didn't read the Enquirer, but they did have a subscription to People 
Magazine. On the cover, they had chosen a color shot of us, Nick 
holding me and myself holding my knees to my chest. All our parts were 
covered, but we were completely naked. On the inside for the photo for 
the table of contents, they used one of us holding each other looking 
at the camera with the guys standing across the way looking at us. In 
that photo, Brian was looking in the opposite direction. For the photo 
with the article, they used one of the guys trying to cover us with 
pillows while we were looking at each other. The article painted us in 
a good light, saying that we never meant for the photos to go beyond 
the house. It talked a little about the book that we were putting 
together, and focused some on me, my history, and what had attracted me 
to Nick.

That afternoon, I was sitting down at the kitchen table with Nick 
deciding on pictures of the book and what we wanted to say about them, 
when the phone rang. I set my pencil down and jumped up to get the 
ringing device. Placing the receiver to my ear, I said, "Hello?"

"Hi Sheri, its Andre."

"Oh hey Andre, what's up?" I lowered myself into the chair near the 
phone.

"I thought I'd let you know that we caught the guy who was sneaking 
photos to the Enquirer."

"Really? Who?"

I heard Andre sigh on the other end. "It was Geoff, my lab assistant. 
He was printing double prints and taking them to the Enquirer."

"But why?"

"He wouldn't say. The management has already told me that they're gonna 
press charges against him, so let Nick know."

"I will. Thanks Andre. I'll see you Friday." I hung up the phone and 
headed back over to the table. "That was Andre," I told Nick, even 
though I knew he had heard. "They caught the guy who was selling the 
pictures. It was Andre's lab assistant, Geoff."

"Aw, that's too bad for Andre," said Nick. "I imagine the management's 
pressing charges." I nodded. "Good. Let's hope things simmer down now."

Nick and I went back to deciding what to say about photos, when the 
phone rang yet again. I got up once again and answered it. "Hello?"

"What the hell is this?" came a man's voice. I knew it was my father.

"Hi Dad," I said. "What do you mean?"

"The cover of People. Don't tell me you didn't know. What in God's name 
are you doing taking nude photos with that rock star boyfriend of 
yours?"

I closed my eyes. I really didn't want to deal with this now, on top of 
everything else. "It's art, Dad," I protested. I looked over at Nick. 
He stared at me, reading my body language, knowing that things weren't 
good.

"How the hell is it art? What you're doing belongs in Playboy."

I stared at the ceiling. I knew I wasn't going to get anywhere with my 
father. Sighing, I said, "No Dad. Look, I never wanted these 
photographs to get out. The Enquirer ran a set first. There is a 
lawsuit in the works now against both the Enquirer and the man who 
stole the photos."

"So there's more?"

"Yes Dad."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to!" I yelled. "It's my life, my body. I can do what 
I please. So quit trying to rule my life."

I could hear the anger well up in my father's voice. "You want me out 
of your life? Fine. I'm out, young lady. Do what you please. But don't 
come crying to me when things don't work out," he yelled and then hung 
up the phone.

I pulled the receiver away from my ear and looked at it before I slowly 
set it in the cradle. I sank down into the chair near the phone and 
buried my face in my hands, sobbing. Nick set his pencil down on the 
table and came over to me. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know if I can do this," I sobbed.

"Oh Sheri." Nick wrapped his arms around me. "We don't have to do this 
if you don't want to."

I cried on Nick's shoulder for a bit before I lifted my head and looked 
at him. "I knew my father would be upset, but I don't know if I can 
take it."

"So should we call the publisher?"

I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand. "No," I sniffed. "I 
want to do this. If I'm gonna be a public figure now because of you, I 
want to be completely honest. They deserve that after being kept in the 
dark for three years."

"But are the fans more important than your family?" Nick pulled me into 
his lap and rubbed my back. "Doesn't that scare you? That you're 
thinking of putting a bunch of people you've never met ahead of the 
people who should be most important in your life."

I looked at Nick. He made a whole lot of sense right then. "Yeah, it 
does scare me." I glanced at the ground beneath my feet and then back 
at Nick. "Could we maybe add in the other photos we've done? Maybe 
section the book?" I sighed. "Maybe if I showed my parents that we are 
in love...I mean, if you go back and look at everything we've done..." 
My mind was fumbling on me. I didn't know what to say. I honestly 
didn't think that the photos would be such a big problem with my 
family.

Just then the phone rang again. Things were really picking up at home 
today. Nick reached above his head and answered the phone. Holding it 
to his ear, he said, "Hello?"

"Nickolas Gene Carter! What the hell is this?" came a voice yelling on 
the other end. Nick held the phone away from his ear as he was screamed 
at.

"Hi to you too Mom," he said into the receiver.

"What is this?" his mom yelled again. He tightened his grip around my 
waist, pulling me closer to his body. He put his right foot on the rung 
of the chair and I placed my hand on his knee.

"What's what?" he asked, playing dumb.

His mom didn't fall for it. "Don't play dumb with me mister. You know 
exactly what I'm talking about. What the hell do you think you've been 
doing?"

"They're just photos Mom."

"Just photos? You were aware that you aren't wearing anything in them?"

"Of course."

"Who did them? I'll have their head."

Nick sighed. "Andre did, Mom. Don't worry about it. They're not bad."

"That's what you think. Your brother has already got tons of people 
calling him asking him what he thinks and if he's done photos like 
this."

Nick sighed again. "Look Mom. I'm sorry. We never thought the photos 
would get out. But what is it that you have always told me? Be honest 
with people and they'll respect you for it. That's what I'm doing. I'm 
being honest. I've kept Sheri in the dark for too long. The fans 
deserve to know who she is and they deserve to know that I'm not a 
little boy anymore. Mom, everywhere I go, the fans still look at me 
like I'm thirteen, not old enough to drink."

"And this is the way to show them?" Jane Carter said on the other end. 
Because of my close proximity to Nick and the phone, I could hear every 
word.

"It wasn't the way I was planning on, no." He leaned over and buried 
his nose in my hair. He always did that when he was thinking. I think 
he liked my shampoo, maybe it stimulated something in his brain, I 
don't know. "Look Mom. Sheri and I are working on a book right now. 
We're going to put in a lot of pictures not just the nudes. It's our 
way of showing the fans what's really going on in our lives and what 
has gone on for the past six years."

Jane sighed. "Well, what about your brother?"

"I'll talk to him about it if you'd like, but not now. It's been a 
rather exciting afternoon here. How 'bout I talk to Aaron and the rest 
of the clan tomorrow? I can bring Sheri over and we can all talk about 
this." I looked up at him funny. He was talking about like I was the 
new movie that he was bringing over for his family to view. He just 
patted my knee and smiled.

"Well, I guess tomorrow it is," I heard her say. "I'll try to keep 
things in order here."

"Bye Mom." Nick hung up the phone and pulled me into a backward 
embrace. "Sheri, this has gotten so out of hand," he commented.

"I know, Nicky. I hope the book helps. When's the deadline?"

Nick smiled. "In a few weeks. I guess we should get back to it, because 
once I get out on tour, things will be tough. We should at least pick 
all the pictures before then."

I called Andre later that afternoon and asked him for every single 
photo Nick and I had done together along with any of the photos he had 
of me and the rest of the guys. Nick and I stayed up all night picking 
photos. We narrowed the six years worth of photographs down to about 
four hundred that we liked, including one hundred nude photographs. 
Looking at the piles of photos in the early morning, neither one of us 
could believe how many pictures we had. Many of the photos were only 
negatives and had to be reprinted for us, but we had them marked. We 
decided that the more photos we had in for the publisher, the more they 
had to choose from as finals for the book.

On Friday, I went to the first concert with Nick and the rest of the 
guys. I hadn't spoken with my father since that day he had called me. 
Andre sensed the change in me but didn't say anything. After the show, 
the guys had to leave to continue on with the tour so Nick and I said 
our goodbyes. I had decided I would join him for the concert 
immediately following the deadline. Nick had jotted some notes about 
all the pictures that we had picked and I just needed to go back 
through them and put my comments with them. The last thing we both had 
to do was the dedication. Nick said he'd do it on the road, in his down 
time and he would mail it to the publisher. I just reminded him to have 
it done before the deadline. He just smiled and kissed me on the nose.

The deadline came and everything was in: my dedication, his dedication, 
the four hundred pictures and all the notes about them. I didn't have 
to worry about them anymore. Now it was just patching things up with my 
father. I thought long and hard about it on the days without Nick 
around and before I knew it the tour was over and I still hadn't made a 
decision on what to do. I had agonized about it for six months and my 
father still hadn't spoken to me. 

Nick came back in December and I spent Christmas with his family, not 
daring to set foot into my family's house for fear of what they might 
say. Nick had spoken with his siblings about the book and the 
photographs saying that it was artistic and that he hadn't done them 
for anyone else but himself. Somehow, Nick had gotten through to them. 
Now if I could just convince him to talk to my father. He wouldn't do 
that though.

I wanted so much to include my family in on what was going on with my 
relationship with Nick, but my father would have no contact with me. I 
sent him cards, letters, anything, but he refused to have anything to 
do with me. I felt awful. My family meant a whole lot to me. I finally 
told my mom that I didn't do the book for the fans, I did it for my 
family. I wanted them to see my portfolio. I wanted them to see me for 
who I really was because Andre seemed to catch the real me on film. No 
one really knew who I was, not even my own family. I had been someone 
else for so long, someone my family had wanted me to be. The good girl, 
the wonderful little princess, but my modeling especially since I had 
started doing photos with Andre had brought out something in me that my 
family didn't like. It had brought out a side of me that I had 
repressed for so long. Sure I wore skirts and dressed like a girl, but 
I never truly felt like a woman. That was until Andre started taking 
pictures of me. As I grew and the photos became more revealing, I had 
noticed my father starting to push away from me. I guess he had a 
problem with my growing up. And when I looked back on my career, I 
realized that the nude photos were the final straw for my father. I had 
blossomed into this beautiful young woman but all he could see was this 
little girl running around. And to top it off, I was dating a rock 
star, a celebrity, someone he knew he couldn't live up to. What my 
father didn't realize was that I never compared Nick to my father. 
There was no way I could. 

After the tour, the Boys all took some much needed down time. They had 
recorded a lot of tracks for a new album while on the road, which was 
helpful. Now they could take some time for themselves, which meant for 
Nick and I, re-evaluating our relationship. The book was close to 
release; we were being told that it was going to be sometime in March. 
It was in that time that Nick finally said something to me that made 
everything right in my mind.

We were lying in bed together, something we had started doing after the 
tour ended and the problems with my family had started, just talking, 
looking at each other, being intimate in our own little way of soft 
caresses and tended kisses. Lying on my side, stroking Nick's chest 
with my finger, staring down at the bare skin I traced, I whispered the 
words, "I love you," to him. He placed his hand on my head and gently 
rested my head on his chest while he buried his nose in my hair, 
thinking.

"Thank you," he said softly, not lifting his face from my locks. After 
a long time he said my name and I lifted my head to look at him. "You 
know I love you right?" I nodded. "We've been through a lot, haven't 
we?" Again I nodded. "You are so beautiful. I have never seen anyone 
like you before. So stunning, and yet when I first met you, I thought 
the same thing. I mean, you were barely fifteen, and so was I. You had 
this body that, albeit was still changing, was absolutely gorgeous. I 
on the other hand was this gawky teenage boy. If I had told you that 
then, you would have laughed at me. And then when we finally started 
dating at eighteen, I thought I was the luckiest man in the world. I 
still feel that way. I bet you were a beautiful baby." I smiled, unable 
to say anything, knowing somewhere in my heart that he didn't really 
want me to open my mouth yet. "And you know what? I'm envious of your 
father. He got to see you grow up and all I have is pictures. I know 
what your father is going through. He thinks he's losing his baby girl. 
My mom pointed it out to me when I visited everyone. She was telling me 
that she was glad she still had Aaron around, but every day he reminded 
her of me. It hurt her that I wasn't around much anymore. That was the 
main reason, she told me, that she was so against the pictures. It 
wasn't that they were lewd in any way; she knew that Andre would never 
do that to me; it was that when she was looking at them, she had to 
remind herself that she was looking at a grown up, not her little boy."

He paused and I stepped in. "I know that's how my father feels. He has 
a problem looking at me as an adult. The photos forced him to see 
something he wasn't ready for."

He then smiled at the thought of something funny that he didn't wait 
long to share. "I don't really get it though. I mean, they've seen us 
naked before. They changed our diapers, bathed us, things like that and 
yet here they are, raising a fuss over us being naked."

I smiled at his remark. "You know, you're right. And I think you just 
gave me an idea." I rested my head on his chest again and circled my 
finger around his navel before I looked up at him and kissed him.

When the book came off the presses in March, we received the first 
copies in the mail. It was going to be hitting bookstores at the end of 
the month. Sitting there in our house on the floor of the living room, 
we opened the book and paged through it together. When we came to the 
end of the book, Nick pointed out that we hadn't read each other's 
dedications. I quickly flipped to the front of the book and read mine 
out loud. "My dearest Nicky. Without you most of this wouldn't be 
possible. Much love always. The rest of the guys, well, thanks for the 
memories. Andre, please keep scheduling appointments for me. Mom, Dad, 
I love you and thanks for putting up with me all these years. Again, my 
dearest Nicky, you are so much more than these pictures could ever 
convey."

"Aw," Nick replied, leaning over and kissing my forehead. "Now let me 
read you mine." he plucked the book from my hands and started reading, 
"To the Carter clan, thanks. To Andre, keep up the good work. To my 
Backstreet Brothers, let's keep making music together for a long long 
time. And to my beloved Sheri. I cherish you; your spirit, your 
wonderful creative mind and the way you make me feel. I love you so 
much more than words or even these pictures could ever say. You are my 
world." I smiled up at him as he continued. "This is what Andre said as 
an intro to the book. 'They say a picture is worth a thousand words, 
and these pictures are no different. I'm so pleased that Nick and Sheri 
allowed me access to their private world and let me capture some of 
those moments that they'll cherish forever. As a fan, Nick, Sheri and 
myself, as well as the rest of the Backstreet Boys, hope you will 
cherish these pictures as well. Some of them are a bit out of the 
ordinary for Nick, but they are pictures that he, as well as Sheri, 
felt you all should see. I have come to know these two in ways that 
only their photographer can. I have seen them grow up; I have seen them 
mature. I feel like I am apart of their family. These photographs are 
but a small sample of the vast collection they have. They truly share 
these pictures with you as a gesture of good will. Both have opened 
themselves up to you in these pictures and are being completely honest 
with you, for a photograph cannot lie. When I look at these photographs 
of them, I see not only the hardship they have faced, but also the love 
that they share for themselves and others around them. I hope you see 
it as well.'" Nick paused for a long time just staring at the words.

I lifted the book out of his hands and closed it over heading down to 
my room. Nick followed without a word wanting to know what I was doing. 
Setting the book on my bed, I reached underneath the frame and fished 
out my baby book. In it had all the pictures of me as a baby. I found 
one of myself naked, sitting in the bathtub. I gently lifted the 
picture out of the book and placed in the photo book I had on my bed. I 
placed it on one of the pages with the black and white nude 
photographs. The book had been sectioned so that all the nudes were in 
the back, so I knew where to look. I found a piece of ribbon and cut it 
to the length of the book. Placing it in the spot where the baby photo 
lie, I then grabbed a black permanent marker. Opening the book to the 
first page, I wrote very carefully: "To my father and mother - Thank 
you for all you have done for me. Thank you for leading me down the 
path that has made me a strong individual. I have grown into a 
beautiful young woman, as the marked page will clearly show. Please 
accept me as such. Your daughter, Sheri." As the ink was drying on the 
page, Nick read the words over and over again.

I had closed the book and was on my way out the door when he finally 
said something to me. "Sheri?" I turned around and looked at him. "I 
hope it works."

"So do I Nicky. So do I."

I mailed the book to my parents and something must have touched them 
because they came and visited shortly thereafter, both of them.