The Meaning of Being Lonely
© August 2, 2000

"I can't do this," I yelled.

"I know, it's hard," the tall brunette with green eyes said, placing a 
hand on my shoulder.

"He was only my best friend since I was two."

A man with dark hair and chocolate eyes placed an arm around my waist. 
"All we're asking is that you go out there tonight and sing. Nothing 
more."

"No amount of singing is gonna bring him back," I said.

"You're right," the green eyed man said to me. "Nothing's gonna bring 
him back."

"Why'd he have to go back in in the first place? I thought he was all 
better."

"We all did," a blonde man said across the room.

"He died on the fricken table," I yelled. "On the table! The doctors 
knew he wasn't strong enough. Why'd they continue? Why didn't they 
stop? Why?" I started sobbing and buried my face in my hands.

"It's okay," another man with brown eyes said. His hair was long and 
dark and he pulled me into his arms.

"No, it's not okay. It's not okay, it's not okay, it's not okay. It's 
been six months and I'm still crying!"

The man holding me stroked my auburn hair. "We're all hurting, B. It 
hurts so much. Sometimes I just cry myself to sleep it hurts so much."

"Yeah, but it's different. I live next door to his mom. Do you know 
what it's like to go over there every day and see the hurt in his 
parent's eyes? Every day, his dad and his brother try and try to get 
his mom to go near his room, but she won't do it. Everything is as he 
left it. I still think he's gonna show up at my door and drag me off to 
church to sing. Every time I look out my window, I see his window. I 
keep expecting him to turn on the light, pick up the phone, and call 
me, like he always did. But the phone doesn't ring."

"Brandy, we have to let him go," the man holding me said to me.

"I can't let him go. He's my best friend," I said, my voice cracking.

The man with the intense green eyes squatted down before me. "Brandy, 
do you remember his funeral?" I nodded. "You sang 'Amazing Grace'." I 
nodded again. "Why did you sing that?"

"I wanted to honor him," I squeaked out.

"So let's go out there tonight and honor his memory, okay?"

"I can't," I said, shaking my head.

The blonde across the room sighed. "Why not?" he asked softly.

"Because there's so many people and I'm already crying. I know...I know 
I'm gonna cry more," I sobbed. "Plus I'm so lonely. I've never gone on 
stage without him."

The man with brown eyes who wasn't holding me placed his hand on my 
knee. "B, we're probably all gonna cry. And you're not alone. He's with 
you. He's always with you. He's with all of us."

"Come on, let's go out there and perform for him, because he's looking 
down on us from Heaven. Please?" the green-eyed man begged.

I took a moment before nodding. We all took hands and walked towards 
the stage together. On stage was Brian McKnight. "A little more than 
six months ago," he started, "the music industry lost a great 
performer, song writer and friend. At the tender age of twenty-six, he 
and his friends had already sold millions of records, been nominated 
for six Grammys, and written three number one hits. He was not your 
typical pop star, for he never took one single moment for granted, 
knowing first hand that it could all be taken away at a moment's 
notice. He never considered himself better than anyone and always took 
time to thank those people who had gotten him where he was: the fans. 
It was the fans who made his solo album, 'Grace of God,' the biggest 
selling Gospel album of all time. It was the fans who donated hundreds 
of thousands of dollars to his foundation. And it was the fans that 
publicly mourned him, and somehow found solace in his music. Here 
tonight, to perform a song originally recorded by Boyz II Men and 
Mariah Carey are the Backstreet Boys and close personal friend of 
theirs, Brandy Cardnal." Holding hands, we all walked out on stage.

The green-eyed man spoke first. "We had originally decided not to 
attend tonight's awards, but ultimately, it was the thought of the fans 
that brought us here." He paused. "If not for each and every one of 
you, we would not be here. And of all of us, he knew that." His voice 
cracked and I knew he wouldn't continue, so I decided to finish for 
him.

"I've known Brian since I was two," I said. "And what his cousin was 
trying to say, was that, as much as it hurts, Brian lives on in each of 
us. Every time you play one of his records, he is there with you. Every 
time you watch his performances, he's there. He's with us tonight, 
watching from Heaven." I nodded to the guys and the music to "One Sweet 
Day" started.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

One Sweet Day
Recorded by: Boyz II Men & Mariah Carey

Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say
And now it's too late to hold you
'Cuz you're far away, so far away
Never had I imagined
Living without your smile
Felling, knowing you hear me
It keeps me alive, alive

CHORUS:
And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together 
One sweet day
Patiently we'll see you in heaven

Sorry I never showed you
Assumed you'd always be there
I took your presence for granted
But I always cared
And I miss the love we shared

CHORUS

Although the sun will never shine the same
I'll always look to a brighter day
Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep
You will always listen as I pray

CHORUS

Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say