Angel
© 8/18/2000

"Jennifer, guess what you get to do?" I asked of my best friend as she 
entered my modest apartment.

She groaned, "What?"

"Stuff envelopes," I said with a grin.

Jen, a blonde, groaned again. "Why?"

"Well, you know that letter that I wrote to Brian that you 'carry with 
you in case you ever meet him'?" She nodded. "Well, I'm sending a copy 
of that letter to every talk show host in America, along with every fan 
club address for the Backstreet Boys."

"Even Jerry Springer?" she asked me.

"Yeah right," came my sarcastic reply. "What am I supposed to say? I'm 
Brian's mistress?"

"No, you're his love child."

"Oh, yeah, a little five year old knocked up a twenty year old. Sounds 
like a National Inquirer headline."

"Hey, it'd get you on." We started cracking up at the thought of it. In 
between fits of giggles, we joked about it. After a bit, we got serious 
and got down to business. We sent letters to The Oprah Winfrey Show, 
Donnie and Marie, Live with Regis, The View, The Rosie O'Donnell Show, 
Maury, The Montell Williams Show, Leeza, Jenny Jones, The Ricki Lake 
Show, and Sally Jessey Rafael. I didn't know if I would get anything in 
return except form letters, but it was worth a try.

~* Eight Months Later *~

I went out to get the mail on a windy afternoon. After struggling with 
the lock for a few minutes, I managed to get into the mailbox and 
retrieve my mail. Then I had to struggle to lock the box again and get 
my key out. I thumbed through the mail as I walked back up the stairs 
to my apartment. As I entered the living room through the front door, I 
caught sight of an envelope that had Oprah Winfrey's name in the upper 
left-hand corner. I quickly set down the rest of the mail on the 
dinning room table and reached for my letter opener. I tore into the 
envelope and pulled out a letter. It was written on stationary that had 
The Oprah Winfrey Show written on it.

My first thought was Oh goody, another form letter. But this is the 
first person to respond. Not even the Fan Club has bothered yet. I 
skimmed over the letter, expecting it to say something along the lines 
of "Thank you for contacting The Oprah Winfrey Show," but it didn't.

Dear Rebecca,

Thank you so much for writing. I was really touched by your letter and 
am interested in having you appear on the show. We'd like to tape the 
show in two weeks. Enclosed you will find two tickets to Chicago. 
Please come. A producer will be calling you in a few days to talk to 
you about your letter. I look forward to meeting you.

Sincerely,
Oprah Winfrey

Enclosed there were two airline tickets to Chicago. I couldn't believe 
it. I was going to be on The Oprah Show. I immediately called Jen and 
told her to pack her bags, we were going to Shy-Town.

The producer of the show called me and we talked for a long time about 
what my letter was about. The producer also told me that someone would 
be at the airport to pick me up. Two weeks after the phone call, Jen 
and I were on a plane, heading to Illinois. 

We had never been inside a television studio before and marveled at 
everything as we walked around. Jen and I were led to a spot in the 
audience, right up front. The previous day, I had recorded a small 
portion of the letter I had written so that it could be played before I 
was introduced. Jen and I watched as other people's letters were read 
and they shared their stories. Soon, my video aired.

"Dear Oprah," came my voice. On the screen were the words I had written 
to her. "My name is Rebecca and I have a favor to ask of you. Enclosed 
you will find a letter addressed to Brian Littrell of the Backstreet 
Boys. The next time you see him, could you please give him the letter? 
That is all I ask of you, nothing more. He has touched my heart and 
healed my soul. I want nothing more than for him to know of how 
grateful I am. Thank you. Rebecca." The short video ended, and Oprah 
turned to me in the audience.

"Rebecca, your letter was so kind, I couldn't help but pass it along to 
Brian," she said to me.

"Thank you," I replied softly.

"As you probably know, he and the rest of the Backstreet Boys were here 
a few months ago and well, he said that if you were ever on the show, 
to give him a call. So live, via satellite from his home in Atlanta, we 
have Brian Littrell from the Backstreet Boys." Oprah sat down on one of 
the steps up to the stage and half turned towards the monitor at the 
back of the stage.

I covered my mouth with my hands, and breathed the words, "Oh my God."

"Brian, can you hear me?" Oprah asked.

The screen, which had Oprah's signature on it, went to a picture of 
Brian in front of some trees. He had his left hand to his ear, 
obviously trying to hear what was being said.

"Yeah, I can, barely," he replied. I couldn't help but smile, as my 
hand went to my chest. There was the person I had heard on the radio so 
many times and seen so many pictures of. He was almost close enough to 
touch.

"When you read Rebecca's letter, what were your initial thoughts?" 
Oprah asked.

"Well, I thought, 'Here is a miracle.' After everything you had been 
through, Rebecca, somehow you had managed to survive. And to think that 
I helped in that, I'm just so amazed. I knew our music touched 
people..." The picture rolled and suddenly it went blank.

"Brian? Brian? Are you there?" Oprah asked. One of the technicians told 
her that they had lost the transmission. "I'm sorry, it looks like we 
lost the transmission," Oprah said. I felt like I wanted to cry. Brian 
was so close, and I didn't even get to say thank you. "I can't 
express..." Oprah started.

Before she could say anything more, Brian's voice came over the 
speakers. "Oprah? Oprah? Can you hear me?" Everyone, including the host 
turned their attention back to the screen, which was full of "snow" and 
was rolling as if a picture was trying to come through.

Oprah looked at one of her directors and said, "Yes, I can hear you 
Brian. But we've lost the picture. Rebecca can hear you, but she can't 
see you."

"That's okay," he said. "Tell her to turn around." 

I took a moment and then said, "Jen, tell me if I should look, okay?"

I glimpsed Jen turning in her seat and heard her gasp. "Becca, turn 
around." I just sat there frozen. "Becca, turn around," Jen said again. 
This time I did as she requested. There was Brian, standing not five 
feet from me. My hands went to my mouth once again and tears started 
rolling down my cheeks. I stood up slowly as Brian walked towards me. 
He came around and stood in front of me and before I could say, do, or 
think anything, he had his arms around me in a hug.

I sobbed into his shoulder, saying the words "Thank you" over and over 
again. He pulled away from me and took my hand, leading me to the step 
that Oprah was sitting on. We sat down next to the host.

"Rebecca," Oprah said, "why are you crying?"

"Because I never thought I'd get the chance to thank Brian," I said 
with tears in my eyes.

"Thank him for what?"

"For saving my life." Brian wrapped an arm around my shoulder and 
reached into his pocket fishing out a tissue and handing it to me. 
"There was a point in my life where I was so lost," I continued, wiping 
at the tears that fell from my eyes. "I was so lost that I didn't know 
who to turn to. I'd been hanging on to something in my past for so 
long. When I heard Brian sing the line, 'Girl it's time to let go,' I 
knew I had to let everything go and start anew."

Oprah looked at me funny, so Brian added, "The line's from the song 
'I'll Never Break Your Heart'."

"Only, I didn't know how," I continued. "That's when I read what Brian 
had written in his thank yous for the first album."

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength," Brian said 
softly. 

I nodded. "It was then I realized I needed to give my soul over to the 
Lord and to let the Lord take care of my problems. The Lord was the one 
who would never break my heart."

Very slowly, Brian let me go and reached into his pocket once again. 
"Rebecca," he said, "I've read your letter and to tell you the truth, 
the letter itself is in my Bible. After I read it, I knew what you 
meant when you said I was your Angel. I went out and had something 
made." He handed me a little felt box. Slowly, I opened it. There was 
an angel holding a heart with a cross in the middle. The charm was on a 
tiny gold chain. "The Lord healed your heart, just like He did mine. He 
kept us on this Earth for a reason." Brian reached down into his shirt 
and pulled out a gold chain. Hanging on it was the same angel with the 
heart. "I wear this angel around my neck to remind me of that and to 
remind me that I touched at least one person out there. I hope you will 
wear it and remember that you also touched someone. You've touched me. 
You have helped me. You have helped me to realize just how important it 
is to continue singing and continue caring. Rebecca, I thank you with 
all my heart for all that you have done."

"And I thank you Brian," I said, the tears once again falling from my 
eyes. Carefully I took the necklace out of the box and put it on. I 
fingered the charm as I looked at Brian. We were each other's angels.