--------------
I'm Right Here
© 2000 
--------------

I was driving home to my mom's house. I'd driven that stretch of road 
so many times; I could drive it in my sleep. It was dark and headlights 
kept coming at me. My eye doctor had told me to limit my nighttime 
driving, which I did, but this was a special occasion. I had to get 
home.

I had my CD player sitting on the passenger seat and "I Need You 
Tonight" by the Backstreet Boys had just started. I glanced at my speed 
and saw that I was doing the speed limit. When I looked back up a 
second later, all I saw was light.

                             X x X x X

I opened my eyes. There was light all around me. I was standing, but I 
couldn't see the ground. I couldn't see much of anything around me. All 
I could see was white light, but it wasn't very bright because I wasn't 
squinting. In front of me, I saw a silhouette of a man walking towards. 
He was taller than I, maybe five, seven or five, eight. I couldn't make 
out his features until he was standing right in front of me. He had 
short reddish brown hair that hung half way down his forehead. He had 
blue eyes, both ears had diamond studs in them and he was dressed all 
in white. 

I looked down at myself. I was dressed in a white dress with white 
shoes. I found it odd, because I had been wearing jeans and a tee shirt 
in the car and as far as I could remember, I didn't own anything white.

I looked back at the man standing in front of me. "Where am I?" I 
asked.

"Exactly where you want to be," the man said to me.

"Am I dreaming?"

"No."

"Are you an angel?"

"You could say that."

"But you're Brian Littrell. You're not dead."

Brian smiled at this. "No, I'm not. But I am your guardian angel. My 
spirit is here with you."

"But where am I?"

"Look around."

I did as he said. "But I don't..." Just then everything around me 
changed. I was standing in a hallway. The walls around me were off 
white and the floor was tiled. The hallway was empty except for Brian 
and I. "Where are we?"

Brian didn't answer my question but instead started walking. He walked 
through a set of doors. I followed him. On the other side was a 
hospital emergency room. Doctors and nurses were running all around me. 
They didn't seem to notice Brian or myself. Brian continued to walk 
through the ER, not noticing anyone or anything going on around him. I 
followed, avoiding the doctors rushing around. "Where are we going?" I 
asked. 

He turned around briefly and said, "Follow me." He led me into a 
waiting room. Inside was a dark haired woman sitting in a chair. Beside 
her stood a man with gray hair. They were my parents.

"Mom," I said. She didn't lift her head.

"They can't hear you," Brian said. I looked at him, confused. Just then 
a doctor in a white coat came in.

"Mr. and Mrs. Carlson?" he said. My mom lifted her head. The doctor 
sighed. "I'm sorry. There's nothing we could have done. The extent of 
her injuries was too much for her little body. I'm sorry." My mom broke 
into tears.

I looked at Brian. "I'm...dead?" Brian looked at the ground. "I'm not 
dead. Mom, I'm right here! Mom!" I called to her, but she didn't look 
at me.

"Can we see her?" my mom asked the doctor.

"She's battered and bruised. I wouldn't advise it."

"I wanna see her," my mom said more sternly.

"Alright." The doctor walked out of the room and my parents followed 
him. I was right behind my parents calling their names the entire way. 
We were led to a hospital bed in the ER with the curtain drawn around 
it. The doctor moved the curtain and there on the bed was someone with 
a white sheet drawn over their face. There was red blood staining the 
sheet in various places. The doctor removed the sheet from the person's 
head so my parents could see. My mom broke into a fresh batch of tears 
and my father put his arm around her shoulder to comfort her. I looked 
at the person lying there on the bed and found myself staring at my own 
face. Only it wasn't my face because it was bruised and bloodied and 
slightly blue. 

"Mom, I'm right here. I'm not dead. I'm standing right here in front of 
you." I started crying.

"They can't hear you," Brian said. He was standing by the curtain with 
his arms crossed over his chest. 

"I can't be dead. I'm only twenty. I haven't finished everything yet."

Just then the room went white again. We were back in the place of 
light. "But everything is finished," Brian told me.

"My story. I didn't finish it."

"Yes you did."

"But..." I started.

"Come," he said. The room changed again to hotel room. There was a 
queen-sized bed, a dresser and a table. Sitting at the table was a 
heavy-set dusty blonde female. It was my best friend, Heather. She had 
a stack of papers in front of her.

"I can't believe they agreed to meet with me," she muttered to herself.

"What's she talking about?" I asked Brian.

"You'll see."

Heather absentmindedly flipped the corners of the pages in front of 
her. Just then there was a knock at the hotel room door. Heather got up 
and answered the door. On the other side were the Backstreet Boys. 
Heather let them into the hotel room. I turned to Brian who just 
smiled. 

Kevin, Nick, Howie and AJ all sat on the bed, while Brian, the real 
Brian, sat in the chair opposite Heather. "So you're Heather, right?" 
he asked. Heather nodded. "You're Becca's agent?"

"You could say that," Heather said.

"What do you mean?" Kevin asked.

"Becca passed away a month ago."

"Oh, we're so sorry," the Boys said.

"It's okay. I like to think I'm fulfilling one of her dreams."

"And that is?" Brian asked.

"She always wanted you guys to read her story and to give her 
permission to use the title and your names."

"Well, we've all read it," Nick said. "Brian found it online and we 
fell in love with it. We bookmarked her site and would go back weekly 
to check for new updates."

"She'd be glad to hear that," Heather said. "I like to think that she's 
still here, sometimes." The tears welled up in Heather's eyes.

"But I am here," I said. Brian just placed his hand on my shoulder.

"She is with you, in your heart," Howie said.

"And in here," the real Brian said, tapping the papers in front of 
Heather. "That's why we want to publish this book."

"She had a dream to meet you one day, Brian," Heather said.

"I know. I got her letter. It touched me."

"Yeah, you cried like a baby," AJ said.

I looked at Brian who nodded. 

"You're serious about publishing the book?" Heather asked.

"Yes. And we want to put our names on it. It's a shame that she can't 
write more for us. I think it would make a good series," Kevin said.

"She'd be so happy." The room went white again. 

"Brian, why are you doing this?" I asked.

"To show you that you will go on and you won't be forgotten."

"But how did you..."

"He knows everything." The room changed once again. This time we were 
in an arena standing on a stage. There were thousands of people all 
around us. There on stage were the Backstreet Boys. Standing only a few 
feet from me was my mom.

Kevin addressed the crowd. "Eight months ago, we came across a web site 
containing a story. We all read it and fell in love with it. It was our 
first time reading any of the fan fiction that you all write. About two 
months after the author finished the story; we got in touch with her 
agent to discuss publishing it. That's when we found out that she had 
passed away in a terrible car accident. We decided we would publish the 
book anyhow. This here is the first copy off the presses of 'I'll Never 
Break Your Heart'," Kevin said, holding up a paperback book for the 
crowd to see. "We would like to present this first copy to Becca 
Carlson's mother." My mom walked out on stage, with tears in her eyes 
and accepted the book from Kevin. She hugged him.

"I know Becca is looking down on us from heaven and smiling," my mom 
said.

I smiled and said, "I am, Mom. I am. I love you."