*****************************

Disclaimer time once again!  One-hundred-and-sixth verse same as the
first...everybody *sing*:

I don't own these characters, (chorus) Paramount does!
I don't own this venue, (chorus) Paramount does!
I am making no money off of this, (chorus) Paramount does not either!

This story involves sex between two men, a.k.a. slash.  If that is *not*
your cup of tea, sweet as it is, then don't read it!  (simple, ain't it??)
Feedback is *very* much appreciated, and always answered.  Flames will be
passed around to friends and chuckled over.  :)

This story has nothing to do with anything I've ever written before.  It's
part of no series, nor is it a sequel to anything.  Yeah, I know; it's
amazing.  Be quiet.

I am hereby issuing a hanky-warning for this story.  Okay?
Just so we're clear on this.  Death story, in a way.  
Hey, why should Riker have all the fun? Grief and angst alerts, code *Red, 
Red, Red*.  Don't say I didn't warn you.

'Doppelganger' by Amirin <groh@iquest.net>


*****************************


Tom didn't see what the big deal was. Okay, so the electrical currents,
solar flares, and atmospheric density had all but totally blinded Voyager.
Down on the planet, the weather was fine and the scenery was beautiful. 

He reached out a hand to Chakotay to relieve him of some of the gear he 
was carrying. Everything they needed to bring back with them was pretty much 
loaded into the shuttlecraft, just waiting for takeoff. 

Communication with the ship was sporadic, at best, and the transporters
weren't real fond of working around all the interference. Bringing down a
shuttle was the only safe way to get here. According to the trade of
information they'd had with the Dehgrideri, this was one of the last
stopping points to replenish supplies for many light years to come, but 
the wealth of materials they'd found should see them through, once they got
everything back to Voyager. They'd already beamed up several loads of
minerals and foodstuffs, when the transporters felt like cooperating, and
were going to take the last load up by shuttlecraft.

"Ready to go?" Tom asked Chakotay, impatient to get back to Voyager, back
to the conn.

Chakotay grinned silently at Tom's restlessness. He knew full well why the
pilot was so anxious to return. 

Tom didn't even bother looking embarrassed. He knew Chakotay understood.
This trip had been good for both of them, on a personal level. He'd found 
himself actually enjoying their time together on the planet. 

They'd managed to reach an accord, these last few months on Voyager. Not
yet friends, but more than friendly acquaintances. There had still been
some distance between them. More so than with any other senior officer,
save Tuvok, but it had been getting better. Respect had firmly trounced 
the dislike and distrust they'd started with and they were feeling their way
toward warmer relations. Tom was willing to bet that the captain had sent
the two of them down here on purpose, just to move things along a bit
faster. The last three days had certainly accomplished that objective.

Entering the shuttlecraft, he checked to see that everything was secure 
and started the engines up, while Chakotay dropped into the co-pilot's seat 
and they took off, heading back to Voyager.  The ride down had been something
of an adventure; Tom hoped the load would help stabilize the shuttle and
let them get through the atmosphere easier than when they'd come down. He
was a little concerned about the starboard nacelle; it had had some
problems on the way in, but he hoped it would make it back up to the ship
in good shape.

"Everything all right?" Chakotay asked, seeing Tom frown at the readings
coming from the shuttle's consoles.

Tom shook his head, not really a 'no', but he wasn't sure. "The energy
output from that nacelle isn't stable, I'm trying to compensate," Tom
managed to say before the shuttlecraft started shaking violently. "Dammit,
we've lost it," he ground out, before a console to his left burst into
sparks. "And we've lost communications. Shit," Tom cursed. "We're going
down," he sighed, resigned, fighting the controls, while the craft felt 
like it was trying to shake itself to pieces.

"Are we going to crash?" Chakotay asked calmly, seeing the battle between
the shuttle and the pilot. 

"It won't be an easy landing, but I should be able to get us down in one
piece," Tom said. <I hope> he added silently to himself. "Hang on."

The craft was dropping rapidly, too quickly for Tom to have much choice as
to where to land when all his energy was devoted to just getting them down
alive. They were flying over the desert and Tom cursed, quietly,
encouraging the small craft.

"Come on, dammit, just a *little* closer to that green line on the 
horizon.  Come on, you can do it. Damn, you know I hate the desert, come 
on," he muttered, knowing, without looking, that the commander was grinning 
tensely at him.  "*Hate* the desert, come on, just a little further, just a bit closer, 
come on," Tom gave up, knowing it was hopeless; they were going down in the
desert, but not too far from the treeline. Maybe a couple of days' walk,
tops, if the transporters didn't feel like bringing them back up to the
ship any time soon. 

The shuttlecraft plowed into sand, slowing their landing enough for the 
two of them to stay in their seats. Both breathed a sigh of relief.

"Good landing," Chakotay said with quiet sincerity, putting a hand on 
Tom's shoulder as he got up, tapping his commbadge with his other hand. 
"Chakotay to Voyager, do you read me?" Static replied before Tuvok's voice 
came over in broken phrases.

"...all right, Commander?" the Vulcan asked.

"We're both fine, but we're not going anywhere. Can you beam us up?"

"...trying...interference...difficult...lock-on.one at...time."

"Understood, Tuvok. One at a time. Whenever you're ready," Chakotay 
sighed, not pleased that the transporters couldn't bring them both up together.

"Commander...first," came Tuvok's broken message, as Chakotay prepared for 
transport.

"See you soon," the commander said, looking at Tom who nodded and waited
for the transporters to try and lock on.

Tom was reading the sensors and saw the solar flare just as Chakotay began
to disappear from sight. The flare started a chain reaction and the
planet's radiation spiked before the electrical fields went off the scale.
The commander began fading in and out and Tom heard Tuvok's voice state
that they were losing the signal, before they lost contact altogether. 

Tom vaulted over the seat to the shuttle's controls, to try and pull
Chakotay back. He poured every last bit of available power into the
shuttlecraft's transporters, cursing when Chakotay disappeared, before the
man rematerialized, finally, torn from Voyager's transporters. 

The commander stayed on his feet for an instant, before he collapsed, then
regained enough awareness to find himself being helped into his seat by 
Tom.

"You okay?" Tom asked, worriedly, not liking the grayish cast to the man's 
face, as he laid a comforting hand on the commander's back.

Chakotay nodded, feeling less dizzy, as he slowly got his bearings. "What
happened?"

Tom snorted. "What *didn't*? A solar flare caused Voyager to nearly lose
your signal, the planetary radiation has increased to *four times* what it
was a few minutes ago, and the electrical fields are all over the map. 
Communications are totally gone, the shuttle's banks are empty, and we're
stuck in the desert, until Voyager can find a way to get through all this
mess. So, Chakotay, how's *your* day been?" Tom asked flippantly, 
provoking a wry chuckle from the commander.

"I've had better, Tom. We've got to get to the treeline before we roast,"
he said, standing carefully, Tom's hand under his arm, helping him to his 
feet. He sighed, moving slowly to get the PADDs and phasers as Tom grabbed
some survival gear, water, food, and the medical equipment. Chakotay took
the beacon, activating it before putting it into his own pack, which he 
slung over his shoulders. At least Voyager could follow them to their
destination, once things calmed down on the planet. Throwing a look 
around, making certain they had everything, they started out.

~~~

Chakotay became aware of Tuvok next to him, helping him to his feet.
Spirits, for a minute there, he hadn't thought he'd make it.

"Commander, are you all right?" the Vulcan asked, with professional 
concern.

Chakotay nodded, a little shaky, but getting better by the minute. "Fine.
What happened?" He listened with dread as Tuvok explained. They weren't
going to be getting Tom back any time soon, from the sound of things.
Communications were useless, as were the sensors, and the transporters had 
been all but totally overloaded. Damn. It could be a couple of weeks 
before they brought Tom home.

"Will he be okay?" Chakotay asked quietly, seeing the Vulcan's brow furrow 
in thought.

"Lt. Paris knows to head for the treeline. He also has the medical 
supplies necessary to combat the effects of the radiation and sensors indicated 
an ample supply of food and water. Provided he can reach the trees, he should
be fine for an indefinite period of time, Commander," the Vulcan reasoned.

"Let's get to work, Tuvok. I don't want him stuck down there any longer
than he has to be," Chakotay said, carefully stepping off the transporter
pad, before heading to the bridge.

~~~

Progress was slow for both of them, but they were still putting a fair 
amount of distance behind them. They walked side by side, subtly keeping 
an
eye on each other, and stopped frequently to rest. There were a lot of
large rocks and Chakotay noted that most seemed to be in small clusters,
which would provide shelter if they needed it. The heat wasn't too
oppressive, but the sun was relentless and the faint breeze barely made it
tolerable. Chakotay knew Paris was having a hard time with the heat and
sun, but the man never said a word. The sunscreen was helping Tom's skin
color remain normal and the medkits had plenty of hyposprays to combat the
effects of the radiation. Tom's fair coloring was working against him, 
though, just like Chakotay's slight dizziness was hindering his own 
progress.

They walked a couple hours after the sun went down, enjoying the respite,
but soon became too tired to continue. The two of them had traveled far 
more than halfway to the trees; the next day's journey wouldn't be too
long, a few hours at most. They headed for a large rock outcropping,
climbing up a ways before they found a suitable niche to stop for the
night. The temperature had dropped dramatically and Tom was already
shivering as Chakotay got the thermal blankets and pads out and made a 
nest for the two of them. He dropped to his knees, after rising too quickly, to
find the pilot at his side in less than a heartbeat.

"You okay?" Tom asked quietly, hand on Chakotay's shoulder, offering his 
silent support.

"Yeah, head rush," Chakotay explained, shaking off the effects with deep,
regular breathing. Feeling somewhat better after a few breaths, he found
the water container being held in front of him and took it, drinking
deeply, before handing it back to Tom. "Thanks," he murmured, trying to 
get to his feet again.

"Oh, no, you stay put. I'll take care of our gear. You just take it easy,"
Tom insisted, gently pushing the commander down and covering him up with
one of the blankets. 

He had barely begun to organize everything when soft snores started coming
from the figure under the blanket. Tom grinned and finished up, glad to 
see that they had plenty of water left, food for at least two or three more 
days, and more than enough doses of the medication that was keeping the
solar radiation from making them sicker than hell. 

Tom lugged the medkits out of their makeshift quarters, setting them just
outside the temporary shelter, to give them a little more room. Coming 
back inside, he took off his boots, then paused. The commander would probably 
be a lot more comfortable without his own, as well, so Tom uncovered the 
man's feet to remove them. A couple of slow, gentle tugs and Chakotay's 
were next to Tom's on the rock over their heads. Lying down next to the commander, 
he pulled the other blanket over himself and settled in for the night. 

Chakotay surfaced some time later, woken by the shaking next to him. He
reached out and touched Tom's hand. Gods, the man was freezing. He moved 
closer, noticing how tightly curled up the pilot was in his sleep. 

Reaching out from under his own blanket, he grabbed the phaser next to him and
switched it to a low setting, before aiming at a couple of the rocks down
by their feet. He actually felt a little too warm and removed his jacket,
draping it over Tom's back, before covering the man with his own blanket.
He slid back under the double layer of blankets, just as Tom rolled over
and woke up.

"Now you know why I hate the desert, Chakotay," Tom mumbled sleepily. "I
broil during the day and freeze my ass off at night."

Chakotay chuckled. "Your ass should be fine now, Tom, as well as the rest
of you," he commented dryly.

Tom opened one eye, looking at him thoughtfully. "Thank you for taking 
care of my ass, Chakotay. As well as the rest of me," he added, grinning
tiredly, before looking down by his feet to see where all the heat was
coming from. He sighed. Ah, that was so much better. He stretched out, 
toes seeking the delicious warmth, and noticed he was covered up with 
Chakotay's jacket. He frowned. "Aren't you going to need it?" he asked.

Chakotay was still smiling from Tom's earlier remark. "I'll be fine. The
desert and I have an understanding."

Tom chuckled, moving closer to the man's warmth. "Lucky you," he muttered.
"Thanks, Chakotay."

"Go back to sleep, Tom," Chakotay said quietly, closing the distance
between them. "And you're welcome."

Tom woke first the next morning, finding himself spooned up behind the
commander, nice and warm. The man was a human furnace. "Remind me to ask
the captain to make you standard issue the next time I have to go into the
bloody desert, Chakotay," he murmured to the still-sleeping man, tucking
the blankets around him before getting up. He yawned, stretched quietly,
and noted that the sun hadn't yet risen, even though the sky was getting a
little lighter. He pulled his boots on, after carefully checking to make 
certain they were empty of local fauna, and headed outside, still wearing
Chakotay's jacket around his shoulders. It wasn't really chilly enough to
warrant it, but it felt good, just the same.

He stood there for a while, knowing they should be getting under way, but
not wanting to wake the commander yet. Besides, it had been months since 
he had seen a sunrise outside of the holodeck and he wanted to enjoy it. 
This one was a beaut. He sighed contentedly, then jumped a little when Chakotay
put a hand on his shoulder. Tom shrugged off the jacket, placing it over
the commander's shoulders, and watched as the man pulled it on and 
fastened it up.

"Beautiful morning," Chakotay said quietly, enjoying the borrowed warmth,
as he stood next to Tom and watched the sun come up, highlighting the 
pilot in pink and gold.

"Yes, it is," Tom acknowledged, softly, before he sighed with resignation.
"But we really should get going, while the temperature is still relatively
cool."

Chakotay nodded in agreement. "We can eat breakfast 'on the road,'" he 
suggested, answering Tom's grin with one of his own, as they moved to get
their gear together before heading down out of the rocks and on toward the
trees.

The commander was feeling much better after a good night's sleep, but 
still insisted they stop frequently to rest. They'd be in the trees by noon at
the latest and he didn't want them pushing themselves. Okay, he didn't 
want Tom pushing himself. The man never complained during the journey, but he 
didn't object to the breaks, either. 

When they got close enough to actually see individual trees, it was all he 
could do not to run the remaining distance. They looked at each other and
grinned, making a production of taking the first step into the line of
slender, short trees, before venturing further inward. The shade became
significant quite a while later, the trees larger, the leaves more 
plentiful and it wasn't long before they heard animal sounds, calls from 
things like birds as well as small mammals. 

Back when the sensors had been working, they hadn't found anything large 
or predatory. It was a relief to know they didn't have to worry about sharing
territory with a denizen of this planet, competing for food and shelter.

The temperature had lowered dramatically since entering the woody area,
which helped Tom out, Chakotay noticed, and gladly. Not that the cooler 
air wasn't wonderful for him, too, but he could see that Tom was better off,
now, and it was one less thing to worry about.

The thought made him pause in his thinking as he pondered it. He did 
worry, but it was only natural. He was in charge and Tom was under him. Under his 
command, he corrected himself. Chakotay sighed. He really needed a rest,
hopefully accompanied by a nap. His attention was roused as Tom slowed to 
a stop and he frowned, concerned.

"What...?" he trailed off when Paris held up a hand to silence him. 

"You hear that?" Tom asked quietly, turning around slowly, trying to place
the sound.

Chakotay became aware of a faint roaring in the distance. Water? He
grinned, grateful that at least one of them had been paying attention. Tom
met his grin and they headed off at a faster clip toward it. They 
continued on for some time, adjusting their course as Tom saw fit, and Chakotay 
just let him lead. The man's sense of direction had stood them in good stead
many times in the past, out in space and then some.

The rushing sound was definitely a lot louder, as they made their way
closer to it. Chakotay marveled that they had been in the woods a lot
longer than they'd been in the desert, earlier, but it sure didn't *feel*
as long. He snorted to himself and caught Tom's puzzled grin.

"This seems like more of a nature hike than a struggle for survival," he 
said wryly, as Tom chuckled, sharing the sentiment.

Paris nodded, looking around. "I'm all for enjoying it, the gods only know
how long we could be here," he replied, to Chakotay's grin.

They went on, in companionable silence, until Tom stopped suddenly right 
in front of the commander, who had to grab his shoulders to keep from 
crashing into him. 

Tom just stood there, shaking his head and, before Chakotay could do
anything to stop him, started tugging off his boots, followed quickly by
his uniform and everything else but his shorts. He let out a whoop and 
took off running, taking about a dozen leaps before diving gracefully into the
beautifully clear pool of water before him. 

The commander stood, checking out their source of fresh water. A river,
from far above them, was tumbling down several rocks to the right, then
into the good-sized pool, before it gently poured over the rock shelf to
the left and continued on. He sighed as Tom dove to the bottom several
times, checking the depth of the water.

Chakotay watched, grinning in spite of himself when a head bobbed back up
to the surface and tossed the wet hair back.

"What the hell are you still doing over there?" Tom called out, his voice
bouncing off the walls of rocks surrounding the rather large pool.
"Chakotay, come on, man, get in here." And with that, Tom's head 
disappeared briefly as he started swimming, long, strong strokes that
brought him to the opposite side in seconds. He hauled himself out of the
water, waved, and settled down on a large, warm rock.

Chakotay sighed as he began stripping off his clothing, save his own
shorts. There was no reason they couldn't go for a swim. They had food to
last for a couple of days, an unlimited water source, now, and plenty of
supplies. And if they couldn't *find* shelter, they had more than enough
trees to build their own.

He dove cleanly into the water, gasping at the coolness after being hot 
for so long, and headed over to where Tom was sunning himself on the rock. If
it hadn't been for the fact that the pilot had legs and not fins and a
tail, he'd have looked like a mer-man. Chakotay shook his head at the
ridiculous thought and brought a small wave up with a whack of his arm,
sending the water streaming over the younger man's body.

Tom rose up with a shout, glared at Chakotay, then knifed into the water
again, before coming up under him to grab an ankle and dunk him. 
Chakotay surfaced to see Tom smirking at him, before a pale hand sliced
through the water and splashed him back. The water fight escalated until
they were both breathless and laughing and they headed back to the rocks
over by their gear again, tiredly struggling to get up on the largest one.

"Enjoying yourself?" Chakotay panted, smiling.

"I certainly am, Commander," Tom shot back, grinning breathlessly, as
Chakotay coasted the water out of his hair with his hands and flung it at
him. Tom lay back, getting his wind, and sighed. Damn, this place was so
beautiful he didn't know if even he could do it justice in a holoprogram.
He laced his fingers behind his head and stretched, enjoying the peace of
the water, the warmth of the rock seeping into him and the noises of the
creatures all around them.

He sighed heavily. "I know, don't say it. We have work to do," Tom said
with soft regret, turning his head to see the commander looking at him. 
Chakotay shook his head. "We have time," he said quietly, watching Tom's
damp hair stir in the breeze. He blinked, then grinned. "Work can wait a
while, we could both use the rest," he decided, laying an arm over his 
eyes, feeling the warm wind drying his body.

Tom rolled back, pleasantly surprised. He let his own eyes close and fell 
asleep soon after.

~~~

Tom woke later to find his clothes neatly folded near him and Chakotay
gone, as was their gear. Standing, he searched for the commander, absently
noting he was bone dry. Obviously, he'd been asleep for a while. He looked
up, into the trees, watching the birds, seeing how the limbs crisscrossed
through and around the rocks surrounding him and the pool. <Damn, the 
place was like a fort> he thought, as he saw a flash of red above him, moving
swiftly. It was *way* too big to be a bird and he grinned when Chakotay
came into view. He started tossing his clothes back on and was just
stomping his feet into the boots when the other man called down to him. 

"Tom, leave them off. The soles are too slick for up here." 

Tom shielded his eyes from the sun filtering down through the trees. "How
did you get up there, anyway? And why the hell didn't you wake me?" he
yelled, pulling his boots off again.

He glanced up at a creaking noise and saw the commander using some of the
woodier vines to descend on, before the man touched down in front of him. 
Chakotay grinned at Tom's scowl. "You needed the rest," he said simply,
holding out a hand to help Tom up off the rock.

The pilot took the other man's hand and got to his feet, pushing his boots
to the side. 

"Where's all the gear?" Tom asked, looking around for it, when Chakotay's
hand touched his shoulder and his arm pointed up. Tom followed the line of
Chakotay's bare arm, not seeing until the commander pulled him closer, 
took his chin in his hand and adjusted his line of sight up a little further 
than where the pilot had previously been looking. 

Tom finally saw what looked like a natural plateau formed by flat hunks of
rock and the trees. A stone 'A' frame. Holy shit. He didn't realize he'd 
said it out loud until he felt Chakotay laughing right behind him. He
turned, slightly startled, and met the other man's grin. 

"Ah, the penthouse suite," Tom said, inexplicably pleased at making the
commander chuckle again.

"Something like that," Chakotay agreed, his brown eyes sparkling in
delight. "The view from up there is incredible, come on," and with that, 
he headed off to one of the rocks, letting Tom grab his jacket and boots 
and come after him. 

The trip up wasn't too difficult; there were plenty of strong vines to 
grab hold of when the rocks grew too large to use as steps. In minutes, they
were at the top and Tom dropped his load, looking down in awe. 

"Thank the gods vertigo has never been a problem for me or I'd be on my 
*knees* right about now," he said softly, turning to look at Chakotay.

The commander blinked, his grin a little off, but Tom didn't wonder about
it, just looked around the place where home was going to be for a while.

Chakotay watched Tom explore and tried to put the pilot's innocent
comment-and the picture that flashed in his mind when the man had said
it-out of his head. He sighed as Tom smiled back at him then resumed
checking things out. A little on the small side, but certainly large 
enough for the two of them, especially with all this open space around them.

Tom nodded, thoughtfully. "Home sweet home," he murmured, running his 
fingers through tousled, though dry, hair. "You work fast," he said,
shaking his head as he mock-glared at Chakotay. "But you *still* should
have woken me up," he groused.

Chakotay put his hands up in play surrender. "Peace," he said quietly, 
even though he knew Tom was only kidding, mostly. "We need to eat, then 
check out what this place has to offer. Sunset will be here in just a couple of
hours." He looked at Tom's face and saw the grimace there as the man 
checked out the position of the sun and realized he'd been asleep for 
nearly four hours.

"You needed the rest. The walk took a lot out of you," Chakotay reasoned
quietly and, knowing Tom knew he was right, didn't push it further. "The
desert and I had an understanding, remember?" He looked relieved as he saw
Tom's reluctant grin, before the other man nodded.

"Food sounds good," Tom said quietly, feeling an odd warmth inside him, 
that the commander had done all of this himself just to let him get the
rest he needed.

Chakotay ran the tricorders over the food packs to see if the readings 
made sense, or if the devices were still fried from the effects of the 
earlier flare. Part of the time they seemed to work, but not reliably enough to
trust them to get an accurate report on what in the woods would be toxic
for them to eat and what wouldn't. They worked better than they had the
night before so maybe in a day or so they could be used. The two of them
certainly had enough food to last that long and they wouldn't have to
ration it. He shook himself. They had taken a chance on the water but the
planet was so Earth-like, it was hard to believe anything here could be
dangerous.

"Still malfunctioning?" Tom asked, nodding to the tricorder Chakotay held 
before he snapped it shut.

"Still malfunctioning," the other man sighed, tossing it over by the rest
of their gear. He opened one of the medkits, got a hypospray out, and
walked over to Tom to dose him up with the radiation medicine.

Tom shut his eyes, hearing the faint hiss against his neck, before the
commander turned it on himself and administered his own. They were only
partway through one vial, in one box of ten vials and each medkit had a
box. Enough for several weeks, if it came to that.

They sat silently, relaxing, hearing the noises of the forest around them,
the roar of the river somewhat muffled now that they were up above the
waterfall. The sun would be setting soon, but neither man felt like 
moving. Chakotay spoke quietly into the stillness.

"We'll check out the food situation tomorrow. We can't use the tricorders,
anyway, not yet," he sighed, tiredly, rolling his shoulders, flinching as
the right one popped.

Tom arched an eyebrow at him. "Tomorrow, food," he agreed distractedly,
before nodding to Chakotay's shoulder. "What's wrong?"

The commander shook his head, waving Tom's concern away. "Nothing, just a
little stiff," he answered.

"We've got muscle relaxants in the medkits," Tom offered, moving as if to
rise and get one, before Chakotay shook his head.

"I don't want to use them unless we have to. Our supply isn't unlimited."

"I can work on it for you, if you want to lose the turtleneck," Tom 
offered quietly, as Chakotay tried to twist around to look at him. The man 
winced at the effort, then nodded, reaching over his head with the left arm 
and pulling the turtleneck off.

Tom looked at him thoughtfully, before standing and moving behind 
Chakotay, reseating himself. He began to gently circle the shoulderblade 
with his fingers and he could tell it was a little swollen, compared to the left
one. He traced his thumbs over the spot, gauging its tenderness by how 
much Chakotay stiffened, and got to work, gradually increasing the pressure
until he was deeply kneading the muscles. 

The sun set beyond them, dusk settling, and Tom silently continued 
working.  He would've been willing to bet the injury never would have 
happened if Chakotay had gotten him up to help instead of doing it all himself.

Chakotay sighed and his head lolled forward, as Tom's skilled hands 
massaged the knot and pain into a memory. He was half asleep when the man 
finished and darkness had fallen, and he drowsily put his arms back 
through the sleeves Tom held open for him, grinning.

"Thank you," the commander said sleepily. "Where'd you learn how to do 
that?"

"The Academy," Tom answered. "I had a roommate who would fall asleep over
his work most nights and not be able to move the next morning if I didn't
reconfigure his back for him. And you're welcome," he said, just as
Chakotay yawned, making himself comfortable on the blanket spread over the
pad on the flat rock surface.

"We've got wood for a fire, now. Think we'll need it?" Tom asked. 

Chakotay shook his head. "The canopy holds warmth better than the openness
of the desert. We should be fine," the commander murmured, while Tom drew 
a blanket over him, before unthinkingly lying down beside him and spreading
it over both of them. For some reason, it didn't occur to him that it
wouldn't get cold enough to warrant sharing body heat. 

Tom grinned when he realized Chakotay was already mostly asleep and he 
settled in for the night, gazing up at the stars visible through the 
trees.

"Good night, Chakotay," he said softly, before moving a little closer, and
falling asleep.

~~~

Tom roused first the next morning, silently cursing the birds, or whatever
the equivalent there was, for waking him before dawn. Damn; he was up, he 
might as well get up. He felt nice and warm and opened his eyes to find 
himself curled around Chakotay again. He snorted, easing away quietly,
making sure the man was covered in blankets before he rose and stretched.
Looking around, he grabbed one of the tricorders and noticed it seemed to
work fine on the food and water they already had, as long as he held it
close enough. 

Still slightly chilly, he grabbed his jacket and one of their packs, got
his boots in hand and headed down the rocks, stomping into them before
heading out to look for fresh breakfast. It didn't take long and the sun
was just rising when he made his way back to their camp, pack about
half-full with fruit and what looked like green potatoes. Quietly digging
out utensils, he set up the kitchen, grinning as he wondered what Neelix
would make of it. The fire didn't take long and the tubers were roasting
nicely by the time Chakotay finally stirred.

The commander took one look at the food, the fire, and Tom's smirk, which
*dared* him to say something about doing it all himself, and sighed.

He opted for safe. "Beautiful morning," he said quietly, grinning at Tom's
laughter.

"Yes, it is," the pilot answered, forking a green potato into a bowl,
joined by some long, skinny, juicy things that almost tasted like
strawberries, even if they were yellow.

"I take it the tricorders are working again," Chakotay remarked, digging 
in with hunger for real food. 

"This one is," Tom said, nodding to the one next to him. "I can't speak 
for the others. According to this tricorder, the turtle-like things and 
the sort-of-fish are perfectly safe to eat."

Chakotay chuckled. "Maybe we can figure out how to catch a 'sort-of-fish'
for lunch," he grinned around the hot potato in his mouth as Tom smiled 
and nodded.

"It feels pretty weird that there isn't anything we really *have* to do,"
Tom commented.

"Getting bored already?" Chakotay teased.

"Not yet," Tom said thoughtfully, "but I could see it happening."

Chakotay nodded over to where the PADDs were stashed. "Anything 
interesting in them to keep us busy?"

Tom shrugged. "A few books, a half-done holoprogram. Not that much, 
actually."

Chakotay sighed. "We'll find something to occupy ourselves," he murmured,
planning what they should be doing that day. He didn't see the speculative
look his comment brought to the lieutenant's face. 

"So," Tom shook himself, "what's on the agenda for the day?"

"I thought we'd spread out a little, see what's here. Make sure the
tricorders are working again by having them check out a larger area. We
might find someplace we'd rather spend our time here in, although I can't
imagine anywhere nicer," Chakotay concluded, looking around.

"I'd rather stay right here, even if we do," Tom said hurriedly, looking
away when Chakotay glanced at him curiously.

Tom shrugged under his regard. "I like it here," he said quietly, eyes
drawn up to watch a bird-like creature soaring over the trees.

"So do I," Chakotay agreed, seeing Tom twist around to follow the bird's
flight, not really aware of how intently he was watching the other man 
until Tom turned back to face him.  The questioning look in those blue 
eyes snapped Chakotay out of it. "You finished?" he asked quickly, nodding to
Tom's empty bowl.

The pilot nodded, standing, and Chakotay rose also, hand held out for 
Tom's utensils.

"You cooked, I'll clean," he offered, grinning at the younger man's raised
eyebrow.

"You're so domestic," Tom drawled. "I never knew."

Chakotay snorted, heading down the large stones. "There's a lot you don't
know about me, Tom," he called out, leaving Paris to wonder exactly what
else he was referring to.

~~~

They spent the rest of the morning mapping out their 'territory.' Walking
several miles through the sometimes-dense woods wore them out, but they
both came to the conclusion that they had the pick of spots, already. 

Making their way back to camp, they grew quiet, each lost in his own
thoughts. Chakotay had seen Tom's attention stray skyward several times as
the large, bird-like creatures soared overhead. He had every confidence
that Voyager would, eventually, bring them both home, but steeled himself 
to the possibility of having to remain here, just in case. He wouldn't
mind, for himself, if it came to that. But he knew that Tom's place was
flying and he also knew how miserable the man would be if he wasn't able
to. He found himself wishing Voyager would make quick work of getting them
back, more so for Tom than for himself, and *that* thought filled his 
mind. Wondering why it was so important to him that Tom get back to 
Voyager and soon.

Tom was busy thinking about how Chakotay seemed to be in his element on
this planet, more at home than he'd ever seen him. He could easily 
envision the man spending the rest of his life in such a place. The first officer
had 'command' written all over him but Tom saw his pleasure at being where
they were and wondered at it. Why was he so...happy, here? He found 
himself wishing Voyager's crew would take their time in bringing them home, even
though he was burning to get back to the conn, just to give Chakotay more 
time to enjoy *being* happy. Gods knew, the man had smiled more in the 
last five days on this planet than Tom could remember him doing in the last 
five months. He caught himself, wondering why *that* was so important to 
him, more important than getting back in the pilot's seat, and walked on,
frowning slightly.

Chakotay saw the frown and before he could question its presence, saw the
other man's face soften as another winged creature flew overhead. He
sighed, and fervently hoped Voyager would hurry, as he smiled at Tom's
obvious delight.

Tom caught the smile out of the corner of his eye and prayed to every 
deity in every culture he'd encountered that the crew would take their time 
and not bring them home too soon.

~~~

As sunset settled over them, they got a fire going, more for light than 
for warmth. The 'sort-of-fish' had proven to be pathetically easy to catch 
and they had caught their fill, feasting on them, as well as the tubers and 
fruit.  Now, Tom was sprawled next to the fire, trying to read a novel he'd found
on one of the PADDs. He kept getting distracted, his mind not really on 
the words, and finally he gave up, tossing it aside with a sigh.

"No good?" Chakotay asked quietly, from his spot against the wall, where
he'd spent the last hour silently watching the younger man. 

"Can't concentrate," Tom grumbled, reaching out to grab his jacket and 
pull it on to ward off the evening's chill. A faint breeze caught the back of
his neck, making him shiver, and the commander was up and feeding the fire 
before the lieutenant could draw another breath.

Chakotay sat down at Tom's side, staring into the fire for a few moments,
before a hand waving in front of his face captured his attention. He 
looked up to see Paris looking at him bemusedly.

"You okay?" Tom asked quietly, arms wrapped around his knees as he watched
the flames throw shadows across the commander's face. If it hadn't been 
for the slight smile, his features would've appeared to have been carved 
from stone.

"Yeah, fine. Fire's always had this mesmerizing effect on me," Chakotay
admitted sheepishly, wondering why the hell he was telling Tom this. "I
could stare at it for hours, totally lose myself in it. It actually brought 
me into a meditative state once, just from watching the flames," he 
finished softly, watching the flickering light dance around the pilot's
face and through his hair, changing it from gold to red and back again.

Tom nodded. "It's almost like it's a living thing," he said quietly,
unaware of the commander's thoughts. "It breathes, feeds, moves," he 
looked up at Chakotay, swallowing slightly at the intensity of the look he saw
being turned on him. "It consumes everything in its path, as long as
there's oxygen and something to burn," he finished softly, looking with
faint puzzlement at the man seated next to him. 

"And it's absolutely beautiful," Chakotay whispered, somewhat startled to
see his hand reaching for Tom's. He attempted to draw it back but the
pilot's own hand shot out to grasp his. 

"And incredibly seductive," Tom murmured, smiling slightly at the flicker 
of surprise crossing the commander's face. His eyes closed as Chakotay's
other hand came up to his hair, hesitant fingers playing with the burnished 
waves as they curled around them. He sighed, blissfully content, when 
those same fingers lightly followed the contours of his face, tracing the
eyebrows, nose, cheekbones, chin and, finally, his lips. Tom laced his own
fingers through the ones on his face and held them there.

Chakotay inhaled sharply as dark blue eyes opened slowly to meet his own
and he tightened his fingers around Tom's. He swallowed heavily,
unaccountably nervous all of a sudden.

"Is this a problem?" he asked, not really wanting an honest answer if the
answer was 'yes.' He sighed his relief as Tom shook his head, lowering
Chakotay's hand but not letting go of it.

"Not a problem, at all," Tom said quietly. "These last few days have been
really great, Chakotay. I've enjoyed the hell out of them. Well," he 
amended, seeing the wry look on the other man's face, "not every minute of
them. You scared the hell out of me when you disappeared from the
transporter beam. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to get you back
then, suddenly, there you were."

"That makes twice you've saved my life, directly," Chakotay reminded him, 
grinning at Tom's grimace.

"I don't mean to keep throwing that in your face," he started, when
Chakotay interrupted him. 

"You've only done it once, that I remember," the commander said, stroking
the back of Tom's hand with his thumb.

"You've got a generous memory," Tom returned, smiling at Chakotay's laugh.
"You've also got a great smile. Seriously," he said, when the other man's 
face curled into a derisive look. "I should know, I've seen it an awful 
lot these last few days."

Chakotay snorted. "I couldn't help it. As soon as you figured out what 
made me laugh, you never let up."

"No way, Chakotay. I didn't change anything, *you* just appreciate my 
humor more," Tom shot back, grinning.

"That's entirely possible," Chakotay allowed, smiling as Tom's fingers 
tightened around his own.  "There are many things about you I appreciate
more than I ever thought I could," he said quietly.

"You, too," Tom agreed softly. "I don't think I ever would have seen this
as a possibility four years ago, when we saw each other on Voyager again.
You were *not* pleased."

Chakotay nodded, reluctantly. "True," he admitted. "*Neither* of us was
particularly glad to see the other, that day. How things have changed," he 
mused.

"We've changed," Tom stated.

"Yes, we have." Chakotay couldn't have agreed more. He gazed at Tom,
uncertain of what the next move should be. His eyes widened to see Tom
leaning towards him, eyes focused on his mouth. He smiled slightly. <Trust
Paris to know> he thought, before he felt warm lips touching his own, a
gentle hand holding his face. His eyes slid shut and he found himself 
moving closer to Tom, hand coming to rest on his shoulder, arm sliding
around his waist. He backed away, suddenly breathless, and laid his 
forehead on Tom's shoulder. 

Tom swallowed, breathing through his mouth, trying to get his shaky control 
back again. His hand wrapped around the back of Chakotay's head totally of
its own accord, fingers moving through the short, dark hair, a few 
somewhat lighter strands gleaming in the firelight. He brought his lips to kiss the
commander's neck, before strong arms enfolded him. Tom sighed, content,
returning the warm embrace, as Chakotay turned his head to watch the fire. 
The pilot rested his cheek against the man's head, hair fur-soft under it,
and closed his eyes, his breathing evening out, before he opened them and
joined Chakotay in gazing enraptured at the flames. 

~~~

Tom surfaced first the next morning and found himself completely encircled
by Chakotay's bare arms. It had been warm enough the night before; they
hadn't even needed the jackets of their uniforms. He lay quietly, watching
the smoke curl lazily upward from the remains of the previous night's 
fire, his head on the commander's shoulder as the man slept spooned around 
him. Tom sighed contentedly as warm breath fanned his ear and rolled back 
to watch Chakotay sleep. The arms about him tightened reflexively and he 
smiled, burrowing deeper, enjoying the warmth. 

Chakotay first became aware of the slight movement, then the accompanying
heat, and smiled slightly, eyes cracking open to see Tom looking back at
him. He relaxed his embrace around the man, allowing Tom to turn in his 
arms and settle against him again.

"Beautiful morning," he said softly, exhaling in peaceful pleasure when 
the pilot's head came to lay on his chest.

"Yes, it is," Tom responded quietly, not bothering to comment that Chakotay 
would have said the same thing, if it had been cloudy, rainy, and cold. It
was a beautiful morning. He sighed in resignation. "I know we should be
getting up, but I really don't want to," he stated, his tone indicating 
his reluctance to move at the moment. 

"When did I get this reputation for being a slave-driver?" Chakotay
wondered aloud. "Every time you're obviously happily occupied doing
something enjoyable, you remark on how you know it's time to get to work.
Why?" he queried softly.

"Some of it's you," Tom admitted. "You've got 'I'm in charge, taking
command, let's get cracking, and I mean now, mister' written all over you.
I don't want you thinking you need to pick up my slack, that's all."

"Is that why you got so upset yesterday, when I let you sleep and got our
'camp' organized? Because you thought I'd use it against you later?"
Chakotay was careful to keep his voice even but Tom could tell it was
really bothering him. 

"Partly," Tom said slowly. "I've been accused of coasting for most of my 
life, letting others do the work for me, supposedly because I thought I
shouldn't have to get my hands dirty. I just didn't want you thinking of 
me that way."

"I don't think of you that way," Chakotay assured him, before being
reminded of something. "You said partly. What's the rest of it?"

"I was a little concerned about you," Tom offered, shrugging, before
Chakotay's arms tightened around him. "You looked like hell when I got 
your transporter signal back, got you back. *You* should've been the one 
taking it easy."

"I'm fine. I *am*," Chakotay said, running a hand along Tom's shoulder.
"The dizziness and disorientation are totally gone. I feel pretty damned
good, actually," he said lightly, smiling at Tom's snort, knowing the
younger man was refraining from stating the obvious.

"We're not on a timetable, it's still early, and there isn't really
anything we *have* to do," Chakotay murmured into Tom's hair. 

"Are you suggesting we *loaf*?" Tom asked, as though horrified by the 
idea. He felt the shaking against him that signaled the commander's laughter.

"That bad, huh?" Chakotay asked, smiling. "Well, we could get up, gather
some wood we really don't need, find some food we really don't need, or
wander aimlessly around in the woods, if you'd rather."

Tom pretended to think about it. "I *suppose* it's okay if we stay here a
while longer, Commander," he said, with exaggerated reluctance.

Chakotay sighed his satisfaction. "I knew you'd come around to my way of
thinking eventually, Lieutenant."

"I *can* be reasonable, you know," Tom drawled lightly.

Chakotay brushed his cheek against Tom's hair, grinning. "Very 
reasonable," he agreed.

He held Tom in silence for a few more minutes, before he noticed the other
man's restless stirring. He loosened his embrace and the pilot looked up 
at him, grinning wryly. 

"I've never been good at being still for very long," Tom apologized 
quietly.

"I can see that," Chakotay said gently, letting Tom go before sitting up.
The man was on his feet in a heartbeat.

"I'm going to grab a bath," Tom decided after roaming the small space for 
a moment. He dropped down to kiss Chakotay again. Almost an invitation, but
not quite. Not just yet.

The commander picked up on it. "You go on," he encouraged. "I'm going to
commune with the Spirits for a while." Another quick kiss and Tom was off,
nimbly bounding down the rocks with the agility of a mountain goat.
Chakotay settled in and tried to clear his mind, focus his thoughts, but it
proved impossible after several failed attempts. All that wanted to run
through his mind was the fact that Tom was many feet below him. Naked. 

The commander sighed, running a hand over his face. He was determined to
take this slowly, whatever this was. He didn't want to miss a single step
along the way knowing that, in many instances, the final destination was
less important than the journey one took to get there. And he didn't want
to rush into it, skip over something important. Not with Tom. 

He sighed again, feeling the anticipation yield to contentment, to
rightness, and let that feeling sweep through him cleanly, brushing his 
doubts aside. Sunlight fell on him; he could feel the warmth on his back
through the tank top he wore but remembered gentle hands on him, so much 
warmer. The quiet surrounding him washed over him and the tension slipped
away unnoticed as he began to relax into his breathing. Steadily, deeply,
his chest rose and fell and he caught an awareness of his lungs working,
his heart beating, the blood flowing through his body. Dimly, he heard the
calls and cries of the creatures around him but his journey was inward,
this time, to know his heart and mind. Many minutes passed, then many 
more, as he delved deeper into his feelings and thoughts and laid bare some
things that hadn't seen light in far too long. Old regrets, grudges,
animosity; they all fled when brought out of the shadows inside him until
only an incredible lightness filled him, changing, like oil on water, from 
sun-gold to fire-red.

Chakotay became aware that his eyes were partly open, yet the light
remained right in front of him and he reached out a hand to touch it. His
eyes startled themselves wide open when his fingers encountered softness,
and not the flame he'd been expecting.

Tom closed his eyes, feeling Chakotay's fingers glide through his hair, 
and sighed. Nice. A soft touch of a hand on his cheek made him open his eyes
and he smiled tentatively at the look of surprise on Chakotay's face. 
"Am I intruding?" he asked almost silently, not wanting to disturb the
peace surrounding the man before him. Chakotay had still been sitting there
when Tom had returned, dark skin washed bright in sunshine, faintly 
smiling. Tom had been watching him for the last hour or so, the even
breathing, the eyes moving behind closed lids as if in REM sleep,
fascinated by the stillness of the man. He hadn't noticed that his own
breathing was slowing to match, growing deeper every minute he sat there,
mirroring the commander, until he had felt a lightheadedness, the clarity
of which had startled him into alertness again. Then, he had seen
Chakotay's eyes half-opened, yet unseeing, he'd thought, until a hand had
reached out and settled on his head. Nice, indeed.

"No," Chakotay answered quietly, fingers touching Tom's face with measured
strokes. "You're not an intrusion."

"Where do you go?" Tom asked softly.

"This time, within," Chakotay replied, caressing Tom's face one last time
then raising his arms to stretch. "How long was I there?"

"I've been back for about an hour," Tom said, grinning as surprise crossed
the other man's face again.

"What have you been doing all this time?" Chakotay asked him, somewhat
amazed that he hadn't noticed Tom up and moving around.

"Watching you," Tom admitted, shrugging, as he wrapped his arms around his 
drawn up knees.

"The stillness sneak up on you?" Chakotay asked with a gentle smile.

"Yeah," Tom chuckled. "It's contagious," he paused, looking at the ground
for a minute. 

Chakotay just waited, enjoying the contentment permeating the air around 
him. 

"You looked so...calm," Tom said. "So...almost happy. You were smiling."

"I was discovering some things I'd ignored for far too long," Chakotay 
told him. "Making some decisions. About us. About you," he said slowly, the
words bringing Tom's head up.

"Have we started something, here?" Tom asked him. 

"I hope so," Chakotay answered honestly.

Tom nodded thoughtfully. "Me, too."

"I want us to take our time," Chakotay said.

"'Slowly' is about as much of a stranger to me as 'still' is," Tom admitted
sheepishly.  "Usually, when I see something I want, I go right after it."

"So go after it," Chakotay grinned. "Just go slowly."

Tom snorted, then laughed, and felt his insides warm when Chakotay laughed
with him. Gods, the man was beautiful when he was happy and Tom resolved 
at that moment to make sure he stayed that way.

"Hungry?" Tom asked, feeling his own hollowness within.

"I could eat," Chakotay acknowledged, looking around for the stash of 
fruit. 

"Most of it's gone, already," Tom informed him, catching the searching
gaze. "But there's plenty more where that came from," he said, as he 
sprang to his feet and brought Chakotay his boots before grabbing his own.

"Let's go," the commander replied, taking Tom's hand up, holding it longer
than absolutely necessary. Spirits, he loved that smile.

Tom couldn't *stop* smiling. He knew he probably looked like an idiot, but
he really didn't care. 

They headed down the rocks, grabbing one of the empty packs on their way,
and quickly began scouting around for food as soon as they got their boots
on. Chakotay grinned, noticing that Tom seemed to be eating as much as he 
gathered.

"What?" Tom asked, mouth full of pale green berries that tasted faintly of
something like mint. 

"You're eating half of what you're picking," Chakotay told him. 

Tom shrugged. "Saves time," he answered, swallowing. "My cousins and I 
used to get thrown out of my grandmother's house, when they couldn't stand us
running around inside anymore, and sent out to pick raspberries for tarts.
Or blueberries for muffins. Strawberries for pies. Whatever was in season.
At least, *I* would pick; *they* would eat," Tom grumbled fondly, 
remembering.

"Doesn't sound fair," Chakotay sympathized, grinning at the fact that they
were picking up where they had left off before they got stranded, swapping
histories and anecdotes.

"Gran gave me first choice at whatever she made with them, it worked out,"
Tom grinned impishly, giving Chakotay a too-brief glimpse of what a young
Tom Paris might have looked like.

"Sounds better," Chakotay agreed, filling the sections of the pack with a
variety of berries and nuts. He bent down, checking out one that looked
sort of like a chestnut. The tricorder said it was edible. "Bet these 
would be good roasted." He stood, seeing Tom move off.

"There're more over here," Tom called out, looking upward to see if he 
could tell which tree they had fallen from. Nope. They filled the last two
sections, both of them looking forward to the fire later.

"We used to eat roasted nuts until we were close to exploding, when I was 
a kid," Chakotay was about to heft the pack, when Tom frowned and held out
his hand for it. He only hesitated a second before passing it to him, 
actually glad to let the younger man take it. "Fall was one of my favorite
seasons for that very reason," he continued, letting Tom lead the way back
toward home. 

"Not me," Tom disagreed. "*Summer*," he stated emphatically. "Water-skiing.
Surfing. Sailing."

"All water sports," Chakotay observed, as they took off their boots before
climbing back up the rocks.

"Yeah, the non-frozen type," Tom grinned at another memory. "Harry seems 
to be of the opinion that anyone who can water-ski should also be able to ski
on snow."

"Didn't know he skied," Chakotay said, ducking under a branch.

"Like a maniac," Tom laughed back at him. "He's a winter person, big time.
Loves snow. Gods, I *hate* the stuff."

"So, how are the skiing lessons going?" the commander asked, following Tom
into their 'penthouse.'

"I'm hopeless on snow. Harry's this close to giving up on me," Tom
chuckled, before turning sober, wondering when he'd see his friend again.

"He'd never do that," Chakotay murmured, his quiet comment having two
meanings. Tom's expression told him that he'd caught both of them. "He's a
good friend."

"Has been since the beginning," Tom agreed instantly, emptying out the 
pack and setting the nuts aside for later in the evening. It would still be 
cool enough for a fire, even though it was pretty warm at the moment, heading
into early afternoon. 

Chakotay walked over to their gear and opened the medkit to give them both
their daily hypospray. Tom just closed his eyes at the faint hiss against
his neck, before he opened them again and wandered around the small space
aimlessly.

"You feel like a swim?" he asked, already getting restless.

Chakotay nodded. "That water thing again."

"Can't help it," Tom replied, shucking off most of his clothes. "Mom always
said I should have been born with gills," he straightened up, grinning
rakishly as Chakotay laughed, glad they *could* laugh about that warp ten
experience, now, how Tom had evolved into something resembling a giant,
pink catfish with feet. 

"Spirits, that was an adventure," Chakotay said, trying to contain his 
laughter and failing as he got rid of his own clothing.

"Yeah, story of my life," Tom said with a faint grin, shaking his head.

"I think you've used up your allotment," Chakotay assured him, clasping 
his shoulder.

"You'd think so, wouldn't you?" Tom asked, before taking off down the 
rocks at near-warp, Chakotay following a bit more carefully.

They spent hours in the water, or rather *Tom* spent hours in the water;
Chakotay spent hours watching Tom, until the man finally exhausted himself 
and joined him on the warm, sun-drenched rock.

"I think we've set the tone for the rest of our time here," Tom murmured
drowsily, letting the wind and sun dry him. 

"I think you're right," the commander replied quietly, moving closer to
Tom, who opened one eye and smiled. Chakotay lay next to him and held his
arm out. "Come here," he said softly.

"I'm wet," Tom protested half-heartedly, already slipping into Chakotay's
arms.

"I don't care."

Tom threw an arm across Chakotay's chest and sighed as warm fingers ran
though his hair, stirring it, letting it dry quicker in the gentle breeze.
"Mmmm. That feels nice," he whispered.

"Very nice," Chakotay agreed, wishing his heart wasn't threatening to beat
right out of his chest as Tom brushed a path along his ribs with his 
fingertips. He wasn't sure when he'd gotten so used to touching the man, 
but it seemed to be the same for Tom. The pilot settled in a little more 
comfortably and Chakotay stilled, wondering if the restlessness was
catching up with him for a minute. He breathed deliberately, deeply, 
paying attention to his own body to distract himself from Tom's.

Tom closed his eyes and listened to the commander breathing, felt the 
lungs expand, the chest move. He placed his hand over the man's heart and felt 
its strong, steady pounding. His own breathing slowed and deepened,
matching Chakotay's, and he wasn't even aware of it. But Chakotay was.

"Listen to your heartbeat," Chakotay murmured, trying to get Tom to focus 
on himself. "Breathe in...and out. Hear each beat of your heart. The blood
pumping through your body. Breathe. Follow the air inward. Feel your lungs
fill. And empty. And fill. And empty." He took Tom's hand and placed it on
the man's own chest, flattening it against the skin, and moved out from 
under him. 

Tom's eyes shot open, until he saw the commander stretch out right next to
him, lying on his back. He rolled backward until his position mirrored
Chakotay's, his left hand still over his own heart. A warm hand grasped 
his right and he smiled and turned his head to find Chakotay looking at 
him, his own right hand on his chest.

"Hear it," Chakotay whispered, his palm touching his chest in time to his 
heartbeat. Thump, thump. Touch, touch.

Tom copied his movements, watching his breathing, feeling his heart under
the palm of his hand. Thump, thump. He felt faint squeezes, barely
noticeable, on the hand Chakotay held. Thump, thump. His heart leaped
forward a few beats when he realized they were beating in synch and his 
head turned again to look at the man at his side, blue eyes wide with
astonishment.

"Relax, Tom," Chakotay whispered, his voice low and hypnotic and oh, so
soft. "I'm right here. Breathe. That's it," he crooned, seeing Tom's head 
straighten again, eyes falling shut, his hand lightly tapping his chest in
time to the beat of his heart, slowing gradually, until they were back
together again.

Tom felt wonderful and let himself drift, the light touches of his hand on
his chest not letting him fall asleep, but he still felt like he was falling into 
something, someplace. He breathed carefully, as Chakotay had 
told him to, and became aware of things within himself. He let his mind
wander and wasn't surprised when it focused on the man next to him. Past.
Present. Future? 

A sigh merged into an exhalation as he found he was seriously hoping there
was a future for them. Beyond this place, this time. He thought through it,
honestly, and felt no apprehension at all, just anticipation at the idea of
the two of them, together. He remembered the times he and Chakotay had had
to rely on one another, been thrown together in circumstance. He remembered
how well they'd worked together, when they had to, early on, and realized
he'd actually looked forward to the most recent occasions they'd paired 
up, including this one. His mind wrapped around the last few days and he 
smiled inwardly, not knowing Chakotay was watching as the echo of it crossed his
face. 

The commander was surprised Tom hadn't surfaced on his own, yet. With the
exception of the hand on his chest echoing his own heartbeat, he'd been
totally still for the last half hour, probably a personal record for him,
Chakotay thought fondly. He debated bringing Tom back, but left him be.
Most people found their way with no assistance and he wanted Tom to learn
to appreciate and enjoy the inner quiet. He gazed at him silently, his hand 
holding Tom's, slight squeezes still keeping time with his own heartbeat.
The younger man was as at peace as he had ever seen him, slight smile
turning the corners of his mouth. Chakotay shook his head; the pilot would
never believe it. 

Tom felt he was sinking deeper, being drawn further inward, when the loud
cry of a bird shocked his eyes open. He immediately sought out Chakotay's
and felt the reassuring grip on his hand as his heart slowed back down. 
His smile widened as he stretched, sitting up.

"Thank you," he said quietly, rubbing his arms at the slight chill in the
air. The sun seemed to be a little lower as well and he frowned at it. "How 
long?" he asked, turning back toward Chakotay, who rose up next to him and
put a warm arm around his shoulders.

"Over half an hour," Chakotay watched Tom's eyes widen and smiled.

The pilot just shook his head, grinning back at the commander. "That's
something of a surprise," he admitted.

"Good journey?" Chakotay asked, and watched as Tom grew pensive, then 
nodded.

"Yeah," he said distantly, before shaking himself out of it and meeting the
warm brown eyes resting on him. 

"I'm glad," Chakotay said simply, frowning at the goosebumps rising on
Tom's arms. "Clothes," he said, in what was almost the 'command voice' and
stood up, helping Tom to his feet.

"And a fire," Tom suggested, noting it was pushing sundown.

"And a fire," Chakotay agreed, not letting go of Tom's hand as they started
back up the rocks.

~~~

Chakotay let Tom shiver back into his clothes while he stirred up the
banked embers, added some twigs and small branches, and got the fire going
again. By the time Tom was dressed in his tank and uniform slacks, the
flames were casting dancing shadows over rock walls already lit with the
sunset. 

The commander walked over to their gear to get the nuts and brought back a
double handful, clearing a circle in the middle of the fire, then dumping
them in, moving them into a single layer with a stick. He grinned as they
started hissing almost immediately.

Tom walked over to check on his progress and caught the moment Chakotay's
smile became a frown. 

"What's wrong?" he asked, moving closer to the wonderful warmth, slightly
distracted by the firelight playing with the commander's body, which was
still only dressed in shorts.

"I think I'm forgetting something," Chakotay muttered, looking around.

"What?"

"I can't remember," Chakotay shook his head and headed over to the one of
the canteens for a drink. The hissing had become almost a whistling and 
his attention was drawn back to the fire. As Tom pushed a stick in to stir the
nuts around and get them evenly roasted, Chakotay suddenly remembered what
he'd forgotten.

The sound of a canteen hitting the ground brought Tom's head up, right
before Chakotay came at him at near-lightspeed, knocking him flat to the
ground just an instant before the popping and cracking started as the nuts
exploded out of the fire, covering Chakotay's side and face with hot nut
and shell shrapnel.

Tom looked up in shock at Chakotay, who turned his head to glare at the
fire, as if it were responsible for the hot pieces of nut meat that were
now sticking to him. Tom's shaking drew Chakotay's attention, only to find 
the man helplessly trying not to laugh. The pilot scraped some slightly
gooey bits from Chakotay's shoulder and licked his finger off.

"You're right, this is delicious," he said with an almost straight face, 
until Chakotay's scathing look made him lose it. "I'm sorry," he said
quickly, taking the commander's arm as the man made as if to move off of
him. "I'm not making fun of you, really," he assured. "But you've got to
admit, this is pretty hilarious."

Chakotay snorted, settling between Tom's legs again, and used his fingers
to pull some of the nut off the side of the other man's face, where it had 
ended up when it had somehow missed his own. "Delicious," he admitted,
grinning reluctantly.

"I take it this has something to do with what you forgot," Tom reminded
him, removing some more pieces from the side of the commander's neck.

Chakotay nodded, watching Tom lick his fingers clean. "You're supposed to
crack them a little, to let the steam out, so they don't explode," he 
murmured abashedly, meeting Tom's eyes cautiously before leaning down to
lick the bits and pieces from the man's chin. 

"I thought you said you ate roasted nuts until *you* damned near exploded,
not until *they* did," Tom said with a soft sigh, enjoying the attention
Chakotay was lavishing on his neck. His sigh gathered a little more volume
and almost became a moan when Chakotay moved further down his neck and 
onto his shoulder. He reached up to try and get a grip on the commander's hair, 
in order to pull him back and let him have a turn, when the man tilted his 
head and a hot tongue found his wrist. His groan seemed to bring Chakotay
out of it and Tom grinned shakily, watching the other man's eyes gradually
come back into focus. 

Chakotay's hand caught Tom's before those clever fingers could do more 
than play with his hair. He sighed, then rolled off Tom, silencing the expected
protest with his mouth. 

Tom turned onto his side and wrapped his arms around the commander's 
warmth and threw a leg over Chakotay's to keep him where he was so he could 
return the kisses he was getting. They started and stopped and started again 
until they were both breathless and, he noticed as Chakotay moved against him, 
hard as the rocks that surrounded them. He tried to pull Chakotay back on
top of him, missing his weight and the feeling of security he'd had, but
the man resisted, and moved back a little, hushing Tom with another soft 
kiss.

"Too soon," he murmured against the pilot's lips and swallowed the
resulting sigh the man exhaled.

"I knew you were going to say that," Tom complained fondly. 

"Because you know it, too," the commander reasoned, catching Tom's eyes as
the pilot grudgingly nodded, admitting it. "Besides," Chakotay said with a
gentle smile, "delayed gratification builds character."

Tom snorted. "Do you really want me to be more of a character than I
already am?" he asked, mischief in his eyes, his grin turning to laughter
as he felt Chakotay chuckle against him. 

The commander moved back, grimacing at the stickiness on both of them. "We
really need to get cleaned up," he mentioned, backing away, climbing to 
his feet, then stretching out a hand to Tom. He stilled suddenly, freezing in
mid-movement, then swallowed heavily and pulled the other man to his feet
before turning away from him.

"Hey, wait a minute," Tom's soft voice caught him and compelled him to 
turn back around. "What's wrong?" he asked, frowning.

Chakotay took a deep breath and shook his head, faint smile flickering 
over his face like the firelight currently was. "Nothing," he said quietly,
touching a hand to Tom's shoulder. The pilot's hand moved quickly to
capture his own.

"Try again," Tom suggested carefully, still frowning.

Chakotay sighed and closed his eyes. "It's nothing you've done," he 
assured Tom. "At least, not deliberately. It's not like you can help it."

"Okay, *now* I'm worried," Tom said, moving even closer to the commander.
"What did I do? Tell me," he pleaded softly.

Chakotay remembered how the feeling had hit him, seeing Tom lying on the
ground, lips softly parted and smiling, eyes dark, pale skin and golden
hair glowing as sunset and firelight fought over which could make him the
most beautiful. Gods, even the memory was enough to... He came back to
himself abruptly and found Tom looking at him with an odd expression on 
his face.

"You're just so...damned..." the sentence faded from his lips the instant
Tom's touched them and the two men kissed again and again until they
couldn't breathe. Chakotay eased back and saw Tom still had his eyes shut
and was swaying slightly on his feet. "Spirits, even more so..." and the
comment disappeared when Tom's eyes opened, the flame within them hotter 
than the fire crackling merrily away at their feet. 

Tom cleared his throat, then spoke, roughly. "You said something about
getting cleaned up?" he asked, willing to wait if Chakotay felt it necessary,
even though he wanted nothing more than to take the man in his 
arms and slowly bear him to the ground and.

"Yes, we'd better," Chakotay replied, but made no move to the stone steps
heading down to the pool until Tom took his hand and led the way,
gracefully descending until his feet landed on the last shadowed rock. The
fire of the sunset had gone below the horizon at the lower level, leaving
everything tinged with bluish-violet as it got darker. They could barely
see the movement of the water in front of them. 

Tom walked to the pool and kicked at the surface with a foot, finding it
still reasonably warm, more so than the air around them, even. He turned 
to see Chakotay's dark gaze still on him and slowly untucked the tank he was
wearing, crossed his arms as he drew it over his head, then tossed it
aside, hoping he'd remember to clean it later. 

Chakotay stood mesmerized, watching Tom unselfconsciously stripping before
him. The last of the light was catching the younger man from the side,
coloring half his slender frame, while leaving the other half in shadow. A
soft smile crossed the commander's face at the thought that Tom was not a
creature meant for darkness. The glow that sunlight gave him seemed banked
and it struck Chakotay as wrong, somehow, as he silently approached the 
pilot.

Tom's breathing quickened as Chakotay walked toward him and came to stand
in front of him. Dark hands shot out to cover his when Tom moved to
unfasten his slacks and drew them back to his sides before taking their
places. Chakotay's eyes never left his own as sure hands undid the
fastenings and let the pants drop, allowing Tom to kick them away. The
pilot swallowed heavily, feeling like he was gasping for breath, and
started noticeably when warm hands came to rest on his chest. Tom had to
drop his eyes from the ones currently burning holes right through him and
turned toward the quiet, still pool. A gentle touch on his shoulder 
stopped him cold.

"You always bathe with clothes on?" Chakotay whispered hoarsely, eyeing 
his long shorts and the evident hardness within.

"No," Tom whispered back, shaking his head slightly.

"No need to start now, on my account," Chakotay returned, then waited,
leaving the decision up to Tom. His already fast-beating heart sped up
impossibly as Tom's fingers slipped under the waistband of his shorts and
slowly slid them down the long legs and off before they joined the growing
pile of clothing at his side. 

Tom shivered as he felt Chakotay's eyes caress him, moving slowly up his 
body with only a slight pause on the way. He wondered why it didn't bother
him in the slightest, standing before the commander, naked and aroused,
until the man's hands grasped his own shorts and pulled them down strong,
dark legs, then kicked them off, revealing his own sleek hardness. Tom 
felt what little breath he had left exit his lungs at a frightening speed 
as his eyes devoured Chakotay's body, a smile playing softly with his lips 
at the man's solid strength. His eyes rose, met the commander's, and widened at
the hot, hungry look staring back at him. 

"Chakotay," he murmured, stepping closer when the sound of his voice made 
the other man shudder.

"Slowly was a good idea," Chakotay said softly, placing an unsteady hand 
on Tom's lean hip. 

"Yeah, it was," Tom agreed, voice shaking as his hand found Chakotay's 
chest.

"It's just become unrealistic," the older man added, moving his hand down
Tom's thigh, as far as he could reach.

"Completely unrealistic," Tom whispered as his eyes shut, feeling the
slight breeze stroking his body much as Chakotay was, but not noticing the
chill in it at all. His eyes snapped open with a gasp as warm lips kissed
his neck and a tongue softly traced the curve of his ear with the lightest
touch imaginable.

Chakotay bit back a groan when hesitant fingertips skimmed over his 
backbone, brushing away some bits of the sticky nuts still clinging to his 
skin. The groan erupted from him despite his best efforts when a gentle
hand followed the curve of his hip. He moved even closer to Tom and heard 
the man's sharp inhalation when their erections touched. His hand dropped
and he grazed Tom's length with just the tips of his fingers and grinned as
Tom hissed at the tremulous contact. Warm, sweet lips kissed him with
passion-tinged desperation and, when a hot tongue caressed his, he found 
himself growing lightheaded, again. Glorious, that feeling was.

Tom held onto Chakotay as though the earth was moving beneath his feet. It
may well have been, for all he knew, as he brought himself closer to the
heat in his arms and felt Chakotay all along the length of his body, which
was crying out for deeper contact. He whimpered slightly when the other 
man eased gently away from him.

"Oh, Tom, I *wanted* to take this slowly. So I wouldn't miss anything,"
Chakotay mourned, brushing the hair he knew to be golden-red back from a
furrowed brow. He frowned as he saw the way the growing darkness stole the
light and color from Tom, leaving him so pale. It just wasn't right.

"Then, take me slowly," Tom whispered, "and you won't miss a thing."

Chakotay swallowed heavily and leaned forward, resting his forehead against
Tom's and brought his hands up to cradle the pilot's beautiful face. 
"Tomorrow," he said, with quiet firmness.

"Chakotay," Tom protested, feeling extremely frustrated until Chakotay
kissed him, hot and hard, hands molding themselves to his body. He reacted
instantly, taking as much as he was giving until his lips burned and he was
gently set away.

Chakotay stood there smiling, watching Tom's eyes clear and his breathing
gradually slow.  "Tonight, I want to touch you, hold you, learn your body
until I know it as well as my own. It'll probably take all night," he said
quietly, meeting Tom's growing grin.

"Then, tomorrow..." Tom began, understanding.

"Tomorrow, we take each other. Again, it'll probably last all night,"
Chakotay said, nuzzling Tom's ear with his nose, until the man trembled
against him, and moved them closer to the edge of the pool.

"So, what do we do first, tonight?" Tom asked, breath coming sharply as
teeth worried his neck, his jaw, his collarbone. His eyes closed in
delighted bliss and he sighed, melting against Chakotay.

"First," Chakotay murmured, "we get cleaned off." He moved a step away,
dropped a kiss on the end of Tom's nose, put gentle hands on the pilot's
strong shoulders.and shoved.

Tom went backward into the water, making a satisfying splash, and Chakotay
chuckled as he immediately came back up, sputtering.

"Oh, *that* was funn-eeeee," Tom growled, bringing up an arm to send a
small tidal wave at Chakotay, who leaped back from it. Tom nodded with
approval, then began swimming leisurely away from him. "Not bad reflexes,
for a man of your advanced years," he called out, stroking his way across
the surface of the pool.

"Why, you..." and with that aborted sentence, Chakotay dove in after him, 
making serious tracks towards Tom, only to find the man nowhere in sight
when he reached the opposite end of the pool. He looked around, treading
water, not able to see much yet. Of the two moons orbiting the planet, only
the smaller, dimmer one was currently visible and he growled in
frustration, until he saw Tom raise himself out of the water and stand on
the rock Chakotay had just pushed him off of. <Sneaky little...> Chakotay
thought fondly. <He must have doubled back and gone underneath me> He took
his time returning to the other bank, stretching the muscles deliberately,
enjoying the swim in the moonlit water until he reached the rocks and
stopped. And swallowed. And hardened himself, in more ways than one, to the
vision standing before him. 

"Tease," he muttered, watching Tom use his now-clean tank to wash off with,
back to him, arms over his head as he squeezed out the soaked fabric, 
sending a small cascade of water onto his head, over his shoulders, down
his back, over his ass and along his legs, until it pooled at his feet. Tom
turned around partway to throw a sultry smile over his shoulder and
Chakotay hardened even further.

"'Tease' implies that I'm tormenting you with something I won't let you
have, Commander," the lieutenant said quietly, as he walked over to
Chakotay and graciously helped him out of the water. "And we both know
that's not entirely accurate, don't we?" Tom asked him with that
devil's-own grin on his face again.

Chakotay snorted as Tom turned toward the pile of clothes and used his 
slacks to dry off with, before tossing them to him. He watched Tom shimmy
back into his shorts as he dried himself off and caught the shorts the
pilot threw his way. Pulling them on, he was aware of the man's frank
appraisal, but only answered it with a grin of his own, until he noticed
Tom's intent expression.

"What is it?" he asked softly, throwing the slacks over his arm.

"For the life of me, I don't know why you color your hair," Tom murmured.

"I went gray when I was in my twenties," Chakotay answered ruefully, not
even bothering to ask the pilot how he knew. "I wanted to enjoy my youth a
little while longer."

Tom shook his head. "It wouldn't be gray, it'd be silver," he argued with a
soft smile touching his lips. "And you'd look amazing in moonlight."

Chakotay almost snorted until he saw the totally serious look on Tom's
face. He nodded in thought. "I'll take it under advisement," he promised
with a smile on his face as Tom held a hand out to him and they headed back
up the rocks towards home. 

~~~

Chakotay hung Tom's uniform pants over a branch to dry and grinned at the
man, who was doing the same with the tank top. He walked over to the fire 
to add some more wood, careful to avoid the bits and pieces of nut that
were all over the rock floor near the flickering flames. He stopped short
with the wood still in his hands and sighed.

"What is it?" Tom asked, embracing him from behind and resting his chin on
the other man's shoulder.

"This is a mess," Chakotay indicated the remnants of exploded nuts covering
the floor. 

"Let's move the fire," Tom suggested. "The birds'll take care of the nuts
tomorrow and we can easily clean up the shells afterward."

Chakotay turned around slightly to face Tom and smiled. "Genius," he 
murmured, kissing the man lightly.

Tom backed away and shrugged. "I have my moments," he acknowledged with a
pleased grin.

It didn't take long to grab enough of the fire to start another and move 
the blankets and pads into a clean area. Chakotay added some more broken
branches and soon had a nice blaze going. 

Tom plunked down next to him, leaned into him and sighed contentedly as the
commander wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him closer.

"Tired?" Chakotay asked, rubbing Tom's cool shoulder with a warm hand. 
"Some," Tom admitted, before leaning back to look at him. "But not *too*
tired."

Chakotay smiled, moved forward to kiss Tom lightly, then pulled away. He
halted at the warmth in Tom's eyes and leaned in to kiss him again. A hand 
wrapped around his neck and he moaned softly as a hot tongue tangled with
his own. Deft fingers played with the hair at the base of his skull, then
worked their way gently through his hair, rubbing his scalp. He exhaled
quietly, breathing in nothing but contentment and rested his head on Tom's
shoulder, letting the pilot's warm, strong hands work their magic on his 
neck.

"That feels sooo good," he murmured, closing his eyes and enfolding Tom in
his arms. A light kiss on his head brought it up and the next kiss
unerringly targeted his mouth. Bull's-eye. He opened his eyes when Tom
moved away and returned the slight smile just turning the corners of the
other man's mouth. He shook his head as he watching the flames play over
Tom, nearly convinced he could see the man absorbing the light, storing it
for later.

"Now, what?" Tom asked at the odd look on Chakotay's face. 

"Firelight does the most incredible things to you," Chakotay murmured
quietly, aware he probably sounded like an idiot, but not really caring.
"It's like you're drinking it in, soaking it into your body, your hair. It
makes you glow," he finished, seeing Tom's smile and the faint blush just
staining his face.

"That has got to be the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me," 
Tom said thoughtfully, smiling at Chakotay's shrug.

"It's the truth," he said simply.

"I know," Tom said. "Anything less would be a total stranger to you."

Chakotay straightened up, looking at Tom silently for a moment. "Thank
you," he said softly, stroking the younger man's cheek.

"It's just the truth," Tom returned with a smile as he kissed Chakotay
lightly at first, then with greater need and intensity. Hands touched his 
face and he licked at warm lips, feeling them part under his tongue. The
mate to his own followed immediately and he lost track of everything in the
heat and passion that filled the next several moments. 

Chakotay backed away, stunned into silence at the look in Tom's eyes.

"I need to feel your hands on me, Chakotay," he whispered roughly, running
his own over strong, broad shoulders as Chakotay gently, carefully, laid
him down on the blanket. "Touch me. Please."

Tom's soft plea was completely irresistible and Chakotay didn't even put up
a token struggle. No point. Not when he so desperately wanted to touch the
man as much as Tom wanted to be touched. The backs of his fingers stroked
Tom's cheek and he smiled softly when warm lips kissed his wrist. Deft,
sure hands splayed over his shoulderblades, then began a gentle
almost-massage, a slight kneading of the muscles over his back. Chakotay
leaned forward to kiss Tom's forehead, brushing his lips across a temple,
an eyebrow, ruffling the faint hairs before smoothing them with his 
tongue.

He nuzzled Tom's nose with his own and his lips sought out a cheekbone,
tracing the curve and angle of it lightly. He dropped soft kisses across
Tom's face and felt the man arch up into the caress of his hand over a 
firm abdomen. The hand traveled up as the mouth went down and they 
collided on Tom's heaving chest, the pilot squirming under the tender attention.

Every nerve Tom had, and a few he'd been unaware of, were suddenly,
joyfully responding to every touch of hand on skin. His own fingers buried
themselves in the short silk of Chakotay's hair, then moved shakily down
the commander's neck and along his shoulders. He lifted his head to follow 
the trail blazed by his hands and found the harshly beating pulse with his 
lips. A lick triggered a soft hitch in the other man's breathing and a
second laving of his tongue over the collarbone brought on a shiver that
vibrated straight through his own body before it settled in his aching 
cock.

Chakotay was following Tom's ribs with his mouth, nibbling lightly as he 
crossed the pilot's chest back and forth and back again. A soft moan 
stopped him right over a hardened nipple and he licked it repeatedly until
Tom was moving beneath him in desperation. He grasped the hand closest to
his own and pulled Tom's arm upward, then moved to follow, lips trailing
from the shoulder along the upper arm and down to the elbow, where his 
tongue decided to get in on the act and licked a path down to the clenching
hand. He kissed his way along the fingers, then took the longest one into
his mouth and sucked it. The muffled cry that escaped Tom's lips brought
Chakotay's head up and he deliberately held eye contact as he kissed each
knuckle, then followed the fine bones in the wrist with his tongue again as
he backtracked along the pilot's quivering arm. He nibbled on the underside
as he made his way back from the elbow, holding Tom's arm over his head as
his tongue teased the tufts of hair then moved leisurely down the man's 
torso again, to the navel.

Tom's hands had balled into fists as Chakotay explored his body, but the
touch of a hot tongue along the planes of his stomach brought both hands 
to the commander's head, holding him still while he tried to calm his raging
heartbeat. He suddenly found both of his hands imprisoned by Chakotay's and
fought to free himself, trying to touch the other man. 

"Chakotay," he forced out between gritted teeth, but the hands holding his 
didn't let go.

"I said I wanted to touch you, hold you. Learn your body, all over,"
Chakotay reminded him as his hot tongue swirled around the pilot's navel.
"I never said I'd let you do the same."

"Damn you," Tom growled. "I *need* to touch you," and, with a strength born
of frustration, he flipped them both over, then slid rapidly down the
commander's body until he met his eyes. The heat of his own emotions
tangled with Chakotay's and he claimed the man's mouth in a searing kiss,
passion making him tremble as he tasted Chakotay, finding instead the taste
of his own skin flavoring the lips under his. Not good enough.

Chakotay groaned as Tom moved quickly downward, sharp teeth taking little
nips along his chest, down his sides, until he was squirming as much as Tom
had been. He jumped when those same teeth found the inside of one thigh,
while gentle fingers feathered along the other. Movement down his body
cleared his vision enough to see Tom kneeling between his knees, strong,
sure fingers grasping the fabric of his shorts and sliding them down his 
legs and tossing them carelessly aside. Hands worked back up his thighs,
gently, firmly, then began stroking downward past his knees, down toward
his feet, and back behind his legs, bending them until his feet were
planted flat on the blanket on either side of Tom. The soft touches on the
backs of his thighs were a stark contrast compared to the almost feral look
on Tom's face as the man carefully moved closer to him. 

Tom leaned forward, hands on each side of Chakotay's waist, and lowered 
his head until his nose was brushing Chakotay's stomach, making him shudder. He
moved slowly downward and grinned evilly when the sudden tightening of the
commander's body signaled his realization of Tom's intention. Only Tom's
chin and nose were touching Chakotay, as he worked his way smoothly
southward, blowing from time to time on the man's body, to watch the fine 
hairs stir, then still.

"Tom," Chakotay whispered, helplessly watching Tom move down his trembling
body until the blond head was directly over his groin. The pilot's nose
trailed along the length of his hardness and Chakotay jerked upward when
the tip of the man's tongue traced the path his nose had taken. A light
lick, followed by a longer one in no way prepared him for the hot, wet
mouth that suddenly surrounded him and he groaned, hips moving restlessly
as Tom sucked him. 

Tom licked Chakotay again, then took the man into his mouth, finally 
tasting him and only him. The soft, appreciative "hmmm" he uttered made the
commander moan when the sound reverberated along his shaft. His lips
caressed the throbbing cock as it slid past them, only to be tortured and
teased by his tongue. A firm hand on his shoulder brought his head up,
reluctantly.

"Come back up here," Chakotay rasped, far too close to coming, already.
Tom's last, hard suck almost did him in, but the man moved upward and soon
came to rest at his side. A gentle hand picked up where Tom's mouth had
left off and soon Chakotay was thrusting into it while the lieutenant's
mouth targeted his own.

Tom groaned loudly as Chakotay fondled him through the shorts he still
wore, until the other man sat up quickly and stripped them off of him, then
stopped, seemingly content to remain out of Tom's reach as he gently took
the pilot's cock and slowly stroked him to madness.

Chakotay shuddered when Tom moaned his name and sped up his hand just a
little, sliding easily over the silky skin of Tom's cock. The growing
tension in the gorgeous body laid out before him signaled the orgasm rising
within it and he sped up a bit more then leaned down to capture the pilot's
mouth with his. 

Tom's body tightened almost unbearably and arched upward, hips thrusting as
Chakotay jerked him off, until he heard himself crying out as he came,
shaking, the sound swallowed by his lover's mouth. He groaned and rolled
against the commander, who wiped his soaking-wet hand on the blanket next
to him and took him in his arms.

Chakotay held Tom until the aftershocks eased, petting his hair, rubbing
his back, as the man gradually recovered and began returning the attention.
He kissed Tom softly when he pulled back and grinned at the sated, tired
smile that now graced his lover's face, then inhaled sharply as he felt 
his own cock being touched.

"I want to taste you," Tom said quietly, hoping Chakotay would let him, 
now.

"Whatever you want," Chakotay agreed, sighing in sensory delight as Tom
kissed and licked his way down his body until that perfect mouth found his 
aching cock once again and devoured it. One hand tangled gently in Tom's
hair while the other clenched the blanket as the pilot settled between his 
thighs like he belonged there and sucked him deeply, hands wrapped around
his hips, holding him in place. 

Tom ignored Chakotay's gasps and pleas and moved harder, faster, along the
commander's rigid length. A tense grip of the fingers coiled in his hair
and the harsh breathing only served to make him speed up, taking as much of
the man as he could into his mouth and throat, tongue firmly stroking the
underside of the hot cock as it passed between his lips. 

Chakotay's groan merged into a low yell as his climax hit him, and he came,
filling Tom's mouth repeatedly as the man swallowed again and again until
he was utterly spent. Soft kisses on his thighs made him chuckle tiredly
and he tugged Tom up until they were nose to nose again. A rain of kisses
on his forehead brought his eyes open, to find Tom looking extremely
pleased with himself. He fumbled for the blanket, to draw it over them, but
Tom's hand found it first and pulled it up to cover them. Chakotay stroked
the cheek of the man at his side and smiled when Tom did. He moved a little
closer to the pilot, his lover, and sighed contentedly as long legs tangled
through his own.

Tom's eyes fell closed as he and Chakotay traded soft kisses, soothing each
other gently. A warm hand leisurely caressed his thigh, another rubbed his 
back, and he exhaled a long, drawn-out sigh of blissful contentment.

Chakotay "hmmm"ed quietly as Tom ran his hands through his hair, just
barely using his fingernails. It felt delightful and he dropped his head on
Tom's strong shoulder in abject surrender, urging his lover to continue.

"I could do this forever," Tom murmured, somewhat startled to find he'd
spoken the words out loud.

Chakotay nodded in complete agreement and brought his head up. "So could
I," he replied softly, eyes opening to find Tom's lips and tease them with
his own. He propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at the man in
his arms, the fading fire just beyond him throwing harsh ribbons of light
across his features. "You warm enough?" he asked, as Tom shivered 
slightly.

"It's not the temperature," Tom explained, dryly. "It's the look in your
eyes."

"What look?" Chakotay asked, puzzled.

"The look that tells me you're going to be all over me like wet on water as
soon as you think I've recovered enough," he said fondly, joining
Chakotay's laughter.

Chakotay shook with laughter. The comment wasn't that funny, but he was so
giddy, he would've lost it at anything Tom said, right then. He finished
chuckling quickly as warm lips found his own, teasing them apart for a
hungry, searching tongue to twine around his. Tom ran strong hands all over
his body, the once-soothing touches now turned feverish, and he groaned
with abandon.

Chakotay didn't have the will to protest when Tom moved over him and began
thrusting against his body, arousal hard and insistent along his own. His
hands roamed over Tom, before finding his ass and holding on. He gasped as
sharp teeth nipped his throat before biting into his earlobe, worrying it
lightly, until a hot mouth latched onto his neck and sucked harshly.
Spirits, he couldn't remember the last time a lover had been this reckless
about marking him. Then, he remembered it didn't matter a damn and grabbed
Tom roughly by the back of the neck and held him right where he was, 
moving quickly against the other man as long groans became short and hot. 
Tom nipped and bit and sucked until Chakotay was a writhing mass under 
him. And even then, he didn't stop. Suddenly, he found himself on his back,
looking up at black eyes, deep and bottomless, and barely had time to draw
a shaky breath before he was being ravished. The all-out assault on his 
senses left him quivering as Chakotay marked damned near every spot he 
could reach. Harsh hands in his hair pulled his head back and he cried out
as teeth found his neck, biting him and none too gently, either. He wrapped
his arms around his lover and moaned loudly as Chakotay sped up, sliding
against his sweat-licked skin. He cried out again when a hot hand grasped
his cock and gave in to the total surrender Chakotay was demanding of him. 
All he could do was hold on as his lover single-mindedly brought out and
captured his body's need for release. A faint near-scream sounded in his 
ears and his whole being shook with the force of what Chakotay was asking
for. He gave it to him, helpless to resist, as wave after wave broke over
him and he came, and came, and came.

Chakotay was more than slightly stunned at Tom's reaction, not to mention 
his own. The scream had shaken him and, as Tom's hands had tightened
painfully on him before his body poured out his climax, he had felt a
fierce, overpowering protectiveness for the man lying naked and trembling
in his arms. He pulled his lover in closer and rocked him slowly, murmuring
soft words of reassurance as the pilot's sobbing breaths eased and his body
relaxed.

Tom tried to move away, to release Chakotay, but the man was having none of
it.

"Don't go," Chakotay whispered. "I've got you. I'm here. You don't have to
let go."

"Gods, Chakotay," Tom breathed, utterly exhausted.

"I know, Tom," his lover said quietly, hands warm and comforting on his 
skin. "Me, too."

"I'll never make it to morning," Tom mumbled. "So much for taking all night."

Chakotay shrugged. "We can start again tomorrow," he suggested impishly, as
Tom shot a glare at him that went right through.

"Oh, *sure* we can," Tom said with faint sarcasm, before he thought about
it. "Actually, we can," he said softly, stroking Chakotay's hair as the 
man laid his head on Tom's shoulder.

"Good night, then," Chakotay whispered, turning his head to kiss Tom's 
chest.

"Good night, Chakotay," Tom murmured, dropping a kiss on his lover's head 
before falling into sleep.

~~~

Tom woke the next morning to find Chakotay already awake and watching him. 

"Morning, Beautiful," Chakotay said, leaning in to kiss his lover.

Tom returned the kiss softly and grinned when he realized the man at his 
side had slightly changed his normal way of greeting the day.

"What happened to 'beautiful morning'?"

Chakotay shrugged. "That, too," he allowed with a smile on his face as Tom
snorted. Another kiss led to yet another and soon they were kissing
passionately, still hungry for one another. Hunger of a different kind 
made itself known when Tom's stomach protested the fact that it hadn't 
seen food in far too long and Chakotay pulled away to smile down at the 
man in his arms.

"Let's get breakfast, before we do anything else," he suggested, kissing
Tom again before standing to stretch. A teasing hand running over his ankle
and up his leg made him jump and he mock-glared at the man still lying at
his feet.

"Up," he said, holding out a hand for Tom to take.

"Bath, first, *then* food." Tom insisted, grimacing at his appearance as 
he got to his feet.

Chakotay chuckled warmly. "Bath, first," he agreed readily and they grabbed
their shorts and headed down the rocks to the pool.

Chakotay had barely tossed his shorts to the side when a splash sounded
just behind him and he turned to find Tom already knifing through the
water. He dove in after his lover and they played cat and mouse for a
while, until they were too hungry to stay in any longer.

They hurriedly got out, threw on their shorts, and went looking for 
breakfast, eating as they walked, so they wouldn't take too much of the
available food from any one area.

The riotous chorus the birds were singing made Tom grin and Chakotay smiled
when he saw it.

"Damn, they're noisy," Tom muttered, looking up into the trees.

"Only fair," Chakotay commented lightly. "We were making a pretty good
racket last night." He paused and smiled, watching the faint flush creep
over Tom's fair skin.

Tom sighed, peering at his lover out of the corner of his eye. "And we'll
make another one tonight," he added, throwing a near-glare at Chakotay, who
laughed.

"Yes, we will," the commander agreed quietly. 

They walked back to the pool slowly, grinning at each other from time to
time, until Chakotay ran his fingers over Tom's shoulder, making him
shiver, and down his arm to take his hand. Tom's smile widened as they
laced their fingers together and continued on silently, hand in hand. 

Chakotay paused when the pool came into view and he saw his lover's soft
smile falter. "What's wrong?" he asked automatically, moving closer to Tom, 
who shook his head ruefully.

"I just thought about Voyager for the first time since we woke up this
morning," he said quietly.

"You're still up on me," Chakotay admitted in a murmur. "I haven't thought
about them since before we went to bed last night."

"I wish I could be more bothered about the fact that we may be stuck here 
for a very long time, but I *can't*," Tom lamented. "I love this place, I
love being here with you."

"I know," Chakotay nodded, putting his arms around the pilot. "Same here. 
It's beautiful and you're with me and we want for nothing."

Tom rested his chin on the older man's shoulder. "Part of me is going to
hate leaving."

"We'll have to take it with us, then," Chakotay suggested, running his 
fingers down Tom's cheek.

Tom thought for a minute and grinned suddenly. "The tricorders," he said,
looking delightedly at his lover. "We'll take readings about every aspect
of this world, make notes on everything. And when we get back..."

"You can work them into the holoprogram you'll be making of it," Chakotay
followed along, sharing Tom's smile. "Genius," he said softly, kissing the
man tenderly.

"I have my moments," Tom murmured against the warm lips caressing his own
before a fire-hot tongue touched his and he groaned.

"Yes, you do," Chakotay whispered huskily, breath warm in Tom's ear. He
pulled back when the younger man shuddered and nearly groaned himself.
"Just as well we're down here," he said roughly as he took in Tom's evident
arousal. "I wouldn't be able to get a damned thing done on the ship with
you around."

"Commander," Tom drawled, voice deeper than usual, "are you saying I'm a
distraction?"

"Absolutely," Chakotay replied instantly and smiled at Tom's laughter, then
took his hand again and tugged him toward the water.

"Cooling-off time, huh?" Tom guessed correctly as they walked out onto the
rock.

"Got it in one," Chakotay said with amusement before charging Tom and
toppling them both backward into the water. 

Tom came to the surface immediately and sputtered. "You get way too much 
pleasure out of doing that to me, Commander," he groused playfully,
splashing the other man. 

"There are a lot of things I get way too much pleasure out of doing to you,
Lieutenant," Chakotay quipped fondly as he retaliated.

"Letch," Tom shot back, laughing. He took a deep breath and went
underwater, just skimming by his lover on the way to the rock at the far 
side of the pool.

Chakotay headed after him, shaking his head at the long, strong strokes
that brought the younger man to the opposite side in seconds. He joined 
him a few moments later and heaved himself out of the water, only to stretch
out on his stomach alongside Tom on the warm rock. The commander sighed
loudly and contentedly and heard Tom chuckle.

"I couldn't agree more," the pilot whispered and turned his head to look at
the man next to him. 

Chakotay rested his hand on Tom's chest over his heart and began the
familiar thump, thump, echoing the beat of the organ beneath it. Tom's 
hand came up to slide under his and he let the younger man take over, watching
the breathing level out, become slower and shallower, as his lover relaxed.
Chakotay rolled onto his back, mirroring Tom, and started his own journey,
using his heartbeat as footsteps along the path he needed to take.

After a few moments, Tom felt like he was sinking into the rock, slowly
being absorbed by it, and he swam lightly through the stream of
consciousness, following the various thoughts floating through his mind as
one would follow stepping stones in a river. He leaped from one to the
next, spending only scant amounts of time thinking about Voyager, his 
crewmates, older friends and family, until he came to a fair sized rock
with a glitteringly silver creature lying restfully upon it. "Wolf," he 
murmured, moving closer cautiously until the animal raised its head in
curious welcome.

~~~

Chakotay's eyes snapped open and he turned his head to look at Tom in
amazement. The man was still under, yet Chakotay knew he'd heard him speak.
It wasn't the fact that he'd spoken that astonished the older man so, it
was what he'd said. The wolf had been his animal guide since his first
journey. He grinned wryly as he recalled how his hair had turned grey
within weeks after accepting the animal, until its color matched the
creature's own fur. Sighing, he returned his attention to the man 
peacefully lying at his side and noticed Tom was smiling slightly. Chakotay
made himself comfortable and watched. 

~~~

Tom was running a tentative finger along one of the animal's ears and
grinned as its head cocked, before the eyes opened and the pilot found 
himself being pulled into deep, bottomless black. He didn't bother
struggling, just allowed himself to fall in and felt comforted and
surrounded by the darkness, until he could make out faint light, cool and
silvery, just touching him. He looked around and realized he was standing
by the pool again, only now it seemed to be nighttime. A faint whisper of
silky fur caressed his leg and he looked down to find the wolf glowing in
the moonlight that was flowing like silver rain through the trees above
them. The animal flicked a warm tongue at his ankle and slid into the
water, barely visible under the inky surface. Tom stared as it grew larger,
the tail disappeared, the arms and legs lengthened and the silver head 
broke the surface, to turn and stare at him, faintly smiling. "Chakotay,"
Tom breathed as the man turned away again and headed for the bank across
the pool.

~~~

The commander froze when he heard Tom whisper his name and shook his head
in wonderment. "Oh, Spirits, Tom," he said softly, frowning. "Where the
hell are you?"

~~~

Tom watched Chakotay until the man was almost at the rock on the other
side, when he suddenly sank beneath the surface and vanished. The pilot
waited for a moment, certain that his silver-haired lover would resurface,
but nothing broke the calm glassiness of the dark water. 

"Chakotay?" he called. Nothing. "Chakotay?" he yelled out, growing slightly
panicked. Still nothing. Without thought, he dove into the black water and
swam toward the spot where he'd last seen the man. 

~~~

Chakotay heard the note of panic in Tom's faint voice and moved closer,
willing the younger man to realize he was right there, and return from 
wherever *he* was. The commander noticed the hand keeping pace with the
younger man's heartbeat was moving somewhat faster, frowned, and ran his 
fingers through his lover's still-damp hair. "Come back, Tom," he murmured,
stroking the line of the man's chin. "I'm here. Come on, come back."

~~~

Tom broke through the surface and looked around frantically. No sign of
Chakotay. He dove time and again, trying to find any trace of him, but
there just wasn't anything he could grasp a hold of. Every time he went
down, it was a little harder to come back up and soon he was breathless and
exhausted. Yet, he couldn't just quit, couldn't make himself give up on
Chakotay like that. Finally, he heard something, some faint noise caught
his attention on one of his repeated trips to the surface for air and he 
paused, trying to place the sound. His name...? Who was calling his name?

~~~

"Tom, listen to me," Chakotay said with firm gentleness, not wanting to
shock the man. "Come back. Tom? Hear me, now. I need you to come back." 

~~~

Tom turned back toward the bank he'd been on to see Chakotay standing
there, his hair dark once again. "I need you to come back," Tom heard him
say clearly and he tiredly started swimming toward the other side of the
pool, but it gradually lost cohesion around him and he felt heated air
where there should have been cool water. "Chakotay?" he whispered, reaching
out blindly to feel a firm, warm hand close around his own, anchoring him. 

"Right here, Tom," the older man said with relief. "I'm right here, right
next to you," he murmured as he kissed the younger man's forehead.

"Gods, I thought I'd lost you," Tom said in a strained whisper.

"You didn't lose me, I'm here," Chakotay reassured him, kissing him softly.
"I'm right here." 

Tom took a deep breath and his eyes snapped open as he came back fully into
awareness. "Damn," he breathed, looking over at his lover, who enfolded 
him in strong arms. "I saw you; you were a wolf," he said, smiling through 
his awe. 

Chakotay sighed and leaned down to kiss Tom again, but the man pulled 
away.

"It was your animal guide, wasn't it?" Tom asked before remembering that it
was a personal, sacred thing for his lover and maybe he wasn't supposed to
know. "Wait, forget I asked," he said hurriedly. "Never mind." 

"I think it's okay," Chakotay reassured him. "He came to you."

"Actually, I went to him; he was lying on a rock in the middle of a river,"
Tom said in a whisper. "Gods, he was so beautiful. Those eyes, like a
midnight sky with no stars, infinite. I just fell into them and found 
myself here, by the pool, at night. He went into the water and became you,
but the hair stayed the same, glowing silver," Tom said, his eyes
half-closed in remembrance. "You disappeared and I couldn't find you. I
went in after you, but I couldn't find you..." he trailed off as Chakotay
nuzzled his neck, quieting him. 

"I'm right here," the commander said softly. "It's all right."

"Scared the hell out of me," Tom admitted, sighing as a sweet mouth covered
his own, rendering him mute. He took a breath when Chakotay pulled away and
blinked blearily in the sunlight. "What does it mean?" 

"It could mean many things," Chakotay warned him, hand caressing his 
lover's chest until the racing heart slowed down again. "We can work
through it together, if you'd like," he offered and Tom nodded 
immediately.

"Ummm, yes," the pilot mumbled against Chakotay's neck as he nipped his way
toward an ear. "Later..."

"Yes, later," Chakotay said, easing away from Tom and taking him in his 
arms again.

"Chakotay," Tom protested.

The older man hushed him with a kiss. "Rest," he urged quietly. "We have 
plenty of time."

Tom settled into Chakotay's embrace with a sigh and was soon lulled into
sleep by the warmth of his lover's arms and the strong beat of his heart.

~~~

Tom woke to find Chakotay gone and the memory of his earlier journey made 
him a little nervous until he saw the movement in the trees overhead and
followed his lover's descent on the rocks with relieved eyes. Sparing a
glance at the sun, he figured it was close to noon already. And he was
getting hungry again.

Chakotay had barely touched earth when he found Tom in his arms.

"What is it?" he asked, lips caressing the hair in front of Tom's ear.

Tom sighed with growing contentedness and relaxed into his lover's embrace.
"You weren't here when I woke up," he confessed softly. "It reminded me..." 

Chakotay's arms tightened around the pilot. "I'm sorry," he said quietly.
"I didn't mean to worry you."

"I know," Tom replied quickly, backing away and grinning slightly. "How
about lunch?" he asked, changing the subject entirely.

"How can you be hungry again?" Chakotay asked in amazement, grinning 
himself.

Tom shrugged. "I just am."

"Okay, food," the commander relented and they headed off in a different
direction, to gather the vegetables to go with another sort-of-fish.

~~~

Tom gazed upward at the stars twinkling through the leaves on the trees and
waited for his lover. His lover. He sighed with delight at the warmth that
pervaded his system at the thought and kicked a small stone into the pool,
watching the moonlight cast white highlights on the faint ripples of the
water. He was gradually becoming used to the silence of this peaceful,
beautiful place, realizing that before Chakotay, he would've been humming,
whistling, anything to fill the void empty of sound. Now, he simply
luxuriated in it.

He and Chakotay had spent the afternoon in almost total quiet, walking
through the woods after lunch and again after dinner. Hand in hand, in
complete and utter silence. And he didn't feel anything missing from their
time together. It was wonderful.

"Chakotay, come on! What's taking so long?"

He sighed and dipped a foot into the water, tempted to dive in alone. But
the commander had asked him to wait, so waiting, he was. He stood there 
for another minute, before he realized that Chakotay hadn't answered him. He
drew in a deep breath for another shout and turned, letting his lover's
name ring through the trees again before he noticed the man was standing
behind him. 

"Chako...!"

...Tom stopped dead, stunned, at the vision walking towards him. 
"Sorry. I didn't realize it would take so long," the older man murmured,
running a self-conscious hand through his newly-silver hair. 

"Oh, dear god," Tom whispered as Chakotay approached him, his slow gait
seeming to indicate his uncertainty at Tom's reaction. "*Gorgeous*," the
pilot breathed, face breaking into a delighted smile.

Chakotay grinned a little, his eyes flicking from the ground to Tom and
back again.

"You did this, for me?" Tom asked in amazement as he took his lover's 
hands in his and pulled him closer. "Thank you. Damn, Chakotay, *thank* 
you," he eased back and reached a hand out, combing the strands which fell 
over his fingers like quicksilver, face shining almost as much as the 
older man's hair. 

"I was right. It looks incredible in the moonlight," he said softly, 
moving forward to kiss warm, pliant lips with his own.

"You sure?" Chakotay asked, explaining immediately when Tom frowned. "I
haven't seen it, yet."

"It's perfect," Tom assured him. "One hell of a shock, but perfect." He
sighed and stroked the shoulders under his hands. "I can't believe you did
this, just for me."

"Seemed like a good time. It will grow out to its natural color, anyway, if
we stay here long enough," Chakotay murmured as Tom's hands played with 
his hair. "This way, I got to choose the timing." He sighed, meeting Tom's gaze
with his own. "And you wanted to see it, so..." he wryly admitted.

"You look like you belong here," Tom said, looking around them. "Like
you're part of the night, the water, the moonlight. It's...just amazing."

"Sounds fair," Chakotay agreed. "You've got the day, the water, and the
sunshine pretty well taken." Tom's smile all but took his breath away and
Chakotay found his heartbeat speeding up at the expression on his lover's
face. "What?" he asked.

"It's night. *Your* time, Commander," Tom drawled in a soft, low voice, 
his hands gliding up the older man's body to pause on his chest. "What do you
want to do with it?"

Chakotay shook his head and swallowed heavily. "You wanted a swim, 
remember?"

"You've already given me something I wanted," Tom reminded him, fingertips
brushing over his lover's neck. "It's your turn."

"Swim, first, then...?" Chakotay's voice trailed off as he glanced upward
toward home. 

"Mmmm, *then*," Tom acquiesced, letting Chakotay go with a quick kiss as
the commander moved closer to the rock and dove in. Tom felt a slight
twinge of apprehension, probably a leftover fear from earlier, as he 
watched Chakotay's silver head disappear beneath the water. Almost
immediately, his lover returned to the surface and grinned back at him. 
"Wait for me," Tom called out, then dove in to join him. 

~~~

Chakotay grinned as Tom swam toward him once again to run his fingers
through his hair. He abruptly decided he'd had enough swimming when long
legs circled around his waist and a tongue began licking the water from his
neck an instant before a smiling mouth settled in to nibble on his ear.

"You want to get out of here, now?" he murmured and shook his head at Tom's
less-than-coherent reply.

"Was that a 'yes'?" he asked, amused, and laughed when his lover's snort
reached his ears.

"Yes," Tom breathed, sliding across Chakotay's wet chest to attack the
other ear with a tender vengeance. Warm hands grasped his hips to pull him 
away and he growled a protest, but finally relented at the commander's
whisper.

"I need to love you...be inside you."

Tom eased back to see the desire in the man's eyes and nodded quickly,
letting his legs drop until they found the bottom of the pool while he 
kissed his lover. An insistent hand tugging on his led him out of the water
and together they ascended the stone steps, back to their camp.
They skimmed off the wet shorts as fast as they could and tossed them into
sodden heaps near the fire then knelt on the flame-warmed blankets.

"I cannot believe how good you feel," Chakotay murmured until Tom silenced
his mouth with his own, ardently exploring taste and texture and leaving
them both breathlessly gasping for air.

"Chakotay, please tell me this is it. I can't wait anymore," Tom ground out
against his lover's throat, hands moving in rapid caresses as the fire 
dried their bodies.

Chakotay nodded quickly. "Tonight," he whispered. "I don't think either of
us can wait anymore."

Tom let himself fall backward and sighed as Chakotay stretched out next to
him. A sobbing groan passed his lips as his lover stroked him with firm 
touches along the length of his cock. He quickly moved the man's hand to
his hip and shook his head. "It's not going to take much, not tonight."

"I want to bring us both off before we go any further, otherwise I'll come
as soon as I enter you. And that's the last thing I want. I want to feel 
you around me for a long time," Chakotay told him quietly, letting Tom 
make the final decision.

The pilot had barely finished nodding when his lover slid down his body,
slow kisses and licks paving the way to his cock. A strangled moan erupted
out of him when a hot mouth descended on his hardness, rendering him mute
with aching need. 

Chakotay took his time, savoring the younger man's helpless reactions,
delighting in the fact that he was the one responsible for them. He gently
made love to Tom with his mouth until the trembling in the body beneath 
him turned almost violent, then finished him off as his lover exploded with a
harsh shout. He was just beginning to wonder how badly he'd worn out the
man, when Tom flipped him over onto his back and began his own carefully
planned assault on his senses.

The pilot seemed to be everywhere at once, hands caressing him all over 
his body, lips kissing and sucking on both nipples, then venturing south until
they discovered Chakotay's rigid length as if by accident. Teeth nipping on
the tender inside of his thigh made his breath catch. The tongue that
followed, soothing the slight sting, coaxed a sigh from him right before
that perfectly gifted mouth surrounded his cock. Chakotay could feel Tom
smiling as he cried out softly, losing himself in exquisite pleasure. He
was taunted, teased, then finally released into his own shuddering climax
with a strained groan that made the pilot chuckle as he carefully licked
him clean.

He lay quietly for a moment, gathering the pieces of himself back together,
and petted the sex-flushed skin of the man at his side. Soft lips nuzzled
his chin until he captured them, tasting himself in the heat of Tom's 
mouth as they kissed with gradually reawakening passion.

"What the hell were we waiting for?" Tom murmured against Chakotay's lips
before his own veered off and began exploring the commander's throat.

"Truth?" Chakotay whispered back as a groan was startled out of him when
Tom nipped his ear.

"Always," Tom answered, raining kisses all over the older man's face.

"I was waiting for the love to catch up to the lust."

Tom eased away, his expression stunned. Chakotay had to force himself to
keep his eyes on his lover's.

"I knew I wanted you. I thought I was falling for you. I wanted to wait
until there wasn't any doubt. I didn't want to confuse the two." Chakotay
felt like he was taking a hell of a risk, but he needed Tom to know.

The pilot nodded and took a deep breath. "I wasn't expecting you to feel 
the same way," he said quietly and grinned at Chakotay's surprise. He
shrugged. "Yeah, me, too."

Chakotay shook his head and sighed. "Were you planning on telling me?" he
asked wryly.

"Eventually," Tom answered, deadpan, before Chakotay grabbed him and
tickled him. His only defense was to wrap himself around the older man and
try to distract him. 

Chakotay moaned and surrendered. Unconditionally. The heat had returned to
fire their passion and he pulled away, soothing Tom's protest at losing the
precious contact.

"I've got to get something from the medkit, to use as a lubricant, or this
isn't happening. I am *not* going to hurt you," he whispered against the
length of Tom's neck. The logic of his comment finally penetrated Tom's
mind and the pilot nodded and let Chakotay go.

He was lying on his back, his imagination going into blissful overload at
what they'd be spending the night doing, when Chakotay's pained cry shocked
him to his feet.

"Look out!" Chakotay warned as he slid down the stone, unable to remain
standing as fire coursed through his veins. "Don't let it near you."

Tom's sharp eyes found the small creature scuttling away along the wall,
and he grabbed a phaser and fired, sending the spidery-scorpion-like beast
to a timely demise. He dropped the weapon when he caught sight of
Chakotay's hand, swollen and red, and his medic training rushed to the 
fore as he grabbed the medkit and took out a tricorder.

"Careful," Chakotay whispered, leaning back against the stone wall. "There
may be more of them."

Tom turned and leapt over to the stash of their supplies and grabbed
another tricorder, flipping it open to quickly scan for more unpleasant
surprises. He shook his head as the readings came up empty.

"Nothing," he grated, setting it aside and digging through the medkit for
something to counteract the commander's reaction.

"Did it sting you, or bite you?" Tom asked, paling as he noted the medical 
device had no definite remedy, only a suggested course of treatment to
sustain the injured until a thorough examination could be made in Sickbay.
A Sickbay on a ship that couldn't possibly get to them in time.

"Sting," Chakotay answered, his throat tightening around the words.
Breathing became a little easier when Tom used the venom kit and dosed him 
with something to ease the allergic reaction, but he was far from fine. His
head ached and throbbed, his hand was on fire, and he suspected he was
going into shock.

"How-how bad?" he stammered, trying to swallow around the residual 
blockage in his throat.

"Not good," Tom strained voice reached him as the pilot helped move him 
closer to the fire and covered him with the blankets. "The venom was
injected right into your blood stream. I got rid of what I could, but too
much of it has already gone through your body. And the tricorder has no
cure available," he told Chakotay softly. "Only some stopgap measures to
alleviate the symptoms until we can get you to Sickbay."

"That b-bad, huh?" the commander stammered, trying to grin as Tom's gentle
fingers went through his hair.

"Yeah," Tom choked out, cursing himself for not knowing, not suspecting,
that something might have crawled into the kits and made the journey with
them out of the desert.

"It's not your fault," Chakotay rasped, seeing the self-recrimination on
Tom's ashen face. "We didn't know."

"I should have known," Tom ground out, tears threatening to overflow. "The
manual says to check your equipment for stowaways."

"I didn't remember either," Chakotay interrupted him quietly, taking his 
hand. Spirits, he felt awful.

"I had the regs memorized when I was nine," Tom whispered, smoothing the
sweat-damp hair back from his lover's forehead. "There's no excuse."

"Stop it, right now. You are not going to blame yourself for this. And
that's an order, Lieutenant," Chakotay murmured, fighting off the fear that
tried to overtake him. 

Tom checked his vital signs and administered a hypospray to help keep the
fever down, stave off the convulsions, and ease the swelling, but there was
nothing he could do about the poison in the older man's body. He got the
commander some water, turned him on his side to keep him from choking, and
spent the next several minutes slowly drizzling the welcome wetness into
his mouth.

Chakotay shook his head to refuse any more and grabbed Tom's hand when the
man started to rise. "Stay with me," he mumbled.

"I'm not leaving you," Tom assured, his voice broken. "I'm not."

"Come here," Chakotay murmured. "Let me hold you."

Tom slid under the blankets and forced the tears back when he felt the
shudders rocking his lover's body. He made sure everything he needed was
close at hand and wrapped himself around Chakotay. "I'm right here," he
whispered, planting soft kisses on the too-hot face. "Right here." 

"This isn't how I pictured tonight," Chakotay admitted quietly, before
choking.

"Shhh, I know," Tom soothed him, placing an arm under the man's head to
ease his breathing. "I know. Me, neither," he said with sorrowful wryness
as he stroked the warm skin.

"Tom?" Chakotay got his attention with a shaky version of his usual calm
voice. "Do what you can, whatever you have to. Then, let it go."

Tom shook his head and buried his face into a sweat-slick shoulder. "I
*can't*," he wailed in a whisper.

"The odds aren't good, Beautiful. I know it. So do you," he said tiredly.

"Don't talk like that," Tom pleaded. "You hang on. Don't you even *think*
about leaving me. You got that? Do you?" And he finished with tears.

Chakotay enfolded him in heavy arms, and stroked the blond waves under his 
fingers. He nodded in exhaustion. It was easier than arguing. He knew Tom
would keep him alive through sheer will, if he could. But he was well aware
of the reality and knew he didn't have much time before the poison finally 
killed him. A day, maybe. Maybe not.

"Get some rest," he said quietly. "It'll be okay for a few hours. Sleep
while you can." 

Tom tried to protest, but Chakotay hushed him. "You'll need your strength,
later. And I want to feel your body against mine, soft in sleep. Relaxed.
At peace." He felt Tom's tension ease against him and hoped the younger 
man could let himself rest. The pilot grew quiet and Chakotay closed his eyes,
knowing that the effects of the venom would slow down if he could find his
own way to sleep. But it simply wouldn't come. He sighed and looked around
him, eyes resting on the PADD close by. A careful stretch and he had it,
but the movement cost him some effort and he lay quietly, getting his 
breath back. He set the device carefully on his chest and began a letter to
Tom, vowing to transcribe his thoughts and feelings until he couldn't keep
his eyes open any longer. 

Many moments passed until he realized he could barely feel the PADD under
his fingers, so he finished his letter with all the love he had in his 
heart and saved it, then set it aside. His arms came back around Tom,
sleeping fitfully in his embrace, and he carefully measured his breathing
as sleep cautiously claimed him, nestled in the haven of his lover's arms.

~~~

Chakotay woke the next morning fighting for breath, but his panic eased
when he saw that Tom had the hypospray already in hand. It emptied into 
his body and the tightness in his throat relaxed enough to let him 
breathe.

The sun was just rising, barely coating the rocks with gold and pink, and
he mustered a grin as the light surrounded his lover, making the man look
almost ethereal.

"Morning, Beautiful," he whispered tenderly.

Tom kissed him gently, a pained smile crossing his face. "Good morning to
you, too." He leaned over to snag the canteen, and helped the man rise a
little, so he could drink his fill. He gently settled him back under the
blankets and smiled again at him, but it never reached his worried blue 
eyes.

"It's okay," Chakotay rasped, letting Tom cover him again, since his own
shaking hands couldn't be forced to work properly. "It's getting worse,
isn't it?"

Tom nodded, running a shaking hand over his face. "Your heart's been
affected," he whispered, ignoring the tears filling his eyes. "I've been
trying to keep the damage at bay but, without the right equipment, the
poison will eventually win. Most of your organs are barely functioning, as
well. And there isn't a damned thing I can do about it. I'm so sorry,
Chakotay."

Chakotay reached and tried to pull Tom into his arms again, but he couldn't
get his hands to cooperate. He found himself glad he'd written the letter
the night before, or it wouldn't have gotten written at all. 

Tom realized what his lover was trying to do and eased gently along his 
length, careful to keep his weight off him. He glanced up at the tricorder
over Chakotay's head and his features hardened at the downward trend the
readings were starting to take. A clenched fist against his cheek refocused
his attention on the man by his side and he carefully pried the spasming
fingers open to place a kiss on the palm. 

A shudder went through Chakotay and he dimly watched Tom react, heard the
faint cursing and shivered again. "Tom," he whispered, gathering what
strength he could. "Stop."

"*No*!" Tom cried out. "I *won't*. You said to do whatever I had to,
whatever I could..."

"And let it go," Chakotay sighed softly as a vice tightened around his 
chest. "Just hold...hold me, now. Please. Tom, please." His eyes shut in
bone-weary exhaustion, aware he was almost too tired to force air into his 
lungs, which were gradually slowing in their efforts to keep him alive.

Tom stretched out and caressed the face of the man he loved so much. "I
don't want to give up on you."

"I want peace," Chakotay said, pushing the words out past numbing lips. He
felt Tom tremble against him, before the man nodded. 

"Your choice. Always. I won't take that away from you," he ground out
through grief, his hold tightening on Chakotay's hand as another shudder
racked his lover's body. "Are you in pain?"

Chakotay shook his head 'no,' not having the energy to say the word at the
moment. 

"Do you need anything? Water?" Tom asked, swallowing around the rock in 
his throat.

"N-no. You. Just...you," Chakotay murmured, and the ghost of a contented
smile crossed his face as warmth enveloped him. 

"You have me," Tom whimpered against the older man's lips.

Chakotay fought to open his eyes and saw Tom, the sun backlighting him, 
making him glow. Everything else was in shadow, except the radiant vision
guarding him, and he smiled a little more. "Love..."

"I love you, too. You know I do." Tom impatiently brushed the tears from 
his eyes and gently combed his fingers through the quicksilver softness of
his lover's hair. 

Chakotay nodded once and his eyes widened as another spasm tightened his 
lungs, making it impossible to breathe. The sunlight was filtering through
Tom's hair, gilding his skin with gold, and Chakotay made up his mind to
take that perfectly beautiful image with him when he died. "Light," he 
exhaled on his last breath and felt Tom's lips shaking against his own. He
drew on the smallest bit of strength he had left and kissed them softly,
then sighed, the life finally leaving his body.

"That's it," Tom cried softly. "You head for that light, Chakotay. Your
father's there...and your Maquis friends... It's a good place," and he 
couldn't go on, couldn't force another word past his own pain. He brushed
his lips over Chakotay's in the goodbye he never got to say and held the
man as he cried in near-silence, not wanting to disturb the stillness
surrounding his lover's body.

Tom lay there for a while. He had no idea how long. Chakotay was at peace,
but he couldn't find any of it within himself. The sun was high in the sky
when he finally let go of the empty shell by his side, nothing of his lover
remaining. He sat up, feeling exhaustion in every fiber of his being, and
wiped the last vestiges of grief from his face. His mood was calm and his 
mind seemed clear, as he looked around the home he'd made with Chakotay 
for the last few days and sighed. He knew he'd have to get the man's body back
down on ground level to bury him, then caught himself as he realized he 
didn't know what Chakotay's preference would have been. He couldn't bear
the thought of cremation, he just couldn't, but burial seemed impossible. 

Tom looked over the edge of the stone floor, saw the quiet clearing near
the pool far below him, and noticed an abundance of small rocks lying
around. He nodded inwardly. That, he could bring himself to do.

He headed back to where Chakotay lay silently and paused to try and get
himself together. Picking the man up carefully in his arms, he headed down
the stone steps, sometimes needing to put his precious burden down and
gather what strength he could, as he slowly made his way to the clearing.
He dimly realized that the man's body was still naked, as was he, and
sighed. That seemed right, somehow, and he walked to where the great stone
walls rose up from the ground before setting Chakotay down gently. He
gathered the rocks nearby, exhausting the supply of them, and headed out in
all directions, to find enough to entomb the man completely.

Tom swallowed heavily and began, starting at the feet and slowly working
his way up, until only Chakotay's head remained uncovered. A last brush of
his fingers through the man's silver hair brought another round of tears to
his eyes as he carefully covered the silent visage.

"I love you," he murmured softly. "And I'll be there, soon."

He climbed back up the steps and cast a look around at the top, his eyes
finally lighting on the phaser. That was all he needed.

He headed down to the clearing and halted when Chakotay's grave came into
view. Gazing at the weapon in his hand, he switched the setting, pointed it
at the sheer rock face in front of him, and fired. 

Starting from the top, and descending with infinite care, the rock
vaporized in the phaser's beam, as Tom carved a forty foot memory into the
stone: his lover's tattoo, drawn with exact precision by a determined and
steady hand. 

The tears didn't start until he was done and he dropped to his knees, the
faint whisper of wind through the trees carrying the sounds of pain and
grief away. He looked at the phaser and sighed numbly. "Wait for me," he 
murmured and stretched out on the ground, next to Chakotay's grave, the
weapon resting over his heart, slowly tapping out the echo of his 
heartbeat. Measured breathing was forced onto lungs tight and aching with
grief, but exhaustion helped still him and he gradually made his way
inward. Warmth suffused him, making him gasp, until light, and a gentle
touch on his head, opened his eyes.

He gazed up into brown depths clouded with sorrow and tried to sit up, but
the weight of the phaser on his chest prevented it.

"You cannot follow me," a soft whisper echoed through his mind. "You don't
belong here." 

"I want to come with you," Tom murmured in protest and reached out a hand 
to the source of the warmth, but found nothing he could grab a hold of.
"*Please*. Let me." 

"No," the echo rumbled and Tom looked for the energy to argue, but didn't
have it. The need to sleep was pressing down upon him and he tried to stay
awake and aware, but soon fell into the warmth around him. 

He woke later, freezing cold and hungry, and realized night had descended.
For a moment, he debated remaining where he was, but a presence within
protested and won, bringing him up onto unsteady legs as he made his way
back up to the home he'd shared with Chakotay, phaser still in hand. He
numbly tossed some wood onto the remains of the earlier fire and a quick
shot of the phaser soon had it crackling again. He lay down next to it and
watched the wood being consumed and remembered that first night with
Chakotay. Fresh tears slipped from his eyes as he pulled the blanket over
himself and fell into a dreamless sleep.

He slept restlessly off and on during the night and throughout the next
day, and into the next, eating when he thought to and drinking when he had
to, until the canteens were empty and the food, gone. He tried several
times to find his way back to the place he'd heard Chakotay's voice, but
couldn't seem to get there, anymore. He was no longer able to ignore his 
own hunger and was surfacing from a light doze when he finally heard a
voice. Chakotay's.

Tom opened his eyes and looked up into the concerned gaze of his lover.

"Let me come with you," he rasped softly. "Please, Chakotay. I don't want
to stay here." The tears started again at Chakotay's nod and the shock on
the older man's face was completely missed by Tom, who put his arms around
him in relief as the commander murmured something Tom couldn't quite hear. 

Tuvok watched the commander disappear with the lieutenant into the
transporter beam and frowned thoughtfully. He walked slowly down the stone
steps, looking for something, he wasn't entirely certain what, and paused
as he crossed the clearing, only the raised eyebrow giving away his 
surprise at the monument before him. A quick look took in the deliberate
pile of rocks several yards ahead, resting at the base of the stone that
carried the impressive image of the commander's tattoo etched deeply into
its surface. 

He made his way toward the pile, then knelt down to remove a few of the
rocks. Tuvok had almost convinced himself of the lieutenant's delusion in
burying a nonexistent body, when he uncovered Chakotay's face, his hair a
shock of luminous silver in the setting sun. His fingers deftly tapped his 
commbadge and made contact with the ship, his voice quiet and respectful.
"Captain," he intoned softly, "I believe we have a problem."

~~~

Janeway stood silently, watching the Doctor work on Tom. Exhaustion, slight
malnutrition, dehydration. He was barely conscious and seemingly
indifferent to the fact that he was still alive. A quick glance at the body
on the nearby biobed partly answered her question as to what was
responsible. Or who.

She sighed quietly as the Doctor approached her. 

"I've done what I can to treat him. Physically, he'll be fine, Captain. But
I am not at all certain of his emotional state, right now."

They gazed at the silver-haired double of the ship's first officer. Janeway
was at a loss, totally. "Could Chakotay's appearance down on the planet
have anything to do Tom's condition?"

The Doctor paused. "It's possible. At this point, I can't rule out anything."

"But you think this is more than just shock at seeing the man he buried,
alive and well, again," Janeway pressed.

"Apparently Tom thought he was being given permission to go with the
commander into death, Captain. The fact that he is back on Voyager has 
confused him considerably."

"Would our Chakotay's presence help him understand exactly what's 
happened, here?" 

"I honestly don't know, Captain. I don't believe it would hurt, however."

Janeway swallowed heavily and quietly commed Chakotay to report to 
Sickbay, immediately, as she walked over to the biobed on which another 
Chakotay lay as if in sleep. "Doctor, if you've finished with your examination, 
I'd like the commander's body removed," she said, rubbing a hand over her face.
"Before our Chakotay gets here." 

"Understood, Captain." And the Doctor began to make the necessary
arrangements to have the body beamed from Sickbay.

Chakotay entered just moments later and the captain met him near where Tom
was resting. She explained to him the precarious position their pilot's
mind was currently in.

He nodded and cautiously made his way over to Tom, whose eyes opened as if
the younger man had been expecting him. 

"What happened to your hair?" Tom murmured dazedly, reaching up a hand to
touch the dark strands.

Chakotay caught it in his own. "You're back on Voyager, Tom. There was a
transporter accident..." and he slowly filled Tom in, voice becoming
quieter and quieter as he noticed the bleakness filling the blue eyes.

"You're not...him, are you?" Tom asked, eyes wide with shock, voice rising
as he tried to sit up. "Gods, *two* of you?" He gave up and lay silently,
then took his hand out of the commander's to cover his face as he shook 
his head. "He's really dead. Isn't he?" 

Chakotay frowned at the chill in Tom's voice, but answered him honestly. 
"Yes."

"What's the last thing you remember... Commander?" Tom asked him distantly
as he lowered his hands and sighed.

"Being in the shuttle with you, after we crashed into the desert. Tuvok
tried to beam me up to the ship. I almost didn't make it."

"I poured everything the shuttle had into the transporters to try and get
you back," Tom said quietly. "It worked. And it didn't. I guess."

"I was on the planet, with you?" Chakotay asked in amazement, trying to get
it all straight in his head.

"No," Tom answered with brutal honestly. "*You* weren't. *He* was." 
And he closed his eyes, fighting back the tears that tried to make their presence
known again. Chakotay wasn't dead. And yet, he was. Chakotay loved him. 
And yet, he didn't. It was just too damned much to deal with.

"Doc?" Tom queried in a dull voice. "Can I go back to my quarters, now?"

"Certainly, Lieutenant. Get some rest," the Doctor ordered gently as he 
saw how badly shaken Tom was.

The pilot just nodded and headed slowly out of Sickbay, his eyes taking
care not to meet the commander's on his way out the door.

~~~

Tom was off duty for the next two days. Chakotay asked Harry to keep an eye
on him, talk with him, listen if necessary, but there wasn't anything Harry
could do about the silent man his friend had become. There was no laughter
in the blue eyes anymore, no hint of amusement lurking just below the
surface, no smiles, no nothing. 

The pilot just walked around in a daze, and only if Harry or B'Elanna
*insisted* that he leave his quarters. He joined them, as if it wasn't
worth arguing about, but remained quiet and still, no matter what they did
to try and bring him out of the silence he seemed to be encased in. The
only time he came out of it was when he saw Chakotay. He wouldn't call him 
anything but Commander, and then, only when he had to, when the older man 
asked him a direct question.

Chakotay's frustration was evident, but there didn't seem to be anything
anyone could do. The pilot went out of his way to avoid him, refused to
look at him, if he could help it, and wouldn't meet his eyes under any
circumstances. It bothered him, and greatly. 

He'd thought he and Tom had made progress toward a real friendship in their
brief time together down on the planet. There had been laughter, revealing
and fascinating conversation; he'd gotten to know the man, for Spirits'
sake. And he had found himself drawn to the intriguing individual he'd 
become acquainted with-quick, in both wit and temper, warm, lighthearted,
compassionate, fascinating...

Those five days had *flown* by. Tom had a unique way of making the time
pass quickly, of distracting him from work with entertaining stories and
personal anecdotes and coaxing from Chakotay a few of his own. And the
younger man was so damned easy to talk to. Chakotay had even been looking
forward to continuing their habit of talking during walks, over meals, and
well into the night, upon their return to Voyager. What could have 
happened, to change all that? 

Chakotay couldn't get past the idea that Tom and his counterpart hadn't 
gotten along during their confinement on the planet. That, somehow, the
possibility of that world becoming their permanent home had turned it into
a private hell for them and now Tom was having to deal with the guilt of
the other man dying with things left unsaid, unforgiven. 

But Tom wasn't offering anything about his time with the other Chakotay and
the commander didn't want to push it, for fear of making things worse. Yet,
he missed the friend he'd discovered in the pilot, the man he'd so enjoyed
getting to know. Spirits, he didn't want to return to the time when the
lieutenant was distant with him, uncomfortable, hesitant. He wanted to
travel farther down the road of friendship with Tom. Much farther. Which
wasn't about to happen, if the younger man couldn't even stand to make eye
contact with him. 

Chakotay finally gave B'Elanna permission to go through the information
stored in the tricorders and PADDs brought up from the planet's surface,
hoping there might be some clue in them to explain Tom's odd behavior. This
was obviously more than shock at the fact that Chakotay was still alive and
had been on the ship the whole time. He couldn't help but feel somewhat
responsible for whatever had happened between his counterpart and Tom and
vowed to do whatever he could to help the man who had become his friend.

~~~

Harry walked into engineering to find B'Elanna entering the logs off the
PADDs Tom and Chakotay had had down on the planet into the computer. The
grimace on her face aptly expressed her displeasure at her task and he 
approached with caution, unsure of her mood.

"What is it?" he asked quietly.

"I'm reading the logs of a dead man, Harry, who happens to be one of my 
oldest friends. Isn't that enough?" she asked, more sad than bitterly angry.

"Chakotay gave you permission," Harry reminded her, needlessly.

"Yes, but these aren't *his* logs," B'Elanna protested, then shook her head
in agitation. "Well, they are, but he didn't write them, you know?"

Harry nodded. "Yeah, I know. This has to rank at the top of all the weird
things that have happened in this quadrant," he added dryly.

"Harry," B'Elanna said softly, not quite knowing how to broach the subject.
"Have you been able to get through to Tom?"

Harry snorted, then sighed. "I've tried to. He just keeps avoiding anything
having to do with his time on that planet."

"I mean, I know it was a shock, seeing Chakotay again, after he'd buried
the man and all but, dammit, the way he's been acting..." she trailed off,
seeing Harry nodding slowly.

"I think he blames himself for Chakotay's death, for whatever reason,"
Harry said carefully. "Now that he knows the man is still on Voyager, and
very much alive, there's nowhere for the guilt to go."

"Kahles, can you imagine if there were *two* of him on this ship?" B'Elanna
asked, hearing Harry's heavy sigh at the idea as she studied the PADD in
her hand before growing still, the color draining from her face. 

"Hey, what?" Harry asked immediately.

"Oh, no," she whispered in anguish. "Dammit, *NO*."

"B'Elanna, talk to me," Harry moved closer, as she held the PADD out to 
him with a hand more shaky than he could ever remember seeing it. He took 
it from her and read the first words in the last entry made on it. That was
all it took for him to realize. Two words. "'Morning, Beautiful."

~~~

They came into Sandrine's almost at a run, intent on finding the captain
and Commander. They hadn't read the log; it was obviously the last one
Chakotay had written before his death and no one's business but Tom's what
was in it. Still, they both felt the need to tell the captain, and Chakotay, as 
soon as possible.

Janeway looked up, startled to see her ops officer and chief engineer come
barreling into the bar like the Borg were after them. She took one look at
their faces and immediately motioned them to a nearby table. They had 
plenty to choose from; they were the only real people in there. Everyone
else was at the resort.

"B'Elanna, what is it?" she asked, with evident apprehension. She knew she
wasn't going to like the answer.

"One of the PADDs has a message from the other Chakotay to Tom, a very
personal message," B'Elanna started, looking across the table at her old
friend. 

"How personal?" Chakotay asked, gently, not used to seeing Torres this
upset. He took the PADD she wordlessly handed to him. His eyes froze when
they found the first sentence and went no further. "Oh, Spirits, no," he 
whispered, understanding flooding through him. Why Tom had practically gone
into shock at seeing him in sickbay, why the man couldn't meet his eyes,
why he hadn't called him by name since returning from the planet. 

Janeway plucked the PADD from Chakotay's nerveless fingers and read only
the first line, before setting it back on the table with a loud clatter.

"That's why he's been acting the way he has," Harry offered quietly into
the silence. "Not like a man who lost a friend, or a commanding officer.
But like a man who lost a lover."

"Did you...?" Janeway tried to ask the commander, but couldn't even finish 
the thought.

"No!" Chakotay exclaimed, before continuing in a much quieter voice. "No,
nothing happened while I was there," he began to explain. "We talked a lot
those five days, laughed a lot, but it didn't go any further than that,
Captain."

Janeway nodded, having suspected as much, her heart going out to Chakotay
for his bewilderment, but even more so for Tom, for the hell he had 
endured, losing the man he...loved? Oh, gods.

"I don't understand," Chakotay said, shaking his head, brutally silencing
the voice inside him that questioned the truth of that statement. "How did
*that* happen? And *when*? How long after the transporter accident?" he 
asked, not really expecting an answer. But he got one.

"Four days," a choked voice answered softly, causing four heads to whip
around to the door, to find Tom standing just inside, arms crossed over 
his chest, eyes staring at the floor before they rose, the challenge and pain
in them unmistakable. 

"It only took him four days to fall in love with me, Commander," Tom said,
his voice as broken as his heart. He moved forward slowly, eyes on the PADD
in front of the captain, so he wouldn't have to look at *him*. "Is that 
for me?" he asked, after clearing his throat.

Harry was closest and held it out to him, saw him hesitate before taking
it. He watched Tom glance at it before his eyes were riveted by the first 
words he read. Tom backed away from him, only to come to an abrupt halt 
when he banged into the pool table behind him, and turned away quickly, but
not fast enough to keep Harry from seeing a look of absolute misery mar 
his features. Harry rose to follow but the captain's firm hand on his arm
prevented him from going after Tom. He watched helplessly as his friend
read the entry, his entire body shaking in silence, until he set the PADD
very deliberately on the green felt then raised a clenched fist to smash
it. Harry tore away from the captain and grabbed his arm, pulling Tom back
against his chest, making him off-balance.

"Don't do it," Harry said fiercely, knowing that no copy had been made and
if Tom followed through on his intent, Chakotay's goodbye would be lost
forever. "You'll only regret it if you do. Please, Tom, don't," he pleaded,
coaxing the rigid arm back to Tom's side.

"He said he loved me, that he treasured the time we had together, even
though it was nowhere near as long as he wanted to be with me, and he said
goodbye," Tom whispered raggedly. "I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't
get to say much of anything and now it's too late. I don't know where he is
but I'd give anything to join him," he choked out, shoulders hunched over.
"He was always in such a peaceful place, when he was with the spirits,
y'know? So happy, there. Gods, what I wouldn't give..." and he could say 
no more, trembling with the effort to keep it all inside. 

"There hasn't been a memorial service, yet," Harry said, quietly, feeling 
the silent tremors wrack his friend. "His burial tube is still in the
weapons bay. You can go and say whatever you want to say, okay?" the 
ensign asked roughly, his voice choking up as Tom's eyes shot around to 
look at him, filled with pain and tears.

"He's still here?" Tom asked, the words hard, yet hopeful. His eyes closed
when Harry nodded and he sagged slightly, letting his friend hold him
steady until he got himself back together. He brushed the tears away
angrily, as if they were an annoyance, and nodded, moving Harry's arms 
away gently. He walked backward a couple of steps, toward the exit, until his 
eyes met the commander's and he turned, nearly flying out the door in his 
need to get as far away from the man as possible.

"I don't want him to be alone," Janeway said softly, looking at her first
officer rather than Harry. "All that talk about him giving anything to join
Chakotay..." She didn't have to finish, the commander was already out of
his seat and heading for the door.

~~~

Tom ran his hand over the sleek, black burial tube which contained the body
of his lover. The calm he'd felt on the planet had deserted him, utterly.
All that time, it had stayed with him, comforted him. He'd thought he was
simply waiting to die, to join Chakotay, but once again the man he loved
knew better. Chakotay's spirit, or whatever it was, had probably known
Voyager was close to being able to send someone down after him and he 
wouldn't let Tom give up until help had arrived. He'd known. 

And now, Tom couldn't imagine why his lover would have done such a thing,
condemning him to as many days as they had left in this quadrant, working
side-by-side with his double, his duplicate. Chakotay, but not.

Tears pricked his eyes, stinging them, and he impatiently blinked them
away. There was so much he wanted to say and his thoughts were swirling
like nebulous snakes; he couldn't get a grip on any of them. Only one
question deigned to come to the surface, repeating itself over and over and
over again.

"Why?" he asked brokenly, stroking the capsule that shone like Chakotay's
eyes in firelight. "Why did you have to insist I stay behind? Why couldn't
I be with you? Didn't you want me to be?"

More tears choked off his voice, his agitated breathing and soft sobs
covering the sound of a door sliding open. The commander watched silently
as the man who had been no more than a friend to him mourned the man he
loved. A man who had loved him so much in return that the death of that
love had created this devastation.

"I would've gone with you, if you'd only *let* me," Tom wailed softly, 
fist gently striking the hard, unyielding surface. "I wanted to, I *begged* 
you to, but you wouldn't allow it. Why? Dammit, Chakotay. *Why*?" 

Tom shook his head angrily, raising his bloodshot eyes to the ceiling,
before dropping them again to the cold blackness surrounding his lover's 
body.

"Did you know? Somehow? Did you?" Tom asked quietly through tears. "Did 
you know that you still lived, still existed, on Voyager? Did you know there
was another of you? Did you?!?" Tom asked, his voice rising with anger and
grief.

"Did you think that it would be okay? It isn't okay! It's not the same!"
Tom cried out. "He isn't *you*. That man wears your face, but he doesn't
have your *heart*! And his heart doesn't know *mine*."

"Dammit, I wish you were here!" Tom cried out, throat tight with pain.
"It's not *fair*; it's not *right*. I *need* you, damn you, I *love* you
and you left me. You *left* me!" 

The volume was rising as loudly as Tom's grief would permit, what little
was able to force its way past his suffering. Chakotay could hardly stand
to watch but wasn't about to leave Tom alone. The man had scared him as
well with his talk of joining the other Chakotay in death. The commander
shook his head, arms wrapped tightly around himself as he watched Tom fall 
apart. 

All that anger and hurt and agony. Because *he* died. Him. Chakotay. It
felt strange thinking of himself in the third person, but it wasn't real to
him. Sort of like knowing that a version of yourself in another universe
had died, there was a distancing effect at work. It didn't feel like a
loss, not really. But it was for Tom. Sweet Spirits, it was for Tom. And 
he couldn't take it anymore, couldn't bear to witness it any longer and do
nothing.

Tom had rested his forehead against the capsule, fist still striking the
surface softly as anguished sobs tore from his throat. Dimly he felt warmth
on his back and his mind registered strong hands on his shoulders, just
before equally strong arms came around him. Warm. Caring. Gentle. 
Familiar. Oh gods, no. No. *No*.

Chakotay held on as Tom started struggling, held on through the moment 
when the struggling became thrashing, became almost violent in Tom's need to 
get away from him, and was still holding on when the man in his arms gave way
and collapsed against him. He carefully bore them both to the floor when
Tom's legs buckled under him, sitting behind the pilot who then turned and
buried himself into Chakotay's chest until the sobbing faded slightly in
strength and volume. Chakotay barely caught the word, so soft was Tom's
ravaged voice.

"Why?"

"I don't know," Chakotay answered with broken honesty, not wanting to 
annoy Tom with platitudes or cliches.

"I *loved* him." 

"I know," Chakotay murmured, arms tightening around Tom as Tom's tightened
around him, unconsciously rocking him. 

"He loved *me*." 

Words so softly spoken, yet the pain in them almost deafened him. 
"I know," Chakotay choked out, blinking back tears of his own.

"It only took him four days. To love me." 

That fact was becoming less and less of a surprise to Chakotay as time 
went on.

"I know," he whispered, as Tom's hands relaxed slightly, loosening their
hold on his uniform.

"We only had a few days together. A few nights. Not enough," Tom mourned 
quietly, wiping his cheeks as tears slid down them.

"No," Chakotay agreed quietly, resting his chin on Tom's hair, still
rocking slightly.

"Then, he left me." 

"He didn't want to; it wasn't his choice," Chakotay responded gently with 
a certainty he wished with all his heart that Tom could feel. 

"How do you know?" Tom asked mildly, not with hostility, just sad 
curiosity.

Chakotay swallowed heavily, debating. And went for honesty, again.

"*I* wouldn't have wanted to," he offered quietly, eyes closing with a
silent curse as Tom grew still in his arms. He opened them to find Tom
looking at him, stunned, but with no censure in his eyes.

Tom shook his head, not in denial, but in confusion. "Too much," he
murmured, feeling overwhelmed, and lowered his gaze to the floor. 

"I know," Chakotay sighed regretfully. "I'm sorry."

Tom cleared his throat. "Don't be," he said softly, as his eyes flickered
up to meet the commander's before dropping again. "It's not like you were
different people, brothers, or anything. I *know* he was you. And you're
him. It's just confusing. He *died*," Tom cried out softly. "I *watched*
him die. I *buried* him. But you're here. It's like it never happened. Like
somehow it doesn't count, doesn't matter. But it *did* happen. And it
*does* matter. And I can't pick up with you where he and I left off, I just
can't," Tom was silenced as tears choked his voice off again.

"I know," Chakotay said firmly, but carefully. "He's gone. He was real, he 
was yours and he loved you," the commander's intensity penetrated Tom,
quieting him. "You need to mourn, Tom. You lost him and you need to mourn 
him. He deserves to be mourned, and missed, and grieved for," Chakotay 
felt his eyes fill again as he felt a sense of loss. Tom's loss? Or the loss of
a kindred? "But I will be here," he said softly, holding Tom closer when
the man shivered. 

"Know this, Tom. Listen to me," he said with warmth, waiting for blue eyes
filled with tears and misery to rise and meet his. "It wouldn't have made
any difference if I had been there, with you, and he had been the one to
come back to the ship. Everything would have happened exactly the same 
way."

Tom swallowed as the words impacted on him. "Everything?"

Chakotay nodded. "Everything. All of it. Every minute. Every day. And every
night," he murmured, brushing his lips against Tom's forehead.

"This isn't going to bother you?" Tom asked, needing to be sure. "You're
going to remind me of him; he reminds me of you. I can't help that..."

"Nor would I want you to," Chakotay interrupted, knowing it had been
coming. "He was me. I am him. In time, if you can come to care for me half 
as much as you care for him, I will consider myself blessed," he choked
out, as Tom's arms came around him again.

"Time," Tom whispered, his voice not capable of anything else.

"All you need," Chakotay affirmed. "Until you're ready."

"And when I'm ready?" Tom asked, looking at warm brown eyes again.

Chakotay smiled sadly, clearing his throat. 

"Then, give me four days."  

~~~end