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These characters and their environs on the X-Files belong to 
1013 Productions and Chris Carter.  No infringement is 
intended.  I just want to play with the boys for a while before 
I let them go back to the lives they don't have on the show. 
This is just for fun, no money is being made from this.  

This story involves sex between two men, aka: slash.  If that 
is *not* your cup of tea, sweet as it is, then don't read it! 
(simple, ain't it??)

Feedback is *very* much appreciated, and always 
answered.  Flames will be passed around to friends and 
chuckled over.  :)  This is a h/c story, a major angst fest, and 
involves assisted suicide.  So, if you can't stand it, don't read 
it. 

Huge thanks to Bronwyn and torch for betaing this for me. 
Any remaining mistakes are solely my fault.

This is dedicated to Yvonne, for the next time . . .

'Tails' by Amirin - 4/97


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Mulder stood in the shower, letting the hot water hit him full 
in the face, and tried not to think about what a lousy day 
he'd had.  He had barely said three words to Scully all week, 
been hostile and uncommunicative and Skinner was about 
ready to tear a strip off him, he knew.  He was having a hard 
time making himself give a damn.  About anything, these 
days.  Scully was worried, Skinner was pissed and worried, 
and he felt . . half alive, numb, even.  He got no joy out of 
anything, lately, and couldn't remember the last time he'd 
laughed, or even smiled for that matter. He wasn't looking 
forward to the weekend, what the hell was the point?  Mulder 
knew he was wallowing, so what?  Not like there was 
anyone around to see it, anyway.

He sighed, cut the water, and stepped out of the shower, 
then dried off quickly, slinging the damp towel around his 
hips.  He headed out of the steam-filled bathroom and 
stopped dead in his tracks.  Alex Krycek was sitting on the 
bed, one hand in the pocket of the leather jacket he was 
wearing, with *his* gun in his other hand, resting easily on 
his slender, jean-clad thigh.

Krycek smiled gently at Mulder's stunned expression, seeing 
him, seeing the gun.  His smile turned somewhat sad as the 
familiar wariness and distrust clouded Mulder's features and 
he sighed.

"It's all right, Mulder, I'm not here to hurt you," he said, in a 
soft voice that the agent had never heard before.  He 
grinned slightly at Mulder's pointed look at the gun in his 
hand before he held it out for him to take, offering it to the 
man butt first. 

Mulder's eyes widened a bit before he carefully closed the 
distance between them and gingerly removed his weapon 
from Krycek's outstretched hand, ignoring the muted tingle 
he felt as their fingers made brief contact.  He wasn't going 
to think about that now; he didn't need the distraction.  Being 
distracted around Alex Krycek could get him killed.  He 
sighed; if Krycek had wanted him dead, he would've been, 
easily.  He knew he should be calling Scully, or Skinner, but 
he'd never seen the look on the other man's face that he 
was seeing now and, he had to admit, his curiosity was 
piqued.
 
"Krycek, what the hell do you want?" he asked, tiredly, not 
really understanding or trusting the wry, sad smile on the 
other man's face. 

Alex snorted softly, almost a chuckle, looking up at Mulder. 
"You're holding it in your hand, Mulder," he said quietly, 
seeing the confusion cross the other man's face as he 
looked at his gun.  "But, not exactly like that."  

Krycek reached next to him for the bathrobe thrown 
carelessly over the foot of the bed and tossed it to Mulder, 
who put the gun on the bedside table, then slipped the robe 
on, stepping into the bathroom to throw the towel over the 
bar.

"Sit down, please, I need to talk to you," Krycek said, still 
speaking quietly, as though to keep from spooking Mulder, 
when he came back into the bedroom.

Mulder ran his fingers through his still-damp hair, deciding, 
for the moment, to humor him.  The faster he cooperated, 
the faster the man would get the hell out of here. He took a 
seat on the bed a reasonably safe distance from Krycek, as 
though the rogue agent carried a contagion he was afraid to 
catch.  In reality, he simply didn't think he could stand to be
too close to Alex.  Pieces of himself were beginning to wake 
up and pay attention to their surroundings, for the first time 
in weeks.  He really didn't need this.  Or, maybe he did, but 
he didn't want Krycek to be the one responsible for it.  He 
turned his thoughts outward, as the other man began to 
speak.

"I need your help," Krycek started slowly, ignoring Mulder's 
incredulous look.  "I have a brain tumor, right about here," 
he pointed to a spot towards the back of his skull, about 
halfway between his ear and the nape of his neck.  "A 
couple of inches in, and it's inoperable.  It's killing me, Fox," 
he paused, meeting Mulder's startled hazel eyes with his 
own clear green.  "But not quickly enough.  I need your 
help." He took a shuddering breath, let it out slowly.  "I want 
you to help me die."

Mulder sat there, knowing his shock was written all over his 
face, trying not to feel like someone had kicked him in the 
gut.  "Krycek . ." he started, when Alex interrupted him.  
"Look, I know that this is probably a dream come true for 
you, but hear me out, please," he halted for a moment, 
looking to Mulder as though he were gathering himself 
together.  "I don't want my body pulled out of a dumpster 
with a bullet hole in the back of the skull.  I don't want to be 
dredged out of a lake after the spring thaw, or have my 
unidentifiably charred remains discovered after a car-bomb 
explosion.  I don't want to be found, garroted, in a ditch 
somewhere, or have parts of me turn up all over the country, 
a leg in Nebraska, a hand in Miami," he paused at what he 
thought was Mulder's grimace of distaste.  "And I don't want 
to check into a hospital and spend months waiting to die, or 
be killed by a total stranger poisoning my I-V line."  He 
stopped, ran his hand through his already tousled hair, and 
sighed with resignation. 

"I don't know, maybe I deserve to die like that," he started 
again, when Mulder interrupted him. 

"No one deserves to die like that, Alex," Mulder said quietly, 
buried under the weight of his own thoughts, yet surprising 
Alex when he didn't add 'Not even you.'

"I don't *want* to die like that, Fox," he whispered, then 
cleared his throat, allowing his voice to come out a little 
louder.  "My life, lately, has been ugly, vicious, violent, and 
solitary," he said softly, meeting Mulder's gaze.   "I just don't 
want my death to be the same way, that's all."

Mulder cleared his throat, his own sympathy for Krycek 
surprising him. When was the last time he'd felt *that* for 
anyone, why *Alex Krycek*?

"Why do you *need* my help?  Why can't you just . ." he 
trailed off at the odd look on the other man's face.

Krycek brought his right hand up and *knocked* on his left 
arm.  Mulder's eyes closed slowly as he cringed inside at the 
hollow sound echoing from an arm that was no longer flesh. 
He opened his eyes to see Alex looking at him, his sad 
expression mirroring Mulder's.

"They're taking me a piece at a time, Fox," he said, in a 
rough voice.  "I want to die before there's nothing left of me 
that I recognize."  He stopped as he watched Mulder turn his 
head, trying to hide his pity, he thought, until the man turned 
back and he saw the sadness in the hazel eyes.

"I can't do this myself or I would; I need your help. Fox, with 
everything they've done to you, everything they've taken 
from you, they've never been able to touch your 
compassion, or your capacity for mercy," he said, seeing 
Mulder's eyes widen.  "I'm counting on that, now.  Please, 
Fox ... help me die."

Mulder shook his head, not saying 'no', but incredulously.  "I 
thought you hated my guts, Alex," he said, some of his dry 
humor coloring the words.

Krycek smiled wryly at him. "That's a coin you really need to 
turn over, Fox," he answered quietly.  It took about a 
four-count, but finally Mulder's eyes widened, his expression 
stunned.

"Oh, you have *got* to be kidding me," he said, shaking his 
head in denial and something that almost felt like dispair. 
Why *this*?  Why *now*?

Krycek sighed.  "There are things you need to know.  I don't 
know if it'll make it easier for you, or harder," he paused, 
taking a deep breath, looking Mulder square in the eye.  

"I did not kill your father, Fox," he stopped, seeing the other 
man's eyes narrow.  "I was there, in the bathroom, hiding in 
the shower, when the shot came through the window.  I left 
the same way, before you got to him."  Mulder's eyes had 
closed while Krycek was talking, opened, the wounded look 
in them cut right through Alex.  "What were you doing 
there?"  Mulder asked him, in a deadly calm voice.

"I needed to talk to him, warn him. I wanted him to try to 
distract you from what you were doing, send you off in 
another direction, a safer one.  They were so close to taking 
you and Scully out altogether.  You were more of a liability to 
them then you knew.  I thought that if I talked to your father, 
maybe he could offer you something else to chase, to 
protect you.  I didn't think they'd kill him to keep you from 
getting to the truth."  He stopped, seeing that Mulder 
believed him, relieved by it.

"I didn't kill Scully's sister, either," he halted at the disbelief 
in Mulder's eyes, but he needed to tell him. "Cardinale and I 
were there, I *thought*, to plant a few bugs, surveillance 
equipment.  She came through the door, and he shot her, 
said he 'panicked'," Krycek said with scorn that Mulder could 
easily hear. "But, I saw the look on his face when I turned 
her over," he looked at Mulder, openly and honestly.  "He 
wasn't *panicked*, he was *pissed*.  It might have *looked* 
like a convincing accident, but it *stunk*, let me tell you.  He 
was there to kill your partner.  I didn't know, Fox, I swear to 
you, I didn't know.  I remember the hell you went through 
when they *took* Scully, there's no way I'd have gone along 
with *killing* her." He stopped at the amazement on Mulder's 
face.  "Why would it have mattered to you, one way or the 
other, Krycek?" Mulder asked with quiet bitterness.

"It wouldn't have mattered to me, but it would've mattered to 
you ... and *that* would've mattered to me," Krycek said 
simply.  "And the why is the reason I'm here." He paused, 
looking at Mulder, gently smiling.  "Fox," he nearly 
whispered, looking down at the arm that wasn't, "I want 
*you* to be the one I see before I die, not some nameless, 
faceless assassin."  

He looked up at Mulder, seeing again the compassion and 
sorrow, for him, and it rocked him. He felt an unfamiliar 
burning in his eyes and surprised himself when he felt the 
first tear travel slowly down his cheek.  He caught it on his 
fingers and stared.  Christ, he couldn't remember the last 
time he'd *cried*.  He met Mulder's searching gaze, watched 
with shock as the man moved closer to him, and saw his 
hand slowly come up, gentle fingers brushing away the tears 
falling from his eyes.

Mulder felt like he was moving on autopilot, lighting touching 
Alex's face, marvelling at the softness of the man's skin. 
Damn, tears made him seem so *human*, not the monster 
he'd tried so hard to convince himself he hated. He could 
barely bring himself to admit, honestly, that what he felt for 
Alex was no longer hatred, if it ever had been.  He mentally 
shook himself and brought his attention back to the man 
before him.  "How?" he asked softly, watching as Alex 
reached into the pocket of his leather jacket and pulled out a 
syringe and a small, glass vial of clear liquid, then a section 
of thin, rubber tubing.  Damn, the man had come prepared. 
He took the vial and looked at Alex questioningly.

"Morphine, enough to kill me several times over," Krycek 
said, tired yet relieved, almost happy that Mulder would give 
him this, do this for him, even after everything.

Mulder took them from him, gently, and reached back to set 
them on the table by the bed, putting the gun in the drawer. 
He turned toward Alex to see him rubbing his forehead with 
his hand, thumb on one temple, middle finger on the other, 
slowly massaging in small circles.

"Headache?" he asked, softly.  

Krycek nodded.  "Yeah, they've been getting worse the last 
few weeks," he said, not even hearing the bone-weary 
fatigue in his voice.  

Mulder, though, heard it clearly, and scooted even closer to 
Alex, shifting until he was sitting cross-legged on the bed, 
nearly touching the man next to him. He briefly hesitated, 
then tentatively reached out and brought his hands to the 
man's head, a palm on each temple, and continued the 
movements, the gentle circles, hearing Alex's groan and 
sigh.

God, it felt good and Krycek's head bowed as though it was 
too heavy for his neck to support.  He started somewhat to 
feel a gentle hand on the back of his neck, pushing his head 
forward onto Mulder's shoulder.  He leaned into the contact, 
breathing in the scent of the man, just-washed clean and 
Mulder making a dizzying combination.  He felt those hands 
move through his hair, up from his neck, over the top of his 
head, fingers splayed, fingertips rubbing over his scalp. 
Alex sighed.  Damn, nothing had felt this good in ages.  He 
moved his hand up Mulder's back, not really thinking about 
it, feeling the warmth of the man's skin through the thin 
fabric of the robe.

Warnings were sounding loudly in Mulder's head, but he 
ignored them.  He'd had his fill of pain and death in recent 
years; if there was anything he could do to ease the one 
while giving Alex the other, by God, he would.  He felt the 
man shiver slightly as he let his hands travel gently over 
Alex's neck, working the tight shoulders through the soft 
leather.  Damn, his thin frame had gotten thinner since the 
last time Mulder had seen him. He pulled back slightly, 
watching Alex's face as he unzipped the leather jacket.  The 
man was so pale, almost ashen, his eyes tired, the once 
vibrant, startling green now somewhat faded. He slipped the 
jacket off Alex's shoulders and eased it down his arms, 
tugging on the cuffs to get it off, then tossed it onto the chair 
near the bed.

"Help me get this off?" Krycek asked him, rapping again on 
the artificial arm.  "It wasn't part of the original equipment 
when I came into the world, damned if I'm going out with it," 
he said wryly, seeing the rusty grin on Mulder's face, as he 
undid the fastenings and carefully eased it off, leaning to set 
it on the chair under the jacket, out of sight.  

"You haven't done that much lately, have you?  Smile, I 
mean," he said with soft perception, as his hand cupped 
Mulder's chin, thumb lightly caressing just below that 
wonderful lower lip, waiting for him to pull away.  

The other man didn't, though, just shook his head, letting 
Alex's hand remain where it was.  "Not much to smile about 
these days," he said, with a touch of self-pity.

Krycek nodded, cocking his head.  "I am certainly in touch 
with *that* emotion."

Mulder could've kicked himself; *he* wasn't the one dying, 
for Christ's sake, needing to come to an old enemy for help 
so he could die with a little dignity, a little peace.  God, he 
felt like a selfish ass.  It made him think about all the grief 
he'd given Scully this week, the grumbling, the infamous 
sulks; how the hell did she put up with him? He looked at 
Alex, saw complete understanding there, like the man knew 
what he was thinking.

"Don't beat yourself up for it, Fox.  You've got the right to be 
depressed.  *I'm* the one with a way out.  *I'm* the one who 
won't have to deal with it all tomorrow.  You're the one who 
still has to keep looking, fighting, for the truth, for what you 
believe in," Krycek said, seeing the guilty look on Mulder's 
face. 

"It almost makes me envy you," Mulder said quietly.

"Don't you *ever* think that," Krycek hissed at him, the 
intensity startling Mulder.  "You have everything to live for, 
more reasons than I've *ever* had. You can look forward to 
life.  The best I can do is choose how I *die*; it's the only 
choice left and the only thing I have to look forward to is a 
peaceful death with the help of one of the many people on 
this planet who wants me dead," he paused, seeing Mulder 
shaking his head.

"I only wanted you dead because I thought you'd murdered 
my father and Scully's sister.  Those reasons don't exist 
anymore.  I feel guilty as hell for wishing you dead, in the 
past.  I don't now, and I would do anything I could to change 
this for you, Alex.  God, I'm sorry.  I am so sorry," he 
whispered, watching the green eyes fill with tears.  
Unthinking, he reached out to pull Alex closer to him, 
wrapping his arms around the man. 

Alex didn't know what to do, Mulder's sympathy and regret 
were not things he'd bargained for. He knew regret was not 
his exclusive domain anymore than guilt was Mulder's, but 
he hadn't been expecting this.  The gentleness with which 
Mulder held him, shit, he hadn't anticipated *that*, either. 
He almost felt like he was taking advantage of the man, but 
he didn't have the will to back away, not when it felt so 
wonderful to be held like this.  He felt Mulder carefully 
rubbing his back, the warmth from his hand going right 
through the black t-shirt he wore.  Damn, this was 
dangerous, but he couldn't stop his own arm from wrapping 
around Mulder, wishing acutely that he had two to hold him 
with.  Without really realizing what he was doing, he began 
stroking Mulder's cheek with his own, almost nuzzling the 
man. He felt the strong arms about him loosen and, finally 
becoming aware of his actions, he stopped short and pulled 
away.

Krycek nearly quit breathing when Mulder moved back and 
took his face in his hands.  His eyes closed as he felt gentle 
lips kiss his eyelids, following his eyebrows, up his forehead, 
down a temple . . God, this was incredible.  The haze was 
rapidly lifting in his mind, bringing where he was and who he 
was with into startling clarity.  He felt Mulder kiss one cheek, 
travel across his nose, kiss the other, then nothing.  He 
opened heavy eyes to see Mulder actually *smiling* at him, 
this one a much improved effort over the earlier attempt, by 
far.  

"Oh, you have *got* to be kidding me," he whispered, in an 
unknowing echo of Mulder's statement a few moments ago. 
His eyes widened, the man was *chuckling*, for the love of 
Christ.

The look on Alex's face was priceless, Mulder couldn't help 
laughing, trying not to, aware that it would be nearly 
hysterical, matching the mood he suddenly found himself in. 

"I'm *not* kidding, Alex," he said, sobering.  

"What the hell are you playing at?  You're not gay," Krycek 
bit off, though softly, not knowing what Mulder's game was.

Mulder shook his head.  "No, I'm not, but I found out a long 
time ago, at Oxford, that I could be . . flexible when it came 
to the gender of people I was attracted to."  There, he'd said 
it.  And meant it.

Krycek's eyes widened.  "You're *serious*, about this, aren't 
you?  You're not screwing around with me, here, are you?"

Mulder grinned, so close to evilly that it gave Alex 
goosebumps.  "Well, not yet I'm not, no.  But I'd like to, if 
you'll let me. I really would," he finished seriously, simply, 
seeing Alex's eyes close for a moment, those absurdly long 
lashes resting against his pale cheeks.

Krycek sighed and opened his eyes.  Just maybe there was 
a god that didn't have it in for Alex Krycek, after all.  Shit, 
like he could say 'no' to an offer like that.  He couldn't, so he 
didn't.

"Yes," he breathed, barely any voice behind the word at all, 
mesmerized by Mulder's face, by those gorgeous hazel 
eyes, as he came closer and gently touched his lips to 
Alex's.  

Both men groaned softly as their lips met. Krycek felt like 
he'd been prematurely reduced to ashes, in the heat of 
Mulder's kiss.  God, that mouth was amazing, all hot velvet 
and intoxicating sweetness.  The other man's tongue 
stroked Alex's, a stroke he felt all the way to his cock, as
fingers tangled in his hair.  Alex moaned into Mulder's 
mouth, put his hand on the chest in front of him, felt the 
rapid heartbeat through the robe, and gently pushed him 
away, before he had a heart attack.  Mulder took his hand 
and kissed the palm, then started sucking on the index 
finger, eyes closed, face glowing in rapt attention.  He 
stopped, kissed the wrist, then briefly kissed Alex, the touch 
too short to bring them both back into desire, again.  

"I need to get a few things ready," Mulder said quietly, 
breathing hard. "I do *not* want to be interrupted and you 
wouldn't believe how easy it is to break into my damned 
apartment."

Krycek laughed outright, delighted when Mulder joined him, 
realizing what he'd said.  "Well, maybe you *would*," he said 
in dry humor, still chuckling.

"I'm going to grab a shower, if you don't mind," Alex said, as 
Mulder shook his head and stood up.
       
"Not at all, I'll be a while.  Fresh towels under the sink to the 
right," he finished, leaning down to kiss Alex again, getting 
hooked on the taste of the man. He silently berated himself 
for waiting so long to do this.  Too long and, now, too late.

Krycek headed into the bathroom while Mulder walked into 
the living room, shutting off phones as he went, turning off 
his answering machine and cell phone, then went into the 
kitchen.  He reached into a drawer and pulled out a hammer, 
grabbed a large handful of long nails out of a box, and went 
back into the living room.  He made sure the door was 
locked, thoughtful of Alex to relock it after picking it open, 
then deadbolted it, putting the chain on and wedging the 
stop under the door in the corner.  Taking the hammer and 
nails, he meticulously went around the frame, driving each 
one far enough into the door to keep it from being opened 
from the outside.   He left each nail so he could still use the 
claw on the hammer to get them out, later.  No one was 
getting through that door, not tonight, he thought, ignoring 
the bizarreness of his actions.  He wanted Alex to feel safe 
and secure, a luxury he hadn't had in way too long, Mulder 
was willing to bet.  He didn't care what he had to do, to give 
his former partner the peace he deserved to die with.  He 
shook his head at the sorrow inside him at that thought and 
headed over to the window.  He was still standing there, 
debating nailing it shut, too, when he felt Alex's arm come 
around him from behind, pulling him backward into the 
man's chest.

"You think that's necessary?" he asked, kissing the side of 
Mulder's neck.  "No one can get in through there, not without 
rappelling down from the roof."  He paused as Mulder's eyes 
narrowed at the thought, then cracked up again as the man 
went over and nailed the damn window shut.  Mulder tossed 
the hammer onto the desk and grinned at Alex, driving the 
gloom from his thoughts. 

"They don't call me paranoid for nothing, you know.  I've 
worked damned hard to get that way, can't afford to get 
sloppy now," he said, chuckling as he took Alex into his 
arms and kissed him 'til his knees buckled.  He pulled away, 
brushing the damp hair out of green eyes, leering at the 
towel the man was wearing and the evidence of his arousal 
beneath it.  He put his arm around Alex and led him down 
the hall.  Mulder paused near the bed when they got back to 
the bedroom, looking at Alex.  He reached out with a gentle 
hand and caressed the other man's bare chest with the 
backs of his fingers, watching the green eyes dilate slightly. 
He could feel the heartbeat going crazy under his hands as 
he stroked the visible ribs, brushing his thumbs over the 
nipples until they hardened, smiling when Alex groaned.  His 
fingertips followed the tops of the shoulders, going back 
along the collarbone, then out again.  He used one finger to 
trace Alex's left shoulder down the arm as far as it went, 
relieved that the man didn't cringe at the contact.  Leaving 
one hand on Alex's chest, he brought the other around to the 
back of his neck and pulled him close, kissing him lightly on 
the lips.

Krycek brought his hand up and rested it on Fox's chest, 
over his heart. He could feel how fast it was beating, felt his 
own speed up even more to keep pace with it.  Then, oh, 
God, the feel of that mouth on his, warm and soft and utterly 
delicious.  He groaned again, like he could help it, and felt 
Fox smile under his lips.  Alex licked lightly with his tongue 
on that ridiculously full lower lip, felt the man shiver slightly 
as he entered his mouth.  Fox's tongue immediately found 
his and they sank into each other, exploring.  The kiss 
quickly turned hungry and wild, while still holding on to a 
gentleness that had been such a stranger to Alex, lately.  

He tore his mouth away from Fox's and let his teeth graze 
the man's ear, trying to remember that breathing was a good 
thing.  Strong arms came around him and he gasped when 
teeth bit gently into his neck, knowing it would leave a mark. 
He couldn't have cared less; this kind of bruise was 
completely different from his usual experience and he 
wanted it, needed it.  Fox's mouth was making his legs 
weak, tongue tracing the column of his throat.  He let his 
head fall back in total surrender, letting Fox do whatever he 
wanted, and the man nibbled and licked his neck.  Lips 
fastened on the lobe of his ear and a soft, warm breath 
caressed it. 

It made Alex shiver and he returned the hot, wet caress with 
his own, letting his tongue follow the curve of Fox's ear until 
he reached the throat, then down, down that gorgeous 
chest, hitting paydirt when the agent groaned.  He reached 
behind the man and caressed his back down to his ass, 
bringing him forward, feeling his hardness against his own 
through the thin robe and towel.  He inhaled sharply when 
Fox began grinding his hips into his own, moving slowly. 

Krycek lowered his head until his lips found one nipple and 
he laved it with his tongue, sucking on it gently.  When it 
hardened in his mouth, he turned his attention to the other 
one, feeling fingers threading harshly through his hair, as the 
man before him jerked and groaned.  He barely noticed Fox 
lightly running his fingers just inside the towel around his 
waist, loosening it until it fell, and he kicked it away from his 
feet. He moved his hand to the tie on the robe, a slight tug 
undoing it, then pushed the robe off one of Fox's shoulders. 
Fox shrugged out of it for him and hurled it at the bed.  It 
missed completely, landing instead on the chair, burying 
Alex's jacket and the prosthetic arm beneath it. 

Mulder took Alex back into his arms and held him like he 
didn't plan on ever letting go.  His mind was busily recording 
every touch, taste and smell, and he really wanted to send it 
into overload, so he kissed Alex again.  Christ, the man 
could kiss, all sweetness and fire, hunger and tenderness. 
He felt the fire seep into him slowly, igniting parts of himself 
long numbed and buried, and caught Alex's hunger when his 
tongue touched his own.  He wished his skin could breathe 
enough to sustain his need for oxygen, so he wouldn't have 
to release that unbelievable mouth in order to gasp for air. 
Feeling the beautiful body quivering slightly, he reached 
down and took Alex's erection into his hand.  His eyes went 
dark with arousal when his partner groaned his name as he 
thrust into the gentle hold Mulder had on him. 

Fox pushed him gently toward the bed until his legs hit it. 
Alex lay back, watching the other man watch him, as Fox 
continued to stroke and tease his cock until he was close to 
screaming.  His eyes opened wide in shock and dismay 
when it all stopped, then opened wider when he saw the 
man lie down between his legs.  He moaned when he felt a 
hot, wet tongue work slowly up his thighs, first one then the 
other, long, agonizingly slow licks, until Fox reached his 
cock again, going down on it, making him cry out.  He 
reached down and lightly rested his hand on the dark head, 
stroking the soft hair, as that wonderful mouth kissed and 
licked him until he was thrashing on the bed, groaning.  He 
moaned softly in frustration when Fox stopped, again.

"How do you want it, Alex?" Mulder whispered with intense 
breathlessness, looking up at him, hazel eyes glittering. "In 
my mouth or in me?"  

Krycek was thunderstruck.  Good lord, he was being given a 
*choice*?  Come to think of it, there was no choice.

"In you, Fox," he whispered back.  "Oh, God, in you."

He groaned as the man came slithering up his body, the 
skin on skin contact threatening to burn out his synapses, as 
his lover nibbled and kissed his way up his stomach, then 
his chest.  Alex sighed as he felt a hot tongue licking his 
nipples and arched up into him, gasping when teeth 
fastened gently onto one.  He brought his head up, groaning 
loudly, until Fox kissed him, pushing him back down, 
devouring his mouth again in a slow but passionate 
exploration.  Alex brought his hand down to Fox's ass, 
caressing the cleft with gentle fingers, just brushing the 
small opening, going in circles around it.  

Mulder inhaled sharply, tore his mouth away, and stretched 
out over him, reaching into the stand next to the bed, to 
bring out a tube of lubricant.  Popping the top with his teeth, 
he squeezed some onto Alex's fingers.  Tossing the tube 
next to them on the bed, he resumed kissing the man 
beneath him senseless as Alex brought his hand back to 
Fox's ass and continued his slow stroking.  

He gently worked his fingers into the tight opening, first one, 
then another, loving the way Fox was nearly whimpering with 
need into his mouth, as he began moving back against 
Alex's hand. 

Mulder groped for the tube, found it, and got it open without 
having to stop kissing Alex.  Squeezing some onto his own 
fingers, he moved easily to one side and began stroking 
Alex's cock, while Alex continued to prepare him. He let his 
tongue tangle with his partner's as the man started thrusting 
into Mulder's hand. 

"How do you want me?" Mulder asked, breathlessly, loving 
the dazed, flushed look on Alex's face.  Alex didn't know that 
it mattered how, until he remembered he only had one arm 
to work with.  Hell, the last time he'd done this, he'd had two 
and now he couldn't tell how to go about it.

Mulder saw the confused look on Alex's face and smiled 
gently.

"Hey, don't worry about it.  If something doesn't work, we'll 
just have to try it another way, until we get it right," he said 
softly, watching the man grin.  "Even if it takes all night," he 
finished, before claiming Alex's mouth again in a fiery kiss, 
feeling the man's groan vibrate all the way to his cock.

Krycek moved away from Fox's assault on his lips; 
wonderful as it was, other parts of his body were also 
screaming for attention.

"Hands and knees, then," he gasped, as Fox gave his cock 
one last long, hard stroke before moving off to the side. 
Alex got behind him, leaning on the strong back beneath 
him, as he slowly eased himself into that beautiful body, 
groaning loudly at the tightness, the incredible heat. He 
moved his arm across Fox's chest, holding onto the opposite 
shoulder and gently began thrusting in and out of his 
unbelievably responsive partner.

The slow pace was driving Mulder stark raving mad, but he 
didn't want to thrust back into Alex for fear of knocking him 
off balance.  Still, he didn't think he could take much more of  
this slow in and out, not without spraining something.

"God, Alex, more, *please*," he grated, trying to keep from 
taking over, "harder, *do it*."

"I don't want to hurt you," Krycek gasped back, laying his 
cheek on Fox's back, licking his way slowly down the spine, 
making sure the pace stayed infuriatingly the same.

"Dammit, you won't hurt me, you're *not* hurting me, please, 
Alex.  I need more of you," Mulder ground out, shuddering 
under his lover's tongue, feeling teeth lightly nipping down 
his back.

"If I'm not hurting you," Krycek groaned, "why aren't you 
moving?"

Mulder growled and moved slowly back into Alex, who thrust 
forward into him a little harder. As long as Alex held onto his 
shoulder, he'd be fine, Mulder realized, moving backward 
with gradually increasing speed and intensity.

"Oh, God, *yes*.  That's it, Fox, yes, just like that," Alex 
groaned, speeding up, as his fingernails dug into his lover's 
shoulder.  

"Harder, Alex.  Fuck me harder, *now*," Mulder grated out 
through clenched teeth, moaning loudly when he felt Alex 
thrust into him with force enough to take his breath away.

The reality of who he was inside of hit Alex like a gunshot. 
Christ almighty, this was Fox Mulder under him, groaning 
with every thrust, moving back into him hard and fast. His 
former partner, for crying out loud, bucking wildly beneath 
him, arching up into him. Alex wished he had another hand, 
so he could bring Fox off as he came.  There was no way he 
could let go of the man to do it.

"God, Alex, come in me . . now, come in me. I want to feel 
you . . *yes*, oh *yes*, oh, shit, *Alex*!"  

Krycek felt like someone had lit a fuse along his backbone; 
fire shooting up his spine, straight into his skull, where it 
exploded within him. He felt himself tightening up and, 
sinking his teeth into Fox's shoulder to muffle the noise, let 
his world come apart as his climax hit him and he came 
deep inside Fox, shouting hoarsely.

Mulder sank slowly into the mattress, taking Alex with him, 
his erection nearly painful.  He hadn't come, yet, hadn't 
really wanted to.  He wanted to be inside Alex when he did, 
but the pressure of his own weight lying on his hard cock 
was limiting his ability to breathe.  He sighed as he felt Alex 
roll off him to the side, pulling out of him, then falling onto 
his back.  Staying on his stomach, he looked at the man 
lying next to him. Damn, Alex was beautiful.  Green eyes 
glowing, soft smile just touching those perfect lips, face 
flushed, he was absolutely gorgeous.  Mulder smiled lazily, 
his eyebrows arching into question marks at Alex's nod.

"Much better," Krycek said softly, tracing Fox's lips with a 
gentle finger. "Now, *that's* a smile."  He laughed at Fox's 
widening grin, then inhaled sharply as Fox's mouth came 
open and closed around his finger, teeth biting playfully into 
it.  He groaned and pulled it out, leaning in to kiss the man, 
wrapping his hand around the back of his lover's head. 

"Your turn," he whispered into Fox's mouth, his hand moving 
down to stroke the man's erection, as Fox rolled onto his 
side, thumb gently slicking his precum all over the head of 
his shaft.  He brought his hand up and licked his thumb, 
then put it into his mouth to clean it off, never releasing 
Fox's narrowed eyes, as he sucked all the slick fluid off it.  

"I'm yours for the taking, Fox," he whispered roughly, 
moaning when his lover pounced on him, the feel of hot skin 
on skin starting to arouse him yet again.  "How do you want 
me?" he gasped, seeing the man reaching for the lubricant 
again.  He swiftly tangled his legs around Fox and rolled 
them both over, not allowing the man to protest as his mouth 
descended on Fox's.  He slid slowly down that warm, 
wonderful body, kissing the chest, swirling his tongue 
around the nipples, until they were hard points, then moving 
farther south.  

"Alex, you don't have to," Mulder started, then abruptly 
stopped with a gasp as his lover's talented mouth engulfed 
his cock, causing his desire to rocket through him, making 
him quiver under teasing licks and kisses.  He groaned, low 
and long, feeling Alex chuckle as he licked his length, lightly 
nipping the sides, before moving his mouth over him again 
and taking him down to the root.  He cried out, tangling his 
fingers in Alex's hair, as his hips bucked upwards, 
uncontrollably.  If Alex kept this up, he'd be coming in 
another heartbeat or two.  

"*Alex*, stop," he gasped out.  "Too close.  God, not yet."

Green eyes looked up at him, that perfect mouth, grinning. 
"So, where do you want me?" he asked softly, keeping eye 
contact as he gave Fox another swipe with his tongue.

Mulder moaned then chuckled, meeting Alex's questioning 
look with a wry grin on his face.  "Dammit, where *don't* I 
want you?" he grinned down at him. "Come back up here, 
next to me, I want to touch you," he said, suddenly serious 
again.

Krycek worked his way upward until he and Fox were again 
at eye level, wondering, not for the first time, about the 
man's mercurial mood swings.  He lay on his back as Fox 
came into his side, softly stroking his chest while nuzzling 
his neck.  Sighing, eyes closing in contentment, he let his 
lover enjoy his body.  A gentle hand touched his face, 
fingers tracing its contours over nose, cheekbones, 
eyebrows, chin.  He opened his eyes to see Fox looking at 
him intently.

"What are you doing?  Committing my face to memory?" he 
joked quietly, stunned into silence at Fox's nod.

"I will never forget you," Mulder whispered, smiling sadly at 
him. "Never, Alex."

"Then, you'll keep me alive for as long as you are," Krycek 
whispered, caressing Fox's cheek with his hand, ignoring the 
stinging in his eyes. "I can live with that," he said softly.  "I 
just hope you can."

Mulder nodded, leaning in to kiss Alex again, covering his 
body protectively with his own.  He felt a warm hand begin 
stroking his erection and sighed with pleasure into his lover's 
mouth, thrusting slowly into the heat that surrounded him. 

Alex rubbed his thumb around the head of the hard cock in 
his hand, spreading the precum all over it, hearing the man 
above him sigh.  He felt Fox reaching for the lube again, 
then felt a slick finger enter him as he moved his legs apart, 
moaning softly.

Mulder moved up to kneel between Alex's legs, adding a 
second finger. His cock throbbed as the other man 
responded, back arching off the bed, moving against his 
fingers.  He watched his lover going crazy, each groan 
making him even harder. Lifting the long legs off the bed, he 
placed them over his shoulders, moving in closer to slowly 
enter Alex, hearing him gasp.  The incredible heat made him 
groan Alex's name as he worked his way into his lover's 
body, each thrust taking him just a little deeper, until he was
all the way inside.

Alex was losing it, completely losing it.  When Fox was 
buried in him to the hilt, he thought nothing in his life had 
ever felt so good, that he had never been so turned on. 
Then, Fox took hold of his cock and began stroking it in time 
to his thrusts, making him hard as a rock again, and he 
realized how wrong he'd been.  He couldn't feel his toes 
anymore and had his hand clenched so tightly into the 
sheet, he couldn't feel his fingers, either.  All he felt was the 
man inside him, gradually increasing the speed and strength 
of his thrusts.  He watched his lover, saw the head fall back,
eyes shut, mouth slightly open, groaning every time he sank 
all the way into the heat surrounding him. 

Mulder sped up a little more, opening his eyes at Alex's 
whimper, feeling the man's cock pulse in his hand.  Alex had 
to be close, God knew he sure as hell was.  Glowing green 
eyes met his, as his body shook with the impending climax.

Krycek reached up and lightly scratched down Fox's chest 
with his nails, running over the nipples in a figure eight, 
seeing his lover's face tighten, feeling his hand speed up on 
his cock.

"Come in me, Fox . . I want to feel you come . . I want to 
hear you scream," he ground out, seeing Fox's eyes shut 
tight, the look on his face almost agony.  Alex felt himself 
coming, a wave of nearly unbearable heat running through 
him, so powerful it made him wonder why Fox couldn't feel 
it.  His orgasm tore into him and he heard himself scream 
Fox's name, as he came in his lover's hand.  Mulder's eyes 
flew open just in time to watch Alex come, head thrown 
back, back arched nearly in two, as the muscles surrounding 
him clenched around his cock.  The sensation added to his 
overtaxed nerve endings and his own harsh cry ripped from 
his throat as he came, hard, before collapsing onto the 
beautifully sated body beneath his. 

Krycek let his legs fall off to the sides, exhausted, his hand 
resting on Fox's head, as he tried to get his wind back.  Fox 
was still totally gone, slumped on his chest, his breathing 
nothing more than harsh gasps.  Alex could feel the man 
shaking and grabbed his shoulder to pull him up to him.  
Mulder felt Alex's hand, swallowed past the sawdust in his 
ravaged throat, and slowly moved his way up to collapse 
again at Alex's side.  He tried to open his eyes, but the 
leaden weights attached to them made it impossible.  A 
gentle hand brushed the hair off his forehead, shaking 
slightly, as he finally pried his eyes open and saw Alex 
looking at him with some concern.  He turned toward him, 
groaning, and kissed his shoulder.

"I thought, for a minute, that you'd stroked out on me," Alex 
said quietly, with wry amusement, seeing a ghost of a grin 
cross Fox's lips.  "If you come like that every time, it's a 
wonder you haven't burst a blood vessel by now."

"Quit fishing, Alex.  I haven't come that hard in years," 
Mulder said, with a touch of asperity in his voice, as he 
mock-glared at Alex.

"That good, huh?" Krycek said with smug nonchalance, as 
Fox gently slugged him in the chest, then fell back, 
groaning.  Alex went into his arms, laying his head on Fox's 
chest, feeling safer than he had for too damned long, as 
they closed softly around him, their legs tangling together. 
He sighed, letting his eyes fall shut, feeling Fox's fingers 
combing through his hair, rubbing his scalp, almost as if he 
sensed the headache that was creeping up on his lover 
again.  He felt himself falling into sleep, finally able to let go 
enough to look forward to it, as he burrowed into the man 
next to him. 

Mulder heard Alex's breathing level out, felt his weight sink 
into him, and wondered that it felt so damned natural to have 
this man in his arms.  He kissed the top of Alex's head, 
smiled at his half-aware murmur, and let himself follow his 
lover into sleep.


                   <<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Scully sighed, yet again.  Still no answer at Mulder's, and his 
answering machine was still off, as well.  She'd passed 
annoyed about an hour ago and was now working her way 
toward worried.  Mulder hadn't been himself all week, too 
quiet, too distant.  She didn't know if it was just one thing 
bothering him or a combination of many. She decided to 
stop by his place on her way home, he was going to talk to 
her whether he liked it or not.  Grabbing her purse, she 
headed for the parking garage with a purposeful stride, 
making her way to her car.  Getting in and starting it up, she 
tried not to think about how Mulder was deliberately isolating 
himself at the moment, cutting himself off from her or 
anyone else who might want to help. Scully sighed, pulling 
out of the garage.  It was official, *now* she was worried, 
she realized, as she headed toward Mulder's apartment.


                     <<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Mulder awoke to find Alex stroking his chest, ear over his 
heart, listening to his heartbeat.  He sighed with pleasure. 
Rare were the times he got to wake up with someone in his 
arms.  Looking at the clock, he found it was relatively early 
yet; they'd only been asleep for about an hour. He ran his 
fingers through Alex's dark hair, feeling the man's contented 
sigh whisper across his chest.  Alex turned his head to kiss 
him there, then stilled.

"Fox," he started gently, resignation in his voice.

"*No*," Mulder grated with quiet intensity.

"It's time," Krycek said softly, feeling Fox stiffen under him. 

"Not yet, Alex.  Please," Mulder whispered, pleadingly.  Alex 
looked up at him and Mulder saw the tiredness and 
tightness on the man's face from yet another headache, the 
glowing, green eyes from earlier, now dimmed again.

"Alex, I want as much of you as you can give me . . so I can 
keep you with me for the rest of my life," Mulder started 
slowly, trying to make Alex understand.  "I can't lose you, 
yet, I just can't.  It's not enough.  We've only ..." he trailed 
off, seeing Alex smile slightly, knowing he understood.

"Greedy," Krycek said, the grin in his voice, before he 
sobered, and sighed, moving up next to Fox to meet his 
eyes.  "You can take all of me, all there is, and it won't 
change the fact that I'm dying, Fox," he paused, seeing his 
lover flinch at the reality of it.  "But, okay.  Take as much as 
you want," he finished, knowing, as Fox knew, that it would 
never be enough.

"I know it's selfish, I'm sorry.  I know you're ready, but I'm 
not.  Alex . ." he stopped when Alex silenced him with a kiss.

"You're not being selfish, far from it.  You've given me so 
much. I am ready, you're right about that.  But, I'm also no 
longer afraid of dying, Fox.  I was when I came here, 
terrified, in fact. No longer.  I've finally found a kind of peace, 
the likes of which I've never felt before.  I feel like I'm moving 
towards something good, now, not running away from 
something bad.  I'm tired of running.  And I like knowing that 
I don't have to run anymore," Krycek said quietly, kissing 
Fox again, his soft sigh turning into a groan as it was 
returned with passion and need.

Mulder broke away, finally, and looked at Alex.  God, he 
looked so damn tired, so drawn.  He wanted that glow back, 
the shining eyes, the smile.  He couldn't stand the thought of 
having Alex die looking like life had beaten him. Sighing 
inwardly, he grinned, badly, trying to cover the gloom of his 
thoughts and saw his lover grin back, wryly, not at all fooled. 
He moved on top of Alex, kissed his face all over, then slid 
past him and got out of bed.  "Come on, shower," he said, 
reaching out a hand to Alex, who sighed indulgently, letting 
Fox lead him to the bathroom.

Mulder got the water temperature ready and stepped in, 
turning around to hold Alex gently against the wall with his 
own body.  He grabbed the bottle of shampoo and filled his 
palm with it, rubbing hands together to work up a lather.  He 
ran them through Alex's hair, massaging the scalp, rubbing 
the base of his neck firmly, thumbs working along the 
hairline and temples.  He paused just long enough to bring 
his hands quickly through his own hair, then ducked under 
the water to rinse off, before he grabbed the soap and 
turned his attention once more to his lover.

Krycek just stood there, leaning against the cool wall, and let 
Fox bathe him. He closed his eyes, feeling strong hands 
move to his chest, along his sides, up under his arms, then 
on top of his shoulders.  He felt Fox gently stroke his way 
down the mutilated limb, then the other arm, going down the
length to his hand.  He was carefully moved under the 
shower head and the suds rinsed off.  Gentle hands brought 
him back to the wall again, face first, this time, and he 
sighed as they caressed his back and neck, scratching 
lightly.  He melted into the wall, resting his forehead against
it, and let Fox work his magic on the tired muscles.  Firm 
hands went up and down both legs, from his ass to his feet, 
then slowly, tentatively, began stroking his cock.  Moaning, 
he let his head fall back onto Fox's shoulder, feeling a hot, 
hungry mouth fasten onto the side of his neck.  He felt the 
shower head being adjusted to wash the soap off him, and 
he stopped Fox when the man moved to turn it off.

"Right here," he said quietly, meeting Fox's eyes.  "Now."

Mulder nodded, moved the water spray back to keep them 
both warm, and continued stroking Alex, using his other 
hand to prepare him. He began jerking himself off while 
doing the same to his lover, keeping the speed and grip the 
same, until both of his hands were wet with precum.  He 
lubricated himself with one, while slowly entering Alex with a 
finger on the other, then another, hearing Alex groan his 
name aloud in a long drawn out sigh.

Alex began moving back against Fox's hand, until he felt his 
lover remove his fingers, then cautiously enter him. Fox's 
hand came around to take hold of his own, bringing it up 
against the wall next to his head, lacing his fingers through 
his own.  The other hand took hold of his cock, stroking with 
the same tempo his lover was thrusting into him with.  He 
tightened his fingers and felt Fox's squeeze back in 
response.

Mulder leaned forward to nip at Alex's neck, following the 
curve of an ear with his tongue.  Alex turned his head and 
captured his mouth, letting their tongues mate also, as 
Mulder increased the speed and force of his thrusts and his 
hand.  

Krycek moaned, thinking that Fox couldn't possibly take him 
any more thoroughly than he was.  Fox's mouth left his, 
making him whimper with loss, until he felt teeth biting at his 
throat, before sinking gently into the spot below his ear.  His 
knees nearly gave out on him when the man behind him 
worried his neck, lips softly caressing as the suction 
increased.  He could almost feel the same suction on his 
cock as Fox sped up more, leaving him aware of nothing but 
the sensations flying through his body.  He arched backward 
into his lover, making him groan, then surged forward into 
the firm hand around his own throbbing cock, and echoed 
that groan.

Mulder claimed Alex's mouth again, devouring him, feeling 
his lover shaking, knowing he was close, as well.  Realizing 
he was growing dizzy, he wondered dimly what the hell was  
keeping the other man on his feet.  He heard himself cry out, 
heard Alex answer with a cry of his own, as he felt 
something snap within him, fingers tightening on Alex's.  Hot 
light exploded behind his eyes as he came, pumping his 
seed into Alex an instant before his lover came with a raw 
scream into his hand.  

They stayed still for a moment, letting blood flow back into 
areas of their bodies that hadn't seen any in way too long. 
Mulder pulled slowly out of Alex, making him groan.  He 
turned his lover around to face him, holding him tightly 
against him, letting the aftershocks shudder through them. 
He smiled as he saw bright, though stunned, green eyes 
meet his own, and kissed Alex with gentle passion.  He 
aimed the water at them for a minute, to wash them both off, 
then cut the flow. Reaching out blindly, not wanting to take 
his eyes off of Alex, he found a towel and briskly dried his 
lover, then himself.  Krycek didn't seem capable of forward 
motion on his own, so Mulder put an arm around him, 
helping him out of the shower and back to the bedroom.


                    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Scully had been trying the door to Mulder's apartment, to no 
avail.  The key was turning, but it wasn't opening.  She was 
about to find the super and have him try, when her cell 
phone rang.  <Mulder, thank God>, she sighed with relief as 
she answered it.

"Agent Scully, do you know where Agent Mulder is?"  Oh, 
hell, Skinner, and he didn't sound happy. 

"No sir, I don't.  I'm standing outside his apartment now, but 
I can't get in.  I think he has something blocking the door . ." 
she trailed off, looking at the frame for the first time.  "Oh, 
my God," she whispered.

"Scully, what is it?" Skinner's voice came tersely over the 
phone.

"Nails, sir," she said slowly, wonderingly, seeing the sharp 
ends sticking through.  "He's *nailed* the door shut."

"I'm on my way," Skinner barely finished before hanging up, 
grabbing his coat, and tearing out of his office.


                  <<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Krycek dropped like dead-weight onto the bed and Fox 
crawled in next to him, bringing the covers over both of 
them.  He turned into Fox's embrace, chuckling exhaustedly, 
turning up to look at him, at his sound of inquiry.

"You're going to fuck me to death, aren't you?" he asked, 
laughing.  "Damn, Fox, what a way to go!"

Mulder froze. "How the hell can you joke about it?" he 
asked, running a agitated hand through his hair before 
Alex's shaking body came to gradual stillness.  

"I'm sorry, really," Alex said with quiet sincerity, looking at 
Fox's shocked expression.  "I know this is turning out to be 
harder on you than it is on me. I hadn't planned on this, Fox, 
any of it.  The only thing I *had* planned on, we still haven't 
gotten around to yet.  Being with you, like this, is a complete 
shock to me. I never knew you were attracted to me; I had 
no idea."

Mulder grimaced.  "I didn't want you to know.  I sure as hell 
didn't *want* to be, there, for a while, it wasn't a pleasant 
thought.  What about you?  When did it become the other 
side of the coin for you?"

Krycek grinned.  "Heads, I hated you; tails,  . . ?" he asked, 
trailing off, seeing Fox nod.  He sighed.  "It was never really 
heads, it couldn't have been, not with you.  Heads was 
reserved for people like that black-lunged son of a bitch.  I 
never hated you.  There were plenty of times I *really*, 
*really* didn't like you," he paused, grinning, Fox's answering 
his own.  "But, I never hated you.  As for the other, it's been 
tails for a long time, Fox, a very long time, to me anyway." 
He stopped to see his lover looking desolate.  Shit. 

"I wish we had more time, Alex," Fox started, then stopped, 
unable to finish. 

"I know.  Me too.  But, not this lifetime; it ain't gonna 
happen," Krycek drawled softly.  "I have no more time, Fox. 
 I'm tired, I have no fight left in me, and my body has turned 
against me. It's just a matter of time before I'm dead, one 
way or another.  And I want it to be *my* way, Fox," he 
stopped, looking his lover in the eye.

Mulder closed his eyes, exhaling a heavy sigh.  He felt soft, 
sweet lips touch his own and responded urgently.  Alex 
seemed determined to keep it light and gentle, no matter 
what he did.  He really wasn't trying to stall anymore . . 
Okay, so he was, he didn't want to do this, didn't want to be 
the instrument of Alex's death, wished to hell and back they 
had the time to be more to one another.  Time to maybe, 
just maybe, fall in love with Alex Krycek.  He grinned at the 
total lunacy of it all, started chuckling, then laughing, feeling 
Alex pull away to look at him in amused bewilderment.

"Oh, fuck. Alex, come here," he pulled his lover back into his 
arms and sighed, stroking his back lightly.

"Want to tell me what *that* was all about?" Krycek asked, 
humorous sarcasm dripping from his voice.

Mulder snorted.  "No, not really, you'd never believe me," he 
said, shaking his head.

"Maybe I want to believe," Krycek said softly, feeling warm 
arms tighten around him. 

Mulder pulled back, seeing the bright green eyes smiling at 
him. He kissed his lover lightly, quickly, then looked at him. 
Alex was looking behind him at the bedside table.  The man 
met his eyes and licked his lips, smiling ruefully.

"Now, it's time," he said, with gentle firmness, sighing with 
something akin to relief when Fox nodded reluctantly.  He 
moved away, intending to get up and dress, when a hesitant 
hand on his arm stopped him.  "Don't," Mulder said quietly, 
"I'll take care of it.  I'll take care of everything, don't worry.  I 
just want to hold you, like this," he finished, brokenly, as 
Alex lay back into his arms, watching the hazel eyes fill with
tears.

"Oh, God, Fox, don't.  Don't waste good saltwater on me," 
he stopped, silenced by Fox's mouth on his, the kiss gentle. 
Fox's head dropped into the hollow of his throat, his 
breathing ragged, as Alex gently stroked him, hushing him. 
"Damn, I'm sorry.  This wasn't supposed to hurt you.  That's 
the last thing I want," Krycek rasped, trying to blink away the 
stinging in his own eyes, again.  "I'm sorry, I am so 
*damned* sorry."

"Me, too," Mulder said, into Alex's throat, before looking up 
and sighing, shaking his head, a pained look on his face. 
"I'm sorry for all the wasted time . ." he paused, as Alex 
brought a finger to his lips.

"No more regrets, for either of us.  Not now, not ever again," 
he was halted in mid-thought by the wonderful touch of Fox's 
lips on his. He was trying to keep the kiss from escalating 
again, but he was only human and, damn, his lover was 
persistent.  They lay there, keeping the passion at an even 
level, content to make out like bandits, devouring one 
another.  "Oh, hell. Fox, you are way too good at this," 
Krycek moaned, as his lover kissed his eyelids, his nose, 
and proceeded to plant soft kisses all over his face.  He 
looked up at Fox, and saw him smiling, sadly, but a smile, 
nonetheless.  He didn't want to see it go, but it was time, he 
knew, as he bit his lip, not wanting to remind Fox.

"I know," Fox whispered, smoothing the still-damp hair back 
from Alex's troubled eyes.  "I know."  He reached back over 
them to the table and snagged the rubber tubing.  He felt 
Alex's eyes on him, but couldn't meet them as he tied it off, 
just above his lover's elbow, making sure the loop to undo it 
was right.  He carefully stroked the inside of Alex's elbow, 
finding the vein, then bent and kissed it.  Reaching up again, 
he grabbed the syringe and the vial and sighed, shuddering. 
He looked at Alex, who nodded.

"Go ahead, Fox.  I'm still sure.  I still want it to be this way," 
he stopped, seeing tears in Fox's eyes as the man blinked, 
trying to clear them.

Mulder tried to swallow past the lump in his throat, meeting 
Alex's clear green eyes, seeing the certainty there.  He 
carefully pushed the needle into the small vial, going easily 
through the red rubber stopper, and pulled the plunger back, 
filling the large syringe completely, nearly emptying the 
bottle.  He checked with Alex again, saw total acceptance 
there, as his lover smiled and nodded.  Mulder put the vial 
back on the nightstand and just looked at the syringe.

Krycek brought his hand up to Fox's face, stroking his 
cheek, feeling his own eyes fill as Fox tightly closed his own, 
turning his head into the caress, as he kissed Alex's palm.  

Mulder felt the first tear slip down his face as he looked at 
Alex.  He blinked and sniffed, trying to stop them, but the 
gates were open and there was nothing he could do.  "God, 
Alex," he whispered brokenly, as his lover's fingers brushed 
them away.

"I know," Krycek said, drawing a shuddering breath, 
damning himself for doing this to Fox,  "I know."

Mulder kissed him again and put the needle to Alex's arm. 
He inhaled sharply and gently pushed it in, as Alex sighed. 
He closed his eyes for an instant then slowly depressed the 
plunger, sending the morphine into Alex's system, before 
withdrawing it and tossing it back onto the nightstand.  He 
pulled on the end of the tubing, undoing it, and threw it onto 
the table, as well, gently rubbing the spot where the needle 
had gone in.  He leaned forward to kiss Alex, curling around 
him, when Alex pulled back.

"I want to see you," he said.  Fox nodded and lay next to 
him, leaning on his elbow, one hand on his rapidly beating 
heart, the other running through his hair.

"It's okay, Alex . . I'm right here, and I'm not letting go," 
Mulder said quietly, trying to keep his voice from cracking. 
The temptation to call for paramedics was nearly 
overwhelming, but he'd be willing to bet they'd get there too 
late to save Alex.  Even if they could save him, it would still 
sign the man's death warrant, condemning him to the death 
he didn't want, in a hospital, rather than the one he'd asked 
for. Mulder could give him this, he could give him the way 
out he wanted.  He knew he couldn't bear to see Alex suffer, 
he loved the man too much for ... Oh, God.  Oh, God, *no*. 
He met Alex's eyes, saw the question in them at the 
stunned look he knew was on his face.  He smiled, shaking 
his head, and leaned in to briefly kiss his lover.


                 <<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Scully was still waiting out in the hall, meticulously searching 
around the frame for all the nails Mulder had used to 
barricade himself inside the apartment, when Skinner came 
down the hall. 

"Sir, I don't think we can get through the door without an 
axe," Scully said wryly, though concerned, only half kidding, 
until she saw Skinner head towards the alcove where the fire 
hose, extinguisher, and axe were.  He wrenched it out of its 
bracket and came back to Mulder's door.  Shrugging out of 
his coat and impatiently tearing off his tie, he grasped the 
handle and told Scully to get back out of the way.  

Watching wide-eyed, she saw him heft the axe and, with a 
powerful, two-handed swing, he brought it soundly into the 
center of the door.  Scully flinched as wood splintered, as 
Skinner mercilessly brought the axe up a second time and 
sent it smashing into the door, again.


              <<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Mulder pulled back from kissing Alex, smiling softly at him. 
"How long?" he asked quietly, stroking Alex's chest.

"Not long, few minutes," Krycek murmured, feeling the drug 
hit his system.  It seemed to take a lot of effort, but he  
moved his hand up to take Fox's, anyway, and squeezed 
gently.  "Talk to me, Fox?" he asked, feeling a weight settle 
into his chest, trying to keep his eyes open.

"Easy, shhh, Alex, it's okay.  Don't fight it so hard, I'm right 
here," Mulder leaned close to whisper in his ear, seeing his 
lover struggle to open his eyes.  He moved forward to kiss 
the back of Alex's hand, caressing it with his lips, seeing a 
ghost of a smile cross Alex's face at the touch.  He dimly 
heard something crashing in the living room, but his 
attention was on the man before him and nothing was going 
to distract him from Alex.

"You take care  . . of yourself.  Or I will haunt you . . I mean 
it," Krycek said, finally getting his eyes to cooperate.  "I'll be 
an X-file," he murmured, seeing Fox grin at him through 
tears.

"I'm looking forward to it, Alex," Mulder answered softly, 
tears streaming down his face.

"If I can . . I'll try . ." he trailed off, as Fox hushed him. 
"Wanted . . to tell you . . Always tails," he whispered 
drunkenly, as Fox's face crumpled,  "Loved you . . Still . . 
love you, Fox," he mumbled, barely feeling Fox's hand 
tighten on his own.  "Remember . . that . . tails."

"I know, baby, I know," Mulder said, trying to talk even 
though his throat was closing around his grief, crying quietly, 
not wanting to disturb his lover.  "I'll remember, I will. 
Promise.  I'll never forget, Alex.  I'll never forget you," he 
said, voice shattering completely.  He moved directly into 
Alex's line of vision, "I love you, Alex Krycek.  Do you hear 
me?  I. Love. You." he whispered firmly, seeing Alex's eyes 
fall shut, slight smile still on his face.

"When . . that happen?" he asked, making Fox chuckle, the 
laughter seeping out around the sorrow.

"I don't know," Mulder answered honestly.  "I just realized it 
tonight, when I knew I couldn't let you suffer," he said gently, 
brushing his fingers through the soft hair. "I knew I couldn't 
let you be hurt, or killed in some god-awful way.  I knew I 
had to help you.  That's when I realized," he whispered, 
choking on tears.  "I love you."  Mulder heard more noise 
coming from the other room, recognizing the sound of wood
cracking, and knew someone was coming through the door. 
He moved his hand away from Alex's head and reached 
behind him to get into the drawer on the nightstand, bringing 
the gun out and switching the safety off as he put it between 
them.  He moved his hand back to his lover's head and felt 
Alex's heartbeat shudder.

"Alex, it's okay.  I'm right here. I'm not leaving you.  Shhh, 
easy, baby, I'm right here," Mulder said softly as Alex made 
a slight noise. 

Krycek tensed slightly under Mulder's hand, feeling the 
darkness just beyond him, steadily approaching.  He tried 
not to fight it and just let it wrap itself around him. It felt 
warm and loving, a lot like Fox, he decided, as it gently 
moved through him.  "Alex, just let go, it's okay, just let it 
take you.  Shhh, don't fight it, just let go.  It's all right, Alex, I 
swear it is.  Relax and let go, baby, I've got you," Mulder 
paused, wondering at the slight smile on Alex's face, not 
hearing Scully and Skinner enter the bedroom and take it all 
in.

Scully saw the vial glinting on the stand and quietly crossed 
the room to pick it up, seeing the used syringe as well.  She 
took it back to show Skinner, his eyes widening in 
comprehension as he realized it was morphine and now 
empty.  Scully's eyes settled on Krycek, seeing that he only 
had one arm.  It took everything she possessed not to  
interfere with this assisted suicide, obviously Krycek was 
allowing this to happen, welcoming it in fact. It dawned on 
her that Mulder had one hand in the man's hair and was 
holding the other on Krycek's chest, over his heart.  Her 
eyes widened as she realized both of them were naked 
underneath the sheets, Mulder curled up protectively around 
the other man. Her shocked glance bolted upward to see 
Skinner come to the same realization.

Mulder was barely aware that Scully and Skinner was 
standing in his bedroom, but Alex wasn't gone yet and he 
wasn't going to waste the little time his lover had left, trying 
to explain it all to them.  Let them think whatever the hell 
they wanted to.

He leaned closer to Alex, still stroking his hair, feeling his 
heart labor under their joined hands. "I'm right here, Alex. 
It's all right, shhh.  I've got you . . I've got you," he whispered 
softly, missing Scully and Skinner's startled look.  "Easy, 
Alex, it's okay," he said softly, feeling his lover's heart skip. 
"Let it go, baby.  Just give in, it'll be okay.  It's okay, Alex, 
just let go, let go," he sobbed quietly, gasping for shaky 
breaths.  He felt Alex's heart jump, then again, then 
stillness.  He sank into Alex, quietly crying, bringing his head 
down to Alex's chest, wrapping his arms around him, holding 
him. Mulder knew it was over, but he also knew he'd never 
be able to hold the man again.  Kissing his eyelids, he 
brought his head back over the now silent heart and lay 
there, quietly raging at a fate that had taken someone else 
from him before their time.

He didn't think he'd ever stop crying, long broken sobs, not 
knowing or caring that Scully and Skinner were quietly 
leaving the room.  He felt totally shattered, yet relieved that 
his lover had gone so peacefully.  

Mulder saw the faint smile still on those perfect lips and 
leaned up to kiss him.  "Good-bye, Alex," he said, in an 
agonized whisper.  "I'll miss you, baby. God, I'm going to 
miss you," he barely finished before resting his head on his 
lover's chest, to cry himself out.

Scully felt faintly annoyed with herself for the tears forming 
in her eyes.  She knew Skinner was watching her; she 
ignored him and said nothing. Krycek was dead, apparently 
with Mulder's help. She tried not to leap to any conclusions 
about the scene in the bedroom, or about Mulder's 
relationship with Krycek, whatever it was.  Scully told herself 
the tears were coming out of sympathy with Mulder's evident 
grief, trying to ignore the feeling of near betrayal that was 
creeping up on her. She sat down in the kitchen, not wanting 
to see the demolished door in the living room.

Skinner quietly joined her, saying nothing, respecting her 
silence in part, and partly because he didn't know what the 
hell to say to her. He didn't know what the hell to think, 
either, and was trying not to.  After a while, they heard water 
running in the bathroom, followed by soft footsteps back into 
the bedroom.  A few minutes later, Mulder emerged, looking 
like hell, wearing a pair of grey sweat pants and a black 
t-shirt that Scully didn't recognize.  

Mulder walked silently over to one of the cabinets and 
opened it, pulling out a near-full bottle of whiskey.  He 
grabbed a glass from overhead, a very tall one, and poured. 
Leaning back against the counter, he kept his eyes on the 
floor, quietly sipping his drink.  All he had to do was wait, the 
guys would be here any minute. "Scully," he croaked, his 
voice sounding loud in the silence, "Would you check, just to 
make certain . . that he's . . gone?" he asked, not caring that 
his voice cracked on the last word.

"Sure, Mulder," Scully answered quietly, heading to the 
bedroom, glad to be doing something, in a more or less 
official capacity.  She noticed Krycek was dressed, now, in 
jeans and one of Mulder's FBI Academy t-shirts, with the 
alien on the back.  She appreciated the humor in the 
gesture, but the smile never reached her lips.  Sighing, she 
wondered if the black t-shirt Mulder was wearing had been 
Krycek's, but didn't really want to think about it right then.  It 
took her no time at all to confirm that Alex Krycek was dead, 
the morphine had speeded him on his way to whatever 
awaited him. She walked back into the kitchen and Mulder 
finally raised his head to meet her eyes.  She nodded, not 
missing the look on her partner's face as he turned back to 
the counter, away from her.  

Mulder heard Frohike's voice muttering something about 
what the hell happened to the door, and turned around, 
seeing how Skinner was trying to avoid his searching gaze. 
He grinned slightly, startling Scully.  It was the first thing 
remotely resembling a smile she'd seen in days. 

The guys were moving carefully through the wreckage of the 
door, eyebrows raising at the way Mulder looked, and the 
fact that Scully *and* Skinner were there.  Mulder jerked his 
head behind him. "Bedroom," he said quietly, as the two in 
the kitchen came to stand behind him. "I know it doesn't 
really matter, anymore, but . . be careful, okay?" he asked, 
eyes filling again, damn them.

Frohike nodded.  "Don't worry, Mulder, we'll take good care 
of him," he said quietly, not missing the pain and grief, or the 
tears.

Mulder nodded and headed back into the kitchen, not really 
wanting to see how the guys were going to get Alex's body 
out of there.  The shirt he was wearing smelled like him, a 
vague comfort, but he didn't dwell on it.  He turned and went 
back into the living room, grabbed the hammer off the desk,
and began removing the nails from the battered door.  It was 
quick work and soon what was left of the door was opened. 
The hallways were thankfully deserted, typical for a Friday 
night.  He went back into the kitchen, tossed the hammer 
and nails back into the drawer, grabbed his drink, and sat 
down heavily at the table.

Scully joined him, Skinner remaining where he was, leaning 
against the wall of the kitchen.

"Why," she asked him, quietly.  

Mulder sighed and ran his hand through his hair.  "Because 
he was dying, Scully, brain tumor, inoperable," he answered, 
so quietly Skinner had to come forward to hear him.

"Why did he come to you?" she asked, seeing her partner's 
eyes fill with tears.

Mulder couldn't tell her all of it, didn't want to.  "He knew I'd 
help him."

"Did he tell you he didn't kill your father?" she asked 
carefully, not too surprised when Mulder nodded.  "And you 
believed him?" she asked, a simple inquiry, no judgement 
involved.

"Yes.  I believed him. He was there to talk to my Dad, not to 
kill him. The shot came through the window, while he was 
hiding from me," he replied, tiredly.  "And before you ask, 
yes, he told me he didn't kill Melissa.  He thought he and 
Cardinale were at your place to plant some eavesdropping 
gear, when she walked through the door.  Cardinale said he 
panicked and shot her, Alex didn't buy it."

Scully nodded, thinking <*Alex*>?  But, she said nothing. 
"Why did you help him?" she asked, not daring to ask the 
bigger question.

"Because he went through a list of all the most likely ways 
for him to die, and I didn't like the sound of any of them, 
Scully," Mulder bit off, halting abruptly as Frohike came into 
the kitchen.

"We found these in the chair by the bed," he said quietly, 
looking uncomfortable, holding out Alex's leather jacket and 
prosthetic arm.  Mulder got up and took the jacket, wrapping 
his arms around it, feeling something in the inside pocket. 
"Do whatever you want with the arm," he said, distractedly. 
"Just keep it away from him," he finished, bringing the digital 
tape out of the pocket, along with an audio cassette.  

Frohike's eyes widened as he saw the tape.  "Is that what I 
think it is?" he asked breathlessly, as Byers and Langley 
came up behind him. Mulder tossed the digital tape to him 
and headed for his stereo, leaving Frohike to catch it, 
holding it like the Holy Grail.

Mulder popped the cassette in and punched play.

"Hi, Mulder," Alex's voice came out of the speakers.  "Guess 
who?  I know you're probably wondering why I didn't tell you 
about the tape.  The answer is simple.  I know you, Mulder. 
I know what good friends you and Guilt are.  I just didn't 
wanting you thinking, for a moment, that you let me die to 
get your hands on the damned thing.  Now that you've got it 
back, dig into it.  Use it to find something to help Scully. 
Then, maybe some good will come out of this, after all." 
Alex's sigh echoed quietly through the still room as Mulder 
crossed it to stare out the window, listening to Alex's voice 
for the last time.

"Thank you.  I mean that, Fox," Alex continued softly, as 
Mulder closed his eyes, almost picturing Alex standing right 
next to him, talking to him. 

"I know it wouldn't have been your first choice, spending a 
Friday night with me," Alex said wryly, as Mulder grinned 
slightly.  "But, I'm grateful.  The alternatives weren't too 
pleasant; I'm glad I won't have to deal with that."

"Just in case you're wondering, yes, I told you the truth 
about your father and Scully's sister.  I wouldn't lie to you, I 
have no reason to.  And don't go off half-cocked after the 
Black-Lunged Bastard, now that I'm gone, you hear me?  I 
swear, you show up wherever the hell I am, one second 
earlier than you're supposed to, and I'll kick your ass, got it?" 
he said, laughing slightly.   Mulder smiled, a real smile, 
amazing Scully and Skinner who had stepped further into 
the living room to listen to Krycek's tape.

"I guess that's about it.  Just one more thing.  If I see 
anyone you know, I'll be sure to say hello," Alex said slowly, 
carefully, as Mulder turned toward the stereo, his 
puzzlement evident on his face.

"And I'll tell her how much you love her," Alex went on, 
gently, as Mulder froze, tightening his hold on Alex's jacket, 
slowly shaking his head from side to side.  "I'll tell her how 
you've never given up, how you never stopped looking for 
her.  How much you miss her," he paused, as Mulder 
hunched over like he'd taken a blow, turning toward the 
window again, shoulders shaking slightly.  Scully made a 
move as if to go to him, when Skinner caught her arm and 
shook his head at her, mouthing 'Not yet'.  She nodded and 
stayed where she was, understanding that Mulder needed 
the release.

"I'll keep an eye on her, for you, Fox.  We'll commiserate 
with each other about how we both miss you, and we'll trade 
stories, and we'll remember," Alex paused, again, as tears 
streamed down Mulder's face, his whole body shuddering, 
silently.

"I'll look after her until you get there, okay?  I'll even let her 
beat me at Stratego."  Mulder whimpered softly, burying his 
face in Alex's jacket, as he leaned against the window, 
shaking.

"*If* I see her, Fox.  *If*.  But, I don't think I will.  I think you'll
find her, someday.  So, don't give up.  I know it's been a 
long time, but don't give up.  And don't give up on yourself, 
either," Alex's voice turned pleading.  "You have to keep at 
it, Fox, you're the only one who can.  The only one who can 
make them accountable for what they've done.  Just be 
careful.  Watch your ass."  Alex sighed, as Mulder trembled.

"Enough of this.  I've got to get going.  It's odd.  I'm on my 
way to your place, now, but if everything went as planned, 
I'm already gone.  I know you'll find the compassion to help 
me.  And if I managed to find the courage to tell you why I'm 
really coming to you for help, you'll get this reference.  It's 
always been tails, Fox.  It has *always* been tails," Alex 
paused, as his voice cracked, slightly, noticed by everyone 
in the room.  "Goodbye, Fox.  I'll see you when I see you."  

The recording ended, but Mulder didn't move. Scully walked 
over to the player and hit the stop key, looking sideways at 
Mulder.  She sighed sadly, as she slowly walked over to him 
and gently put her hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Mulder," she said, softly, feeling him shaking 
under her hand.  

"Yeah, me too, Scully," he rasped, looking at her. "Me too."


                  <<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Mulder barely remembered the drive to Scully's place.  The 
guys insisted they knew someone who could take care of 
the door, but Scully wasn't about to leave him alone tonight, 
he knew that.  And a sofa was a sofa was a sofa.  At least 
she wasn't hovering, for which he was grateful.

He was totally exhausted, but not really tired; it wasn't that 
late, barely into the double-digit hours of the night.  He 
crashed on Scully's sofa, ignoring the knock on the door, 
ignoring Skinner come in, and ignoring the two of them 
talking about him and his dubious state of mind in her 
kitchen.  

Mulder was wearing Alex's jacket; it felt good, even though 
the memories were bittersweet, like having the man 
wrapped around him. He heard his cell phone ring.  He 
remembered turning it back on, but didn't know who the hell 
could be calling him; the two most likely suspects were 
having a pow-wow about him in Scully's kitchen.

"Mulder," he grumbled, sitting up when he heard Frohike's 
voice, barely.  Damn, the battery was probably about shot. 
Mulder gave him Scully's phone number, ignoring her glare, 
when Frohike called him back, sounding somewhat frantic. 
Mulder put it on speaker phone, so Scully and Skinner could 
hear what was going on, as they walked into the living room.

"Mulder, Krycek put a timed password on the digital tape, if 
we don't come up with a match in about a minute, it'll fry 
itself," Frohike exclaimed, in a breathless rush.

"Mulder," said Langley, "we've already tried every possible 
combination of your name, and Scully's, and Samantha's, 
and we're getting nowhere.  Got any ideas?"

Mulder thought for a second, wondering.  Alex had told him 
not to forget; he had promised he'd remember.  A slow smile 
spread across his face, lighting his eyes, again.

"Try 'tails', guys, T-A-I-L-S," he spelled it out, waiting for, 
then hearing, whoops of excitement in the background.

"Got it, we're in, gentlemen, we are *in*!" Frohike said 
excitedly, when Byers interrupted him. 

"Guys, we've got a sound file attached here, I'm putting it on 
speakers."

"Hi again, Fox," Alex's cheerful voice came over Scully's 
phone.  "Just when you thought it was safe, yadda, yadda, 
yadda," he laughed, making Fox snort, almost enough of a 
laugh to make Scully and Skinner look at him, both 
somewhat startled at the sound.

"What'd I tell you, Fox?  Always tails," Alex's mood changed 
abruptly from humorous to serious and soft.  "Always tails," 
Alex nearly whispered, in a lover's voice.  "Goodbye, Fox."

Mulder smiled.  "Goodbye, Alex.  Tails to you, too," he 
murmured, as he leaned back on Scully's sofa and grinned 
up into her astonished face. 

******************************end