“I told you once, a long, long time ago, never to love me...” he whispered into her hair behind her left ear. “Now, you know...you see what I am...” He remained still, holding her firmly against him. “It's never going to work, Téa. I can't be who you want me to be. I'm going to do the right thing, I'm going to let you go and walk out of here right now.”

Todd, is that really you...? She wondered--but it didn't matter. For a split second she pictured him walking past her and out of her life forever. A surge of panic gripped her. “No...no, I... I don't want you to go,” she stammered. “I... we...we've already wasted too much time...all these months, circling each other and backing down...we've come this far...her voice faltered as she realized she was talking too much, “I... I'm tired of being confused, of playing games... I want something real...whatever that means,” she concluded quietly, eyes filling with tears...

He held her there for a few moments, his head resting against hers... He felt a single, warm tear land on his hand and tightened his embrace, seeking to reassure her. How can she still want me here after what just happened... Why isn't she running for the door...? He couldn't figure it out, but he felt his desire for her building--burning deep inside. The fact that she still wanted him, that she hadn't recoiled from him in fright or hatred, made him want her even more...more than he could stand...

All his noble intentions and most of his fears were swiftly swept aside into a remote corner of his mind. A surge of passion poured through his body, threatening to wash away his new found control. He knew where the emotion was coming from--could feel the strong, urgent influence in his mind. He fought to constrain his primal instincts, to slow his eager physical reactions and movements. He didn't trust himself to touch her... Letting her go, he moved his hands to her shoulders, then down her arms in one long, lingering caress. But...we have to touch her...came a voice in his head as he delighted in the smooth silkiness of her skin... You have to...we want her...came the silent urging... Yes...take her... Unable to resist any longer, he moved his hands back to her body and began to explore...

Even though she wasn't exactly sure which “Todd” was touching her, Téa didn't try to stop him. She tried to let go of her misgivings as she willingly allowed herself to be manipulated. The only thing that she let herself focus on was the fact that his touch was again gentle, and wonderful...oh, so very wonderful... It doesn't make any difference... I've made a commitment...no matter what happens, I'm going to trust him... I'm going to love him as much as he'll let me...he won't hurt me, I know he won't... She relaxed her body, closed her eyes, and let herself sink into the experience...

Moving his left hand down her throat and across her upper body, he tenderly drew his fingers along the exposed portion of her breasts, then covered the left one with his hand, squeezing gently. He planted a soft kiss on her shoulder as his right hand moved slowly down her body to find that bare skin above her stocking again. Finding it, his fingertips lingered there a moment, then traced a path back up under the edge of her lacy underwear, then out again and over it. His hand moved slowly across her pelvis, then slipped down between her legs...exerting gentle pressure in a warm, delicate spot. She gasped softly at the sudden intimacy, feeling her knees go weak. He rubbed his palm slowly up and across her lower abdomen, letting it come to rest lightly on her flat belly as he kissed the back of her neck...

Shifting her slightly to the right, he slid his left hand up along her throat to her jaw. He tilted her head back into his shoulder, turning her face up to meet his. As his lips connected hungrily with hers, his right hand slipped lower again and pressed inward, possessively squeezing her lower body firmly against his own. An exquisite tingle rushed through Téa. She covered his lower hand tightly with hers, communicating her approval of his actions, of his unspoken suggestion. She went limp against him, soaking in his strength, his power, surrendering to his total control over her...

“I love you,” he said softly when he released her lips. “I want you, Téa...” He touched her lips again, teasing--barely making contact, forcing her to stretch up to finish the kiss. “I need to make love to you...” he whispered, kissing the corner of her mouth. “I've needed it for so long...” His lips grazed her bottom lip. “But now... I'm... I'm not sure... I may hurt you...”

“It's all right, Todd... It's... it's okay...” Relief flooded over her at the normal sound of his voice. “I'm fine, really.” She tried to make her voice sound confident, relaxed. “I... I admit you scared me a little, but...”

“No...no, you don't understand,” he wrapped his arms around her, holding her protectively. “I'm not... I'm not alone here... I... I don't know what's going to happen if...”

“I know... I've seen...it doesn't matter,” Téa whispered, nestling her forehead against his neck. “I'm not afraid of you... I love you... I don't believe that you would ever really hurt me.” The sudden memory of his fist brutally impacting her face in the tool shed flashed vividly across her mind. But, refusing to back down, she dismissed it--recalling the unusually stressful, enormously provoking set of occurrences that had proceeded that event. “I'm not fragile, I'm tougher than you think,” she continued, hoping that she sounded more confident than she really felt. “I still want this, Todd... I still want you...”

For a long minute they remained completely still, standing like a single statue in the flickering candlelight of the dimly lit room. Then he opened his arms and freed her from his embrace. She waited, barely breathing, wondering what he had decided--what was about to happen...

He pulled his jacket open and worked his arms free of the sleeves, then tossed it over the chair and started to unbutton his vest. Téa lower her head, closed her eyes, and waited. She longed to turn and help, I've wanted to undress him so many times...she thought. But although she wanted the pleasure of it, she resisted the urge. She didn't want to do anything that would put any kind of pressure on him. He's still struggling inside, she thought... I don't want to push, not after what happened earlier... I can wait...

What am I doing...he thought, bitterly... I should get out of here... Id be doing her a favor... I'm not... I'm... there's something wrong with me... I can't make them go away... The fear advanced a few steps closer to the surface from deep inside his mind... I can feel all of them here with me...even the one that wants to hurt her...it didn't go away... it's still here, they're all here...touching her, talking to her with me...

He finished the buttons on his vest, pulled it off, and let it fall to the floor. Nervously he started on the buttons of his shirt. This is crazy... I'm an idiot...this is not going to work... He tensed as an eerie peal of laughter rang out inside his head... God, I know I'm losing my mind...please let me get through this without hurting her...let me love her...just once...before I go completely insane...

The next thing that Téa felt were his hands against her back. He was closer again, she could feel his warmth, even though his body wasn't touching her. She felt his hands rest on her shoulders. Turning her head, she brushed his hand with her cheek. He raised his fingers to touch her face for a moment, then slid his hands down her back and began to work on the long row of little hooks...

He's good with his hands, she mused, trying to concentrate on small things and avoid the larger, more frightening issues. I noticed it the night he retrieved my necklace from the river. Most men have trouble with that sort of thing, but not him...she smiled at the memory... He just put it around my neck and fastened it--no fuss, no bother.... The same thing happened tonight. That heavy necklace was hard to fasten, it took Carlotta several tries, but he had no trouble taking it off, or removing anything else for that matter...

She shivered slightly as he moved down her spine. I love his hands... they're big, strong... I love to watch him use them...the way he runs them through his hair... She felt the warmth of a blush rise up her neck and face...and I can't wait to feel them all over me...

Her thoughts were interrupted as her upper body was freed from its uncomfortable restraint. As the garment fell to the floor, she felt his hands on her back again, felt his lips touch the back of her neck. He rubbed the heel of his palm sensuously up her spine, squeezing her neck in a gentle massage. Her eyes closed in pleasure. She felt his fingers rub deliciously up the back of her neck into her hair. Before she had time to think about what he was doing, she felt her hair come loose and fall down around her shoulders...

Then she felt his body. The sensation of skin on skin startled her. He still wore his shirt, but it was open down the front. He put his arms around her gingerly, as if she were infinitely breakable, and pulled her to him. This time she couldn't resist the urge to turn. She twisted fluidly within his embrace to face him...

With satisfaction, she noted the hungry look that stole across his face as she faced him and slipped her hands and arms inside his shirt. She nestled the side of her face against his bare chest and squeezed him tight. The feeling overwhelmed her. She felt completely safe, protected--the scare she had endured earlier faded swiftly away. She had dreamed of hugging him this way. She wasn't disappointed, it was better than any fantasy... He feels incredible, smells delicious...she grinned to herself... it's so good to hold him and not have him pull away... I could stay like this forever...

The sensation of her naked upper body against his sent shockwaves through him. Powerful, primal urges surfaced briefly, instantly countered by waves of protectiveness, tenderness... I haven't been with a woman for months...hell, it's been years... it's going to be real hard to take this slow...especially with all these damn voices pushing me around... He closed his arms around her as she snuggled into his chest... If I pull this off it'll be a miracle... Do I have the right to ask for a miracle...? Just one...for her, please God...not for me, I know I don't deserve it...but she does... Please... don't let me hurt her...

Taking her arms in his hands he hesitantly broke her bear hug around his rib cage and pushed her away. She looked up at him, disappointment showing in her eyes. He smiled at her, reached out, and removed the tiara from her head. “I don't think you'll be needing this,” he teased, tossing it across the room to a corner chair.

Téa laughed self-consciously. She tried to think of something witty to say, but never had the chance. Todd stooped quickly and scooped her up in his arms. He held her easily, as if she were weightless. His eyes traveled approvingly down her body--surveying every inch. Nuzzling her neck and face, he searched for her lips and found them. He kissed her long and deeply, drinking in her sweetness. Then, without a word, he stepped over the crumpled wedding gown and slowly carried her to the waiting marriage bed...

To be continued...