Separate Lives by: Laura

Note From Laura: This isn't a happy, or productive piece of fiction. It's just a one-parter story based on one of my fave Phil Collin's songs. It switches back and forth between Dawson & Joey's thoughts. :)

You called me from the room in your hotel
All full of romance for someone that you'd met
And telling me how sorry you were, leaving so soon
And that you miss me sometimes, when you're alone
Do I feel lonely too?

(Dawson)

I see her in school. I see her in town. I see her at the movies. And I see her with Jack. Why must life be so cruel? I wish someone would tell me, because I'd love to know. What was it that God was thinking of when he did this? I hope it's all some part of some life-altering plan, because otherwise, I might be forced to become an atheist like Jen. Not that I believe in God that much now anyway.

When Joey and I kissed...it was like she stepped out into a new light for me, a light that shone through her and around her, following her wherever she went. I could scarcely believe that the beautiful woman I was privileged enough to kiss and touch was really Josephine Potter, the girl I had stopped looking at as an actual girl so long ago. And as quickly as that light had come, it had gone out. And Joey was running from me. Running without reason...or at least reason I couldn't understand.

You have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind
We can't go on, holding on to time
So now we're living separate lives

(Joey)

Dawson was all I wanted for so long...he had become this kind of obsession, this main dream that lorded over my life. My yearning for him kept me going, like food ; it was that light at the end of the tunnel. I never figured I be able to reach that star that had eluded me for so long. Once I had it, I looked around myself and realized that I had taken the only star in my sky, and now my world was dark. Barren. Stripped of meaning. So I had to put it back. Throw away the only thing I wanted so I could want again. So I could dream, and plan...and maybe find something that gave me a sense of...me.

At night, I lay and I think about my life. Tossing and turning, I think about Dawson. Wondering what he's doing, if he's working on that "guy gets girl back" screenplay, or if he's having movie night without me. Wondering if he's having it with Jen. He's been hanging out with her again, and from what I can tell, he's only getting happier. And I know I should be happy for him, or at least trying to be...I want to be his friend again. But I fear I might've burned all my bridges when I started dating Jack. Will Dawson ever find a way to let me back into his life? I guess I'll have to cross thatbridge when I get there.

Well I have learned to let you go
And if you lost your love for me, you never let it show, oh no
There was no way to compromise
So now we're living - now we're living - separate lives

(Dawson)

Joey had always been so easy to figure out. I thought that I knew her in a way no one else did, and vice versa. But it turns out I didn't know her at all. I didn't know how to make her happy, or how to give her what she wanted, what she needed. Maybe Jack could, maybe that's why she's with him instead of me. I just don't see how "just being friends" solves any problems in her life, though. What does it accomplish? All it causes is pain, for both of us, that much I know. How can she say she loves me and then say she doesn't want to think of me romantically? What does she want me to do, give her advice on her relationship with Jack? I think not.

I don't see how we could even start to repair our friendship. I told her I wanted to be her friend, but I don't. I can't sit there and pretend to be happy with my position in her life, when in reality I'm miserable. She once warned me about girls asking to stay friends after the break-up...I never imagined she'd be the one to ultimately prove the theory. Jen did the same thing when we split...funny though...I'd never have thought she and I actually would be friends again. Maybe there's hope for Joey and I after all. But until then, I'm just going to wait patiently, counting the days until I can feel whole again, with Joey by my side. If that moment ever comes.

Ooh, it's so difficult, love leads to isolation
So you build that wall - you build that wall
Yes you build that wall - oh yes, you build that wall
And you make it stronger - no

(Joey)

someone to tell me it's going to be okay.

But everyone has their own life to live. Their own set of problems. Dawson has his parents to deal with, and he has Jen to tell him life's gonna end up all right. And I have Jack...but I can't talk to him about Dawson. This isn't the way I had pictured it to be. But like it or not, it is the way it is. I made it this way, so I have no one to blame but myself. Dawson is in a whole other world now, apart from mine. A vast canyon has grown in such a short time, and I don't know if I'll ever manage to get back across.

You have no right to ask me how I feel - oh no
You have no right to speak to me so kind
Some day I might - I just might - find myself looking in your eyes
But for now, we'll go on living separate lives

(Dawson)

So, Joey and I are broken up. I still have to tell myself that over and over, trying to convince myself it really happened. Whenever I wake up, she's the first thing I think about...reality hits me so hard I wish I had just stayed fast asleep. My best friend and the love of my life is gone, and I don't know if I'll ever get her back. All I can do is hope.

Yes for now...we'll go on living....separate lives...

Email Laura

moviequeen@ilovethemovies.com

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