Only the Strong by: Lisa

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Part: 1 of ?

Content: PG. Basically, if you're old enough to watch Dawson's Creek, you're old enough to read this.

Distribution: If you want it, feel free to put it on your web page. Just send me a quick e-mail so I know!!

Spoilers: This fan-fic takes place after the season finale, so I guess that's a spoiler if you haven't seen that episode yet.

Author's Note: All of the characters' thoughts appear in *these*

Only the Strong

Dawson slowly pulled away from Joey and opened his eyes. *Did I really just kiss Joey Potter?* he wondered. His mind was reeling as he stared at Joey. She looked so beautiful, but was this really what he wanted? He could think of a million excuses for the kiss, a million ways to take it all back. His thoughts immediately turned to Jen. What would he tell her? Could he risk hurting her like that after her grandfather's death? What would she do when she found out that he and Joey had kissed? He closed his eyes again. *Wait a minute. Why do I care what Jen thinks? Don't I love Joey?* he thought, thoroughly confused. While Dawson pondered these things, Joey was wrestling with her own dilemma.

*Wow. I just kissed Dawson. How on earth did that happen? she thought. And why didn't I enjoy it more? After all, I have been in love with him for what seems like forever. There should have been sparks flying. Why not? Do I really, truly love Dawson??* She slowly opened her eyes, almost afraid of what she would see. She found herself staring at Dawson, who had his eyes squeezed shut. *Is he thinking the same thing?* she wondered as she closed her eyes once more and breathed in his scent, a mixture of Ivory soap and aftershave.

*What's Joey thinking? Is she having doubts? Am I? Are we ready for this?* His mind raced with unanswered questions. He instinctively moved his hand through her hair. He could feel her stiffen.

*There's something weird about this. It doesn't feel the way I imagined it.* she opened her eyes and stared at Dawson. *It's now or never.*

"Dawson?" she began timidly.

"Hmm?" he replied, almost frightened of her next words. What would he do if she said she loved him? Is that what he wanted to hear?

"What did you feel?" she asked, still staring into his eyes. She saw his confusion and uncertainty in them and prayed that her eyes didn't reveal her true thoughts. He looked around the room nervously. His brain tried to form an answer. He wanted to end all the problems of the past three months with three little words. He wanted to answer that he loved her. But could he? Was that the truth?

"What did I feel?" he repeated, stalling. *What am I going to tell her?* He stared into her eyes, looking for a clue to her feelings. He could distinguish nothing. He looked around the room nervously. Exasperated, Joey pulled away from his embrace.

"Yeah. What did you feel, Dawson? Did you feel the proverbial sparks? Were there fireworks? Or was it like kissing your sister?" she demanded. She knew what he was doing. *Dawson was always afraid. Could never admit the truth.* she thought angrily. *But what was the truth? I sure don't know. Do I really want him to say he loves me?*

"I…" he began, then stopped when he looked into Joey's eyes. He sensed her uncertainty. He felt a surge of confidence. *Joey's just as clueless as I am!* He seized the opportunity. "I don't know what I felt Joey. I honestly and truly don't. Neither do you," he pointed out, in case she tried to chalk it up to his inability to admit his feelings. "I don't know what I want. First, I wanted Jen. Then, I wanted you. Now, I don't know. The kiss was nice. It really was. But was it what I expected? Was it what you expected, Jo? Was it?" he demanded, placing all of the pressure on her. Joey sighed. She knew it wasn't what she expected, but could she tell him that?

"Dawson, I love you. I really do. But I don't know if it's brother-sister love or boyfriend-girlfriend love. The kiss wasn't as intense as I hoped it would be…" she trailed off. She could feel tears spring to her eyes, but she willed them back.

"I know. Something was missing. But it was much more than a brother-sister kiss, Jo," he pointed out.

"But what can we do, Dawson? It wasn't earth-shattering, but it wasn't nothing either," she said softly. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Maybe we should step back. Think about it. Now that we kissed, maybe it'll be less awkward. Less sexual tension," he said.

"We can't go around pretending that this didn't happen, Dawson."

"I'm not saying to do that. I'm saying that we should give it time. A week or two. We need to think about this and sort out our feelings."

"You know, Dawson, you might be right. For the first time in recent memory, you're right about us. It's too confusing right now. Your whole Jen thing needs to be resolved. I need to figure out how I truly feel about you. You need to figure out how you feel about me. We need time." She smiled softly at him. He smiled back. *Why does this have to be so hard? Maybe it would've been better if we hadn't felt anything at all. This hint of something will drive me nuts.* He ached to tell her that he loved her. He wished that they had felt more. *But it's for the best*, his heart argued. And deep down, he knew that his heart was right this time.

"Okay, Jo. Two weeks. Life as normal. I can do this."

*Can I?*

She smiled at him. *He's so cute when he's unsure of something.* She had a sudden urge to kiss him again. *I hope that we can handle this. It won't be easy,* she thought, her smile fading.

"Jo?" he asked softly, bringing her back.

"I'm fine, Dawson…We can do this. We have to," she resolved. She glanced over at the clock. "I better go, Dawson. It's late. I'll see you in school." She crawled out of the window and headed for the rowboat. Dawson watched her row home, the moonlight reflecting off the water and illuminating her face.

"Bye, Bessie!" Joey called as she ran past the kitchen. Inside, Bessie was feeding Alexander. She waved mindlessly while trying to convince Alexander that food was for eating, not playing.

*I can't believe I overslept! I'll never make it to school on time.* She angrily grabbed her bookbag and practically flew out the front door and down the stairs.

"Be at the Icehouse by four, Joey," Bessie called out as she dashed past the kitchen window.

"Okay!" she called back as she rounded the corner and ran smack into Pacey. She gasped. "What are you doing here, Pacey?" she demanded. She placed her hands on her hips and glared at him. *Just what I need,* she thought as she shook her head in exasperation.

"Good morning to you, too," he laughed.

"Good morning, Pacey. It's wonderful to see you. Beautiful day, isn't it?" she replied with a big, fake smile plastered on her face. "Happy? Now leave. I'm going to be late," she said while attempting to move past him.

He blocked her way. "Calm down. You're not going to be late, Joey," he said.

"Really? When did you learn how to stop time? You'll have to show me sometime," she replied, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Now, I really need to get to school. You better move it, too. You'll be late."

"You know, Joey, you can be pretty dense sometimes," Pacey laughed. "I'm surprised you haven't noticed the car that will deliver you to school in plenty of time parked in your driveway yet. You're staring right at it." She looked around Pacey's shoulder and, sure enough, his father's car was parked there.

"Why on earth is your dad's car parked in my driveway? With the motor running?" she demanded.

"…Because…I…don't…have…the…keys," he said slowly, as though he was talking to a two year old. He rolled his eyes. "Why else would I leave the motor running?"

"No kidding, Pace. Do you ever have the keys?" she asked rhetorically. "But why is it in my driveway? This isn't exactly your normal route to school," she pointed out. Pacey sighed.

"Joey, do you want a ride to school or not? Because if you don't, I can just hop in the car and leave right now," he said.

"Fine. Let's go," she ordered. They got into the car and peeled out of Joey's driveway. "Pacey, what possessed you to stop by my house this early in the morning?" she demanded as they cruised down the road to Capeside High.

"I wanted to be the first to know all of the details of your encounter with Dawson," he said, facing her squarely.

"Watch the road!" she shrieked as they drifted into the opposite lane, right in front of a stream of cars. Pacey jerked the wheel back as cars honked.

"Shut up! Yeah, you!" he yelled as they sped past. "Jerk!"

"Pacey, calm down," Joey ordered. For some reason, seeing Pacey angry made her extremely nervous. She stared out the window and tried to calm herself down. *Deep breaths, Joey. Calm down.*

"So, what happened?" he prompted a few minutes later.

"Hmm?"

"Don't play dumb, Jo. What happened between you and Dawson? Did you two have a heavy makeout session in his bedroom? Or did you go back to your place?" Joey thought she detected a note of jealousy in his voice, but dismissed it. *There's no reason that Pacey would be jealous of Dawson and me,* she reassured herself.

"That's none of your business, Pacey," she replied and turned away from him.

"Really? See, I figure, my two best friends are possibly getting hot & heavy with one another. Do I walk into school and hear everyone else gossip about it while I'm clueless? Or do I get the whole story from the female? Hmm…that's a tough one. But, as you probably realized, plan two won out. Now, what happened?"

"Like I said, Pacey, it's none of your business what Dawson and I did last night," Joey replied. "And I'm not going to tell you, so just give it up."

"I beg to differ, my dear," Pacey said as he pulled over on the shoulder of the road.

"What are you doing? We're going to be late!" Joey protested.

"Not necessarily. We have five minutes until the bell and we're about three minutes from the school. So if you have a change of heart in the next, oh, minute and thirty seconds, we can make it on time. It's up to you, Jo. I can afford another blemish on my less-than-stellar attendance record. But can you?" he asked pointedly, then waited for her response. She didn't reply, just continued staring out the window. "You've got a minute and sixteen seconds, Jo."

"Shut up, Pacey," she replied icily.

"No, I'm not going to shut up. I'm not going to be left out of your lives again, like I have been," he answered angrily, making Joey nervous again.

"Shut up, Pacey," she repeated. She could feel the tears spring to her eyes, but this time she couldn't hold them back.

"You've got thirty seconds, Jo. Frankly, you don't have much of a choice here. You can either tell me what happened and be on time. You can walk to school and be late. Or, you can sit in my dad's car all day and make out with me," he joked. He thought Joey would respond to that last one, but instead she just curled up closer to the door. "Jo? Are you okay?" he asked, concerned.

"No," she replied flatly.

"What's wrong?"

"You wouldn't understand," she answered, tears slowly sliding down her face.

"Try me." She glanced at Pacey and saw genuine concern in his eyes. She glanced at the clock in the car.

"We're late," she said. Pacey rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to reply. "So we'll just cut today," she finished before he spoke. Pacey's jaw dropped.

"Joey Potter wants to cut school?" he repeated incredulously.

"Yeah. So hurry up before I change my mind," she prodded. Pacey smiled and shook his head.

"Yes, ma'am!" he replied. Joey giggled. They drove past the high school, where classes had already begun.

"Where are we going?" she inquired as they drove through downtown Capeside.

"Who knows?" he responded.

To be continued…

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