Lost Myself Just Thinking by: Omolara

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"Hello, Joey."

"Pacey," She answered back surprised to see him. *Why? He's Dawson's friend too.*

The ‘ding’ brought them back from their states of surprise as the elevator doors opened. They stepped inside sending each other glances when they thought the other wasn't looking. As the elevator doors closed, Joey could feel the tension that was brought with this close proximity to Pacey. She also remembered that night long ago when she told Pacey that she was leaving.


"Hey, Pacey!" Joey said as she knocked on the apartment door.

Suddenly it opened and she pushed her way in.

"Joey? You're early, what's wrong?"

She walked to the couch and sat down with Pacey following suit.

"I have some news, Pacey," she started trying to explain, "I've been offered an internship at a newspaper while I go to college."

"That's great, Joey! Now we have something to celebrate at-"

"Pacey, it's with the San Diego Union Tribune."

He became silent, taking in what she was saying. "In California?"

"The one and only," Joey gave him a sad smile, "I would have to go to SDSU."

"All the way across the country............ when would you leave?"

"The next semester starts in three weeks and I need a week to get settled."

There was a heavy silence in the room that hurt Joey's ears. She wanted to tell Pacey how much she had grown to love him and that leaving would break her heart. Yet she knew that a complication now, would only lead to more hurt later.

"Pacey? What do you think?"

He looked at her with sad eyes, "you should go."

"I guess so............" Joey sounded hurt, deep down she wanted him to stop her.

Pacey stood up and put his hands in his pockets, "I'm not that hungry, maybe we could get together another time."

"Sure," Joey said still sounding hurt, "bye, Pace."

Joey walked out the door wondering if leaving was for the best and if she could bring herself to do it.


Jen was sitting with Mrs. Leery when she saw Pacey and Joey enter room.

"Joey, Pacey," Jen stood and gave each a hug followed by Gail. They all sat down again as Jen began to fill them in on Dawson's situation.

"............ they let in the Leery's to see Dawson about twenty minutes ago. They said I would have to wait since I'm not family. Mr. Leery went to ask so it should be soon that we can go and see him."

As she finished, Mitch came into the room. "The doctor said that it was alright now, but one at a time."

All knew that Joey was the closest to Dawson, and there was a silent understanding that she would go first. So without a word she stood up and walked to the door of his room. Joey tried to ready herself for what she would see and entered the room.

Joey opened the door and tentatively walked in. "Hello, Dawson," She said as she sat down in the chair beside his bed. "It's Joey, I don't know what to say to you. It's just weird that we talked on the phone last week and now here you are."

Joey took his hand in hers, "I know we don't talk as often as before with our lives going in different directions, but you are my best friend always and forever. I don't know how to live without you Dawson, so you better wake up and come back to us. Your parents, Jen, Pacey, and me because we love you."

Joey started to cry and lay her head on Dawson's bed. Not long after a nurse knocked on the door and signaled that Joey's time was over. She nodded in response, lay Dawson's hand back on the bed, kissed his forehead, and slipped out the door.

When Joey reached the waiting room they looked at her expectantly for some insight to his condition. Yet all she could do was sit and after a few moments Pacey soundlessly got up and went into Dawson's room.


The hospital was quiet as Gail lay asleep in Mitch's arms and Pacey and Jen quietly talked. Joey who had also been asleep awoke and stretched.

Jen and Pacey looked over at Joey, "So you decided to grace us with your presence?" Pacey said.

"Actually I want some coffee, anyone else?" Joey asked as she stood up and reached for her purse.

Jen shook her head no, "why don't you take Pacey and I'll stay here with the Leery's."

Joey and Pacey looked at each other nervously but left and headed towards the elevator again to get to the cafeteria. There was an awkward silence for a while, but it was Joey who broke it.

"So, how is Stacey?"

"I wouldn't know, we got divorced."

She looked at him, "oh." *is that the best you can say Joey?* The elevator doors opened on the first floor and they went to the cafeteria.

"Why don't I get the coffee and you can find a table." Pacey left and Joey found a seat.

Joey touched his arm to stop him, but quickly drew it back as if he were a hot stove, "actually I would rather have some tea. Coffee isn't good for the-"

She stopped abruptly then began again, "isn't good for me."

Pacey nodded in response with a curious looked and then retreated as Joey found a seat.

*He's divorced now, but if he didn't want me then, why would he want me now?* she thought as Pacey came back.

"You looked deep in thought, what was it?"

"Nothing"

Pacey took in a deep breath and started to speak, "Listen Jo, are we going to dance around the subject or come out and talk about it."

She gave him a hard look, "There's nothing to talk about."

"Damn it Joey you know there is!" Pacey lowered his voice, "you and me and what happened the last time I saw you."


"Hey Joey, I'm glad you came." Pacey ran up and gave her a hug.

He had wondered if she would come. When she left three years ago it was hard on them both and Pacey had never confessed his feelings for her. Then Stacey had come into his life, beautiful, smart, and seemingly a distraction from Joey. *But she isn't Joey* Pacey thought. He had been having doubts about the wedding and his love for Stacey. Yet he chalked it up to pre-wedding jitters, but now seeing Joey here, he wondered if that was true.

Joey smiled at him, "I wouldn't miss your wedding day. I just want to see the woman brave enough to marry you."

"Ha ha, Stacey is with the other women folk getting ready." He couldn't take his eyes off of her. Joey had matured in the years since they had seen each other. "It looks like San Diego suits you."

"Yeah, my job is great and I can't complain about the weather. I've been doing well, what about you?"

"Fine, I met an agent who likes my book and we have a meeting with a publisher in about a month."

"Wow that's great Pacey," Joey paused reflectively for a moment, "it's weird how things change even when there are things that need to be said. But if you don't say them when you had a chance, then it's too late."

Pacey searched her face intently," better late than never."

Joey shook her head, "No, it's just chalked up to ‘missed opportunities’ besides who wants to rock the boat?"

"Some people I knew were never afraid to rock the boat," Pacey said.

"Some people wise up because when you do rock the boat, someone always falls off."

Joey and Pacey stood there for a moment, both understanding the hidden meaning in those words. Joey needed to move on and if Pacey was married, maybe she could do that. Her time had passed and she had no rights to Pacey. *He belongs to someone else now,* she thought as the wedding began. It was tastefully done the only problem was that the people getting married where the wrong two people.


"Your wedding day," Joey looked up at him as her memories came to a close. "What does it matter Pacey? That was seven years ago."

"It does matter, there were unresolved issues that day and you know it."

Joey glared at him, "You know, now is not the time. Besides those issues became resolved when you married Stacey!" People had turned to look at them and Pacey spoke in a hushed voice, "Don't turn this on me, you're the one that left."

"Oh, so that's what this is about," Joey gave a sarcastic laugh, "some how I bruised your ego, well listen to this, you hurt me. Those last two weeks you didn't even come to my apartment to help me pack or even say good-bye. You called me over the phone."

Joey looked as if she were done but then she started again is a much lower voice, "Besides it was a great opportunity for me, but if there are such unresolved feelings why did you marry Stacey?"

Pacey winced and sighed as he put his head down, "Because you weren't there."

That minute they heard their names over the intercom, calling them back to the third floor. Joey threw away their now cold drinks and they went back upstairs. When they saw Jen she looked a bit frantic.

"What is it Jen?" Pacey asked.

She sighed in relief, "I was wondering what happened to you two."

Joey restated the question, "What happened?"

Jen looked at them, "It's Dawson............"

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