Here are wicked musicals we should not see and why:
*Les Miserables: Ex-convict breaks parole, woman has pre-marital sex and a illigitimate child, man obsessed with another man, thievery, drunkeness, avarice, prostitution, poverty, college students who try to overthrow the government, truant little boy, violence, dead bodies, suicide.
*The Fix: Presidential candidate dies with prostitute, alcoholic wife has extramaritial affair and a child by a man not her husband, crippled stuttering uncle lusts for nephew, drugs, cynism, gangsters, murder.
*Sweeny Todd: Corrupt judge, rape (partial nudity), madness, murder, lots and lots and lots of blood, avarice, extramartial sex, cannibalism.
*Little Shop of Horrors: Sluttish woman, masochism, sadism, poverty, murder.
*Secret Garden: Parents killed by plague, crippled boy, hunchbacked father, Druidic undertones, children disobeying adults.
*Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream-Coat: Sibling rivalry, slavery, scanty costumes.
*Rent: Transvesties and druggies and queers, oh my!
*Chicago: Scanty costumes, murder.
*West Side Story: Gangs, under-age love, murder, interracial relations.
*Can-Can: Prositution, violence
*Sweet Charity: Prostitution.
*The Life: Prostitution.
*Best Little Whorehouse in Texas: Guess.
*Oh! Calucutta: AAA!!!!
*South Pacific: Interracial love, cross-dressing
*Sound of Music: Nun-to-be has affair with father of children she's hired to take care of, covorting instead of studying, under-age love, Nazis.
*Phantom of the Opera: Hideous madman, kidnapping, lust, murder, chandelier-dropping.
*Beauty and the Beast: Kidnapping, imprisonment, murder, bestiality.
*Ragtime: Madness, murder, strumpet on a red velvet swing.
*Annie: Unmarried man keeps moppet, alcoholism.
*Lion King: Regicide.
*Titanic: Lots of dead people.
*Miss Saigon: Virgin sells herself, premartial sex, prostitution, drug-addiction, interracial relations, anti-American, un-Patriotic, murder, Communism, married man lusting after woman who is not his wife, depressing photos of orphans, illegitimate child, suicide, hallucinogenic scene where smarmy half-breed has simulated sex with a Cadillac.
*Music Man Con-artist seduces single mother, suckers entire town, gets away with it.
*Scarlett Pimpernel Disgusting peasants overthrow the rightful government, beheadings, husband keeps secret from wife, wife keeps secret from husband, man lusts for another man's wife, effeminate men hanging out together on the high seas.
*Dreamgirls Young women corrupted by fame and fortune, fat woman prejudiced against, man singing lovingly about Cadillacs, alcoholism, extramartial affairs, avarice.
*Cabaret Cross-dressing, bisexuality, premartial sex, abortion, Nazis.
*Man of La Mancha Man corrupted by fantasy-laden books, madness, prostitution, drunkeness, rape, daughter treats father badly, man adoringly devoted to another man, windmill-bashing.
*Camelot Arranged marriage, lust, adultery, avarice, over-throwing of government.
*The Wizard of Oz/The Wiz Under-age virgin with an unnatural attachment to dog picks up strange adult men, scary monkeys, Satanic witch, murder, deception, man runs government by fraud.
*Annie Get Your Gun "Once I Had a Secret Love" is known to be a hidden them song for lesbians.
*Jane Eyre Virgin lusts for much older married man, much older married man lusts for virgin, married man keeps wife locked in attic, violence, madness, destruction of property, fire-inducted blindness.
*Jekyll & Hyde Evil experiments, prostitution, murder, lust, avarice, Man playing God.
*Rugrats On Ice Hideous infants disobey parents
*Sesame Street Live Hideous creatures cavort with giant letters, unnatural attraction to rubber ducky, monster that lives in filthy garbage can and likes it, two men living together.
Reccommended Family Friendly Musicals: (we are still working on this list. Sorry) Your friends at the @n@l-Rententive Media Watch Group.
Contact the author at MoiraCartoonist@yahoo.com