While I sat and contemplated my Smurf/Furby, the actual Furby was clumping in to my kitchen. Yes, clumping. He was moving all by himself. I couldn't believe it. I held onto Smurf with all my might and stroked his little yellow furby beak. But now, Snowball was interested in the little freaky Furby. He stalked the Furby in to the kitchen, and I thought that he might attack the fiend and put an end to this nightmare. But as Snowball reached that Furby (who was clumping, yes clumping), the Furby WHIPPED AROUND!!! He grabbed onto my darling Snowball with his beak, and FLEW on to the counter with him. I couldn't believe my eyes. As he held my beloved Snowball in his awful beak, he smashed in to one of my better saucepans, arranged it on the stove, and turned the heat on high. As I watched in horror, that Furby grabbed my butter dish with my fresh butter in it (Land 'O Lakes, $2.89 at Shaw's), crammed a wad of butter up Snowball's ass, and plunked Snowball in the saucepan!!!

OH NO!!!!! MY SNOWBALL!!!!!

That Furby was trying to roast my kitty on high!!!!! I can still smell that butt fur roasting!!!!!!! ACK! I quickly turned off the heat to save my bumpkin kitty. (His ass is still sore.)

Go here for Furby Fun Facts!!

Furby Fun Facts!!!

Furbies are deadly AND ANNOYING!!!!!

Boston Globe Magazine Interview

My other cat -- Stanley -- even when I ask him now, after our disaster, makes his feelings known about Furbies:

I told him this was rude, but I understand his sentiment. All he has to do is point to Snowball's ass to remind me of the terror.

View the picture below, and you will see the future destruction this Furby is going to cause. Just try to imagine this horrid Furby wrapping toilet paper around my kitty's neck, (Charmin, $3.99 at Shaw's) trying to strangle my precious Misha (my Siamese kitty) -- for this is what happened.

OH, the humanity!!!!!!

My poor Misha as she is STRANGLED BY CHARMIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(This story to continue a little later)

A blurb from the future:

January 19, 1999:

Well, dear readers, thanks for all your condolescences while I was in the hospital!!!!!! I am now home, using the money from the fire damage to rebuild my house. Currently I am living in a tent with my lap top and 3 kitties, a tank of fish, and 2 birds.

As a public service announcement, please be kind enough to read the following on kidnapped and missing people:

Kidnapped and Missing!!

Many of you were kind enough to write!!!!! Many of you responded that you, too, are afraid of Furbies. But some of you were DETERMINED to show your a flitty attitude towards the dangerous Furby by sending comments such as "That is so fake," "Looser," (spelled exactly that way, so we will take that comment from where it came, shall we?), I guess he/she meant "loser." Another of my brilliant audience wanted to know if there truly is a Furby devil, and if I was telling the truth. I say to that -- OF COURSE!!!!!!!! Aren't my pictures horrible enough??!!!! This is so disturbing. Another comment: "how come you don't see the furby devil?" I suppose because the Furby devil has a small amount of brain matter that actually works,it stays hidden away where it can't be destroyed by trucks, dynamite, police sherrifs, or bad grammar.

Need more proof that Furby is evil? Here is a bunch of the little critters, howling their praise to Satan. I bet they aren't even on key.

Here is that same group, worshiping Dr. Darkness himself on a hill next to my house. I heard them chanting, Satan, Satan, Satan.........and ......... give us luscious, creamy Twinkies.

This Furby was sighted in the deep South at a KKK meeting handing out leaflets on disgusting topics I won't even mention (I guess the black Furby can't attend)(How do they feel about gray?????? Polka dots?):

The Furby's have been known to be racially hateful. Just witness this horrid joke that I overheard from a Furby:

"When do you know the Chinese are moving in to your neighborhood?

Answer: "When the Mexicans start buying car insurance!"

HOW RUDE!!!

This is a great way to stalk and kill Furbies in the wild. Worth the money, I'd say!

Goose Thingie

This hellish picture was made public recently. Furby attacked our most cherished tradition -- Santa Claus. This picture shows the local marshall at the North Pole finding Santa slain and all his reindeer slaughtered. The marshall has since quit his job and been committed.

January 26, 1999

I have since found out that these are some of the "toys" that can be bought for use with the devil Furby. HORRID!!!!!

Furby's Accessories of Destruction!!

Even Mickey Mouse has lost his mind and has been captured in a psychotic moment. What is our world coming to, I ask?


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