The Expulsion of Gas
By Erick Desjardins
To quote my grandmother: "If you have to do it, do it." Having gas is a perfectly natural
phenemenon, and should be looked upon as being perfectly natural. It should not be shunned as
rudeness, or barbarianism, for it is none of these things. It is only a necessity.
Gas has to go somewhere. It can not be absorbed into the intestines or stomach. Have mercy
on the person who does not expel gas, for he or she will no doubt explode. I beg your pardon, but
flatulating in the house of God would be better than exploding from the inside out. If this were true,
that is, if we had an inability to expel gas, the only people who would be helped are those who are
drowning, because they would float by nature. The world does not have a drowning epidemic, so
expel gas in the name of good health. And learn to swim.
What about the smell? The sound? A response to these and other questions is simply: enjoy
the satisfaction of not blowing up, the relief from uncomfortable and sometimes painful bloating.
Humans were not designed with a natural chemical similar to Gas-X, so we (as logical thinkers)
must expel gas. Some smells and sounds are necessary in the process. We need to accept and
glorify these aspects in order to fully accept bodily eruptions. As humanity must excrete, consume,
and breathe, so must it be given the right to expel gas without embarassment or guilt.
In some countries, it is one's God-given right to belch after a meal. In our Canadian
multi-cultural society, should not these customs be as acceptable as in our countries of origin? With
Canadian beer, soft drinks, and bacon, along with various imported foods from countries outside
North America (Germany being a perfect example), we definitely have the means to expel gas.
Because of our multi-cultural society, it should be we Canadians who are able to release intestinal
gas at our discretion, without the offense it may bring. Musically speaking, it isn't the most
harmonious sound, but it is a pleasant feeling. Some day, talented individuals could enter the master
class in music festivals for their own health.
The most important thing to remember is that human beings must expel gas; it is a necessity.
The world (with a few exceptions) cannot disclaim having gas for any reason at all. The human race
must be less squeamish in its quest for happiness and learn that flatulation rhymes with elation. Bless
my grandmother's ideals, for they could be the key to accepting various emissions, and could
destroy the current beliefs about expelling gas. Good luck, and have a blast.
Comments for Erick? Email him:50dugank@qstar.fanshawe.on.ca