June 30, 2002:   Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter
in the supermarket – today's headlines:
 

ROSIE HITS 300 lbs!

                  [courtesy National Enquirer]
 

2-HEADED MAN RUNS FOR MAYOR . . . against HIMSELF!

                                                                   [courtesy Weekly World News]
 

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Borf Books        borf@borfents.com            Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                      The Columbus Book of Euchre
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    (270) 597-2187           Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher         Natty Bumppo, writer/editor




June 23, 2002
:  Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter
in the supermarket – today's headlines:
 

ROBOT PRIESTS
    Pope's secret plan to stop sex scandals

                               [courtesy Weekly World News]
 
Mafia running out of mobsters
                Find out how YOU can join -- INSIDE!
 
                                      [courtesy Weekly World News]

 
LETTERS to the EDITOR:

TedF wrote Sun 16 Jun 2002 @14:05:01 CST:

My son, Hank, might be looking at the Tab Headlines over my shoulder
in the office here at home,  and say things like:  "I saw that one . . . "  or
"I read that story . . . " because whenever we're at Wal-Mart or the gro-
cery store,  or stop at a gas station,  we'll find Hank  with his nose in the
tabs – he especially liked "Badminton Coach Fired for Using Real Bird-
ies."   I probably would have unsubscribed  long  ago  if  not  for  Hank.
Now,  I'm a penny in for a pound.   But I often delete 'em  before Hank
sees 'em, so I thought he might want to just get on your subscription list.
 
  
DISCUSSION GROUP:

     Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to attend the Weekly World
News  Round  Table  at  the offices of Borf Books  just  outside
Brownsville,  Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.  Guest
speakers lined up for meetings in the near future include  Osama
bin Laden,  Mullah Omar Muhammad,  Richard Reid,  and John
Walker Lindh.


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index                    
Borf Books        borf@borfents.com            Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                      The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210                   War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

    (270) 597-2187           Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher         Natty Bumppo, writer/editor




June 16, 2002
:  Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter
in the supermarket – today's headlines:


DRUNK CHELSEA PASSES OUT

                                                                                       [courtesy the Star]


TATUM O'NEAL AND DAD RYAN SHARED SAME WOMAN

                                                                                                             [courtesy National Examiner]


JAPAN WANTS TO BUY HAWAII
          and turn our 50th state into WW2 theme park!
                   'Let's nip this in the bud,' says Prez Bush


                                                     [courtesy Weekly World News]


OUTRAGE!

    
MOM HAS SON'S SEX CHANGED

                            'I really wanted a girl'


   BADMINTON COACH FIRED FOR USING REAL BIRDIES!


      ADOPTION AGENCY SELLS SHAVED APES AS HUMAN BABIES!

                                                                                    [courtesy Weekly World News]

The third "Outrage!" above is worth a run to your neighborhood Ralph's just for a look at the photo on the front page – Ed.


and, this week's special, headline plus article excerpts:

JESUS' LAST WILL FOUND

. . . The document specifically notes the year of Jesus' Second Coming
– 2050 A.D. . . .   Those who viewed the will say Jesus was extraordi-
narily  generous, despite the mental anguish he suffered in the hours be-
fore his arrest,  carefully listing his meager possessions and who was to
receive them when he was gone.   "Each of his disciples – including Ju-
das Iscariot –  received a shekel,  with the instruction that it be used to
ease the suffering of the poor,"  noted  the  Vatican insider who helped
translate the will . . . . "In addition Jesus left . . . his favorite donkey . . .
to Mary Magdalene . . . ."
                                                          [courtesy Weekly World News]


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index                    
Borf Books        borf@borfents.com            Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                      The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210                   War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

    (270) 597-2187           Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher         Natty Bumppo, writer/editor




June 9, 2002
:  Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the coun-
ter in the supermarket – today's headlines:


SIX TOP BASEBALL STARS ARE GAY
          'Boys of Summer' has taken on whole new meaning

                                [Only six? Sorry, folks, they don't name names – courtesy the Globe]
 

LETTERS to the EDITOR!

HVELENOSI@aol.com wrote Sun 02 Jun 2002 @08:40:45 PDT:

I begin to suspect that you open the "newspapers."  The headlines
on the front pages here covered none of these subjects.  Are  you
buying and reading them?

For the benefit of our growing legion of readers, we do buy and read some
of  these  newspapers  (but never more than one in a week).  If we did not,
you would not be able to enjoy the occasional special feature "headline plus
article synopsis,"  or this week's special feature,  the Weekly World News'
"Editor's  note"  (or the explanation of the headline  "CONNIE  FRANCIS
CAUGHT IN PORN SCANDAL" a month or two ago).

    But it is not true that the "headlines on the front pages . . . covered none of
these subjects"  last  week,  and your suggestion that such is the case has hurt
our feelings. "BABY BORN WITH ANTLERS" was on the front page of the
Weekly World News,  verbatim,  as was the reference to the "little dear,"  al-
though we did have to go inside for the baby's name, which, nonetheless, was
in a headline. Likewise "HEAD OF JOHN THE BAPTIST FOUND" was on
the front page, but we had to go inside to find it "IN SECRET CAVE" – again,
in a headline  (and,  we will admit,  it said "HEAD OF JOHN THE BAPTIST"
on the front page, and "JOHN THE BAPTIST'S HEAD," which we quoted, in-
side).

    And today's headline from the Star was entirely front page, verbatim. We did
not buy the Star (and would not.  Ha!  Ha!).  We scribbled the Star headline on
the back page of our purchased Weekly World News.  But please let us add, in
addition to our injured feelings, that we are immensely heartened to find that you
(and most of our other readers) are paying attention!  Thank you for your letter.

                                                                                                    – The Editor


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index                    
Borf Books        borf@borfents.com            Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                      The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210                   War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

    (270) 597-2187           Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher         Natty Bumppo, writer/editor




June 2, 2002
:  Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the coun-
ter in the supermarket – today's headlines:


BABY BORN WITH ANTLERS
                'Rudolph's a real dear,' say parents

                               [courtesy Weekly World News]


DUMB GAL SUES PARENTS FOR MAKING HER STUPID
   Alleges 'stupidity gene' passed on; parents say daughter 'has a screw loose'

                                                                                                              [courtesy Weekly World News]


RICH WACKO USES DEAD DWARF AS HOOD ORNAMENT

Editor's note: Weekly World News is shocked and outraged over what Mr. Sweeney is doing and in no
way condones his behavior. We are merely reporting on this story because people have a right to know.

                                                                                                                      [courtesy Weekly World News]


JOHN THE BAPTIST'S HEAD FOUND IN SECRET CAVE!

                                                                                                            [courtesy Weekly World News]


Crying vision of Jesus warns:
  I WILL RETURN WITHIN WEEKS
           Hundreds see Savior in sky over Church of the Nativity

                                                                                        [courtesy the Star]


LETTERS to the EDITOR!

a.ende@att.net wrote 26 May 2002 @07:31:52 CDT re the headline
"Martha Stewart & Daughter in Love With Same Man":

Hope it's not the father – is there even a name for that kind of
activity (all in the family?)?


DISCUSSION GROUP:

    All readers interested in  intellectual  dissection  of important
current events are invited  to  attend  the  new  Weekly  World
News  Round  Table  at the offices of Borf Books  just outside
Brownsville, Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.  Guest
speakers lined up for meetings in the near future include woman
picked up by UFO at Sunfish Mall, Baby Rudolph,  Baby Bob,
and witnesses to experimental penguin surgery.


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index                    
Borf Books        borf@borfents.com            Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                      The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210                   War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

    (270) 597-2187           Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher         Natty Bumppo, writer/editor