January 26, 2003:  Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in
the supermarket – today's headlines:
 

BILL IN SEX THERAPY

                                                    [courtesy National Enquirer]
 

3,000-YEAR-OLD MUMMY HAS BABY BOY

                                                                        [courtesy Weekly World News]

 
101  PROPHECIES  &  PREDICTIONS
 from worl'ds great religions & leading psychics:                                                                                                   [courtesy the Sun]
 

Harper's Weekly BONUS:
"A French yacht sailing in the round-the-world Jules Verne
 Trophy was briefly detained by a giant squid. . . . The  Su-
 preme  Court  upheld the 1998 Copyright Term Extension
 Act and said that it was clearly within the authority of Con-
 gress to make bad policy."
  
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Borf Books        borf@borfents.com            Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                      The Columbus Book of Euchre
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    (270) 597-2187           Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher         Natty Bumppo, writer/editor




January 19, 2003:  Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in
the supermarket – today's headlines:
 
DIANA ROSS BUSTED
   - days after fleeing rehab!

                                    [courtesy the Globe]
 
 
Crew thinks it's 1944!
 JAPANESE SUB STILL FIGHTING WW2
      - and it's headed for Calfornia!
 
                               [courtesy Weekly World News]
 

Evolution in reverse
    MANKIND TURNING BACK INTO MONKEYS!
 
                                    [courtesy Weekly World News]
 

SADDAM'S DOOMSDAY WEAPON
                  One push of the button,
          and the whole world will go POOF!
 
                                    [courtesy Weekly World News]
 
JAIL HERE BROKEN INTO
 
                        [courtesy Edmonson (County, Ky.) News]
 
 
LETTERS to the EDITOR!
Dave Foster wrote Tue 14 Jan 2003 @18:04:01 EST:
I know this will come as no surprise, but Carrie and I
were talking about the  "Tabloid  Headlines"  and she
thought she had better get on the mailing list.   Please
add her to your  – I'm sure –  extensive list.   Thanks.
.  .  .  You will be bringing father and daughter closer
together by adding Carrie to the tabloid list and giving
us a conversation topic whenever we talk.  Thank you
again. . . . .

Harper's Weekly BONUS:
"The U.S. military admitted that it has spammed thousands of
 Iraqis with e-mail . . . urging them to defy Saddam Hussein."

DISCUSSION GROUP:

       Don't forget!  Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to attend the Weekly World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky, just after church every Sunday.   Guest speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include Diana Ross, David
Foster, Carrie Foster,  and Edmonson County Jailer Bruce Logs-
don.
 

HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

  Remember,  if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

  But remember  also,  you have to spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above – without quotation marks, and without
that redundant "Re: " that appears in so many subject lines – or you
will keep getting this shit!  ("Cut and paste" won't work, either.  We
have a special filter to detect that.)
 
    
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Next issue

Archives index                    
Borf Books        borf@borfents.com            Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                      The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210                   War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

    (270) 597-2187           Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher         Natty Bumppo, writer/editor




January 12, 2003:  Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in
the supermarket – today's headlines:
 
STARS ON DRUGS!
Who's HOOKED:
Tim Allen 
Diana Ross 
Charlie Sheen 
Justin Timberlake 
Who's RECOVERED:
Naomi Campbell 
Leonardo DiCaprio 
Brad Pitt 
Winona Ryder 
Who needs HELP NOW:
Jennifer Aniston 
Michael Douglas 
Melanie Griffith 
Nick Nolte 
Matthew Perry 
[courtesy National Enquirer – Editor's note:  Although the headlines and
 names are reported accurately here,  we are not sure about  which stars
 belong in which categories,  as the Enquirer did not say.  We  have  done
 our
  best  in assigning the listed stars to categories  according to the way
 they
looked in the photographs that appeared in the Enquirer. You might
 do
well to run down to your local Ralph's and spend $2.99 for  this  issue
 just
for the photos of Nick Nolte, Michael Douglas and Jennifer Aniston]
 
 
SADDAM CHALLENGES BUSH TO DUEL

                                    [courtesy Weekly World News]

 
HALLE BERRY CAUGHT WITH WARREN BEATTY!

                                    [courtesy National Enquirer]
 

Harper's Weekly BONUS:
"It was reported  that  Condoleezza  Rice  is sometimes teased
 by her colleagues in the White House for speaking in complete
 sentences."

DISCUSSION GROUP:

       Don't forget!  Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to attend the Weekly World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky, just after church every Sunday.   Guest speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include Condoleezza Rice,
Warren Beatty, Saddam Hussein, and Jennifer Aniston.
 
 
Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index                    
Borf Books        borf@borfents.com            Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                      The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210                   War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

    (270) 597-2187           Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher         Natty Bumppo, writer/editor




January 5, 2003:   Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in
the supermarket – today's headlines  (all this week's  courtesy
Weekly World News
):

 
SCIENTIST TO CLONE
FIVE U.S. PRESIDENTS . . .
. . . & our readers get to pick them!


WAITRESS BUSTED FOR MAKING
SHAKES WITH HER BREAST MILK

 
Womb to spare!
  TWINS BORN TO WOMAN WITH 2 UTERUSES

 
GRANDPA KILLED BY TOILET FUMES!

 
Secret journal found in Berlin basement . . .
 THE WACKY PROPHECIES of HITLER --
He foresaw:

 
LETTERS to the EDITOR (re last week's "Tabbys!")!
 
HVELENOSI@aol.com wrote Sun 29 Dec 2002 @8:21:29 PST:
Speaking  of  Madonna,  there was a young British critic who
died this year.  In the LA Times obituary, they said he always
referred to Madonna as the "40 year old mother of two."

TedF@lakesnet.net wrote Sun 29 Dec 2002 @13:52:40 CST:
Methinks you spelled it wrong.  I think it is Ben Af Fleck.  He
is a black sheep brother to the banjo-playing Bela Fleck.  Ben
Af ran to Afghanistan with that there Walker fellow and fought
on the side of Bin Laden and the Talibanian Boys.   His buddy
Walker got caught;  Ben Af is still at large.  BTW,  he took his
middle name from,  you  guessed  it,  Afghanistan.   Ben  Fleck
used to play fiddle in a bluegrass band with brother Bela.   Re-
cently  (like  his  hero,  Nero),  he  fiddled  while  cities burned.
Now I know that Halle  is  Chuck's  illegitimate  daughter  from
way  back  when  he took her 15 year old mother  across  state
lines  for  fun  and  games.  But who in the fuck is Calista Flock-
hart?  Hmmm . . . .

Harper's Weekly BONUS:
"Thailand's public-health ministry announced that  it  will  distribute
  condoms to boy and girl scouts who visit the country for the 20th
  World Scout Jamboree."
 
Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index                    
Borf Books        borf@borfents.com            Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                      The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210                   War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

    (270) 597-2187           Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher         Natty Bumppo, writer/editor