Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 22 Feb 2004 @10:31:05 PST, re
last week's item on Colleen Callahan and Katherine Harris:

She could do with a new do.

[Colleen or Katherine?  Neither of them needs a facial: They're
both sharp as a hatchet! – Ed.]


FGDean@aol.com wrote Fri 27 Feb 2004 @09:48:34 PST:

[With whom?  Colleen or Katherine? – Ed.]


Editor's note:  The February 22, 2004, issue of Tabloid Headlines
– "last week's" – has been lost  in  cyberspace;  but  apparently  it
featured  these  two  hatchet-faced  celebrities:  Katherine  Harris,
former secretary of state of Florida (who helped Geroge W. Bush
win the Presidency against Al Gore)  and  later a congresswoman,
and Colleen Callahan, a heroic air marshal.  Here are their pittures:

actor Alex Rocco, 16
actor Dennis Farina, 15
actor Antonio Sabato Jr., 8
rapper Ja Rule, 7
(and, bandleader Jimmy Dorsey, deceased, would have been 25 today)

A red-bellied piranha was found dead in a boat moored on the
Thames. . . . The President's chief economic advisor suggested
reclassifying fast food jobs as manufacturing because they pro-
duce hamburgers. .  .  .  An 83-year-old Florida man fell while
working in his yard,  could not get up,  lay there three days re-
fusing medical attention, and died.  . . .  A 54-year-old Indiana
woman decapitated her 83-year-old mother  (yes,  Mama was
still living when the operation began). . . .A Kentucky legislator
termed illegal parking in a handicapped zone  "one of the most
despicable acts a driver can commit."

                                    [items 1-2 courtesy Harper's Weekly]

FGDean@aol.com wrote Mon 2 Feb 2004 re the recent
Globe headline "JFK Jr. Wife Had Other Lovers!":

[Well, hardly.  See also the first two headlines above, partic-
ularly the one about evidence of aliens  on  Mars.  Let's just
call it a slow news year. – Ed.]

James Dignan grutness@surf4nix.com wrote to the internet
newsletter "A Word a Day" re its feature on everyday words
with slightly variant spellings (and, often, shades of meaning):

[And now we know the difference between the Philadelphia In-
quirer and the National Enquirer? – Ed.]

FGDean@aol.com, our regular West Coast correspondent,  who re-
sides not just in Los Angeles but actually in Hollywood, wrote Fri 13
Feb 2004 @19:05:55 PST re last week's item on ordinances to pro-
bhit the barking of dogs (and a hillbilly nouveau's plaint  that  he  had
moved to the country to hear birds, not dogs):

Those guys don't appreciate how well off they are.    I'd  rather
listen to either one of those natural sounds than the  bleating  of
car alarms, which has become the national bird of my neighbor-
hood.

A study found that men cause more pain than women. . . . Two male
penguins in New York's Central Park zoo were revealed to be a ho-
mosexual couple. When once they tried to hatch a rock, their keeper
gave them a fertile egg;  and they hatched it and reared the chick. . . .
An  American  Airlines  pilot  on  a flight from  Los Angeles  to  New
York told Christians to raise their hands and turn off their movies, and
told non-Christians they were crazy. . . . A British company was selling
MP3 players to be attached to Kalashnikov rifles.  . . .  A 10-year-old
New Jersey boy gained only one pound in the nine years he  had  been
in foster care from age 1. . . .  Hillary Clinton made Men's Journal's an-
nual list of "the 25 toughest guys in America." . . . Barbie broke up with
Ken.
                                                [items 1-4 courtesy Harper's Weekly]

Pollution has turned male dolphins, whales and seals  into  her-
maphrodites,  a study found. . . . A dead sperm whale with an
unusually large penis exploded on a street in Taiwan, shower-
ing cars, shops and pedestrians with gore. . . . Dutch scientists
concluded that some migraines are caused by brain disease. ...
International health organizations suggested vaccinating some 6
billion chickens in countries plagued by avian flu. . . David Gest
blamed the  National  Enquirer  for the estrangement of his wife,
Liza Minelli. . . . Fidel Castro accused George W. Bush of plot-
ting to assassinate him.

A  Mexican  hacked open his father's head with a machete,
drank his blood,  and ate his brains. . . . An Indian who hid
$900 worth of small diamonds in a pile of hay  was feeding
his cow laxatives. . . . The Kentucky House of Representa-
tives passed,  88 to 5,  a bill criminalizing  "fetal  homicide,"
from the moment  of  conception  (but it exempts abortion).
. . . Art Garfunkel was busted with pot.