Michael O'Keefe wrote from Australia:

I am . . . bemused by the implication of the following . . .
from your August 16 column:  "A man  in  Australia  was
charged with bestiality with  a  rabbit."   Yes,  it  appears
that  there are some very sick people out there.  Howev-
er,  the fact that he was in Australia  is coincidental to his
depravity  and  besmirches our good name in this regard.
Aussies do have some peculiar national traits,  but  this is
not one of them.   He  is  a  New  Zealander,  and I think
that they should claim him  (and Russell Crowe,  for  that
matter).

St. Joseph and Daviess counties (South Bend, Washington) opted for
the Central time zone. . . .  A custodian was arrested for making meth
in the First Baptist Church in Peru. . . .Five Clark County Jail inmates
were infected by a staple they were using to make tattoos. . . . A 27-
year-old former band director got 12 years in prison  for  having  sex
with three teen-age girls at Crawfordsville High School.

A  man  clad only in swimming trunks  used an aluminum baseball bat to
smash three cars, two television sets, two computers, an air conditioner,
three fans,  ten mirrors,  two compact disc players,  five doors,  several
walls and a toilet at his wife's ex-husband's house,  to which she had re-
turned.     He then drove his pickup truck through the back doors of the
Adair County Courthouse.  He was charged with DUI  and driving with-
out insurance, among other crimes.
                                                                 [courtesy Courier-Journal]

An obituary in the Daily News, of Bowling Green, listed the deceased
woman's two dogs among her survivors.  An obituary submitted to the
Edmonson News, of Brownsville, listed a deceased woman's horse a-
mong her survivors (the Editor chose not to mention the horse).

                                                            [courtesy Editor, the Gimlet]

Victoria Beckham,  known also as Posh Spice,  said she has
never read a book in her life (but she has written a 528-page
autobiography).  .  .  .  Methamphetamine addicts in Canada
were stealing large numbers of bicycles because, it was said,
disassembling bicycles soothes them while they tweak.  .  .  .
Dennis Rader,  the "BTK killer,"  will be eligible for parole in
2180. . . . Christian televangelist Pat Robertson said the U.S.
should  "take  out"  Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.  . . .
Historian William Hughes  said  Ann Coulter,  Robert Novak
and Linda Chavez are "going bonkers." . . . Grass cops were
measuring overgrown lawns in Baltimore County,  Maryland.
. . . Turkmenistan's President Saparmurat Niyazov outlawed
lip-synching.  .  .  .  Bob Costas refused to host a CNN pro-
gram on Natalee Holloway's disappearance on Aruba. . . . A
judge ordered a Pittsburgh school to  readmit  a 14-year-old
student  expelled  for  composing "battle rap."  .  .  .  Michael
Moore checked into a fat farm.

Wiles Penn Frostburn won the Pulitzer Price for Spam with an
e-mail titled "R\e\v\e\r\s\e (a)(g)(i)(n)(g) while you sle. . . ep!"

Officials took custody of a schoolgirl after finding eight dead
dogs  in  garbage bags  behind her family's feces- and urine-
filled home.
                               [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

The "Shoe Bomber"  made and detonated a weedkiller-based
bomb at Whitemoor Prison in England. . . .  The streets of Big
Sandy,   Montana,  were slick with the carcasses of thousands
of toads that invaded the town.  .  .  .   A Chinese artist grafted
the head of a human fetus onto a bird's body. . . .  An 81-year-
old Frenchman opened fire with a rifle  on a firefighting helicop-
ter that woke him from a nap;  when police came to arrest him,
he beat them with saucepans. . . .  A British puppeteer was or-
dered to stop using a Saddam Hussein puppet  as the sausage-
stealing villain in his Punch and Judy show. . . .  Pfizer patented
a drug that prevents  premature  female  orgasm.  .  .  .  An Air
Force colonel in Denver was investigated  for  vandalizing  cars
with pro-Bush bumper stickers. . . . A Siberian tiger killed a 7-
year-old girl in Kansas.  .  .  .   An Australian was charged with
having sex with a rabbit. . . . A man wearing an AC/DC T-shirt
danced on Ronald Reagan's grave.

Erick Christiansen sent us an e-mail titled "From Erick."
"Jackie" sent us an e-mail titled "From Jackie."

The Weekly World News <admin@weeklyworldnews.com>
wrote Mon 8 Aug 2005 @19:03:31 EDT:

Thank you for agreeing to be part of the Weekly World
News reader panel.

The Hy-Way Oil full-service, cash-only filling station in Fort Wayne closed
for  good.    It managed to man the pumps and stay in business by avoiding
credit  card  fees  until prices went so high that too many customers  had  to
"charge  it."     Employee Jim Black spent the last few weeks teaching aged,
arthritic customers how to operate gasoline pumps.

A counterfeiter in Lafayette was passing $100 bills with Abraham Lincoln's
portrait on them.
                                         [courtesy Courier-Journal, Associated Press]

Garrison Keillor's Writer's Alamanac, a daily feature distributed by American
Public Media,  was suspended from broadcast by WUKY-FM radio in Lex-
ington  (the University of Kentucky outlet)  because he uttered the words "the
hots" and "breast."
                                    [courtesy Kentucky Educational Television (KET)]

A 20-year-old Winchester woman convicted of violating a noise ordinance
got probation on the condition  she not occupy a car with the sound system
turned on for the next year.
                                                                      [courtesy Courier-Journal]

"Everything dogs do is for a reason. . . .  They're not stupid like we are."

-- Animal behaviorist Joyce Stuart, regarding scores of dogs
    who have leapt to their deaths from a bridge in Scotland

A  man  shot a Toyota Camry three times in Simi Valley to shut
up its alarm  (see good news from Kentucky, above). . . .  Billy
Crystal refused to open for Jessica Simpson.  . . .  A photogra-
pher staking out Britney Spears' baby shower was shot  with  a
BB  gun.  .  .  .  Cocaine was found in the blood of a dead L.A.
toddler used as a human shield.  . . .  A Floridian killed his wife
because she wanted to cuddle after sex.  .  .  .  An  Englishman
televised his suicide to his girl friend  by cell phone.  . . . A man
fell off the same building twice in Darwin, Australia. . . .  A Brit
recovering from triple bypass surgery was visited in the hospital
by all three of his wives at the same time.  . . .  California courts
ruled that a beauty products company could not fire an employ-
ee for not being "hot." . . . A. J. Foyt survived 200 bee stings.

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Pete Falcon wrote Sun 31 Jul 2005 @08:10:00 CDT:

I wonder if Iranian lesbians are as coveted in their country as
American men treasure seeing a good womano on womano?

Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 31 Jul 2005 @06:52:41 PDT:

Bravo!  Juries of Wisconsin!  Keeping America’s airports safe
from terrorists. . . .

Fosterdme@aol.com wrote Mon 1 Aug 2005 @20:52:44 EDT:

Massachusetts  made  a  strong showing,  and I'm glad you led off
with the quotation of the week [from the Massachusetts Congress-
man].  Daylight Savings Time --- what a crock.

Thank you.  We're considering a new column:  Dumb news from New England. -- Ed.

A bullet from a firing range in Tipton County, where Noblesville police
were training, ripped through the wall of a home a mile away.

Following is the entire text of a parking ticket left by Brownsville
police officer Stony Phillips,  hand-printed on plain paper,  under
the windshield wiper of bailiff Maurice Parsley's 1998 beige Buick
Century parked outside the Edmonson County Courthouse:

I know you work for the Court, but that's no excuse for not reading
the yellow curb.
                                B.P.D.             [courtesy Tabloid Headlines]

The late Robert Norton,  82,  of Pekin,  who spent four decades in and
out of court fighting arrests  for  gardening and wandering his yard in the
nude and said he wanted to be buried naked, will be laid to rest wearing
gray slacks and a matching shirt, at the request of his family.

A man walked into a Subway sandwich shop in Spencer wearing nothing but
a ski mask.   "I don't believe he intended to rob the place,"  said Police Chief
Mike Lashbrook.   "He wasn't armed."
                                                                        [courtesy Courier-Journal]

"Someone should have found this before," said an astronomer
of a planet larger than Pluto discovered beyond Neptune. . . .
An appellate court ruled that Country Joe McDonald's "Fixin'
to Die Rag" did not infringe on Kid Ory's  "Muskrat  Ramble"
copyright. . . . A Nebraska man's Kansas marriage to his 13-
year-old honey (with parental consent) did not absolve him of
statutory rape in his home state. . . . A Kansas teen-ager con-
victed of intentionally vomiting on a teacher  was sentenced to
clean up vomited-in police cars.  . . .  A brain-dead woman in
Virginia gave birth to a live  baby  boy,  and the next day they
pulled the plug on her. . . .  A 13-year-old Japanese judo stu-
dent died after being kicked by his teacher for  not  eating  his
dinner. . . . New  tenants of a home in Sedalia, Missouri, were
surprised  by  a 4-1/2-foot python slithering out from under the
dishwasher. . . . A woman in Hobart, Indiana, found an 8-foot
python under a spruce tree in her mother's back yard.  .  .  . A
driver in O'Fallon,  Missouri,  found a 9-foot python nestled a-
mong the packages in his UPS truck.  .  .  .   An Australian eel
named Eddie was seen swallowing a goose.  .  .  .  A parrot in
England told two policemen, a mayor and a vicar to fuck off.

"Theresa Granville" sent us an e-mail titled "do you care?"