The Columbus North High School student newspaper ran a four-
page report on oral sex, discussing medical risks and featuring in-
terviews with students on the prevalence of the practice;  and  an
angry school board member has proposed having  all  future con-
tent of the paper censored by  the  faculty  advisor,  the  principal
and  the  superintendent  (both the advisor  and the principal  had
OK'd the article in question,  and the  advisor  said she would re-
sign if the censorship measure passed). . . .

A state board order directing a chiropractor to quit treating horses
was overruled by a court,  on a finding that the statute defining chi-
ropractic as  "manipulating the spines of individuals"  does not limit
"individuals" to human beings.
                                                         [courtesy Courier-Journal]

State Democratic Party Chairman Jerry Lundergran said he believes the
Ten Commandments belong in public places and, "We will no longer al-
low the Republican Party to identify itself as the only party of faith." . . .

The 6th Circuit United States Court of Appeals, in Cincinnati,  ruled that
the posting of the Ten Commandments at the Mercer County, Kentucky,
Courthouse is OK.
                                                                  [courtesy Courier-Journal]

Senator Harry Reid said the  present U.S. Congress is "the
most corrupt  in  history."  .  .  .  The ultranationalist Jewish
group Kahane called on members to  pray  for  Ariel Shar-
on's death. . . . A coca farmer was elected president of Bo-
livia. . . . A Houston receptionist sued her boss for ejacula-
ting on her while she worked.  . . .  A man in Athens, Ohio,
sued a police dog for illegal search. . . .  A Florida owl was
found high on marijuana. . . . Police in New Windsor, New
York, destroyed a snow penis.  . . .  British scientists found
that  little  girls  like to torture their Barbie dolls by scalping,
decapitating, burning, breaking and microwaving them. . . .
An 18-year-old youth in Newcastle, England,  set fire to an
82-year-old woman's hair  after a friend accused him of be-
ing "boring" (he's doing two years). . . .  A Missouri woman
swallowed a cell phone to keep it from her boy friend.  .  .  .
Alistair Cooke's bones were among body parts harvested by
New York mortuaries and sold on the organ and tissue mark-
et.  . . .  A New Yorker changed his name from Jose Luis Es-
pinal to Jesus Christ the day before Christmas Eve. . . . A wo-
man in Santa Fe  obtained  a  restraining  order  against David
Letterman,  who,  she said,  was using code words to show he
wanted to marry her and train her as his co-host, and had forc-
ed her to go bankrupt and caused her "sleep deprivation" since
May of 1994.
                        [courtesy Harper's Weekly, Courier-Journal]

"Armas Padua" sent us an e-mail titled "ovoid psychical."

"Elly Remley" sent us an e-mail titled "auditorial swampy."

"Kim Kaiser" sent us an e-mail titled "bumppo, you should read this" (we didn't).

"Audra Langley" sent us an e-mail titled "MERRY CHRISTMAS."

Dave Foster wrote Sat 17 Dec 2005 @14:27:55 EST:

I'm late reading my Tabloid Headlines, and am, therefore,
surprised to see  that  I'm the only one to ask,  "Does this
mean there will be no Round Table on Christmas because,
apparently, in Kentucky (or parts thereof) there will be no
church?"  I can't be the only one can I?

Indeed  you  are!  And although there will be no "megachurch,"
there will be church; and, yes, Virginia, there will be a Weekly
World News Round Table on Christmas morning.  -- Ed.

A 22-year-old woman left her baby boy in the car in the parking lot
as she spent the evening in a strip club in Kokomo.

A Pulaski County man pleaded guilty to selling his baby girl for $3,000.

A scientist in Syracuse, N.Y.,  found that bats with big balls
had BB brains. . . .  Inuits sued the United States for global
warming.  . . .  A Funyun shaped like the Virgin Mary crad-
ling the baby Jesus sold on e-Bay for $609.  . . .  A police-
man in Hamtramck, Michigan,  Tasered his partner in an ar-
gument over whether to stop for a soda. . . . Lesbian motor-
cyclists in San Francisco trademarked the name  "Dykes on
Bikes." . . .  The Dutch sparrow killed for knocking down a
domino chain will be preserved and displayed at the Rotter-
dam Natural History Museum perched atop a box of  domi-
noes. . . .  The city council of Nova Iguacu, Brazil, passed a
law to require restaurants, theaters and malls to provide sep-
arate bathrooms for transvestites. . . .  The graffiti artist who
signs his work "Borf" pleaded guilty  to felony destruction of
property.  .  .  . A mother dropped her month-old baby boy
from the third floor of a burning building in  New  York  into
the hands of a catcher for a company baseball team.

"Pedro Costello" sent us an e-mail titled "72 per cent of our members got laid."

"Methodius Ratzlaff" sent us an e-mail titled "gleet sunburnt."

WHO'S GAY AND WHO'S NOT!

Eric Shackle wrote Sat 3 Dec 2005 @11:06:57 +1100:

You've probably featured many of these . . . .  This list seems to be
bouncing around the www. Don't know how authentic they are.

Best headlines of 2005:      

Crack Found on Governor's Daughter

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Enfield Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Editor:

Thanks, Mr. Shackle.  The only one of these we do not recall having
seen before is the first, "Crack Found on Governor's Daughter."  We,
too, do not know how authentic they are; but it's easy to belileve that
such goofs would happen. We're inclined to believe that most of them
are authentic efforts at serious headline writing gone awry,  if not all of
them.  We have seen most of them before 2005, however;  so at least
the title, "Best headlines of 2005," is not authentic.

Most of these have not appeared in Tabloid Headlines -- perhaps none
of them.  The selections for Tabloid Headlines (except for an occasional
quotation from the Poynter  "Headline of the Day"  web site you pointed
out to us)  are usually not bloopers,  such as these,  but outlandish state-
ments presented as fact  (often with intentional fun or mischief).

In a recruiting slump, state police dropped the requirement that trooper
applicants have at least 60 credit hours of college education.

The State Board of Education  (17 oz.)  and the beverage industry  (20
oz.)  are at war over a standard size for soft drink containers  in  school
vending machines.  (What ever became of the 6-oz. Coke?) . . .

Southland Christian in Lexington, a "megachurch" with a congregation of
7,000, and several other megachurches across the country are canceling
services on Christmas Day  -- which falls on Sunday this year --  to give
their staff the holiday off.
                                                                  [courtesy Courier-Journal]

Iraqi suicide bombers were getting high on meth  before  doing
their thing.  .  .  .  An eighth-grader in Georgia was expelled for
removing a surveillance camera from the boys room.  . . .  Iron
Crotch Grandmaster Tu Jin-Sheng pulled a truck several yards
with his penis in Fremont, California.  . . .  Atlanta transit police
arrested a man  and handcuffed him  for selling a subway token
to another rider,  who was having trouble  with a token vending
machine. . . . A pack of squirrels gutted a barking dog in Russia.

                         [courtesy Harper's Weekly, Courier-Journal]

"Grandma Berries" sent us an e-mail titled "Florida Citrus Shopping Deadline."

Pete Falcon wrote Sun 27 Nov 2005 @15:30:23 CST:

The Tabloids in the markets are going to hell aren't they?

If they can't give you something to read, we will.  Try these:
                                                                                              -- Ed.

Anthony Dean wrote Tues 29 Nov 2005 @08:40:14 CST:

I just realized there's no way I could ever  unsubscribe  from
Tabloid  Headlines  at my job at Motorola!   The MotoFilter
would detect certain words in the subject line  and  refuse  to
send the e-mail.

Dumb news from Kentucky: [courtesy Courier-Journal]  (Trinity High School football    fan Libby Peck, Louisville)

Valparaiso beat Indiana University South Bend 111 to 41 in
basketball.
                                [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

An  employe  named  Ronald  MacDonald  was arrested for em-
bezzlement at a Wendy's in Manchester, New Hampshire. . . .  A
lingerie store in Augusta, Maine,  was attracting window shoppers
with live mannequins. . . .A 73-year-old Florida woman and a 13-
year-old Michigan girl were  trampled  in post-Thanksgiving shop-
ping stampedes. . . . A faith-based prison opened in Florida.  .  .  .
Bestiality charges against a man in Australia were dropped because
prosecutors could not prove that his penis penetrated rabbits.  .  .  .
A German woman threw her husband out after her parrot uttered his
mistress' name.  . . .  A Pennsylvania farmer painted his horses, cows
and dog orange to protect them from hunters.  .  .  .  Mazda urged its
Japanese employes to walk to work. . . . Former FEMA director Mi-
chael Brown started a  disaster  preparedness  company  and said his
parents are still proud of him.

                                   [courtesy Harper's Weekly, Courier-Journal]

"Elinor Booth" sent us an e-mail titled "That ostelogy Hank Warren."