Keith Durbin kdurbin14@YAHOO.com wrote Weds 24 Jan 2007 @14:49:18 CST:

I didn't get my Tabloid Headlines Sunday!!!!!!!!!!!    Tell Fred that it's not easy
being a man in KY, either.

The bodies of four homeless men were found stuffed in manholes in
South Bend.
                             [courtesy Harper's Weekly, Associated Press]

Army engineers were draining Lake Cumberland – the largest artificial
lake east of the Mississippi River – because  the  mile-long,  240-foot-
tall dam holding it back  was  leaking.    Cities downstream – including
Nashville, Tennessee – were advised to develop evacuation plans.

                                               [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

Test-tube baby Louise Brown gave birth. . . . Canadian wom-
en were joining professional pillow fighting leagues. . . .  Euro-
peans were boogying to Bulgaria to buy Boza beer,  which  is
believed to boost bust size. .  .  . McDonald's opened a drive-
through in China.  .  .  .  Six Hondurans were crushed by huge
bags of coffee beans. . . .  Scientists in Germany gave up after
three years of trying to get a sloth to move.  .  .  . An editor of
the British tabloid  News of the World  was sentenced to four
months in prison for hacking into royal officials' voice mail. . . .
A 7th grade health teacher in Yonkers,  New York,  was sus-
pended for having students draw  penises  on the blackboard.
. . . Tabloid Headlines was barred from Yahoo! e-mail inbox-
es last Sunday.
                                           [courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP]

Linda Blair, 48.

"borg.lai" sent us an e-mail titled "self-loathing hole puncher."

DISCUSSION GROUP:       Don't  forget!   Readers interested in intellectual dissection of important current events  are invited to attend the Weekly World News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside Browns- ville, Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.  Guest  speakers lined up for meetings in the near future include Jill Moore, the high school cheerleading coach in Ware Shoals,  South Carolina,  who resigned after being accused of having sex with a student and pro- viding cheerleaders for sex with the National Guard.    We are still negotiating for appearances by her father, Marcus Bishop, who of- fered his resignation from the school board,  and the school princi- pal,  Jane Blackwell, who was arrested for covering up the affair.

FGDean@aol.com wrote Sunday 14 Jan 2007 16:40:15 PST re
80-year-old great-grandmother killed her first deer "Ka-powie!":

Ha, now we have the complete spectrum, women
5 to 80.  It's not easy being a deer in Kentucky.

A 14-year-old boy stabbed another boy at a high school in Hunting-
ton in an argument over a girl.
                                                           [courtesy Associated Press]

Two train derailments in two days – both spilling hazardous chemicals,
igniting fires and causing evacuations – made national headlines.

          [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal, National Public Radio]

Hugo Chavez hugged Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. . . .  Muslim
villagers in Bihar,  India,  were changing their sons' names to
Saddam Hussein. .  .  . Barack Obama appeared shirtless in
the "beach babes" issue of People magazine. . . . George W.
Bush appeared on CBS' 60 Minutes. . . . A chimpanzee was
born at an animal sanctuary in Louisiana  despite the fact that
all male chimps in the facility had had vasectomies. . . . A po-
lar bear got a root canal at the Pittsburgh Zoo. . . . Endanger-
ed deer in Oklahoma  and Oregon  were saved by helicopter
wind  and a taser  (respectively),  and a sharpshooter in Iowa
rescued an endangered bald eagle with a bullet. .  .  . A north
Florida duck survived being shot  and two days in a refrigera-
tor. .  .  . The Michigan Court of Appeals upheld life in prison
for  achieving  "sexual penetration under circumstances involv-
ing the commission of another felony." . . . Thieves of GPS de-
vices from the town of Lindenhurst,  New York,  were traced
by GPS and arrested.
                                      [courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP, Len
                                      Zanger, and the Detroit Free Press]

"Ottilia D. Kirkland" sent us an e-mail titled "Radical Muslim drinking enemies' blood" (we
could not read the entire e-mail because it had been disinfected in transit by Symantec).

Margaret O'Brien, 70.

All-day kindergarten will be a key issue in the 2007 session of the In-
diana General Assembly, according to a prominent state senator.

                                             [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

An 80-year-old great-grandmother killed her first deer. "Ka-powie!"
she said. . . .

A man was arrested in Middlesboro for wearing a ski mask into his
brother's jewelry store.

                               [courtesy Harper's Weekly, Associated Press]

"Blame and run."
                                – Zbigniew Brzezinski

"Plutoed" – meaning demoted  and/or  devalued – was chosen
word of the year  by the American Dialect Society.  .  .  .  The
California  Institute of Technology  (Caltech)  basketball  team
snapped a 207-game losing streak with its first win since 1996.
. . . . Senator Robert Byrd interrupted Congress' opening pray-
er with shouts of  "Yes, Lord!"  and  "Mmmhmmm!" . . . Mazie
Hirono, Buddhist Congresswoman from Hawaii,  was sworn in
on no book at all.  .  .  .  Former President George H. W. Bush
imitated Dana Carvey imitating George H. W. Bush  at services
for the late President Ford.  . . . Newly released FIB files reveal
that the late Chief Justice William Rehnquist was hospitalized for
a psychiatric problem in 1981, believed there was a CIA plot a-
gainst him,  and tried to escape the hospital in his pajamas.  .  .  .
The Army apologized for letters sent to officers  killed  in  action
urging them to re-enlist.  . . . A 10-year-old in Texas who'd seen
a video of Saddam Hussein's execution  hanged  himself  from his
bunk bed and died. . . . Armenians were selling their votes for po-
tatoes.  . . . Qatarans were barred from editing Wikipedia.  . . . A
British man died of a heart attack while ambulance crews were on
an EU-mandated lunch break. . . . Britney Spears and Paris Hilton
tied for "worst dressed" on Mr. Blackwell's 47th annual list. . . . A
Vermont man was bitten by a  scorpion  on a United Airlines flight
home from Chicago  (the flight had originated in Houston). .  .  . A
Virginia high school art teacher was fired for  "butt-printing"  on his
own time.  .  .  .  A British historian was handcuffed,  thrown to the
ground  and jailed  in Atlanta  when he refused to identify himself to
a policeman telling him not to jaywalk. .  .  . Jimmy  Carter  said  he
wanted to be buried in his front yard.

                                                   [courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP]

Scott McKenzie, 68

"specialisten-1892" sent us an e-mail titled "rhetorical bowling ball."

Max Otis @sbcglobal.net wrote Tues 02 Jan 2007 @11:33:36 CST:

Unable to attend your group discussion, but thanks for the invite.

Larue County,  birthplace of Abraham Lincoln on February 12, 1809,
is planning a two-year celebration of his bicentennial, to begin Februa-
ry 12, 2008. . . .

State Senate bill 6 would prohibit both the slaughter  and  the exporta-
tion of horses for human consumption. . . .

And a state senator, in response to protests that stopped the renaming
of 22nd Street in Louisville "Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd.,"  filed a
bill to rename the entire length of I-65 through Jefferson County "Mar-
tin Luther King Memorial Highway" (reminding us of our favorite street
name in the nation, the former South Park Drive in Chicago, now  "The
Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Dr.").

                                                [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

A legislator proposed a statewide referendum to choose between the
Eastern and Central time zones.
           `                                                [courtesy Associated Press]

A 67-year-old Spanish woman gave birth to twins.  . . . The
world's population reached 6.5 billion. . . . Ariel Sharon was
still alive. . . . At least 2.5 million American children were ta-
king antipsychotic drugs,  and  a  similar number of Kenyans
were close to starvation.  . . . A flying saucer nearly touched
down at Chicago's O'Hare airport. . . . Yuris Sinkevicius,  a
skinny prisoner from Lithuanaia,  stripped naked,  oiled him-
self and slipped through the bars of a Norwegian jail to free-
dom.  . . .  Two suburban Atlanta women, including a former
Penthouse "pet,"  were arrested for $10,000-a-trick prostitu-
tion.  .  .  .  A  calf  was born with two faces in Rural Retreat,
Virginia.  .  .  . Flying a kite is legal again in Pakistan's Punjab
province.
                                           [courtesy Harper's Yearly, AP]

"bradley" sent us an e-mail titled "ravishing squid."
"hakuei1" sent us an e-mail titled "irreconcilable pork chop."
"Massey" sent us an e-mail titled "ephemeral scuffle."