• NATALEE HOLLOWAY found in FLORIDA!
• Caylee's Mom confesses to JONBENET murder
• All alive and well (except JonBenet Ramsey)
  

• fighting depression
• boozing now out of control
• begs Laura, 'Help me!'
  

FGDean@aol.com wrote Thurs 23 Nov 2008 @09:59:08 PST:

Maybe Ms. Stefanyshyn-Piper will just "drop in" on the Weekly
World News Round Table – without her tool box.

That's the idea!  National Public Radio news has taken to calling her sim-
ply "Heidi Piper," by the way.  – Editor

A bill in the legislature would prohibit teen-agers' (but not others') use of
cell phones while they drive.
                                                                 [courtesy Associated Press]

A Bloomington "freshwoman" sued the Indiana High School Athletic Asso-
ciation for the right to try out for baseball.
                                                                                           [courtesy AP]

Lawyers for Dr. Seuss Enterprises demanded that the city of Louisville
drop Grinch terminology from its Christmas celebration. . . .

The Kentucky Lottery  and the state Council on Problem Gambling  is-
sued a joint statement suggesting that adults not buy  lottery  tickets  as
Christmas presents for children under 18 years of age.

                                                [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

"God came to Earth and saw people sticking it wherever and doing it with
 whatever, and He just cleared it all out.  He was, like, 'Enough.' "

                                                    – the artist formerly and once again known as
                                                       Prince,  speaking out against gay marriage

A college student was bitten by a panda he attempted to hug
after breaking into its cage at a zoo in Gulin, China.  . . . Chi-
na called Guns 'n' Roses' new  "Chinese  Democracy"  album
noisy and clamorous.  .  .  .  President Bush pardoned rapper
John Forte. . . . New evidence suggested that Hitler was mon-
orchic (single-testicled). . . .  Poland's foreign minister,  Radek
Sikorski,  denied  saying  Barack Obama's grandfather  was a
cannibal who ate a Polish missionary ("Mr. Sikorski did not tell
a racist joke," a spokesman said;  "he was only giving an exam-
ple of unpalatable and racist jokes"). .  .  . Al Qaeda released a
video  referring  to  Barack Obama  and  Condoleezza Rice  as
"house Negroes." .  .  . Muhammad Sven Kalisch, German pro-
fessor of Islamic theology (and a Muslim convert), declared that
Muhammad probably did not exist,  and expressed doubt about
the origin of the Koran ("God," he said, "does not write books").
... An 8-year-old boy who shot his father and his father's house-
mate to death with a .22-caliber pistol in St. John's,Arizona, was
charged with murder. ... A 13-year-old boy was arrested in Stu-
art, Florida, for farting in school. ... A boater in Oregon was shot
by his dog. .  .  . A drunk driver in New Mexico ran over himself
at the end of a police chase. .  .  . Stu Rasmussen, who calls him-
self Carla Fong and wears skirts, high heels, and lipstick to work,
was elected mayor of Silverton,  Oregon,  and may be America's
firt openly transvestite mayor  .  .  .  Google searches for "chloro-
form" and "neck breaking"  were found on Caylee Anthony's mo-
ther's computer. . . . Raul Castro told Sean Penn he would like to
meet with Barack Obama.  .  .  .  Elmer Blanco waited for "Black
Friday"  outside a Best  Buy in Alexandria, Virginia,  from 10 a.m.
Thanksgiving Day. . . .Five shoppers fighting their way into a Wal-
Mart on Long Island were trampled at 5 a.m. "Black Friday," one
of them fatally; and the husbands of two shoppers fighting at Toys
R Us in Palm Desert, California, shot each other to death.

[courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP, NPR, Chicago Tribune, Jo Joffe]

The state Court of Appeals upheld the issuance of "In God
We Trust" license plates without a specialty fee. . . .

Opening prayer resumed in the state House of Representa-
tives, after the 7th Circuit U.S. Court of Appeals ruled that
taxpayers had no standing to challenge it. . . .

Male  and  female  prisoners  at the  Greene  County  Jail  in
Bloomfield found a way to sneak between cellblocks for sex
and homemeade alcohol.
                                                [courtesy Associated Press]

An escapee rang the jail door bell in Paducah  and asked to
be let back in.
                                                                    [courtesy AP]

A judge ordered a man to stay at least 1,000 feet away  from
his wife and teen-age son but allowed him to continue as prin-
cipal at the Louisville high school his son attends.

                                 [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

The Bell Ringers were already out at the Big Box Stores more
than a week before Thanksgiving.

                       [courtesy Tabloid Headlines' roving reporter]

"What is he, an Arab?  He's not going to be mopping floors at the
  White House."
                           – Benjamin Emanuel, speaking of his son Rahm

Duncan Sheik, 39
Bo Derek, 52

Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip, 61st

An Englishwoman sued her husband for divorce after catching
his avatar cuddling an American woman's avatar  on  a  virtual
sofa on line.  . . . A woman in Mauston, Wisconsin, was fined
$350 for keeping a corpse in her bathroom for two months in
order to continue collecting the dead woman's Social Security
checks for the benefit of their religious sect.  .  .  .  An armless
man shoplifted a 24-inch television set in Munich. .  .  . A man
in a motorized wheelchair robbed a credit union  in  Merritt Is-
land, Florida. . . .The mayor of Batman, Turkey, said the town
will sue Warner Bros. for royalties. .  .  . Another severed foot
washed ashore in western Canada. . . . Barack Obama gained
700,000 Facebook friends after his election as President  (and
John McCain lost 1,000). . . .  A rapper who shot a man twice
and sang about it, using the victim's name, was sentenced to 20
years in prison in Dublin, Georgia. .  .  . A 5-foot bronze Virgin
Mary was kidnapped from a Cathlic church in Newport Beach,
California. . . .  A pallbearer helping lift his father's casket into a
hearse in North Carolina was kneed in the back,  Tasered,  and
arrested by five deputy sheriffs wearing suits and ties. . . . A 19-
year-old Florida college student committed suicide by overdose
on a live webcam as viewers posted simultaneous comments on
his site including "omg" and "lol." . . .  A Burmese comedian was
sentenced to 45 years in prison  for delivering aid to cyclone vic-
tims.  .  .  .  A 53-year-old Catholic priest was sentenced to five
years' probation for a predawn jog  naked  around a high school
track in Frederick, Colorado. . . . The "butt bandit" was arrested
in Valentine,  Nebraska.  .  .  .  A school bus driver in Ambridge,
Pennsylvania,  slammed on his brakes to knock down a 10-year-
old boy who wouldn't stay in his seat. . . . A dog drove a van into
a Long Island coffee house.
                                                 [courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP]

• Hearing voices
• Doctors rush in
  

Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 9 Nov 2008 @10:22:36 PST re FGDean's
letter about the Sarah Palin effigy lynchers:

What's this?  There are two gay guys living in West Hollywood?

Terry Crow wrote Mon 10 Nov 2008 @07:51:35 PST:

The "Halloweeners"  [in Boulder, Colorado]  obviously were male.
Yogi Berra, when he encountered his first streakers,  was asked if
they were male or female.   "I  don't  know,"  he  said;  "they  were
wearing  masks."

A woman was arrested for DUI in Schererville with her 1-year-old
son in the car;  and when the boy's father arrived to take him home,
he, too was arrested for DUI.  Then the boy's grandparents arrived,
and they, too, had been drinking; but they passed field sobriety tests
and were allowed to drive the boy home with a police escort.

                                                            [courtesy Associated Press]

Nine Amish men went on trial in Mayfield for refusing to put orange
triangles on their buggies.
                                          [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

A University of Kentucky student sued his mother,  who is a state sena-
tor, for taking $15,000 from a trust fund set up for him when his parents
divorced.
                                                    [courtesy Kentucky News Network]

"Obama's choice is whether he is going to be Uncle Sam or Uncle Tom."
                                                                                                                   – Ralph Nader

A British aviator blinded by a stroke  while flying solo from
Scotland to southeastern England was talked through a safe
landing by a military pilot. . . . Seven hundred couples were
married in a mass wedding in the Eurasian separatist territo-
ry of Nagorno-Karabakh. . . . Israel's Supreme Court ruled
in favor of the destruction of part of an ancient Muslim cem-
etery to make room for a Museum of Tolerance.  .  .  . Rival
Greek  and Armenian  monks  brawled  at  the Church of the
Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem. . . . City Councilman Steve Lip-
ski of Jersey City, New Jersey, urinated from a balconly onto
a crowd at a Grateful Dead tribute show in Washington, D.C.
. . . A hungry man was arrested for grabbing a handful of wa-
fers during communion at a Catholic Church in Jensen Beach,
Florida. .  .  .  Three high school boys at a leadership camp in
Algonquin, Illinois,  sneaked out in the middle of the night and
drowned in the  42-degree Fox River  in  paddle  boats  from
which the floor plugs had been removed for winter. ... The U-
niversity of South Carolina football team,  whose quarterback
is Chris Smelley,  stank in a 56-6 loss at the University of Flo-
rida. . . . A man lying between the rails in Huntsville, Alabama,
was run over by a train and survived. . . .A man walked into a
bar with a pet alligator on a leash in Huntington Beach, Califor-
nia. . . .The cat came back – to a home in Santa Rosa, Califor-
nia, after being missed for 13 years.

                                            [courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP]

"Your private photos were found in garbage,"
"I found your private info in my mailbox,"
"We received your home video by mistake,"
"Your home video compromised,"
"Michelle Obama nude,"
"Michelle's personal consultant,"
"Obama's first statement to nation," and
"President election was framed up,"

"McCain election was framed up,"
"Cindy McCane caught nude on tape,"
"Obama spoils state budget,"
"Obama's children kidnapped,"
"We have your shaming pics,"
"You might sent it to wrong mailbox,"
"Now everyone knows your secrets,"
"Your neighbours sent us your documents,"
"Bring her grotto to exstasy," and
"Bring up a dragon in your pants."

"Those who have epilepsy will appraise the new medicine,"

"Rogaine helps gradual hair loss effective evasion."

Bowling Green, Kentucky,  named its new Class A professional baseball
team the Hot Rods,  not the Hot Dogs as reported last week.  We knew
that.  We just couldn't resist the typo.  – Editor

FGDean@aol.com wrote from Hollywood, Calif., Sun 2 Nov 2008 @09:41:12 PST:

Re the Sarah Palin effigy in West Hollywood,  a guy I was talking to in a local cof-
fee shop said, "They made them take it down."  I thought, "Oh,  really?  Well, then
maybe this really is a 'hate crime,' as one of the letters contends."  Of course, "they"
(the two gay guys who live there) decided to take it down on their own volition.

The two Obama effigy-lynchers at the University of Kentucky were arrested.  – Editor

A 32-year-old motorist who said he was looking for an Amish girl kid-
napped and raped  a  29-year-old  Amish  man  riding a bicycle in La-
Grange County,  saying a man would have to do. . . .

Hundreds of would-be  absentee  voters  were turned away by a clerk
in Evansville under a statute providing "The voter may vote . . . not . . .
later  than  noon  on the day before election day"  although  hours were
extended for absentee voters by clerks in Indianapolis and Lafayette. . . .

A tire store owner in Decatur removed the American flag he flew upside
down in protest of Barack Obama's election  after  his  employees com-
plained.
                                                                 [courtesy Associated Press]

Election couriers carrying a bag of absentee ballots to a polling site in In-
dianapolis were dragged out of a taxi at gunpoint,  thrown to the ground
and handcuffed  by police looking for a bank robber  who  had  fled  on
foot  (both the robber and the election workers were black,  of course).

                                                                 [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

Kentucky's Attorney General demanded the Ohio River's his-
toric Indian Head Rock back from Portsmouth, Ohio.

                                                                       [courtesy AP]

Slim Nash was re-elected to the city council in Bowling Green.

                                          [courtesy Park City Daily News]

"In the election we must do the unimaginable to prevent the unthinkable."
                                                                                                                – Edwin Kagin

Bob Feller, 90
Michael Dukakis, 75
Lulu, 60
Tatum O'Neal, 45

Madelyn Dunham, 86
Yma Sumac, 86?
Studs Terkel, 96

Police ticketed a dozen Halloweeners running naked through
Boulder, Colorado, except for pumpkins on their heads.  . . .
A nudist colony petitioned election officials for a "clothing op-
tional" polling site in Pasco County,  Florida. .  .  .  A judge in
Ohio ruled that the homeless could list  park  benches  as their
residences in registering to vote.  .  .  .  Two spy pigeons were
captured near Iran's uranium enrichment facility. . . .  Japanese
scientists cloned frozen dead mice. . . . Edible sex parapherna-
lia from China were found to contain melamine. .  .  . E-mail of
of the White House,  Barack Obama  and John McCain  staffs
was hacked from China. .  .  . Helen Clark lost the government
of New Zealand. . . .Joe the Plumber was considering a run for
Congress in 2010 (there was no word on any political ambition
of Morgan the Plumber).  .  .  .  The juror who left Senator Ted
Stevens' trial for her father's funeral  admitted that her father had
not died  and that she left to attend the Breeders Cup horse race
in California instead. . . . A runaway 14-year-old boy in Milwau-
kee hid in dumpster  and survived compaction in a garbage truck.
. . .  A 7-year-old boy returned from trick-or-treating in Ramsey,
Minnesota, with $85 and rock candy methamphetamine in his bag.
.  .  .  An 18-year-old in Hayden, Idaho, stabbed his mother when
she forbade him to visit MySpace.com. .  .  . An unruly United Air
Lines passenger was duct-taped to her seat  over  North  Carolina.
. . . Rumors persisted that Rahm Emanuel, who is Jewish, is a Mus-
lim  (he has said that "Rahm" is Hebrew for "Screw You"). . . . Am-
ateur golfer Curt Hocker (not Hacker), of Kappa, Illinois, is report-
ed to have shot seven holes in one this year (including five the week
before last,  and two alone on Saturday that week);  four of the sev-
en came on par 4 holes. . . . Country singer Carrie Underwood (the
Carrie in the headline above) apologized for saying her former beau,
Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo (who is seeing the Jessica
in the headline above, Simpson) still calls her.

                [courtesy Harper's Weekly, National Public Radio, AP]

Governor Mitch Daniels, a Republican candidate for re-election, has
managed to avoid three Sarah Palin rallies in the Hoosier state  in 12
days.
                                                           [courtesy Associated Press]

Senator Mitch McConnell's Democratic challenger,  Bruce Lunsford,
lifted a Republican digital recorder after a recent debate, and his staff
later returned it, erased.    A grand jury is investigating the Democrats
for theft and tampering and the Republicans for bugging. . . .

An eighth grade girl was arrested for shoving and punching her teacher
in Louisville.
                                               [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

Bowling  Green  named its new Class A professional baseball team the
Hot Dogs.
                                                                        [courtesy WKYU-FM]

Barack Obama was lynched in effigy  (1) by a man on his own front
lawn in Clarksville, Indiana,  just a day before Sarah Palin and Hank
Williams Jr. appeared at a rally in next-door  Jeffersonville,  and  (2)
by two young men, including a student, on the campus of the Univer-
sity of Kentucky in Lexington, in repeats of an incident at a college in
Oregon nearly a month ago. The Indiana man denied he was a racist,
and the Kentucky men said they were retaliating for a Sarah Palin eff-
igy lynching they had heard about in West Hollywood, California.

                                                              [courtesy Courier-Journal]

Jane Pauley, 58
Henry Winkler, 63
Grace Slick, 69

An Ohio woman gave birth to triplets  who  are  her  grand-
daughters  (surrogacy,  you know). . . .  A runaway poodle
eluded her pursuers for17 hours and delayed eight flights on
the runways of Logan International Airport in Boston.  .  .  .
"Daylight saving" time was found to be harmful to your heart.
. . .  Vietnam's health ministry abandoned a plan to bar short
and thin people  and  persons with chests less than 28 inches
around  from dirivng motorbikes,  as critics envisioned police
pulling female drivers over to measure their breasts.  .  .  .  R.
Prabakaran was arrested in Malaysia  for planting centipedes
in his neighbor's bed. . . . New Zealand Prime Minister Helen
Clark was talking up Morgan the Plumber in her campaign for
re-election.
                                 [courtesy National Public Radio, AP]