November 29, 2009:   Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in the
supermarket – this week's headlines:


Tiger cheats on wife

                                                           [courtesy National Enquirer]


Tiger & the hot brunette!

                                                                         [courtesy the Star]
 – And now we know why,  as reported in the MSM,  Tiger Woods left his home at 2:30 in the
   
morning the day after Thanksgiving and drove into a fire hydrant.    Both headlines above
   
appeared in print and on stands in the supermarkets days before the famous golfer had his
    famous "traffic" accident. – Ed.


After revelation of sleeping with Papa John
  MacKenzie Phillips uninvited to
  Thanksgiving by Mama Michelle

                                                                        [courtesy US Weekly]


Angelina's kids running wild!
                                                       [courtesy National Examiner]


LETTERS to the EDITOR:
Jon Polacheck wrote Sun 22 Nov 2009 @08:54:18 CST re
Kia, the baby girl named after the family car she was born in:
At least the little girl didn't get named Morris or Mini (Minnie?).

Dumb news from Indiana:
A pet monkey reached out of its cage to grab a baby girl's head and
bang it against the monkey bars at the girl's great aunt's home  in La-
Porte (cf. dumb news from Australia, below). . . .

Five police cars crashed in Kokomo in a high speed auto chase rem-
iniscent of The Blues Brothers, led by a 17-year-old California boy.

                                                           [courtesy Associated Press]

Dumb news from Kentucky:
There are at least 13 ways to spell Yokum (as in Li'l Abner):  Yoakam,
Yoakem, Yoakum, Yocham, Yochem, Yochim, Yochum, Yocom, Yo-
cum, Yokem, Yokeum, Yokom, and Yokum.

                                         [courtesy Kentucky telephone directories
]

We had to go to the world wide web  to  find  persons  named  Yoakim
(mainly in Quebec and California, which make us think the name may be
a variant of Joachim),  Yoakom  (South Carolina  and Kansas),  Yocam
(Minnesota, Florida, Hawaii and all over the West, mainly in Kansas and
Colorado), Yocem (Ohio, Missouri and Texas; and that's not pronouned
ced "yosem"  or "yoatsem"
we called them),  Yochom  (Oklahoma and
Arizona),  and Yokim (mainly in Pennsylvania – maybe that's a variant of
the Pennsylvania Dutch name Yoder).    And there's a Kenneth Yocim in
Cleveland,  Ohio  –  maybe one of our readers should give him a call,  to
find out if that's pronounced Yokum or "yoatsim":  440-356-1121.  Any-
way, that's 20 ways to spell Yokum altogether, if you count Yocim.

And there's a  Matthew Yoeckel  in the Bowling Green, Kentucky,  tele-
phone directory.  Someone should give him a call:  270-796-6605. . . .

Two paid obituaries appeared in the Louisville Courier-Journal for Ver-
sallies R. Hammond, 32  –  or Versellias R. Hammond,  depending  on
the writers,  neither of whom appeared to know how to spell Versailles
(nor, apparently, did his mother, nor the nurse attending his birth).

                                                               [courtesy Courier-Journal]

Arson was suspected in a fire at the home of the Gravel Switch Volun-
teer Fire Department chief.
                                                                                    [courtesy AP]

The naked census worker lynched in the Daniel Boone National Forest
with "Fed" scrawled on his chest was ruled a suicide (insurance compa-
nie win again).
                                                  [courtesy Kentucky News Network]

Quotations of the week:
"Sarah Palin's book tour is not about politics.  It's about books."
                                                                                                     – Garrison Keillor

Birthdays:  Miley Cyrus, 17


Buzz words that need a nap:  "private sector"

    – and here's yet another list of ten most annoying phrases,
       from asylum.com [courtesy Fred Dean]


Borf's weekly BONUS:
Peruvian police broke up a gang that killed people to extract
human fat for cosmetics production. . . . A poll found that 52
per cent of Republicans believe  ACORN  stole the 2008 e-
lection for President Obama, with 21 per cent undecided. ...
Penguin Press published Denialism, a book by NewYorker
science and health writer Michael Specter. . . .  Detainees in
Iraq  were taunting Wisconsin soldiers  about  Brett  Favre's
play for the  Minnesota  Vikings.  .  .  .  A tooth and the right
thumb and middle finger stolen from Galileo's corpse in 1737
were recovered. .  .  . The Vatican termed the new film New
Moon
a "moral vacuum with a deviant message." . . .Nielson
Net Ratings reported that 13 million American women  view
pornography  on  line  each month  (and here's a video inter-
view with a fat broad who admits it). .  .  . A wallaby sprang
from the bushes in Queensland, Australia, took a 2-year-old
girl's head in its mouth,  and pummeled her, with its hind legs.
. . .  A Detroit man executed his 15-year-old son for molest-
ing a 3-year-old sister. . . . Two happy children on an atheist
poster turned out to be the offspring of a Christian evangelist
musician. .  .  .  Lincoln University,  in Oxford,  Pennsylvania,
was withholding diplomas from obese seniors. . . . A woman
was suprised by a 4-foot python in her kitchen  in  Lakebay,
Washington. .  .  . The Tennessee State Capitol, in Nashville,
was  evacuated  by the arrival of an unexpected package for
the Governor with moving  parts inside  (it was destroyed by
a bomb squad,  which found it to contain a mechanical Santa
Claus).
                   [courtesy Harper's Weekly, Daily Snopes, AP]

Editor's note:  Some of our readers may have heard or read of the
        TP-ing of the Governor's lawn in Denver, Colorado, Thanks-
        giving Day,  and wondered why there is no mention of that in
        Tabloid Headlines. It's because TP'ing a yard simply doesn't
        get it.  Now,  if someone had TP'd the Governor's  mansion,
        that would make a tabloid headline.

             And,  the Virginia couple who crashed the state dinner at
        the White House?  That  story  was co-opted by the "MSM"
        (mainstream media).


Unopened e-mail last week included a message  from  "Martin  Foner"
        titled "Important message from Martin Foner," and two messages
        (count 'em)  from "JERRY MORGAN & ASSOCIATES"  titled
        "MY THIRD AND FINAL EMAIL TO YOU!!!"


DISCUSSION GROUP:

      Don't  forget!   Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events  are invited to attend the Weekly World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.  Guest  speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future  include  the  Governor  of
Colorado,  Michaele and Tareq Salahi,  Martin Foner,  and Jerry
Morgan.


"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" -- Karen Crockett






Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index                    
Borf Books        borf@borfents.com            Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                      The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210                   War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

    (270) 597-2187          Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher         Natty Bumppo, writer/editor




November 22, 2009:  Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in the
supermarket – this week's headlines:


Ovine syphilis detected
  on farm in Kentucky

                                     [courtesy Strange Times]


Takes sex scandal to Congress
 OBAMA'S 'GAY LOVER' GETS REVENGE
                    Michelle vows to crush him

                                                                                     [courtesy the Globe]


Why Paris Hilton hates the Kardashian sisters' guts!

                                                                                                            [courtesy National Enquirer]


'And so is Manson'
  TERRORISTS GUILTY, OBAMA DECLARES

                                                                                         [courtesy Nathaniel Enquirer]


Medical shocker
  What really happened to Dolly's chin

                                                                             [courtesy the Globe]


LETTERS to the EDITOR:
FGDean@aol.com wrote Sun 15 Nov 2009 @12:02:31 PST:
I nominate Strange Times for the award for the most creative tabloid.

Dumb news from Indiana:
The weekly message on the outdoor sign at the Bible Baptist Church
in Terre Haute read, "
Jesus died and rose and lives for you.What did
Allah do?"
                                                            [courtesy Associated Press]

Dumb news from Kentucky:
An ex-con working for a private contractor transporting prisoners from
Murfreesboro,  Tennessee,  to Paducah,  Kentucky,  lodged three male
prisoners at the jail  in  Hopkinsville,  Kentucky,  on the way there,  and
checked into a motel with the one female prisoner in his charge – and he
did the same when he got to Paducah.
                                                                                       [courtesy AP]

Quotation of the week:
"It is a naive man who thinks his daughter has got religion when she
 comes home with a Gideon Bible."
                                                                        – Edwin F. Kagin

Birthdays: 
Garrick Utley, 70
Dick Cavett, 73
Larry King, 76
Diana Krall, 45

Correction:  Petula Clark turned 77 last week, not 79 (we did the math in our head)

Buzz words that need a nap:  "incentivize"


Borf's weekly BONUS:
Beijing's Industry and Commerce Administration stopped the
sale  of  "ObaMao"  merchandise  showing President Obama
dressed as a member of the Red Guard. .  .  . The California-
based Cheesecake Factory restaurants  agreed to pay $345,-
000 to six male employees who claimed to have been sexually
harassed by other male employees. . . . Mexicans were send-
ing  "reverse  remittances"  to unemployed relatives in the Uni-
ted States.  .  .  . A goat with six legs, four testicles,  and three
penises got a reprieve from sacrifice in Varanasi,  India.  .  .  .
Kathy Wydareny,  of Anderson,  South Carolina,  heard a big
"whoosh!" in the middle of the night  and  found  a  cow  in her
covered backyard swimming pool. . . . A man in Dayton, Ohi-
o, was indicted for putting an 8-month-old girl and her 2-year-
old brother in a trash bin in a dispute with their mother.  . . .  A
girl born in the family car as it arrived at the hospital  in  Poole,
England,  was named Kia. .  .  . A 15-year-old boy dialed 911
in Buffalo Grove, Illinois,  to  ask  if  his  parents  had  the  right
to take away his Xbox.

                      [courtesy Harper's Weekly, Daily Snopes, AP]



Unopened e-mail last week included messages from "Qyku Lesumij"
    and "ssajsra1T@date.com."


DISCUSSION GROUP:

      Don't  forget!   Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events  are invited to attend the Weekly World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.  Guest  speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include  Kathy  Wydareny
and her neighbor's cow.


"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" -- Karen Crockett



Previous issue

Next issue


Archives index                    
Borf Books        borf@borfents.com            Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                      The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210                   War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

    (270) 597-2187          Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher         Natty Bumppo, writer/editor




November 15, 2009:   Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in the
supermarket – this week's headlines:


OBAMA LUNG CANCER DRAMA
                                                                     [courtesy the Globe]


Brave stars fighting for life!
                                                                     [courtesy the Globe]


Mariah packs on 42 lbs.

                                        [courtesy National Enquirer]


Camilla goes nuts in public

                                                          [courtesy the Globe]


Angelina collapses!

                                        [courtesy National Enquirer]


School bus bypasses school
               Stops at whore house; driver fucked

                                                                                      [courtesy Strange Times]


LETTERS to the EDITOR:
Lance Farrell wrote Sun 8 Nov 2009 @14:06:52 GMT:
Yikes, sir!  Your bonus mentions 7.5 million tons of twin towers
steel used in the bow of the USS NY. It is a 24,000-ton vessel,
and 7.5 tons of TT steel was used in the bow's reinforcement.

Dumb news from Indiana:
Bovine TB was detected at deer farms around Brookville, Con-
nersville and Richmond.
                                                     [courtesy Associated Press]

Dumb news from Kentucky:
A Louisville man lived  with  his  dead  mother  in the house for six
months.
                                        [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

The University of Kentucky warned students of a 5-foot-9, 220-to-
240-pound white man in his mid-20's to early 30's, with short, dark
hair, unshaven face and bad teeth,  wearing a dark,  hooded sweat-
shirt and camouflage hat,  riding a squeaky, light blue bicycle  up  to
women,  and exhibiting "lewd behavior." . . .

A tanker truck overturned on U.S. 460 in Scott County,  spilling 7,-
000  gallons  of Canadian Club whiskey   [yes,  Mr.  Farrell,  7,000
gallons = approximately 54,358 pounds = approximately 27.2 tons]
on its way to the Jim Beam distillery in Frankfort [raising other ques-
tions:  Canadian?  Jim Beam?  Bourbon?  coals?  Newcastle?]

                                                                                 [courtesy AP]

Quotations of the week:
"I'm not going to play with toys any more – I have a new toy now."

                – Kordeza Zhelyazkova, 11, of Sliven, Bulgaria, who gave birth on her wedding day

"The world began without the human race, and will certainly end without it."

                – anthropologist Claude Levi-Strauss, who died earlier this month at 100

Birthdays:
Patti Page, 82
Bonnie Bramlett, 65
Bonnie Raitt, 60 (a "country singer," according to Famous Birthdays on This Day in History)
Rickie Lee Jones, 55
Lynndie England, 27
    (all November 8)

Petula Clark, 79
Mackenzie Phillips, 50
Lou Ferrigno, 58

Buzz words that need a nap:  "more time with my family"


Borf's weekly BONUS:
Vicki Larrieux, 22, of Portsmouth, England,  who eats only
meat, potatoes, cereal and an occasional apple,  was diag-
nosed with lachanophobia – fear of vegetables, which leave
her sweating and stricken with panic attacks. . . . Investiga-
tors concluded that  Nidal Malik Hasan,  who shot 42 per-
sons at Fort Hood, killing 13, was not a "terrorist" because
he "acted alone"  (John McCain called the shooting an "act
of terror"). . . . Sasha Frere-Jones, popular music critic for
the New Yorker, wrote of the death of hip-hop. . . .A wo-
man in South Korean passed her driving test  on the 950th
try.  .  .  .  A Christian bookstore employee in Simi Valley,
California,  was arrested for placing a hidden camera in the
shop's bathroom.  . . . The Vatican convened a conference
of experts to consider the possibility of  extraterrestrial  life.
. . . An Ohio state trooper honored in 1997 by Mothers A-
gainst Drunk Driving was arrested for DUI (and he refused
a Breathalyzer test). . . .  Surgeons removed 1 pounds of
nails, coins and copper wire from a man's stomach  in Caja-
marca,  Peru. . . . Four men were arrested for stripping and
bathing at a car wash in Biloela, Queensland, Australia. . . .
Two sanitation workers sifted through  ten  tons  of trash  in
Parsippanny,  New  Jersey,  for Bridget Pericolo's wedding
ring,  which her husband of 55 years, Angelo,  had inadvert-
ently thrown away (yes, they found it). . . .A cell phone user
in Tampa Bay, Florida,  aware that you can still call 911 af-
ter your minutes run out, dialed 911 five times for sex.  .  .  .
The balloon boy's mother was allowed to enter a misdemea-
or plea to falsely reporting an incident,  sparing her the pros-
pect of deportation to Japan. . . . A soldier's father carried a
concealed disassembled shotgun into a middle school in Pine
Plains, New York, assembled it in the boys' room,  and held
the principal hostage for two hours  in an effort to get school
officials to send the media  a  message  about wrongful treat-
ment of military personnel. .  .  . A middle school principal in
Goldsboro,  North Carolina,  offered students 20 bonus test
points for $20 donations, on a recommendation by a parents
advisory council as a way to raise money.

                    [courtesy Harper's Weekly, Daily Snopes, AP]

Commentary:
"We've got our own dumb stuff."
                                                       – Jeanetta Girard
 
Unopened e-mail last week included a message from "Zoglmann Montminy."


DISCUSSION GROUP:

      Don't  forget!   Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events  are invited to attend the Weekly World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday. Guest  speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include Vicki Larrieux and
Kordeza Zhelyazkova.


"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" -- Karen Crockett





Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index                    
Borf Books        borf@borfents.com            Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                      The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210                   War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

    (270) 597-2187          Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher         Natty Bumppo, writer/editor




November 8, 2009:     Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in the
supermarket – this week's headlines:


TAXI OVERSHOOTS TIMES SQUARE
                 Winds up in Hoboken; cabbie suspended

                                                          [courtesy Strange Times]


Balloon boy dad's evil secret past
                                                                              [courtesy National Examiner]


Twitter goes twerbose
           An even more garrulous sister site is launched

                                                                              [courtesy the Buzz]


LETTERS to the EDITOR:
Darcy Stewart wrote Sun 01 Nov 2009 @10:49:19 EST:
Surely last week's edition has to be a re-run of an  "April  Fool"
edition?  I vote it the most unintentionally satirical and ironic yet.

As for "Amtrak misses Cincinnati"?  They didn't miss much.

Dumb news from Indiana:
A herd of pigs tested positive for swine flu, according to the Uni-
ted States Department of Agriculture,  which refused to disclose
where in Indiana. . . .

A truck hauling 1,200 cases of liquor, that was hijacked in down-
town Indianapolis on Halloween,  turned up in Chicago [the news
report did not say whether T-men  were  dispatched  in search of
the ghosts of Al Capone  and Frank Nitti].

                                                       [courtesy Associated Press]

The "CHOKE" signature of  a  graffiti  artist  was depicted on the
monthly
"Most Wanted" poster distributed by Crime Stoppers of
Indiana.

                                                       [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

Dumb news from Kentucky:
A deputy sheriff's car collided with a horse in Marion County (a jail
inmate in the car was injured). . . .

The Amish operator of a horse-drawn buggy in Graves County was
cited for failing to display a slow vehicle emblem after a car rear-en-
ded the buggy and crashed, injuring the driver and a passenger (the
buggy operator and his passenger were not injured). . . .

A prison guard testified to a legislative committee that a riot last sum-
mer, in which six buildings were burned and 16 inmates were injured,
was caused not by gang activity, as reported, but by bad food, which
the guard called "slop."
                                                                                  [courtesy AP]

Quotation of the week:
"This is a California wildfire and we're having to bring in firemen from New York."

                                                              – U.S. Army Major General Mike Flynn, in Afganistan


"You guys don't need to be dialing 911."

                                            – Jeanetta  Girard,  Tabloid Headlines receptionist,  upon receiving cell
                                               phone calls from the editor and the roving reporter, together on the road


Birthdays:
Coco Crisp, 30
Delbert McClinton, 69

Buzz words that need a nap:  "utilize" ("underutilized," "overutilized," etc.)


Borf's weekly BONUS:
The Navy assault ship USS New York, its bow made of 7 mil-
lion tons of steel from the Twin Towers of the World Trade Cen-
ter, made its debut in New York Harbor.  .  .  .  An Iraqi living in
Phoenix,Arizona, ran over his 20-year-old daughter with an auto-
mobile in an "honor" killing.  .  .  .  Rabbit  tossing  was banned in
New Zealand.  .  .  .  Swedish scientists found that male bedbugs
excrete  a  repellent  when other male bedbugs try to mount them.
.  .  .  A city park sculpture  of an 8-inch girl  with 16-foot breasts
bothered some residents of Foshan City,  China.  .  .  .  A court in
Werl,  Germany,  denied jailed robber Peter Keonig's  request  to
have visitation with his cat, Gisela, who he said was his mother re-
incarnate. . . .A European court ruled that crucifixes in Italy's pub-
lic schools vilolate educational and religious rights. . . .  Hee Ora-
ma, 34, was arrested in Clarksville, Tennessee, for calling 911 re-
peatedly to complain about a man lying to her about marrying her.
. . . A woman called 911 in Neilsville,Wisconsin, to report herself
as a drunk driver (you can listen to this one). . . . A drunk in Port-
land,Oregon, called 911 for help when a friend kicked him out of
his car;  then  the caller walked onto Interstate 5 when help didn't
arrive fast enough (and that got the police attention he sought). ...
A man was arrested for DUI in Salem,  Oregon,  after calling 911
to report a theft of marijuana and other items from his truck. . . .A
$300 fine was imposed on the McDonald's drivethrough customer
in  Aloha,  Oregon,  who called 911 to complain that he didn't get
his orange juice (he said he had a legal right to call the police – this
incident was reported in the May 31 issue of Tabloid Headlines).

                          [courtesy Harper's Weekly, Daily Snopes, AP]

Unopened e-mail last week included a message from "Terpstra Kedia."


DISCUSSION GROUP:

      Don't  forget!   Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events  are invited to attend the Weekly World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.  Guest  speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include Hee Orama  (we'll
find a man to marry her)  and Gisela the cat (she can visit us).


"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" -- Karen Crockett






Previous issue

Next issue


Archives index                    
Borf Books        borf@borfents.com            Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                      The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210                   War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

    (270) 597-2187          Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher         Natty Bumppo, writer/editor




November 1, 2009:     Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in the
supermarket – this week's headlines:


Amtrak misses Cincinnati
                   Train halted in West Virginia;
                
conductor, engineer suspended

                                                              [courtesy Strange Times]


Why so many don't like her
  THE REAL MICHELLE OBAMA!
                                                    [courtesy National Examiner]


Baby found in trash bin puzzles authorities

                                                                                             [courtesy Indianapolis Star]


LETTERS to the EDITOR:
Terry Crow wrote Sat 24 Oct 2009 @11:09:49 PDT:
I guess the Olympic Committee preferred modern
gang warfare to the historical type Chicago offers.
May the curse of the Billy Goat be upon them.

Dumb news from Indiana:  Isn't the headline above enough?


Dumb news from Kentucky:
The University of Kentucky board of trustees voted 16-3  to name the new
men's basketball team dormitory the  Wildcat  Coal  Lodge.  (Coal  moguls
were among the financial contributors.   The faculty representative,  the stu-
dent representative and the staff representative on the board all voted no.) ...

Bob Thompson, former mayor of Lawrenceburg and now a Colonel Sanders
impersonator for KFC ("formerly Kentucky Fried Chicken"),  staged a cam-
paign in costume outside United Nations headquarters in New York  for  ad-
mission of KFC's "Grilled Nation" as the 193rd UN member,  and wound up
in a "photo op"  with Libya's Ali A.Treki,  president of the General Assembly
(photo below). . . .

The captain of  the Belle of Louisville  refused to allow rescue crews to board
the city's  showboat  steamboat  after it collided with a submerged drydock in
the Ohio River,  injuring four passengers.

                                                          [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

Dumb letter to the editor:
Editor, Courier-Journal, October 28, 2009:

After reading Friday's Dennis the Menace, it occurred
to me that Barack Obama's fellow commies in the me-
dia are using comics as a tool to remake the U.S. into
a Maoist state.   It is obvious that having Dennis "vol-
unteer" is the first step toward state-sponsored "activ-
ities" for children  and  then  state camp indoctrination.
Remember the Khmer Rouge child soldiers?

If the ever vigilant Michelle Bachmann is right,  these
same camps will later be used  to house all conserva-
tives  and Tea Baggers  that are to be rounded up by
black  militants  and ACORN activists  for  opposing
Dear Leader Obama.   And Dennis spraying water in
Mr. Wilson's face?  That's a thinly veiled threat about
coming elder euthanasia programs that will be part of
Obama's takeover of health care.

Wake up, America.  Watch Glenn Beck.  He can ex-
plain all of this much better than I can. . . .

                                  Gregg A. Hornback, Louisville




                                 [courtesy Courier-Journal]
[or is he pulling our leg?]

Quotations of the week:
"Blue Dogs bark, but never bite."
                                                      – John McCain

"Jump-start your baby."
                                        – Janet Doman,  Institutes for The Achievement of Human Potential

Sobering thought of the week:
What happened to the subjects on whom pharmaceutical labs tested
preparations A through G?
                                                       [submitted by James Osborne]

Birthdays:
Grace Slick, 70
The internet, 40

Deaths:   Michelle Triola Marvin, 76


Buzz words that need a nap:  "outside the box"


Borf's weekly BONUS:
An employee of a pet store in Lansing, Michigan, stuffed 16
Madagascar  hissing  (and squirming)  cockroaches  into his
mouth in an attempt to set a record for Guinness' book. . . .
A student dressed as a sheep in cotton balls  was set on fire
at a pub in Leeds,  England.  .  .  . Britain's Law Lords were
replaced by a  Supreme  Court  whose  justices  don't  wear
wigs. . . .  The Secret Service asked for a budget increase to
handle the death threats against President Obama. . . . A firm
in New Jersey was making vagina mints. . . . A clerk who uri-
nated on herself at an Albertson's in Marin County,  Californ-
ia, won a $200,000 judgment against the store for its denying
her a bathroom break.  .  .  . Coyotes killed a chick singer hi-
king in a national park in Nova Scotia. .  .  . A wrong number
led to an angry "texting" exchange between strangers and then
to a shooting in Savannah, Georgia. . . .Teens and "tweens" in
an MSNBC poll rated  Miley  Cyrus  the worst celebrity influ-
ence of 2009  –  ahead of Britney Spears, Jon & Kate Gosse-
line,  the balloon boy family,  Kanye West  (and Taylor Swift).
Sarah Palin got a $1.25 million advance for her memoirs. .  .  .
Four teen-agers were cited for disorderly conduct  for rapping
their order at a McDonald's drive-through  in  American Fork,
Utah. . . .  Surgeons removed 78 forks and spoons from a wo-
man's stomach in Rotterdam, the Netherlands.  .  .  .  A wildlife
officer  lost  a  five-foot  alligator  he  brought  to his daughter's
school for "show and tell" in Panama City, Florida.

                       [courtesy Harper's Weekly, Daily Snopes, AP]

Unopened e-mail last week included a message from  "Nnamdi  Mbutu"
     titled "CONTACT GLOBAL COURIER SERVICE COMPANY."


DISCUSSION GROUP:

      Don't  forget!   Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events  are invited to attend the Weekly World
News Round Table every Sunday. This week's meeting will be at
the former Dee's Diner,  18275 -B Louisville Rd.,  Smiths Grove,
Ky.,  just after the World Series game  (and  re-runs  of the latest
exgurgitations of Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh). Guest  speak-
ers lined up for meetings in the near future  include  Marilyn  Gee-
wax  and Tara Nevins.


"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" -- Karen Crockett





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