"Dusty," apparently another sufferer of typolar disorder, wrote
Sun 18 Jul 2010 @10:55:53 CDT:

I can't type "trial" – it invariably comes out "trail."  "Went"
is "wnet," "they is "tehy"; and most annoying is the inability
(that;'s another one – anything ending in "ility")  to  get my
fingre off the caps key, so that many sentences begin with
two capital letters.  LIke that.  SOmetimes.  NO progress
on stipping it. Oh, yeah, and there's hitting i when i want o,
or vice versa.  There are lots more.  IF I didn't correct my
emails, no one would ver kno wajht i'm sayong.  – Dsty

Connie Harbeson wrote Sun 18 Jul 2010 @08:50:10 EDT:

Ladies' room graffiti from a Circle K in Georgia:
"The Bi-Polar Bears from Alaska were here."

More than 17,000 plastic ducks were launched in the St. Joseph
River  in  Fort  Wayne  for a child advocacy group's annual race,
and only 16,000 of them have been recovered.   An untold num-
ber of the 1,000 orphaned ducks have drifted into Ohio. . . .

Another child advocacy group, seeking to bring elk art to Elkhart
County,  was inviting artists to paint 5-foot-tall  Fibreglas  elks  at
various sites throughout the county. . . .

The Indiana Judges Association hired a professor at the University
of Nevada at Reno to translate jury instructions into "plain" English.
An instruction formerly using the terms "inference" and "deduction"
now  says,  "Circumstantial evidence is indirect proof of a fact"  –
and so forth.
                                                       [courtesy Associated Press]

University of Kentucky basketball coach John Calipari scheduled,
then canceled, a fund-raiser at his Lexington home for the re-elec-
tion of Governor Stevie. . . .

Prisicilla Presley was at the Kentucky Horse Park in Lexington  to
sign toy models of Elvis' golden palomino, Rising Sun. . . .

An ordinance that would allow six chickens per back yard in Berea
was expected to pass.
                                                                               [courtesy AP]

It seems that Renée Montagne,  the stammering co-host of Morning Edi-
tion, has passed her stuttering on to interim co-hosts Deborah Amos and
Mary Louise Kelly and their interviewees.   Here's a sound clip of Amos
interviewing Moscow correspondent David Greene,  and  here's  one  of
Kelly interviewing the U.S. ambassador to Uganda,  Jerry Lanier.

And here's the master herself, Renée.

"The moon is a harsh mistress?  What about Windows XP and VAIO, and Facebook?"
                                                                                                                                        – Natty Bumppo

"A lot going on."
                            – Joe Corcoran, newscaster, WKYU-FM radio, Bowling Green, Ky.

"pls refudiate."
                           – Sarah Palin, on Twitter

Alison Krauss, 39
J-Lo, 41
Lynda Carter, 59
Kim Carnes, 65

Initial submission for a new psychiatric or personality dis-
order  to be included in the upcoming new edition of  the
psychoreunies' Diagnostic and Statistical Manual:

"Magoo ear":  Otic impairment in which the patient "mis-
hears,"  parallel  to the  optic  impairment  of the all-but-
blind Mr. Magoo,  who  "mis-saw" – e.g.,  declaring  he
was spelunking  when he was actually hiking through the
Lincoln Tunnel.  With Magoo ear the long-suffering wife
may declare "The biscuits are warming now"  and the af-
flicted husband will respond,  "You mixed up a Mormon
cow?"
                                – submitted by Connie Harbeson

A 15-year-old student was handcuffed, photographed, and fingerprinted for stealing chicken nuggets at a school cafete- ria in suburban  Milwaukee, Wisconsin. . . .  Ieshuh  Griffin, a Milwaukee candidate for the Wisconsin assembly, sued e- lection officials to have "Not the white man's bitch"  append- ed to her name on the ballot. . . . British scientists concluded that the chicken came before the egg. . . . A Bloomberg poll found that 73 per cent of Americans consider the BP oil spill a "freak accident," and not cause for the President's 6-month ban on deepwater drilling in the Gulf of Mexico. . . .A man in South Salt Lake, Utah,  was charged with violating a protec- tive order in sending 11 letters to his wife's cat. . . . A 5-foot python was captured at a gasoline station in the Bronx. . . .A screaming donkey on a parachute  sailed over a resort on the Sea of Azov in Russia. .  .  .  Mel Gibson and Britney Spears were reported locked up together in late night telephone calls. . . . Kate took Her 8 to Alaska to go camping with Sarah Pa- lin. .  .  . Nicolae Ceausescu, his wife, Elena, and Simon Boli- var  were  exhumed. . . .  A Florida pair posted messages on  Facebook regarding their  public  hanging  (Nikole "Nikayla" Baldomero survived; Joseph M. Brown did not).                                          [courtesy Harper's Weekly, Daily Snopes, The Obscure Reading Room, In Touch Weekly, AP]

Terry Crow wrote Mon 12 Jul 2010 @9:00:05 PDT:

Next up is a PPV eating contest between "Kobi" and the current champ,
whose nickname is, I believe, Jaws.

A state trooper was charged with leaving the scene of an accident
after leaving a parking space outside a bar in downtown Indianap-
olis in a state car and running down a row of parked motorcycles.

                                                       [courtesy Associated Press]

"The Internet's like MTV.  At one time MTV was hip, and suddenly it became outdated."

                                                            – The artist formerly and once again known as Prince


"It wasn't my idea to send her back."
                                                            – Vice President Joseph Biden, speaking of including
                                                               Anna Chapman in a spy exchange with Russia

"Some people think they should go to heaven but not have to die to get there."

                                        – Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert, bemoaning the departure of Le-
                                           Bron James for the Miami Heat in the National Basketball Association

"George Steinbrenner was smart enough to die in 2010; there is zero tax liability to the estate tax."

                                                                                                 – Senator Jim Bunning, of Kentucky

"Mine experts say cutting rock and coal without a working methane monitor is potentially dangerous."

                                                                                     – Renée Montagne, on National Public Radio

"We're not perfect.  Phones aren't perfect."
                                                                    – Steve Jobs

Name a new disorder for the DSM V, scheduled
to replace the DSM IV soon (that’s the Diagnos-
tic and Statistical Manual,  that  psychiatrists  and
psychologists use to label the various strains of id-
iocy). Asberger’s syndrome and others are being
discontinued; so new disorders are needed.

We already have one: Typolar disorder. That’s the
inability to type what you mean to say (if you knew
what you meant to say in the first place, which is an-
other issue for another disorder).  For example: The
editor of Tabloid Headlines cannot seem to type the
word  "count" – it always comes out "county"  –  or,
"your," which always comes out "you."

Tripolar disorder is another:  It’s not only not know-
ing which end is up, but also not knowing how many
ends there are.  Submit your entries!  We’ll even ac-
cept alternative definitions for "tripolar disorder."

Dawn Upshaw, 50
Linda Ronstadt, 64
John Glenn, 89
Nelson Mandela, 92

A suitcase of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu's se- curity detail,  lost on their arrival at JFK airport in New York, was recovered in Los Angeles,  but missing four Glock 9-mm. handguns. .  .  . Iran's Ministry of Culture released a catalogue of acceptable male hairstyles.  .  .  . Scientists discovered they could turn female mice  into  lesbians  by  deleting their FucM gene.  . . .  A FedEx tractor-trailer jackknifed on I-5 in north- ern Washington when the driver choked on spicy  pork  rinds. .  .  .  Bristol Palin  and Levi Johnston,  father of Bristol's son, Tripp,  announced their engagement. . . . A man ejected from a pub in northwest Australia climbed on the back of a croco- dile named Fatso at a zoo and was bitten on the leg. . . . Roy Rogers stuffed and mounted late dog Bullet brought $35,000 at auction (Trigger brought $266,500, but Dale Evans' horse, Buttermilk, brought only $25,000). . . . Fifty youths were ar- rested for pillow fighting in Minsk,  Belarus,  in a commemo- ration of the 15th century Battle of Grunwald. .  .  . Cathleen Miller,  40,  a secretary for the village of Chicago Ridge, Illi- nois,  was  arrested  for having sex with two of her 14-year- old daughter's boy friends. ... A New Yorker returning from Canada told border agents his electronic ankle bracelet was a token worn in sympathy with Lindsay Lohan.

[courtesy Harper's Weekly, Daily Snopes, Obscure.com, AP]

• Jackie was his LOVER
• Onassis plotted his MURDER
  

"Dusty" wrote Sun 4 Jul 2010 @13:20:09 CDT re :Congressman Ron
Paul's lone vote against giving subpoena power to oil spill investigators:

You mean he was the only Texas congressman to vote against it?
That's progress – for Tex-ass!

An 18-year-old was arrested for DUI after he drove onto the lawn of St.
Anthony De Padua Catholic Church in South Bend and ran over a cross
erected as an anti-abortion message.
                                                                 [courtesy Associated Press]

A hay wagon and the tractor pulling it jackknifed on a hill on a Mercer
County farm, killing one of 30 passengers on a hayride.
                                                                                    [courtesy AP]

A 5-year-old boy was arrested in Louisville for keying a neighbor's car.

                                                [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

"You look like a fucking pig in heat and if you get raped by a pack of niggers it will be your fault."

                                                        – Mel Gibson, to his former girl friend Oksana Grigorieva (recorded)

"For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity's affair,  they greeted one another at every
 stolen rendezvous with a kiss – a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking
 at Felicity's mouth as if she were a giant, cage-mounted water bottle  and he were the
 world's thirstiest gerbil."
                                        – Molly Ringle,  from her novel The Ghost Downstairs,  with the winner
                                           of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest prize for worst sentence of 2010

"The days . . . is over."
                                    – Lourdes Garcia-Navarro, on National Public Radio

Li'l (Lil') Kim, 35
Cindy Sheehan, 53
Jessica Simpson, 30

Singer Sergio "El Shaka" Vega was gunned down  in Sonora,
Mexico, just hours after he had told an entertainment web site
that rumors of his murder were false.  .  .  .  Bullets were fired
from Ciudad Juarez into El Paso's city hall. . . . Takeru Koba-
yashi,  six-time champion  but barred from Nathan's July 4 hot
dog eating contest this year because of a contract dispute with
Major League Eating, rushed the stage wearing a "Free Kobi"
shirt as spectators chanted "Let him eat!" . . . Bobby Fischer's
body was exhumed, in Iceland, for a paternity test. . . . A man
fell from the upper deck reaching for a foul ball  at  the  Texas
Rangers  Ballpark  (yup! That's the name of the stadium! Ain't
that amazing?). . . . A custodian cleaning out lockers at New-
ton North High School in Massachusetts encountered a 3-foot
ball python. . . . A 29-year-old man "still living at home" in Vil-
la Rica, Georgia, pulled a gun on his 51-year-old mother when
she  refused  to iron his clothes,  took her keys and cell phone,
and held her hostage for six hours before she escaped. . .  .  A
woman was fired from her job at a Bass Pro Shop  in  Atlanta,
Georgia, for putting a kitten in the freezer. . . . . A woman was
jailed in Boulder, Colorado, for taping her lover's little dog up-
side down to the refrigerator. . . . A fatwa issued in the United
Arab Emirates declared playing a vuvuzela over 100  decibels
morally forbidden.

[courtesy Harper's Weekly, Daily Snopes, Obscure.com, AP]

• Presidency is illegal
• NO birth certificate
• Gov't official tells all
  

"Dusty" wrote Mon 28 Jun 2010 @22:26:42 CDT re the man in his underwear who
mooned Hell's Angels in Munich, threw a puppy at them, and fled on a bulldozer:

Hell's Angels in Munich? Don't they ride motorcycles there? One has to won-
der why a mounted motorcycle gang couldn't catch a bulldozer.

Poor puppy!

Fees for cash customers using the Indiana Toll Road  have risen from
$4.45 for the entire length to $8.80 since the state leased the turnpike
to a private company in 2006. . . .

A speedboat pulling a wakeboarder crashed into a fishing boat on Lake
Monroe, killing a woman and her 8-year-old grandson fishing. . . .

A woman in Kokomo received a city permit to build a barn in her back
yard but is prohibited by city law from keeping her horse in it.

                                                               [courtesy Associated Press]

Quotation of the weak:

"As a manager you're at the mercy of the personnel you have."

                        – Dusty Baker, manager of the Cincinnati Reds professional baseball team

Gina Lollobrigida, 83
Eva Marie Saint, 86
Deborah Harry, 65
Lindsay Lohan, 24

General Stanley McChrystal revealed to the Rolling Stone that
his favorite beer is Bud Light Lime. . . . A U.S. Army employ-
ee in Weiden, Germany, was arrested for threatening to kill his
neighbors who  were  blowing  vuvuzelas  during a World Cup
soccer game on TV. .  .  . Kellogg recalled 28 million boxes of
Corn Pops, Honey Smacks, Froot Loops and Apple Jacks. ...
North Korea demanded  $65,000,000,000,000  from the U.S.
in reparations for the Korean War.  .  .  .  A British cat mowed
down by a combine received bionic feet. . . .Congressman Ron
Paul of Texas was the 1 in a 420-1 House vote to give subpoe-
na power to a commission investigating the oil spill. . . . Johanna
Sigurdardottir,  prime minister of  Iceland,  wed her longtime girl
friend,  Jonina Leosdottir. . . . Utah's attorney general  "tweeted"
his go-ahead of the execution of a convict by firing squad.  .  .  .
Seventy-two snakes  –  mostly boa constrictors –  and a number
of other reptiles,  alive  and  dead,  were removed from an apart-
ment in Albuquerque, New Mexico. . . . Marijuana charges were
dismissed against Paris Hilton, who was arrested at a World Cup
soccer match in South Africa.  . . .  A 15-year-old girl arrested in
St. Paul,  Minnesota, for shoplifting 44 pairs of panties asked po-
lice, "Do you expect me to wear dirty underwear?"

    [courtesy Harper's Weekly, Daily Snopes, Obscure.com, AP]