Publius Leget wrote Sun 3/22/15 @10:28 CDT:

What, pray, sir, is a "Coggins"?

Is it,  perhaps,  a blood line?  Perhaps even a variant spelling of
the surname Scroggins?  I had a friend in Chicago named Scrog-
gins who once received an invitation to the  "All Scroggins Roll
Call," which welcomed people named not only Scroggins but al-
so Scroggin,  Scoggin, Scoggins,  Skoggan,  Skoggans,  Skroggan,
Skroggans, and others I don't recall – maybe Cogins,  too,  was
in there.  And I met a man here in the Boondocks named Scrog-
in.

Or is it, perhaps, a form of cheating, or a disease involving chea-
ting?  The dictionary defines  "cog, v.," as "to maniuplate or load
dice."  Your article said "everyone welcome" at the testing, inclu-
ding horses, dogs, and cats.   I don't know what kind of cheating
animals  might  do.   I've heard that some horse races are  "fixed,"
but I don't think it's the horses who fix them.

South Bend's most wanted: China Pinkney, BF, 4'11", 165 lbs, Theft; Michael Shine, BM, 6'3", 265 lbs, possession of coke & dope & firewater; Deana Taylor, WF, 5'2", 115 lbs, forgery, FTA (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

A Veterans Administration medical center manager in India-
napolis was suspended for sending a Christmas e-mail show-
ing an elf committing suicide. . . .

A throat-burning odor sent eight persons to the hospital from
a Wal-Mart in Muncie. . . .

The owner of three horses found starved and  dehydrated  in
Warren County will not be prosecuted for animal neglect be-
cause the law defines it as  "failing  to  provide . . .  food  or
drink,"  and the horses did have  food  and  water – they just
didn't have enough. . . .

The state Supreme Court ruled that there is no constitutional
right to a school bus. . . .

A candidate for mayor of Fort Wayne caught heat from po-
lice for comparing the city to Ferguson, Missouri. . . .

Pigs running free closed a road in Allen County. . . .

Police stalled traffic on I-465 circling Indianapolis to res-
cue a cat in the roadway (here, Jan).

                                                 [courtesy Columbus Republic]

Mr. Baggins, abandoned at birth, has become a 13-year
veteran therapy cat in La Porte.

                                        [courtesy Northwest Indiana Times]

A 10-year-old boy who had survived leukemia was run over and
killed by a school bus he had just got off in Whitley County.

                                                                        [courtesy Herald-Leader]

"We have to lock up people, without trial, whether they are communists, whether they are
 language chauvinists, whether they are religious extremists."
                                                                                                                           – the late Prime Minister
                                                                                                                              Lee Kuan Yew of Singapore

Quotations of the Wheat: "Nobody ever knows anything, about anything." – Leonard Simon

"You can't kill a cockroach."
                                                                – Bill Skaggs

                   

Celebrity lookalikes: Tom Crean, Indiana University basketball coach; Rainn Wilson ("Dwight Shrute" of the Office)

A fire extinguisher factory burned down in Chicago. . . .
Police seized a crocodile in a drug raid in Trenton,  New
Jersey. . . . Taylor Swift pre-emptively purchased the do-
main names Taylorswift.porn and Taylorswift.adult (but
left hanging TaylorfuckingSwift.others and others).  . . .
A Scot on the sex offenders list was accused of dangling
his penis through a neighbor's mail slot.  .  .  .  A woman
stripped  and  masturbated  on  a  British Airways flight
from Jamaica to England. . . . A man broke into a house
owned by Mariah Carey in Holmes Beach, Florida, and
drank  a  beer,  claiming to be a co-owner. . . . Eighteen
Cuban officials were convicted  selling  8  million  eggs
on the black market. . . . A judge was attacked by his fa-
ther's zebra in Arkansas. . . . Human  remains  were  re-
covered from the wood stove  of a man accused of kill-
ing a Food Network reality TV star  in  North Carolina.
. . . A woman's torso was found in the car of a hit-and-
run suspect in Allentown,  Pennsylvania. . . . A teacher
in Brentwood, California, was accused of calling Abra-
ham Lincoln a "nigger lover." . . .Two circus elephants,
passengers on a truck that slid off a highway in Louisi-
ana,  got out and held the truck upright until help arriv-
ed. . . . Change.org went after a Hurricane,  Utah,  rest-
aurant displaying a statue of a bull with  a  huge  penis.
. . . A motorist with a cardboard companion was ticket-
ed in an HOV lane in Fife, Washington (the cutout was
of "The Most Interesting Man in the World" in Dos Eq-
uis beer ads). . . . A man  wanted  for  burglary  in Fair-
field, Maine, posted a Snotpot Snapchat that he had re-
turned home;  so  police  went  to his home looking for
him,  whereupon he hid in a cabinet and posted a Snot-
pot Snapchat of that, and police found him in a cabinet.
. . . A 12-year-old girl was arrested in Boulder, Colora-
do, for trying to poison her mother for taking away her
I-phone. .  .  . Thirty-eight pythons were stolen from an
apartment in St. Helens,  England.  .  .  .  A 50-year-old
woman was convicted of murder in Gadsden, Alabama,
for making her 9-year-old granddaughter run, in punish-
ment, until she collapsed.
                                            [courtesy Harper's, Snopes, AP]

      

Most wanted in Milwaukee: Lucky Elmer, WM, 31, violation of sex offender registry (Milwaukee County Sheriff)

Yesterday's "Elite Eight" games  (quarterfinals of the NCAA
basketball tournament) were not on television. . . .

Indianapolis installed locking  manhole   covers  in downtown
streets in anticipation of being host to the Final Four . . . .

A couch fire alert was issued in Lexington as "March Madness"
wound up.

My wife and I are in our early 40's and have been married
for six years. Two years after we married I discovered that
"Becky" was having an affair with a co-worker. They both
lost their jobs over it.

We tried marriage counseling,  and it seemed to help;  but I
never felt that the whole truth came out.  It was "Jenny," the
other man's girl friend, who discovered the affair.  I recently
contacted Jenny to see whether she could supply the missing
pieces.

We met over coffee,  and I found out that she and the other
man broke up.  Jenny informed me that,  contrary  to  what
Becky told me, the affair lasted another 18 months after we
discovered it.  But here's the  new  problem:  After meeting
several times, Jenny and I have developed feelings for each
other. . . .
                                                                            Need Help in Jersey

Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 3/15/15 @04:03 PDT:

Raul Julia (1940-1994).  You wrote:

Al Jarreau, 75
Chuck Norris, 75
Raul Julia, 75

Thank you for the correction.  He woulda been (and
some of his fans think he still is).    – Editor


Rita from E-town wrote Sun 3/15/15 @11:20 EST:

Is the vet's comfort pit bull's name Lucky?

Stephen Yates wrote Sun 3/15/15 @08:33 CST:

That Amy Torres in last week's "Arrested in Abilene":
You had her listed as Hispanic female,  but she looks
Filipino to me?

Filipina, Mexican, Texican, same thing.  – Editor

and Mr. Yates' letter continued:

And what is the Jessica Robison identifier? I under-
stand that "HF" means "Hispanic female" and "WF"
means "white female," but what is "HWF"?

Hot white female.    – Ed.


Blenster wrote Weds 3/11/15 @01:58 EDT:

An "emoticon" is a symbol formed by keyboard characters – e.g.,  :-) .
An "emoji" is "a digital image or icon used to express an idea or emo-
tion etc. in electronic communication" (Oxford English Dictionary on
line) – e.g., or .

Roots and grafts:

How interesting!  Only three sites are listed in the "OneLook Dictionary
Search" on line defining  "emoji" – OED, Wordnik and Wikipedia.  That
may be a measure  of  its  novelty  as a word.  OneLook gives us 22 dic-
tionaries with definitions of "emoticon."

Wordnik defines "emoji"  as "any of the standardized emoticons used in
Japanese text messaging."  Oops!  That renders an "emoji" a type of "em-
oticon."  The lexicographers should straighten this out (but they won't).
And you coulda made emoticons on a mid-20th century typewriter (but
people didn't).

How 'bout:  "emogram"  for the generic,  and  "emoticon"  and  "emoji"
for the two species we have so far?    – Editor

An 18-year-old whose keg of beer fell out of his pickup truck
and rolled down the street in South Bend on St. Patrick's Day
got a ticket for illegal transportation of alcoholic beverage.

                                                     [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

Lexington's most wanted: Brandi Blackburn, WF, 22, 5'2", 120 lbs, intent to commit gender fraud; Chester Mullins, WM, 28, 6'3", 185 lbs, penis with ears fraud; Hope Houp, WF, 40, 5'6" 135 lbs, meth dreams (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)

Animal Planet TV's Turtleman, Banjo Man and Squirrel were
sued for trespassing in Casey County.

                                            [courtesy Danville Advocate Messenger]

A woman fell into a sinkhole and died in the Louisville suburb
of Pleasure Ridge Park.
                                                                                [courtesy WLKY]

Chita Chuwan, 16, Nagin Thapa, 17, Suk Man Rai, 19,  and Kismat
Mishra, 18, were severely injured when Thapa drove a car they were
in into the path of a train  in Louisville.  Only Mishra survived. . . .

Here's a list of seven Kentucky  teachers  (four women,  three men)
who have had inappropriate relations with their students, with some
pittures and links to pittures.
                                                [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

"Annual Coggins Testing" will be at Michael and Belinda Roof's
residence at 10 a.m. on April 12.  Horses,  dogs,  cats.  Everyone
welcome."
                                            [courtesy Grundy County Astonisher]

"We're not sure we completely buy that."
                                                                                      – St. Louis County Prosecutor Robert McCul-
                                                                                         loch, discounting the claim of a man arrest-
                                                                                         ed for shooting two policemen in Ferguson,
                                                                                         Missouri, that he meant to shoot someone else

"I would like to go out one day without being recognized and go to a pizzeria."
                                                                                                                                                           – Pope Jorge

"Monkeys . . . given . . . prenatal shots of testosterone  . . . weren't – how do I explain this? –
 didn't behave in masculine ways because they became masculinized in their physical traits
 and therefore all the other monkeys responding to them treated them as males; they were
 male and behaved as male because they felt male."

                         – Lindsey Doe, Ph.D. in "sexology" and hostess of the YouTube blog Sexplanations

Quotations of the Wheat: "When gifting a woman, always include a dildo, so that if she  is unappreciative she can go fuck herself." – Leonard Simon

Celebrity lookalikes revisited in their later years, John Simon, Orson Welles, nettafoto, Imagenes de biografias, see them in their younger days

In the cooler in Columbus (Ohio): Amanda Pfeifer; police were still looking for Eric Acosta, 24, 6'1", 175 lbs, wanted for burglary; Kristin Jirousek (WBSN-10, Ledger-Examiner)

A bowler at a restaurant in the eastern Ukraine rolled a
grenade  down the lane instead of a ball,  injuring  two
other patrons. . . . A bride walked out of her wedding in
Uttar Pradesh, India, when the groom failed a simple a-
rithmetic test she gave him  (How much is 15 plus six?
"17," he said). . . . A 17-year-old boy in Milton,  Geor-
gia, stole a goat in order to ask a girl to "goat with him"
to  the  prom  (he and three accomplices were arrested).
. . . Mikeilah Foust, 17, was crowned Miss Snake Char-
mer 2015 in Sweetwater, Texas. . . .Vladimir Putin, not
seen in public for ten days,  was rumored to be dead,
to have had a stroke,  to have been overthrown  in  a
coup, to have undergone plastic surgery, and to have
fathered a love child in Switzerland  with a 31-year-
old retired rhythmic gymnast. .  .  . Tanzania  banned
witch doctors to cut down  on  murders  of  albinos  for
body parts used in rituals. . . .Three persons died of lis-
teriosis in Kansas after  consuming  milkshakes  made
with Blue Bell ice cream. . . .The Finnish food compa-
ny Kesko was ordered to delete the word "meat" from
its  "meatball"  labels  because the only meat  in  them
was what was removed from the bone mechanically af-
ter the desired meat was cut from it. . . .  Two thousand
snow geese dropped dead from the sky  in  Idaho.  .  .  .
Chelsea Clinton was posing as Diane Reynolds.

                                      [courtesy Harper's, Snopes, AP]

A Mexican wrestler was killed in the ring in a tag-team match.

I am a 75-year-old man living in a retirement community.
A woman in her late 80's keeps winking at me, mouthing
"I love you," and staring at me.  I get this at every meal as
our  dining  chairs  face  each  other.  And when I run into
her in the halls or on the elevator, she keeps touching my
arms.

She wears her hair in a topknot  surrounded  by  tiara-like
jewelry, and I guess she considers herself a prize.  I  guess
she needs a companion,  but I don't want it to be me.   I've
asked her not to touch me.   My friends here think it's fun-
ny, but this must stop.
                                                             Stalked in Milwaukee

Sheila Wright   Add Friend

Stephen Yates wrote Sun 3/8/15 @11:28 CDT:

Thank God  they finally captured "Crybaby" Marcum,
the Scourge of Butler County! He was always getting
drunk, crying, and pissing all over himself.  "Oh,  me!
That done it!"

Keith Durbin wrote Weds 3/11/15 @12:54 CDT:

The question that has been bothering me about Harris-
on Ford is, did he yell "Fore!"?

Blenster wrote Mon 3/9/15 @14:27 EDT:

A quick correction:  "Transgender"  does not refer to sexual
orientation.  More like sexual expression. . . .

"Transgender" refers to what gender a person chooses to ex-
press himself (herself, itself) as, regardless of biological sex
. . . indicated by XX/XY chromosomes . . . .

Sexual orientation refers to things like straight, gay, bisexual,
pansexual, asexual, etc. – i.e., what attracts a person sexually.
. . . An excellent primer on this material can be found here.

Roots and grafts:

Most modern dictionaries agree with you;  and  since  we're
speaking of expression, your point is well taken.  Our point,
however, was to address the misuse of  "gender"  in general
(please pardon the pun) when speaking of human sexuality.
A comparison of  dictionaries  of  different  generations  (if
you will pardon the pun) shows us that "gender" has taken
on a meaning of human sexuality  (identification, presenta-
tion,  orientation,  whatever)  only  in  the last two or three
generations  (if you will pardon the pun).  Only 50 years a-
go "gender" had a  strictly grammatical definition. It stems
from the Latin  genus  (please pardon the pun),  "sort."  Cf.
genre (if you will pardon the pun).    – Editor

[Click here for the full text of Blenster's letter.]

A 27-year-old veteran with PTSD and a comfort pit bull can-
not  move  to Oxford or Fowler to be near relatives  because
both towns prohibit pit bulls. . . .

A mother and daughter in Seymour were arrested for stealing
mail from mailboxes in 25 counties. . . .

A state representative  "sexted"  a woman who had exchanged
"sexts" with ex-congressman Anthony Weiner of New York. . . .

A  Connersville  man  drove off a boat ramp  onto  the  frozen
Brookville Reservoir; his car flipped upside down; he escaped
by kicking out the rear window,  and he  fell  through  the  ice
walking  to shore  (but he managed to make it to a home near-
by),  and Muncie firemen rescued a fisherman who had fallen
through the ice 350 yards from shore in Prairie  Creek  Reser-
voir.
                                                  [courtesy Columbus Republic]

South Bend's most wanted: Dyshanitque Gray, BF, 5'2", Neglect of dependent; Terro Roby, BM, 5'9", 150 lbs, resisting, possession of gun w/o a license; Jennifer Hall, WF, 5'7", 110 lbs, theft; and Berrien County Michigan's: Glorya Ann Lewis, BF, fraudulent use of computer to commit a crime; Jamie Lee McLalin, WF, illegal use of a credit card (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

The manufacturer of a T-shirt celebrating the University of Ken-
tucky's undefeated basketball team sent one  into  space  (but  it
came crashing back to earth).
                                                                     [courtesy USA Today]

Lexington's most wanted: Crystal Lockhart, WF, 34, 5'5", 130 lbs; Tisha Kennedy, WF, 29, 5'3", 125 lbs; Darlena Wallace, WF, 40, 5'4", 155 lbs; Dannysia Alcius, BF, 24, 5'8", 200 lbs (pulled kicking and screaming from the Heral-Leader)

"He was attracted by the color and shape of certain letters, like a magpie drawn toward
 shiny objects."
                                   – David Jeanmaire, lawyer for a French postman convicted of
                                       hoarding nearly 20,000 pieces of undelivered mail in his attic

Quotations of the Wheat: "Excuse me, miss, but, are you Polish?  I   noticed the dandruff on your shoes." – Leonard Simon

An Idaho fugitive posted his softball schedule on  Clutterbook
Facebook, and the police showed up at batting practice in Boi-
se and arrested him. . . . Two young California women carved
their initials into a wall at the Colosseum in Rome  and took a
"selfie" (they were arrested). . . . Grammar police armed with
red paint were correcting graffiti in Quito, Ecuador. . . . An ap-
pellate court in New Jersey threw out a suit by a restaurant pa-
tron who burned his face when he bowed his head  to  pray  o-
ver a sizzling fajita skillet. .  .  . Forty-seven Republican sena-
tors flirted with treason  by sending a letter to the government
of Iran.* . . . Edward Snowden's Russian lawyer said Snowden
would like to return to the United States if he could get  a  fair
trial.  .  .  .  A dog in Arkansas was trained to sniff out thyroid
cancer in human urine.
                                               [courtesy Harper's, Snopes, AP]

* United States Constitution,  Article II,  Section 2  (emphasis
   added):  "The President . . . shall have Power,  by  and  with
   the Advice and Consent of the Senate,  to make Treaties . . . ."

Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Carissa Starks, WF, 24, 5'2", 190 lbs, theft; Amy Torres, 26, 5'1", 115 lbs, meth & 'love you long time'; Lela Mooney, WF, 34, 5'3", 230 lbs, meth & donuts; Ladonna Stroope, W(?)F, 42, 5'2", 110 lbs, debit card abuse; Jessica Robison, HWF, 28, 5'4", 130 lbs, meth & Lucky Dog (Abilene Crime Stoppers)

I have been dating a wonderful man for two years and hope
to get a proposal soon.   We both are committed to staying
pure before marriage and have not been intimate with each
other.   My question is,  do I have to tell him  now, or ever,
that I have breast implants?
                                                               Reticent in Kentucky

Jamie Rough Add Friend

Publius Leget wrote Tues 3/3/15 @16:42 CST:

Why do you put "transgender" in quotes?

Because what the Senators and reporters mean is the students'
sexual orientation.  "Gender" is a grammatical term, not a bi-
ological term.    – Editor

The Central Time Coalition marched on the General Assem-
bly  at the onset of Daylight Stupid Time  in a futile effort to
end the state's pretense of being Eastern.

                                                [courtesy Columbus Republic]

[See also the headline above from the Columbus Republic. It
  was a summary headline, corrected in the article it linked.]

Most wante in Berrien County, Michigan: Tiffany Denise Main, tampering with an electronic monitoring device (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

Senator Rand Paul,  who is up for re-election next year –
and likely a candidate for President as well – convinced
the state's  Republican Central Executive Committee  to
hold a  caucus  for presidential nomination next year in-
stead of a primary election, to get around (i.e., avoid, e-
vade) a Kentucky law  that  prohibits  a  candidate's ap-
pearing  on  the  ballot  for  more than one office.  That
might cost the party only a million dollars, money Paul
said he could raise from contributors outside Kentucky
(the state would pay for a primary). The final decision,
they say,  will be made by the GOP state Central Com-
mittee.
                   [courtesy AP, USA Today, Courier-Journal]

A 17-year-old Todd County boy beat his 9-year-old foster
sister to death because she wouldn't stop talking.

                                                [courtesy Kentucky New Era]

A couple from Munfordville drove their van  onto  a  ferry
to cross the Green River  in Mammoth Cave National Park
and, instead of stopping, drove to the other end of the ferry
and off into the river (they drowned).

                                            [courtesy Park City Daily News]

More than a foot of snow backed traffic up for 20 miles and
16 hours on I-65 in central Kentucky.
                                                                        [courtesy ABC]
Louisville was mildewed.
                                                            [courtesy Huffington Post]

"I noticed that the front seat passenger was not a person."

                                                – Highway patrolman Jonathan Abrams, who ticketed a motorist
                                                    for traveling solo in the HOV lane of a Long Island expressway

"Sometimes firemen save our butts; sometimes we save their butts."
                                                                                                                                        – Charmin toilet pa-
                                                                                                                                           per commercial

"Boris Nemtsov, a former first deputy prime minister of Russia who was an outspoken critic
 of President Vladimir Putin and the war in Ukraine,  was fatally shot four times on a bridge
 near the Kremlin."
                                             – Miranda Popkey,  in Harper's Weekly  (we knew a cat
                                                 that was fatally bitten nine times by a coon hound – Ed.)

"If I can take on 100,000 protesters, I can do the same across the world."

                                – Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker, a Republican candidate for President,
                                    responding to a question about how he would deal with IS (ISIS, ISIL)

Quotations of the Wheat: "I'm not a gynecologist, but I'll be glad to look at it."  Leonard Simon

                   

George W. Bush and Dick Cheney  were  banned  from
Venezuela.  . . . An Alabama man who developed 46-
DD breasts from taking Risperdal as a child got a set-
tlement. . . . A man who torched a registered sex offen-
der's future home in his neighborhood  in the Madison,
Wisconsin, suburb Cottage Grove suffered facial burns.
.  .  .  Police raided a Swedish student's house  in which
they saw balloons in the window spelling out "21" cel-
ebrating the woman's birthday  (in reverse,  on the out-
side, the balloons seemed to the police to say "IS"). . . .
A lioness opened a tourists' car door at a safari park in
South Africa.  . . .  An Englishman who posted a video
of himself swallowing a  live  goldfish  on Clutterbook
Facebook pleaded guilty to causing unnecessary suffer-
ing to an animal and was prohibited from  owning  fish
for five years. . . . Elephants  were being phased out of
the circus.

    [courtesy Harper's, Snopes, HuffPost, Raw Story, AP]

Andrew Dale Marcum turned himself in in Butler County, Ohio, after seeing his photo on the Sheriff's Clutterbook Facebook page

Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas), Breanne Brown, 30, felony sex with a 16-year-old (it was not reported whether the "victim" was a boy or a girl) (KTXS-12)

__  Kim Kardashian
__  Renée Montagne
__  Hillary Clinton
__  Ann Coulter
__  Kathleen Parker
__  Joni Ernst

Harrison Ford crash-landed his airplane on a golf course
in Los Angeles, interrupting a doctors' game and tearing
up the 8th fairway, and was treated like a hero.

The intimacy I had with my wife became monotonous and un-
imaginative a long time ago.  Over the years I've suggested we
try things like role-playing  and other  non-extreme variations
during intimacy.  My suggestions were met with  rolling  eyes
and retorts like, "I'm your wife,  not a hooker."   I gave up and
tried to be content with what we have together.

Then one evening she surprised me and did one of the things
I had suggested.  It was very nice,  and  she  seemed to like it,
too.   I didn't know what to say to her.  "Thank  you"  seemed
condescending.  We have done nothing like it since.  I  doubt
if the answer is in  the  etiquette  books.  What should I have
said to her to let her know how much I appreciated her loos-
ening up and hope it will perhaps make her more comforta-
ble spicing things up in the future?
                                                                                Etiquette Advocate

Heni Intari Add Friend

Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 2/22/15 @19:31 PST:

What means this?  Other than the name of a village in Poland
and some sort of fish . . .

Quotations of our other acquaintances:

"He cut a chobie."
                                    – C. H. Logsdon

To "cut a chobie" is equivalent to "get the hell out of Dodge."   The expres-
sion comes from the Civilian Conservation Corps and its  presence  in  Ed-
monson County, Kentucky.  Cf. the GI slang "cut a choggie."    – Editor


Publius Leget wrote Tues 2/24/15 @07:43 CST:

What has become of "Arrested in Lubbock" and "Wanted in Wichita?"

Dunno.  "Wanted in Wichita"  has not been published since February 12,  and
"Arrested in Lubbock," not since last October 18. We're doing our best to con-
tinue to bring you the galleries of numbnocks and hottie outlaws. The Lexing-
ton Herald-Leader and the Michiana Crime Stoppers keep on truckin'.    – Ed.

Parking meters 'scarf-bombed' in Indianapolis, "Take this if you're cold" read some of the cards on scarves tied to meters in downtown Naptown (Indianapolis Star, Louisville Courier-Journal)

A 5-year-old boy was locked out of his home without coat or
shoes in 3° weather while his mother slept on the couch (and
police found marijuana in the home, of course). . . .

Animal control officers seized seven mistreated border collies
from a puppy mill in Tippecanoe County. . . .

PETA was after a Charlestown man in whose wildlife preserve
two bears and two lemurs died.
                                                        [courtesy Columbus Republic]

A covered bridge in Putnam County, built in 1880 and refurbished
last year, was hit with Nazi and Satanic graffiti  (including the Old
Enemy's name misspelled "Satin").
                                                                        [courtesy WISH-TV]

A bill passed the House and was making it through the State Sen-
ate  (the legislature is in session)  to set up "baby boxes"  (heated
incubators) at fire stations and churches where nonwannabe moth-
ers could drop their unwanted babies without  penalty  instead  of
leaving them in dumpsters.
                                                      [courtesy New York Daily News]

South Bend's most wanted: Lindsey Wilcox, WF, 5'6", 160 lbs, forgery; Bria Wilson, BF, 5'5", 190 lbs, forgery; Berrien County, Mich.: Pamela Smith, BF, killing/torturing animals (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

A 13-year-old boy driving  a  car  on an icy Knox County road at
night without headlights on  was killed when the car left the road
and overturned (a 14-year-old passenger was injured; neither had
his seat belt fastened).
                                                                                        [courtesy WKYT]

Taking advantage of opponents' absences, the State Senate Edu-
cation Committee passed 8-1 a bill that failed in committee last
week to require "transgender" students to use bathrooms desig-
nated for the sex of their birth  (and then it passed the full Sen-
ate – the legislature is in session).
                                                                          [courtesy Huffington Post]

Fire destroyed two barns and killed six thoroughbred horses at a
farm in Woodford County.
                                                        [courtesy Lexington Herald-Leader]

Jake  interrupted  his  sister,  Rita,  who was on the telephone  in
their mother's home, to say they were down to their last beer and
ask her if she would drive to the liquor store because he was too
drunk.  She replied,  "I'm too drunk to drive, too,  you dumb ass!
I've been drinking with you all day!" So they got Mom,  who  has
Alzheimer's but was sober and had a valid driver's license, to take
them.

  [a true story from Elizabethtown, reported to us by our roving re-
     porter, Steve Yates, who was the person on the phone with Rita]

    

Lexington's most wanted: Chester Mullins, WM, 28, 6'3", 185 lbs, penis impersonation; Lashonna Webb, WF, 29, 5'4", 125 lbs, assault in 2nd degree (shooting), "featured fugitive"; Christian Michael, WM, 42, 5'9", 130 lbs, mobery (kicking and screaming Herald-Leader)

"On behalf of all seals, I'd like to thank him
  for his interest."
                                      – Gerald Whitman, rescued from a snow bank in Nova Scotia
                                         by an animal lover who thought he was a stranded seal

"We've waited two years for God to get justice for us on behalf of our son, and, as always, God
  has proved to be faithful."
                                                          – Judy Littlefield, mother of Texas murder victim Chad Littlefield

Quotations of the Wheat: "I almost got some last night:  I asked this girl, and she said no." – Leonard Simon

RAF fighter jets were scrambled after Russian
bombers  were  spotted off the southwest coast
of England. . . .A hip-hop performer was jolted
by electric wires  above the parade float he was
on in Port-au-Prince, Haiti,  and  20  spectators
were killed in an ensuing stampede;  and  three
persons standing on a carnival float in Nova I-
guacu,  Brazil,  the same day were electrocuted
when it hit a power line. . . .  Inmates took over
a federal prison in south Texas. . . .English soc-
cer fans chanting  "We're  racist,  and that's the
way we like it"  kept a black man  from  board-
ing the Metro in Paris. . . . A computer error at
Carnegie  Mellon  University's   computer  sci-
ence graduate program  in Pittsburgh,  Pennsyl-
vania, mistakenly welcomed 800 applicants. . . .
Sex-toy shops in Yekaterinburg,  Russia,  saw
a  spike  in  sales  following the release of the
movie 50 Shades of Grey. . . . Fifteen towns in
upstate New York threatened to secede and join
Pennsylvania  over Governor Cuomo's prohibi-
tion of fracking.  . . . Reindeer  herders  in  Fin-
land daubed reflective paint  on  antlers  to pre-
vent traffic accidents.  . . .  A motorist who ran
over a woman in a "zombie walk" in San Diego
said he accelerated when the children in his car
got scared by the parade. . . .A pair of alcoholic
bears in Sochi, Russia, were on their way to re-
hab in Romania. . . . A woman was knocked un-
conscious in a drive-by egging in Seattle, Wash-
ington.  .  .  . Two persons were swallowed by a
sinkhole in a sidewalk  in  Seoul,  South  Korea.
. . .  A would-be construction equipment embez-
zler in Key West, Florida, butt-dialed his crime
scheme to his boss; and he and a cohort were ar-
rested.
                       [Harper's, Snopes, Raw Story, AP]

I am a 29-year-old woman  with  a  medium  build  and
long, thick black hair that’s never been cut.  And I am a
virgin.

My family continues to ask me about a boy friend, and
I tell them that I  have  never  been  with  a  man.  They
think something is wrong with me. I'm a perfectly nor-
mal woman, and I dream of being married and having
children one day; but until I am blessed with the right
man, I will continue to wait.  I know that one day he'll
come, and there is no hurry.

I have met several guys over the years,  but they are no
good for me.  All they think about is sex.  I am not walk-
ing around with a “use me” sign on my forehead. I don’t
know how often people meet through your column; but
if it is possible in some way,  I would  like  to  meet  "Mr.
Lonely in Pennsylvania," who also is a virgin.

                                                    Also Lonely in Chesapeake, Va.

Reyra Pratama Add Friend