Their Royal Heilnesses, 1933 family film shows Edward VIII teaching Nazi salute to future Queen Elizabeth II (Sun of London); Police probe 50 new sex attacks, Cosby going to jail, $410 million divorce explodes (Enquirer); Andy Griffith unmasked, explosive rages & paranoia, passionate affairs, the night he beat Don Knotts to a pulp (Globe); Family hid truth, Shirley Temple Death cover-up, it wasn't natural causes (Examiner)

Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 7/19/15 @02:53 PDT:

That's Senator Nastase to you!

But,  sir!  We never identify birthday observants by any-
thing  but  their  names  (unless they are "rockers,"  like
Ramblin' Jack Elliott,  or  "country  singers,"  like Duane
Eddy).    – Editor

Len wrote Sun 7/19/15 @17:12 EDT:

Hometown vs. home town:  One uses "home" when
modifying the noun "town."   "Hometown" is an ad-
jective and is most certainly in the dictionary.

But,  sir!   No one said it  wasn't!   That was part of Dear
Eleanor's complaint.   Anyway,  her  correspondent  used
"hometown"  as  a  noun,  not as an adjective;  and Bruce
Springsteen sang "My Hometown" as a noun.

One might also use  "out  of"  to modify  the  noun  "town"
(in an adjectival prepositional phrase).  Perhaps we should
make  that  all  one  word  while we're at it  – say,  "It's the
outoftown folks who are causing all the trouble" – or even
"the outoftownfolks."     –“ Editor


Nolan Porterfield wrote Sun 7/19/15 @17:02 CDT:

I don't want to rain on your parade,  but  those  tabloid
headlines – e.g.,  "Royals are broke"  and  "Robin  Wil-
liams: It was murder!" – cry out for detail. Stop teasing
your  readers;  include a paragraph or two from the or-
iginal story,  so we won't be  kept  hanging.   And,  yes,
the Globe and National Inquirer  are  notorious  for cre-
ating news where no news exists, but let your readers at
least savor the flavor of tabloid distortion and avoid hav-
ing to rush to a local supermarket to  foolishly  purchase
a print copy that is nothing but blather.

But,  sir!   The  name  of our publication is Tabloid Headlines;
you didn't notice?  Hunting content, we rarely read beyond the
headlines  ourselves;  and,  even when we do,  we dare not tell
our readers: We're getting close enough to the limit of the "fair
comment and criticism" exception to copyright law just report-
ing the headlines.   If they whet your curiosity for detail,  then,
by all means,  run down to your local news stand  and buy the
source  (you can even subscribe,  we hear).  By citing sales we
have  induced,  we'd have yet another defense to a claim of in-
fringement.     –“ Editor

Governor Stevie's slogan  "a state that works"  has been slap-
ped onto the facades of two state buildings in   downtown  In-
dianapolis (and one to go) at a cost to the taxpayers of $267,-
850. . . .

A black bear crossed over from Michigan to become Indiana's
first wild black bear since 1871  and has become  so  "brazen"
that officials are considering tranquing him. . . .

West Nile virus was confirmed in eight counties. . . .

Teen-age joy riders in Greensburg  left the stolen car in a park-
ing lot and the keys in the owner's mailbox with a post-it apol-
ogizing for the damage left from hitting a sign. . . .

A herd of 20 bison escaped from a farm in Kosciusko County. . . .

A deputy clerk fired for refusing to issue a gay marriage license
sued Harrison County for lost earnings. . . .

A candy store owner in Pendleton was convicted of molesting
children. . . .

A new state law exempts nursing homes from liquor permit re-
quirements  (now Granny can get bombed without being  boot-
legged).
                                                    [courtesy Columbus Republic]

South Bend's most wanted: Brittani Jarrett, BF, 5'3", 170 lbs, theft; and Berrien County, Michigan's, Keara Necole Haynes, BF, larceny in a building (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

A 19-year-old woman stopping to rescue kittens on a road in Mc-
Creary County was struck by a hit-and-run motorist and suffered
broken bones in her neck, back and chest.
                                                                              [courtesy WKYT]

An army of about 100, some dressed in Rebel grays and most car-
rying the Confederate Stars & Bars, marched on the State Capitol
in Frankfort.
                                                                             [courtesy WTVQ]

Limberbutt the Cat announced his candidacy for the Republican
nomination for President in Louisville ("Meow is the time!").

                                                            [courtesy Courier-Journal]

"John McCain is not a war hero.  He's a 'war hero' because he was captured."
                                                                                                                                                – Donalds Trump

"We have decided we won't report on Trump's campaign as . . . political coverage.  Instead,
 we will cover his campaign as part of our Entertainment section."

                                                                                                                              – the Huffington Post

"I do not need to be lectured."
                                                                –“ Donald S. Trump

"I think Rick Perry is smarter than Lindsey Graham."
                                                                                                        – Donald Strump

"I forgot to count."
                                        – Khalila Busby,  of Dallas,  Texas,  whose 2-year-old
                                           daughter – whom she believed to be in the house with
                                           her six other children – died of heat stroke in her car

"All lives matter."
                                        – Martin O'Mealy

Quotations of the Wheat: "I'm not drunk; I'm just higher than the grocery prices  at the Cor ner Market!'  – Leonard Simon

"There was a time when all people believed in God and the Church ruled.  It was called
  the Dark Ages."
                                      –Richard Lederer

An I-phone thief in Los Angeles,  California,  triggered
an "app" that recorded a "selfie" accessible by the own-
er on other equipment.

July 20
                        Kim Carnes, 70
                       
                    July 21
                        Brandi Chastain, 47
                    July 22
                        Prince George, 2
                        Alex Trebek, 75
                    July 23
                        Don Imus, 75
                    July 24
                        Nate Bump, 39
                        Pat Oliphant, 80
                    July 26
                        Mary Jo Kopechne (1940-1969)
                         

Desert Storm lookalikes: Muhammad Hamza Zubaydi, Retired RCC Member; Mark Rich

Anders Behring Breivik was admitted to the University
of Oslo. . . .Voter turnout at local elections in North Ko-
rea increased from 99.82 per cent to 99.97 per cent. . . .
The Islamic State's (ISIS', ISIL's) main singer/songwri-
ter was killed in an air Strike in Syria. . . . Nine Britons
were deported from China for viewing video advocating
terrorism after watching a BBC documentary about Gen-
ghis Khan. . . . Juice  vendors  in Morocco turned in five
Muslim youth for drinking in  the  daytime  in Ramadan.
.  .  . A mouse triggered a stampede at a mosque in Casa-
blanca injuring 80 worshipers. .  .  .  A  drunken  squirrel
wrecked a club in Worcestershire, England. . . . Police ar-
rested a squirrel stalking a woman in  Bottrop,  Germany.
.  .  . The head of the late director of the horror film Nos-
feratu was stolen from his crypt in Stahnsdorf, Germany.
.  .  . Two little girls running a lemonade stand in Rancho
Cucamonga,  California,  were robbed of $30 by  an  18-
year-old man they had given a free drink after he said he
had no money. . . . Police  found  $30,000  in  homemade
currency in the apartment of a woman in Kingsport, Ten-
nessee, who said she believed President Obama had sign-
ed a law allowing people on fixed incomes to  print  their
own money. . . . The propeller fell off a single-engine air-
plane  and sliced through the roof of a home in Hagaman,
New  York  (the pilot managed to glide to a safe landing).
.  .  . As Boston's 75-foot winter snow pile finally melted,
it snowed in Hawaii.
                                        [courtesy Harper's, Snopes, AP]

In the slammer in . . . Santa Clara County . . . Sara Cole, 47, sex with a minor . . . St. Petersburg . . . Victor Thompson, 46, synthetic marijuana . . . Dallas . . . Nancy Suzanne Duarte, 41, arson (Google mug shots)

An Oakland Athletics fan  filed a class action suit
against major league baseball to require  that  pro-
tective netting be erected from  foul  pole  to  foul
pole, and a woman was knocked out by a foul ball
at a minor league game  in  South  Bend,  Indiana,
which has netting extending to the far ends of both
dugouts. . . .The  United  States  defeated  Cuba in
soccer's Gold Cup after four Cubans defected.

I recently found a notebook of my mom's. On the out-
side cover it said,  "Disclaimer:  Do Not Open Unless
You're Me!"  Being the curious soul I am, I opened it.
As I flipped through the pages, I learned many things
about my mom I didn't know, like her faith in God.

I stopped at the page titled "Summer of Tenth Grade."
I learned the truth about how I was conceived. In cap-
ital letters were the words  "I WAS RAPED."   It  felt
like the world had stopped. I'd had no clue. I'd always
assumed Mom got pregnant at 16  because  she  made
stupid  decisions,  but I was wrong.  I could never im-
agine  how my mom could get through a day  without
looking at me as a reminder of what happened to her.

Where do I go from here?  Should I confront her?

                                                                Child of Rape

Royals are broke, Queen Elizabeth moving out of palace (Globe); ISIS plot to kill Pope in America (Globe); Robin Williams, it was murder! (Enquirer); Creationist museum acquires 5,000-year-old T-Rex skeleton (Onion)

FGDean@aol.com wrote Fri 7/17/15 @09:37 PDT:

I always believed that the expression was "chirping at the
bit."   That must be my big mustake.   I guess that expres-
sion applies only to parrots.

Four state legislators were unaware they had voted to prohibit use of
cell phones by motorists under 21. . . .

A crew of about two dozen teen-agers detasseling corn were sprayed
by a crop duster in Warren County.
                                                                [courtesy Columbus Republic]

South Bend's most wanted: Tina Bartz, WF. 5'6", 205 lbs, fraud; Tyler Checchio, WM, 6'5", 190 lbs, coke, FTA; and in Berrien County, Michigan: Jessica Renée Thomas, BF, Domestic violence (3rd offense), assault with a dangerous weapon; Michael Allen Taylor, WM, stolen credit card; Crystal Anne Blagg, WF, larceny in a building (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

A bill was filed in the legislature to shield county clerks from lia-
bility for refusing to issue homosexual marriage licenses  and  to
shield ministers who refuse to perform gay weddings.

                                                                              [courtesy WFPL]

The organizer of the Lebowski Fest at a Louisville bowling alley
was arrested at the fest. . . .

Confederate flags continued to fly at a NASCAR race at the Ken-
tucky Speedway at Sparta.
                                                                              [courtesy WDRB]

An auto thief butt-dialed the police in Georgetown (he was arrest-
ed).
                                                [courtesy Lexington Herald-Leader]

Professors in Virginia and West Virginia were on a scholastic mission
to restore dignity to Appalachian speech.
                                                                   [courtesy Associated Press]

"The United States is a nation of laws, badly written and randomly enforced."
                                                                                                                                  – Frank Zappa

"Lettuce should be dirty; dressing, clean."
                                                                              – Panera restaurant commercial

Quotations of the Wheat: "Since I gave up hope, everything's been going   pretty good!'   – Leonard Simon

"I don't really believe in an afterlife, but I'm packing a change of underwear."
                                                                                                                                    – Woody Allen

Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Antonia Casteneda, HF, 28, 5'2", 130 lbs, theft, forgery; Hannah Guinan, WF, 24, 5'1", 130 lbs, meth, FW; Brendan McDaniel, WM, 27, 6'2", 170 lbs, theft; Joanna Delacruz, HF, 34, 5'4", 150 lbs, robbery (Abilene Crime Stoppers)

                    July 15
                        Arianna Huffington, 65
                    July 16
                       
                    July 17
                        Gale Garnett, 73
                    July 18
                        James Brolin, 75
                        Joe Torre, 75
                    July 19
                       

, 74
                           

Curioso I the Bull ran 20 yards into the streets of Pam-
plona and then scampered back to the safety of his cor-
ral. . . . President Obama uttered the  God  word  twice
at the end of his address to the nation on the  Iran  deal.
. . . Clutterbook  Facebook  blocked Jemma Rogers' ac-
count because she created it using the phony name Jem-
maroid  Von  Laalaa;  so the UK lady changed her name
by deed poll, and her account remained blocked  (and so
Hank  Hebhoe,  who has a Clutterbook  Facebook  page,
can't "like" her). .  .  . State Representative Michael Pitts
offered  an amendment to the South Carolina bill  taking
down the Confederate flag to require that  the  U.S.  flag
be flown upside down on the Capitol dome. . . . A wom-
an who blasted a neighbor with loud workout music was
arrested for stalking in Orlando,  Florida. . . . Donald the
STrump sent out a  campaign  "tweet"  with  Nazi  storm
troopers marching "to make America great again."

                                        [courtesy Harper's, Snopes, AP]

Florida State University's football team dismissed a fresh-
man quarterback  and suspended its top running back  for
punching girls. . . . A girls softball coach at a high school
in Cape Coral, Florida, resigned after his 22-year-old son,
an assistant coach, admitted "sexting" under-age girls.

Desert Storm lookalikes: Howard DeFerrari, Ali Hasan Al-Majid Al-Tikriti, Prresidential Advisor / RCC Member

After living and working for 35 years in a large city, my
husband and I were able to return to  our  hometown  to
help care for our elderly parents.  I  reconnected  with a
high school friend who asked me to work  part-time  in
her large, nationally known family business.

One of my duties is to assist my friend with media rela-
tions, including press releases, something I handled for
years in my previous job.  However, when I corrected a
press release she had prepared,  I could tell she was not
happy.  But the release  was  poorly  written  and  there
were several grammatical errors  that would have been
embarrassing  if  published.    She asked me a few ques-
tions about my corrections, but eventually approved the
release.

I am now reviewing proofs for a company announcement
to be mailed to employees and clients.   My friend put an
apostrophe "s" in their family name  (the Smith's). When
I told her that it should be "Smiths" to indicate more than
one Smith,  my  friend  went  ballistic.  She said I was nit-
picking her work.  She said that's how the invitations were
done every year, and it was also how they did the company
Christmas cards. I told her they had been wrong every year.

At this point in my life, I don't need a job, but I enjoy it. The
people are wonderful and I know many of their families. But
I don't want my name associated with shoddy work. How do
I help my friend understand that my efforts will help her and
her company?
                        Know the Difference Between You're and Your

Sarah Palin nervous breakdown, kids are driving her crazy (Examiner); Tom Cruise leaving Scientology, "I'm doing this for Suri" (Star); Trump is Hillary's worst nightmare, she thinks he's the only one who can derail her White House express (Globe)

After a few more hours to think about it, Len wrote again Sun
6/28/15 @22:29 EDT re "Button Ups" (roots and grafts):

Good grief!  At first I thought you were talking about one-
piece clothing articles ("onesies") for babies. Those things
"button up" too.

A shirt (man's or woman's) can have a button-down collar
(or not). A person or situation can be "buttoned up." How-
ever, I've never heard of a shirt being referred to as a "but-
ton-up."  Is this a regional thing I'm not aware of?  On the
order of calling a carbonated beverage "pop" in some parts
of the country and "soda" in others?

I am on the e-mail list of Men's Wearhouse (business suits
and "better" men's clothes –€“ a little pretentious) as a result
of renting my son a tuxedo there.   One of their recent ads
included a sale on something called "camp shirts."  These
looked to me like ordinary short-sleeved shirts with pock-
ets.  No buttons on the collar points.  I  don't  know  what
makes these  "camp shirts"  as opposed to just "shirts."  I
usually wear T-shirts at camp, or perhaps a polo shirt (al-
though I've never played polo – I used to ride horses, how-
ever,  until my hip started bothering me).

It's a fucking shirt, for dog's sake.   If I need an additional
descriptor,  I'll call it green or blue –“ I don't need some ad
agency making one up for me.

So this week let's review the word "mustake."  You've never heard
that word, you say? OK, just listen to the Dixie Chicks sing "Wide
Open Spaces"  or Patty Loveless singing "Blame it On Your Lyin',
Cheatin', Cold, Dead-Beatin', Two-Timin', Double-Dealin', Mean,
Mistreatin', Lovin' Heart." Perhaps that is merely the way hillbilly
chick singers pronounce "mistake."

Which brings us to "champing at the bit." We heard our office girl
–  a country girl if ever there was one  –  say "chomping at the bit"
the  other  day,  and we corrected her.   But lots of people say that,
and they're not entirely wrong.   The first dictionary we consulted
(1957 American College Dictionary,  Random House)  did not e-
ven contain an  entry  for  "chomp."  The  definition  of  "champ"
was, "1. to bite upon, esp. impatiently; horses champing at the bit.
2.  to crush with the teeth and chew vigorously or noisily;  munch
(nasalized var. of chop, bite at, der. chap, chop, jaw)."

A later version of the same dictionary  (1984,  retitled the Random
House College Dictionary) did list "chomp," but only with the rath-
er  disappointing  definition  "Dial.  champ."  So,  back to "champ";
and now the derivation is "perh. nasalized var. of chap; see chop¹."

So we see "chop¹," and it's what you think; it means chop.  But we
see also the definition of "chop³":  "Usually  pl.,  chops:  the  jaw."
And then there is "chump²: to munch; also chomp [var. of champ]."

Did we dare go further?  Ubetchu!  To our 2001 unabridged New
Oxford American Dictionary. "Chomp" and "chomping at the bit"
are primary there; "champ" is just "another term for chomp."  No
allusion to "chap," "chop," "chump" or nasal pronunciation.

On to the Merriam Webster's Third New International Dictionary:
"chomp: (alter. of champ) to chew or bite on."  "Champ"  is there,
too, with the same definition but no etymology (although "champ
at the bit" is given as a quotation from Zane Grey).

Well, let's go all the way back to "champ" as a nasal pronunciation
of "chop":  But that would be "chomp," not "champ,"  wouldn't it?
And if it's nasal, it's Frawnche, no? And if we went to a nasal pro-
nunciation of  "chap" – i.e.,  "champ" – that would be pronounced
en Français roughly "shom[p]" (the p at the end, silent, and the ch
in French is what is sh in English).  That's close to "chomp."   The
educated may continue to say "champing at the bit,"  but the mod-
ern and the hoi polloi will say "chomping."  We'll know what they
mean, and it should no longer be considered a "mustake."

Three deputy sheriffs became certified for bicycle patrol in
Monroe County, and three more were in training. . . .

Volunteers were sought to help knock down a 600-foot-long
beaver dam on the Indiana Dunes at Lake Michigan.

Moonshine and a still were seized in Lake County.

                                                [courtesy Columbus Republic]

The organization Mission: Readiness reported that 73 per cent
of Kentuckians of draft age are unfit for military service, many
because they are too fat  (33 per cent of age-eligible Kentucki-
ans are  legally  obese – tied for second in the nation with Ala-
bama, behind California's 41 per cent).
                                                                         [courtesy LEX18]

A panhandler holding a sign reading "Parents killed by ninjas,
I need martial arts lessons,  please help"  was arrested for dis-
rupting traffic on a parkway near Corbin.

                                          [courtesy Lexington Herald-Leader]

The Family Foundation started a legal defense fund for coun-
ty clerks sued for refusing to issue gay marriage licenses.

                                                                         [courtesy WFPL]

The Park City Daily News,  of Bowling Green – which does not
publish the schedule  or  league  standings  of  the city's minor
league baseball team, the Hot Dogs – announced  that it would
publish  same-sex  engagement  and  wedding announcements
(the Editor,  Steve Gaines,   explained,  "This newspaper has al-
ways believed that marriage is between one man  and  one  wo-
man. . . .  However, we are a nation of laws)."

                                                                   [courtesy Daily News]

A major Louisville power plant switched from  coal  to natural
gas.
             [courtesy WDRB]
           

Lexington's bucket truck bandit, Vanessa Napier, 32, has been charged with murdering her boy friend by stabbing him multiple times (WKYT)

July 6
                        Jeannie Seeley, 75
                        Bill Haley (1925-1981)
                    July 7
                        Shelley Duvall, 66
                        Richard "Ringo Starr" Starkey, 75
                        Charles "Charlie Louvin" Loudermilk (1927-2011)
                    July 8
                        Tzipi Livni, 57
                    July 10
                        Cindy Sheehan, 58
                        Giacobbe "Jake" LaMotta, 94
                        Ima Hogg (1882-1975)
                           

                    July 11
                        Tab Hunter, 84
                    July 12
                        Malala Yousafzai, 18
                           

Desert Storm lookalikes: Fatty Arbuckle, Ibrahim Ahmad Abd Al-Sattar Muhammad Al-Tikriti, Iraqi Armed Forces Chief of Staff

"What they're doing with Greece has a name:  Terrorism."

                                            – Yanis Varoufakis, before he was fired as Greek finance minister

"You have to wonder about a country where the bombs are smarter than the people.  Bombs
  can find Iraq on a map."
                                                  – A. Whitney Brown

"Fuck that alligator!"
                                        – Tommie Woodward, who ignored a "NO SWIMMING -
                                           ALLIGATORS" sign and jumped into Adams Bayou at
                                           Orange, Texas, only to be chomped (champed?) to death

"It's like crack cocaine.  But it's better."
                                                                  – "flakka" addict Ashley, of Vanceburg, Ky.

Quotations of the Wheat: "We are a nation of laws, not of the people of Roundhill."   – Leonard Simon

"Atheism is a non-prophet organization."
                                                                          – George Carlin

An 88-year-old woman answered the door  wielding  a
knife  and slapped an officer  when police,  responding
to a call in Pittsfield, Massachusetts, went to the wrong
house.  . . . One cow mounted another (no bull!) on TV
in Oklahoma. .  .  . Blasphemy became legal in Iceland,
and yoga was outlawed in Russia. . . . President Obama
did not utter the God word in his Independence Day ad-
dress. . . . A 22-year-old man in Calais, Maine, was kill-
ed trying to launch a  fireworks  mortar  from the top of
his head. . . . An Azerbaijan spa was offering 10-minute
baths in crude oil. . . .  A 350-pound dolphin leapt into a
boat off Orange County, California, broke a woman's an-
kles and punched her 16-year-old daughter. . . .Lightning
killed 23 cows, 9 calves and a bull in one pasture in Perry
County, Mississippi. . . . Two persons were arrested in Is-
tanbul, Turkey,  for making counterfeit popsicle sticks re-
deemable for free ice cream bars.  . . .  A man in a wheel-
chair robbed a bank in Queens, New York,  and got away
(in his wheelchair). . . . A paper presented by Russian bio-
chemists to the Society for Experimental Biology in Prag-
ue, the Czech Republic,  concluded that a chemical in cat
piss desensitizes mice' defense mechanisms. . . . An Israe-
li got 14 months  in  jail  for stealing and selling unreleas-
ed Madonna songs.
                                        [courtesy Harper's, Snopes, AP]

                              

Two of us work with a woman in our office who sleeps
propped up at her desk.  She snores lightly,  and wakes
herself up time after time.

We have spoken to her, but to no avail. We don't want to
tell the boss and get her in trouble.  How should we han-
dle it?
                                                                Very Frustrated

Wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Deserah Eltice Gunn, BF, home invasion, assault (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

Former Congressman says Jeb Bush was a drug dealer, sold marijuana and booze to kids (Globe); Miley Cyrus' lust resort, pop star plans nudist commune (Enquirer); Report: More American children being raised by carjackers who didn't realize someone was in back seat (Onion)

The Casey, Rowan, Lawrence, Montgomery and Clinton County
Clerks refused to issue marriage licenses at all after the U.S. Su-
preme Court ruled,  in a case from Kentucky,  that gays are enti-
tled to  marry  one another  (but the clerks of and Lawrence and
Montgomery counties later relented in fear of losing their jobs).

                                                            [courtesy Courier-Journal]

A woman stole a  bucket truck  at a service station in Lexington,
dragged the driver down the street when he tried to stop her, and
led police on a 40-mile chase down I-75 to Richmond  and  back
before being arrested after she crashed into a police car.

                                                                            [courtesy LEX18]

Eleven persons were hospitalized by a stinky emanation from a
refrigerator at the Gluck Equine Research Center in Lexington.

                                                          [courtesy Associated Press]

There's not much to choose from in the Miss Kentucky contest, either: Left to right, first row, Hayley Abbott, Susan Ahmadi, Lydia Blaise Allen, Brooke Billings, Lauren Bohl, Claire Ann Butler, Laura Rose Castle, Sarah Cocanougher, second row, Melissa Cox, Janell Davis, Hannah Estes, Georgia Gardner, Talia Horn, Kyle Nicole Hornback, Natalie Johnson, Erynn Reed Landherr, third row, Hope LeMaster, Madison McCowan, Erica Moore, Shelby Morgan, Morgan Nicole P'Pool, Alyssa Robb, Tyra Sengkhamyong, Abigail Stanley, fourth row, Cynthia Marie Thomas, Dakoda Trenary, Haley Wheeler, Taryn Wise, Larkin Walker, Wesley Ware, Susanna Leigh White (none of them is from Elizabethtown, Lexington Herald-Leader)

The present Miss Kentucky  "hijacked"  the Louisville Courier-
Journal's Infantspam Instagram page.

"Colonel" Harland Sanders, founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken,
  was born in Indiana;  Herb  Shriner,  the "Hoosier comic,"  was
  born in Ohio,  and John Kasich, governor of Ohio, was born in
  Pennsylvania.

"Freedom of intimacy is abridged rather than expanded by marriage.  Ask the
  nearest hippie."
                                – Antonin Scalia

"I can help others just by being a dick."
                                                                    – Philip van Eck, dressed as a penis and spraying pas-
                                                                       sers-by with confetti for a sex health charity in Norway

"The reason they call it the American dream is because you have to be asleep to
  believe it."
                             €“ George Carlin

"When Mexico sends its people, they're not sending their best.  They're sending people that have
 lots of problems, and they're bringing those problems with us.  They're bringing drugs.  They're
 bringing crime.  They're rapists.  And some, I assume, are good people."
                                                                                                                            – Donald Trump

"Morning Edition,€“ 4 to 9 a.m., Central time, 5 to 10 a.m. Eastern, on WKU Public Radio."

                         €“ Joe "Morning Joe" Corcoran,  on WKYU-FM,  Bowling Green, Ky.
                           (what he means to be saying is,  "From 4 a.m. until 9 a.m., Central,
                            from 5 a.m. until 10 a.m., Eastern"  –€“  but what the dumb son-of-a-
                            bitch is saying is, it comes on at 8:56 a.m. Central, 9:55 a.m. Eastern")

Quotations of the Wheat: "If this pot were any stronger they would have to outlaw it." –€“ Leonard Simon

"Atheist in a coffin:  All dressed up and nowhere to go."
                                                                                                 €“ anonymous

"Maker's Mark bourbon:  Tastes expensive, and is."

                        Jamie Farr, 81
                        Leslie Caron, 84
                        Lady Di (1961-1997)
                                    Estee Lauder (1908-2004)

                    July 3
                                    Franz Kafka (1883-1924)

Bristol  Palin  announced her second out-of-wedlock
pregnancy,  by ex-fiancé medal of honor winner Da-
kota Meyer,  and said that, unlike her first pregnancy,
this one was "planned" (Meyer said the media should
focus on terrorism instead of putting  on  a  "dog  and
pony show"). . . . Gay couples wishing to wed in Wil-
liamson County, Texas, were told their licenses would
have to await a software update. . . . A viewer in Little
Rock, Arkansas, complained to NBC that it had chan-
ged its logo to the "colors of the gays," referring to the
peacock NBC adopted in 1956. . . .A CNN correspon-
dent in London  took a black and white dildo and butt
plug flag in a "gay pride" parade to be the flag of ISIS
("I seem to be the only one who has spotted this," she
said). .  .  . Piñatas resembling Donald Trump were on
sale in Mexico. .  .  .  A 35-year-old woman had nerve
damage from squatting in "skinny jeans"  in  Adelaide,
Australia,  and  couldn't  walk. . . . Five-year-old twins
got a python tangled in their hair at a crawly animal at-
traction in Alabama. . . . A man named Rod was struck
by lightning (again) in Chebanse, Illinois.

                                    [courtesy Harper's, Snopes, AP]


   

Desert Storm lookalikes: Jamal Mustafa Abdallah Sultan Al-tikriti, Deputy Head of Tribal Affairs Office; Duke Ellington

My husband,  our three young children and I recently went
on a vacation with my in-laws.  We provided the accommo-
dations.  My mother-in-law brought a children’s book miss-
ing the last two pages and read it to our 5-year-old daughter.
The book was about a girl who visits  her  grandmother  for
the summer every year, and my mother-in-law got our little
girl to help her write  an  ending  that said the girl's parents
died and she got to live with her grandmother forever after.
It was written like a happy ending!  When my husband and
I confronted Grandma, she said the whole thing was our 5-
year-old's idea!   I am so upset I can't even look at this wo-
man, and now she has suggested we get together again next
month to go camping.  What do we do?

                                                  Miffed Mama in Milwaukee

Wanted in South Bend: Daijah Higgins, BF, FTA (Michiana Crime Stoppers); Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Paige Hollon, WF, 26, 5'7", 175 lbs, theft; Jennifer McGinn, WF, 30, 5'7", 250 lbs, meth, firewater; Yvonne Villreal, HF, 31, 5'8", 150 lbs, meth, firewater, we want her (Abilene Crime Stoppers)