:

Jared Gretanita wrote Sun 10/22/17 @ 06:35 PDT:

Wow!  You got a letter from a Gretanita Jared?  Same
name as mine, only reversed.  I'm  in  California,  and
my great-grandparents were from Portugal;  but  I  do
not know if our name is Iberian,  Greek,  or Scandina-
vian.  Maybe it means "great night"; whadya think?

J. Ewing wrote Thurs 10/19/17 @13:26 EDT:

The web site givepoop.org gives you Boston Universi-
ty's Stool Donation Project.   If you're between 18 and
50, take some tests and agree to bring in stool samples
regularly,  you'll get $40 a pop (or is that "poop"?)  for
your shit.

An Indianapolis fertility doctor who inseminated patients
with his own sperm and fathered at least two children by
them was ready to plead guilty  to  obstruction of justice
(the insemination itself was deemed not a crime). . . .

Some residents of Griffith joined a movement  to  secede
from Calumet Township in Lake County. . . .

The family of a drowned woman who drove off a boat ramp
in South Bend settled a wrongful death suit against the city
for $12,000. . . .

A Fort Wayne schools safety supervisor  who writes frequent
"guest columns" for the News-Sentinel, which now publishes
only on line, was fired from his school job  for  saying  black
lives don't matter.
                                                 [courtesy Columbus Republic]

marshals.jpg Wanted in S Bend: Darius Marshall, BM, 5'8", 160 lbs, failure to return to lawful detention (escape); In Berrien County, Michigan: Adam Marshall Dempsey Jr., WM, domestic violence (3rd off.); Rachel Marie Davis, WF, home invasion; Eric Anthony Nichols, BM, assault by strangulation (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

A plaque proclaiming Jefferson Davis a patriot, hero and states-
man was ordered removed from the base of his13-foot statue in
the state Capitol rotunda in Frankfort – but the statue remains. . . .

                                                        [courtesy KentuckyToday.com]

A "Twitter" account  maintained  by  KFC  (formerly  Kentucky
Fried Chicken, before "fried" became politically incorrect)  was
found to "follow" just 11 "tweeters" – five of them former mem-
bers of the  Spice  Girls  and six,  men  named  Herb  (including
Green Bay Packers cornerback Herb Waters and musician Herb
Alpert).  You got it?  Eleven Herbs and Spices, the erstwhile se-
cret KFC recipe. . . .

       

brocktin.jpg Parents arrested for endangering toddler son in Bell County ("grotesque" conditions), Tinsley Brock, Mary Rachel Brock; kimdavis.jpg State ordered to pay couples' attorney fees in license case, Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis

A bill filed in the state House of Representatives would legalize motorists' running over
protesters in the street. . . .

tabithab.jpg Arrested for counterfeiting in Mount Sterling: James Barnett; and overstay at the China Buffet: Tabitha Bellamy, Ashley Keller, Keesha "Tiny" Little (LEX18)

A man arrested in Berea for threatening identified himself as his twin brother (or so his brother
told police).
                                                                                                                            [courtesy LEX18]

 
                                                                                           (and yet a 143rd way to spell Brittany?)

lamarius.jpg Lexington's most wanted (dragged kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader): Lamarius Gates, BM, 23, 5'9", 150 lbs, mobery; Andrea Slaughter, BF, 36, 5'3", 170 lbs, forlornery; Michelle Robinson, WF, 38, 5'8", 200 lbs, overstay at the China Buffet; Britane Webb, WF, 26, 5'6", 180 lbs, overstay at the China Buffet

Classic Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said June 22, 2014): "I almost got some last night:  I asked this girl, and she   said no." – Leonard Simon

                                         

Is it required now to keep up with the latest revelation of Taylor
Swift in order to continue being "hip"?

   

taneshad.jpg Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week: Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Tanesha Lynn Reece, 29, black hair, brown eyes, 171 lbs, 5'3", violation of probation - possession of marijuana o/4 oz - u/5 lbs; Alana Munoz Barboza, 32, black hair, brown eyes, 115 lbs, 5'2", bond forfeiture, theft of property o/$1,500 - u/$20,000; Daeon Shemar Weaer, 19, black hair, brown eyes, 165 lbs, 5'8", assault family violence with previous conviction; News Talk1290 call Crime Stoppers 940-322-9888 cash reward for tips leading to arrest (Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers); katrecee.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Timothy Wayne Huskey, WM, 47, 6'4", 185 lbs, burglary, theft; Katrece Antonette O'Quinn, BF, a/k/a Katrece Altonette O'Quinn, 37, 5'1", 180 lbs, distribution of a certain hallucinogenic drug, overstay at the China Buffet; Federico Rodriguez, WM, a/k/a Manuel Flores, a/k/a Frederico Rodriguez Flores, 40, 6'1", 180 lbs, tattoo on right arm, distribution of opiates (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

A Cub Scout was kicked out of his den for lecturing a Colorado state
legislator about her position on gun control. .  .  . A 3-year-old girl in
suburban  Dallas,  Texas,  sent outdoors in the middle of the night for
not drinking her milk,  was  found  dead  two weeks later a mile from
her home. . . .A loud singing motorist in Montreal, Canada, was fined
for screaming in the street (it wasn't "Sweet Caroline"; it was "Every-
body, dance now!" from the '90's hit "Gonna Make You Sweat").  .  .  .
Percentage of pet custody cases in the U.S. that involve dogs: 96; that
involve cats: 1%. . . . Science  magazine  confirmed  that  Clutterbook
Facebook ruins lives.
                                                              [courtesy LEX18, HuffPost, AP]

rotrlica.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Justin Ryan Rondot, HM, 28, 5'9", 190 lbs, failure to register; Miranda Gaye Ditmore, WF, 35, 5'5", 145 lbs, poss. of contr. subst.; Brian Gene Traweek, WM, 34, 5'11", 135 lbs, theft elderly; Wanted in Waco: Jessica Trlica, WF, 24, 5'3", 115 lbs, forgery (Abilene, Waco Crime Stoppers)

Both runners were disqualified as one helped a team-
mate  with  a  broken  leg  to  the finish line in a high
school cross-country meet  in Utah  (the one with the
broken leg finished in 111th place,  his helper, 112th,
in a field of 120). . . .

Eyob Faniel, 25, of Venice, Italy,  won  the  Huawei
Venice Marathon when a motorcycle leading the six
runners ahead of him took  a  wrong  turn  (they fol-
lowed the motorcycle;  he knew the way). . . .

World Series trivia:  The Houston Astros, who debu-
ted in the National League as the Colt .45's  in  1962
– in short, just the "Colts"; they became Astros in 19-
65,  just four years before Neil Armstrong walked on
the moon  (on TV) – are the only team to have won a
pennant in both of baseball's major leagues;  but they
did not win a game in the World Series until Wednes-
day night, 7-6, as American Leaguers in an 11-inning,
4½-hour Game 2 over the Los Angeles Dodgers (they
were swept by the Chicago White Sox in 2005.   This
year's series is tied 2 games to 2). . . . Dallas Keuchel,
the starting pitcher for the Astros in Game 1, must be
Jewish:  That  would  explain  why  broadcasters pro-
nounce his surname  "KIKE-ul." . . . The Astros' Ven-
ezuelan left fielder is not Martin González,  nor Marv-
in  nor  Marlin  González,   but   Marwin   González –
where did that come from? (and his biography on Wi-
kipedia lists the name of his dog,  Benger,  but not the
name of any of his three children). . . .  Master  Serge-
ant Promise (apparently that's her name) Harris  of the
Texas Air National Guard found a new low in the sing-
ing of the National Anthem before Game 3 in Houston.
.  .  .  But that was not nearly as bad as the rendition of
"God Damn Bless America"  by  Houston Fire Depart-
ment Capt. Mark Miller in the 7th inning. .  .  .  Here's
Astros' 1st baseman Yuli Gurriel's slant-eyed mockery
of Dodger pitcher Yu Darvish.

I have a longtime friend I see almost every day.  She's an awe-
some friend.  Her children are adults.  One of them is gay;  the
other  is  a  transgender  male.  I respect her for supporting her
children, learning everything there is to know about the LGBT
community and seeking social change on their behalf.

But my religious beliefs and personal feelings are at odds with
the notion of gender fluidity. I think the concept is nuts. I have
compassion, however, for people who suffer with their identity
in any form.  I also believe in equal rights.

I support my friend,  who supports her kids;  but  I  feel  like  a
fraud when she and her friends talk about gender neutrality and
vent indignation that someone called someone else by a wrong
pronoun.  I act equally offended; but the truth is, I don't believe
in these ideas or this cause.

I don't want to lose an important friend.  I want her to  feel  sup-
ported.  But I'm lying.  Please help.  My conscience is bothering
me.
                                                                                Feeling Phony

lifepump.jpg Life Saver Dude: Oho! It appears the czarownica has turned herself into a pumpkin for Hallowe'en!

:

Gretanita Jared wrote Sun 10/15/17 @09:17 CDT:

Wasn't the Carter Family song "There'll Be No Dis-
tinction There" supposed to be a  protest  song?   A-
gainst racism?

Yes.  It's ironic.  Written and first performed by "Blind Alfred"
Reed (a/k/a Reid) in 1929,  it was so celebrated.  It  does  have
the right sentiment:

In the same kind of raiment and the same kind of shoes,
We'll all sit together in the same kind of pews,
The whites and the colored folks, the gentiles and the Jews,
We'll praise the Lord together . . .

But that second verse is preceded by these fatal lines in the first
rendition of the chorus:

. . . the Lord is just and the Lord is right,
And we'll all be white in that heavenly light . . .

Reed was blind, and he was white;  and he was recruited to the
Bristol (Recording) Sessions by Ralph Peer, along with Jimmie
Rodgers and the Carter family.

There's an interesting recent version of this song by Tim O'Bri-
en.   Before  we  heard  him  sing  it,  we thought the song was
"Thar'll Be No Distinction Thar."    – Editor

The pastor of the Rushville Baptist Temple  was  arrested
for molesting girls aged 7, 5 and 3 he lured into his office
with candy.
                                           [courtesy Columbus Republic]

State Rep. Jim Lucas (R-Seymour) filed a bill to require
journalists to get a license  (and to license speech, religi-
ous expression and voting).
                                              [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

goochtay.jpg Wanted by the Feds in S. Bend: Terron Taylor, BM, Corey Harris, BM, conspiracy to distribute heroin; Wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Darius Shantel Gooch, BM, failure to reg.; Shanna Renée Myers, WF, identity theft; Felicia Faye Jefferson, BF, identity theft; Tynisha Brianne Miller, BF, false felony report (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

jabbouri.jpg Bilal "Ali" Alijabbouori, 23, Jessica B. Rector, 22, and Jadallah M. Omran, 21 (left to right), called police to report an intruder who had fired a gun in their Lexington home. The police arrived with a search warrant; the gunman got away, and Ali, Jessi and Dali were arrested when the police found 4¼ pounds of marijuana and $7,800 in cash (dragged kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)

Statues of Confederate Secretary of War John Breckinridge  (who  was
also a Kentucky congressman and senator and the last vice president of
the United States before the Civil War) and General John Hunt Morgan
were removed from the courthouse in Lexington on their way to a cem-
etery where both are buried. . . .

rosalici.jpg Joseph Rose, 28, Alicia McDonald, 34, and Jordan Price, 26, were among suspected meth dealers rounded up after two were caught on a tip and began ratting out the others in Pulaski and McCreary counties in Kentucky and Scott County, Tennessee. . . .

The police chief of Providence,  in western Kentucky,  was arrested for
not ratting out his girl friend, a middle school teacher,  for confiding in
him that she was having sexual fantasies about teen-age boys. . . .

      

trekisha.jpg Trekisha Reynolds, 39, passed out in a McDonald's drive-thru in Lexington with her 7-year-old son in the back seat. . . . pikachoo.jpg The man who jumped a concrete barrier onto the White House lawn was from Somerset, Kentucky. . . .

A 23-year-old man sleeping in a dumpster at  a  McDonald's  in  London
was scooped up  by  a  garbage  truck  (and arrested for criminal trespass
and on some outstanding warrants. . . .

A 7-year-old boy in Elizabethtown fell asleep for 11 days.
                                                                                                 [courtesy LEX18]

mycanich.jpg Lexington's most wanted Joseph Nicholson, WM, 54, 6'2", 310 lbs, overstay at the China Buffet; Myca Norton, BF, 20, 5'6", 130 lbs, sheepish behavior; Willie Burnett IV, BM, 24, 5'5", 155 lbs, up to no good x4; Tammy Hunt, WF, 54, 5'5", 160 lbs, traffic in controlled substance; Javonte Briscoe, BM, 25, 6'0", 175 lbs, impersonating a horse (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader [Tammy courtesy Blue Grass Crime Stoppers])

                                                      (internet "meme," author unknown)

Classic Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said April 27, 2014): "A woman is like a handy gun:  Eventually you will   want to shoot it." – Leonard Simon

                                

taylpril.jpg Wanted in Whichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Taylor M. Horstman, WF, 20, 5'4", 120 lbs, possession of opiate; April McGann, WF, 43, 5'2", 180 lbs, probation viol. for poss. of controlled subst.; Monica L. Ortiz, HF, 27, 5'3", 148 lbs, felony theft, flee and elude (Sedgwick County Sheriff); eulaliav.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Eulalia Alaniz, 29, black hair, brown eyes, 105 lbs, 5'2", violation of probation, manufacture/delivery controlled substance; Vakeisah Johnson, 46, black hair, brown eyes, 135 lbs, 5'4", violation of probation, abandoning/endangering a child; Kimberly White, 36, brown hair, blue eyes, 112 lbs, 5'2", manufacture/delivery controlled substances in drug free zone (Texoma's most wanted fugitives)

A serial cat killer was sought in Spokane, Washington. . . . A high
school English teacher in Cliffside Park,  New Jersey,  interrupted
three students chatting in Spanish and told them to "speak Ameri-
can." . . . A woman in Atlanta, Georgia, was charged with murder
for putting her 1-year-old son, Ja'Karter Penn, and 2-year-old son,
Ke-Yaunte Penn, in the oven and turning it on (3-year-old Jameel
Penn Jr. escaped the punishment). . . .A 5th grade Civil War dress-
up memorial at a school in Kennesaw, Georgia,  was ended after a
white boy dressed up as a plantation owner told a black boy, "You
are my slave."
                                                                       [courtesy LEX18, AP]

Singer Justine Skye took a knee as she finished the Na-
tional  Anthem  at  the Brooklyn Nets' National Basket-
ball Association opening home game. . . .

A soccer team took to their knees at the beginning of a
match in Berlin, Germany.

My wife and I have been married many years; we work long
schedules, and we actually sleep when we go to bed at night.
Last Saturday afternoon we had "nothin' to do," and we were
just getting into some afternoon delight when the phone rang.

I said, "Honey, let it go to voice mail" but our grown daughter's
name was on the caller ID; and my wife said she had to take it
because they had been playing phone tag all day.   It was noth-
ing important, just chit-chat.  What a mood killer!

Am I wrong to be angry that my wife felt obligated to say "Hel-
lo,  how are you?" to our daughter,  who calls eight times a day
anyway?
                                                                Thwarted in Michigan

Don't  forget!   Readers  interested  in intellectual dissection  of important cur- rent  events   are  invited  to  attend  the Weekly World News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books  outside  Browns- ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.   Guest  speakers  lined  up  for meetings in the near future include Con- gresswoman Frederica Wilson (D-Fla.).

:

Nolan Porterfield wrote Sun 10/8/17 @13:34 CDT:

Okay,  enough.   Haven't you tired of whopping up
on pore ole Shankar Vedantam  in  every  issue  of
your  scruffy  online  "newspaper"?

Etta Jean Darrig wrote Sun 10/8/17 @10:39 CDT from
Ingenious Falls, Kentucky:

I thought all girls in Indiana (and boys) were un-
educated?

A 104-year-old woman in Elkhart took up tap dancing. . . .

A 7-year-old Bloomington boy fell 9 feet into a storm drain
while walking to a Chinese restaurant with his father. . . .

A new law inadvertently prohibits hunting deer with a rifle
on public land. . . .

State gaming authority officers seized 126 chickens from a
cock fighting operation in Coatesville, 30 miles west of In-
dianapolis.
                                              [courtesy Columbus Republic]

rilheath.jpg  South Bend's most wanted: Riley Graham, WM, 6'2", 170 lbs, blond hair, green eyes, probation violation, escape: Heather Hamilton, WF, 5'4", 195 lbs, brown hair and eyes, forgery; Most wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Jimmy Van Le, Asian male, assault by stangulation; John Ira Humphrey, BM, larceny in a building; Anthony Marcus Jackson, BM, assault by strangulation (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis was speaking out against
same sex marriage in a referendum campaign in Romania. . . .

Brothers aged 1 and 6 months were kidnapped by their pa-
rents in Clark County. . . .

A thoroughbred trainer walked her horse into a "pet friend-
ly" motel in Georgetown. . . .

Stanford, the Lincoln County seat,  pop. 3,500, in the Blue-
grass,  became Kentucky's first municipality to rename Co-
lumbus Day "Indigenous People's Day."
                                                                  [courtesy LEX18]

clalacey.jpg Clarence Crain Jr., WM, 57, 6'0", 185 lbs, lost it; Lacey France, WF, 30, 5'7", 175 lbs, born black; James Abner, WM, 29, 5'9", 140 lbs, Li'l Abner's li'l brother; Richie Hall, WM, 46, 5'6", 150 lbs, eearing theft; Matthew Bellmanh, WM, 36, 6'2", 195 lbs, never had it (pullied kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader - unauthorized or illegal use of this information strictly prohibited)

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon says): "I've recently joined a dating site for professionals.  I figure that, since I used   to bootleg,  I'll meet a woman who owns a  liquor  store.  Or,  maybe,  some   kind of brewery heiress – liquor queen –with strip bars." – Leonard Simon

Dove soap removed a three-second ad from Clutterbook Facebook showing
a black woman removing her dress to show a white woman's body (for a lit-
tle more racism of the same ilk, listen to the Carter family song "There'll Be
No Distinction There" – "we'll all be white in that heavenly light"). . . . The
Salt Lake City,  Utah,  police detective who handcuffed a nurse for refusing
to draw blood was fired. . . .  A vampire scare led to mob violence in Mala-
wi. . . . India's supreme court ruled that marital sex with a child bride is rape.
. . . Finnair flight 666 made it safely to HEL on Friday the 13th.  .  .  . Presi-
dent Trump remained seated and talked while "Retreat" and "To the Colors"
were bugled at an Air National Guard hangar in Pennsylvania.

                                                                                       [courtesy LEX18, AP]

A 64-year-old man brought ten suitcases containing an arsenal  of  legally
purchased rifles to a hotel suite  on the 32d floor of the Mandalay Bay re-
sort in Las Vegas, waited three days for the closing night of a country mu-
sic festival 500 yards away,  and then opened fire on the crowd of  22,000
below, killing 58 and injuring 489. It was reported that the "police profile"
of a mass shooter in the United States,  of whom at least 56 per cent have
been white and 97 per cent have been male, was not "fit" by the Las Vegas
gunman,  a white, male, reclusive, itinerant high-stakes gambler  who had
purchased 33 guns in the previous year.  "He was a normal,  average  'Joe
Blow'  kind of guy,”  said a gun store owner who had sold him a shotgun.
Following the shooting, the share price of the gun manufacturer Smith &
Wesson climbed 3 percent; and sales of the bump-stock gun-modification
devices the shooter used to convert his semi-automatic weapons into long-
range machine guns spiked across the United States,  whose citizens have
bought 42 per cent of the world's civilian-owned guns,    and whose white
citizens' individual likelihood of owning a gun  is  positively correlated to
his or her anti-black racism. The National Rifle Association, which in 19-
67 supported the repeal of California’s open-carry law when members of
the Black Panther Party began carrying legally purchased  firearms,  said
gun control "will do nothing" to stop gun violence,  and then urged Con-
gress to allow gun owners to carry concealed weapons across state lines;
and at least 64 members of Congress who've accepted campaign contrib-
utions from the NRA announced that they would pray for the victims in
Las Vegas, including a representative who said gun control was "not the
answer" and who once spoke at an international white supremacist con-
ference, authored a bill banning gay marriage in Louisiana, and was, af-
ter being shot by a 66-year-old white man,  defended by a black female
police officer who is married to a woman, a demographic in the United
States that is a hundred times more likely to be shot and killed by a man
than to use a gun for self-defense. The White House press secretary said
"it would be premature" to talk about gun control; US president Donald
Trump said that he was "not going to talk about" gun control; and a 60-
year-old man in New York  shot and killed  his  disabled  daughter,  27,
with a shotgun in his back yard and then shot and killed himself,  a 46-
year-old woman was shot and killed in her mobile home in  Florida,  a
40-year-old man was shot and killed in a house in Maryland, a 52-year-
old man in Louisiana was shot and killed in his back yard, four people
attending a vigil for a 30-year-old woman who was shot and  killed  in
Florida were then shot by an unknown assailant,  a 20-something man
in Tennessee  was shot and killed outside the group home for disabled
adults where he worked,  a 25-year-old man in Georgia was  shot  and
killed in a bar fight, a 27-year-old man in Michigan was shot and kill-
ed  while walking his dogs,  a 22-year-old man was shot and killed in
his kitchen in Michigan while showing a visitor his gun, a 2-year-old
in  Illinois  was shot by an unknown assailant  while the car the child
was riding in was stopped at a red light, a construction worker in New
York  was shot and killed on the 37th floor of an unfinished building
by a co-worker who then shot and killed himself on the 5th floor,  an
18-year-old boy in New York  was shot and killed three blocks from
his home, a 14-year-old boy in Washington was shot and killed by a
13-year-old boy with a handgun he had borrowed from a 12-year-old,
and, in Utah, a video was released of a police officer fatally shooting
a black man who was running away after being pulled over for errat-
ically riding his bicycle without a rear reflector. "Deadly force," said
the district  attorney on the case, "was justified."    [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8]
[9][10][11][12][13][14][15][16][17][18][19][20][21][22][23][24][25][26][27][28][29]
[30][31][32][33][34]

Vice President Mikey flew from Las Vegas to Indianapolis
to watch the National Football League's Colts  play host to
the San Francisco 49'ers,  and  Peyton  Manning's  number
retired at halftime;  but he left  and flew to California right
after 23 of the 49'ers took  a  knee  during the National An-
them (the Colts won 26-23 in overtime). . . .

The Bowling Green (Kentucky) High School boys' basket-
program,   which won its first state championship last year
and 29 games in a row,  was being investigated for recruit-
ing violations (ratted out by the fired girls' coach). . . .

Fired basketball coach Rick Pitino put his Louisville, Ken-
tucky, home up for sale. . . .

ESPN's Jemele Hill was suspended for calling a non-spade
a white man.

Sportscaster Mike Pesca said National Football Commis-
sioner Roger Goodell probably just wants  to  "make  the
National Anthem controversy go away."   How  to  make
the "National Anthem controversy" go away is  to  make
the  National  Anthem  go  away.   Playing it at the begin-
ning of every athletic contest  has  been  an  anachronism
since World War II.

I'm a happily married woman in my 30s.  We don't have chil-
dren yet, but our friends do. Some of them have boys approa-
ching or already in their teens.

I'm embarrassed even to ask, but what are the best ways to a-
void  or  stop  unwanted just-reaching-puberty attention from
young boys?  I am modest in my attire,  and  I  don't  interact
more than I need to with them; but the looks and actions I get
from some of them  have  my  stomach  churning.  I  need  to
know how to shut it down.
                                                                         Unwilling Siren

                                                  

hedtruit.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Rosemary Hedrick, 31, brown hair & eyes, 230 lbs, 5'7", PR bond canceled, theft u/2,500 w/2 or more convictions; Crystal Truitt, 35, black hair, brown eyes, 230 lbs, 5'6", bond forfeiture, aggravated assault against public servant, Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week (Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers); heapgavi.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls): Arthur Heap of Birds, American Indian male, 57, 5'9" 220 lbs, tattoo left shoulder, possession of controlled ykw; Gavin N. Conley, WM, 34, 5'10", 245 lbs, tattoos both arms and chest, theft (felony, probation violation) (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

lifetrum.jpg Life Saver Dude (to Trump): "Tryin' ta snag that pesky fly, Bubba?"

:

Anthony Dean wrote Sun 10/1/17 @11:00 CDT:

What's their problem with J-turns?   I use them all the
time to effect left turns onto busy streets.  A J-turn al-
lows you to deal with opposing flows of traffic one at
a time.

Hey, we do, too!  We even do W, X, Y and Z turns!    – Editor


and Anthony Dean wrote Sun 10/1/17 @10:55 CDT:

I am unable to find a "Tom Dooley" born in 1947.  Which
Tom Dooley died?

and @23:17 CDT:

But why does he rate to be in Tabloid headlines?  Did you
know him personally?

Because his name was Tom Dooley.  "Hang down your head, Tom . . .
poor boy, we told you you were going to die."    – Ed.


Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 10/1/17 @17:19 PDT:

Link is to the wrong story,  on last week's item
"Samantha the Sexbot was harassed in Austria."

Sorry, and thanks.  Try this one.    – Ed.

Craig Klugman wrote Sun 10/1/17 @11:31 EDT:

Were it not for your newsletter,  I  would  never have
known that Jerry Lee Lewis and Johnny Mathis were
born on the same day in 1935.  That is good stuff.

Two girls aged 16 and 19 were found at a Decatur home
where they had been confined for years uneducated (not
even able to place an order at McDonald's). . . .

More than a million chickens died in a fire that destroy-
ed several barns near North Manchester. . . .

A citizen reported a cobweb-covered bicyclist  to  police,
who arrested the man and another man  with  a  hay-cov-
ered bicycle for burglary of a barn and  theft  of   bicycles
in Jefferson County.
                                           [courtesy Columbus Republic]

rasheent.jpg South Bend's (Berrien County, Michigan's) most wanted: Rasheen Boyd, BM, 6'1", 175 lbs, burglary, f.t.a.; Leah Rae Tripp, WF, larceny in a building; Keisha Nicole White, BF, assault with a dangerous weapon; Tommy Heflin, WM, 6'0", 215 lbs, residential entry (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

 

 

kellysch.jpg Kelly Schmahl, 20, pleaded guilty to faking cancer to collect donations at Northern Kentucky University, where sorority sisters held a benefit for her, "Kelly's Classic," raising some $7,500

An 8-foot snakeskin wound up in a front yard in Danville. . . .

An archeologist digging for "culturally significant items"
where an airport is to be expanded in Lewisburg found a
19th century tavern.
                                                       [LEX18]

delvegio.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Candace Smith, WF, 35, 5'6", 190 lbs, theft, robbery 1°, overstay at the China Buffet (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers); (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader) Delvegio Lax, BM, 30, 5'10", 180 lbs, loose ideas; Charrise Waide (apprehended), BF, 38, 5'3", 145 lbs, she could run but she could not hide; Lech Yanicko, WM, 27, 5'11", 175 lbs, stranger in a strange land

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon says): "To help out on the hurricane (not to mention immigration), I've   adopted a 14-year-old Puerto Rican girl." – Leonard Simon

A note was found in the Tennessee church slayer's car referring to the
church massacre in Charleston, South Carolina, police said (now they
tell us – but they did not release the note itself). . . .  A music teacher
in Fountain Valley, California, was being investigated for contamina-
ting pupils' flutes  with  "bodily  fluids"  ("Well,  you have to sort of
read in between the lines,"  one parent said, "and  most likely it's not
sweat"). . . . Mary  Jo  Buttafuoco  had nerve surgery on her face and
regained the ability to smile. . . . Three college students taking "self-
ies" on a railroad bridge in Bidadi, India, were crushed by an express
train. . . . A man arrested for public intoxication in Casper, Wyoming,
said aliens filled him with alcohol  in  2048  and he had come back to
warn of an extraterrestrial invasion.
                                                                            [courtesy LEX18, AP]

lonishal.jpg Texomas' most wanted fugitives of the week, wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Lonisha Jones, 28, brown hair/eyes, 140 lbs, 5'5", violation of probation / robbery; Anna Leigh Pierce, 25, brown hair / blue eyes, 125 lbs, 5'7", abandon/endangering a child (Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers); robgingr.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas): Robin R. Smith, WF, a/k/a Robin Roulston a/k/a Robin Christenbury, WF, 53, 5'2", 130 lbs, tattos left shoulder, left breast, chest, probation violation, opiates; Ginger r. Rounsley, WF, a/k/a Ginger Ash a/k/a Ginger Hammersquist a/k/a Ginger Herzog, WF, 56, 5'3", 112 lbs, scars on both wrists, forehead, burglary (Sedgwick County Sheriff); Wichita Falls: Willie James Nunley, 59, grey hair, brown eyes, 195 lbs, 5'11", aggravated sexual assault

Two years ago, I married a kind, hard-working man I'll call
Travis.   These two years have been the best of my life, and
I couldn't imagine a better husband. But I just got news that
is threatening our marriage.

Travis' friend from childhood,  "Bethany,"  wants to start a
family with her wife.  Travis informed me that he agreed to
donate his sperm to Bethany.  I feel betrayed.  My husband
will be starting a family with Bethany  before he starts one
with me!  I feel like he's cheating on me.
                                                                                 Fuming

mikebrad.jpg Celebrity lookalikes: Mike Durbin, 20; Bradford R. Smith, 63; Barry Wood, 59

lifestat.jpg Son of a what?

:

Fred Dean wrote Sun 9/24/17 @07:38 PDT:

I  noticed  that all those  Edmonson County,  Kentucky,
girls with the funny and misspelled names  – like Alex-
Shae, Bryleigh, Hayley Mae, Jennay, Sheriden and sev-
en ways to spell Katelyn – are going to be guests at the
Weekly World News Round Table   –  what's  the  deal
with those names?

We'll let "the Wheat" explain that one!  Thanks.  – Editor

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon says): "Their parents are all hillbilly 'nigger wannabes' seeking   'cultural enrichment'." – Leonard Simon

Unisex name of the week:  Aaron (don't even need Erin).

Police in Crawfordsville shot at a movie actor wearing
a ski mask and playing a robber. . . .

mothersb.jpg Dennis L. Mothersbaugh, 37, of Vernon, was arrested on an assault warrant from Charlottesville, Virginia, for punching a man and a woman, counterdemonstrators, in the face as he marched with white supremacists (he was identified in a cell phone video)

babymilk.jpg Sarai Rodriguez-Miranda, 19, of Fort Wayne, angry about having to share her mother's home with her brother's new family, was charged with grinding up 9 tablets of Tylenol in a bottle of her 11-week-old niece's breast milk (she was arrested on the lam in Michigan)

A vendor selling "Whites only"  and "Colored seating
in rear" signs and posters of black children eating wa-
ermelon was kicked out of a classic car show  in  Gas
City. . . .

A "transgender man" appealed the federal court ruling
denying his or her right to sue the state for change to a
male  first  name  (and he or she was not named in the
news article, but readers of Tabloid Headlines know it
was an illegal Mexican immigrant identified as  "John
Doe." . . .
                                      [courtesy Columbus Republic]

Miami Countians were not happy about state plans for
"J-turns" on U.S. 31.
                                            [courtesy Kokomo Tribune]

carlrich.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Carl Rich, WM, 6'0", 180 lbs, probation violation, domestic battery; Jerry Brooks,WM, 5'5", 150 lbs, invasion of privacy; Wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Bradford Robert Smith, WM, criminal sexual conduct; Tynae Tkoya-Lakeesha Fields, BF, a/k/a "Whaaa'?", assault with intent to murder (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

The self-proclaimed Kentucky astronomer  who predicted
the end of the world to occur on September 23 revised his
forecast to late October.  And here's a preview.

A pet rescue group in Covington reported "free kittens" be-
ing taken for pet snake food.
                                                                [courtesy LEX18]

sararuck.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Sarah Rucker, WF, 31, 5'3", 125 lbs, space cadet; J'Shan Rigsby, BM, 18, 6'1", 200 lbs, it's about time (charges not stated); Heather Seltsam, WF, 45, 5'5", 205 lbs, overstay at the China Buffet; Ricky Allen, 23, WM, 23, 5'7", 160 lbs, featured fugitive of the week, receiving stolen property; Sarah Greers, WF, 28, we'll think of something (she sorta looks guilty) (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)

Jadwiga made a winter bed for the cats out of a 10-gallon
plastic tub stuffed with dead leaves and a towel on top (if
we ever catch a kitten lying in it we'll publish a photo). . . .

The Dollar General Store in Brownsville dropped the Na-
tional Enquirer,  and there are no longer  national  tabloid
newspapers to buy in the Edmonson County seat (but they
still have the local  Astonisher,  and the Enquirer is still a-
vailable at the Dollar General in Chalybeate, 10 miles far-
ther south in the County).
                                           [Tabloid Headlines exclusives]

frabbier.jpg "Frabbie the Raccoon" took a ride on Patrolman Chriss Frabbiele's patrol car in Colorado Springs

Charmin offered Colorado Springs' "mad pooper" free toilet paper to
turn herself in. . . . Lynne  DiSanto,  Republican majority whip in the
South Dakota House of Representatives,  posted  a  video  of  the car
running over pedestrians in Charlottesville, Virginia,  on Clutterbook
Facebook with the caption  "All  lives  splatter.   Nobody cares about
your protests.  Keep your ass out of the road." . . . Parents in Rocklin,
California, objected to the reading of I Am Jazz, a book about "trans-
gendering," to a kindergarten class,  brought to the teacher by a trans
pupil. . . . Boys at Isca Academy in Exeter, England, were prohibited
from wearing shorts; so they started wearing uniform girl skirts  (the
school then relented); male bus drivers did the same thing in Nantes,
France, with female drivers uniform skirts (and got the same results).
. . . Samantha the Sexbot was harassed in Austria. . . . Archaeologists
were excavating an outhouse next door to Paul Revere's home in Bos-
ton, Massachusetts.
                                                                            [courtesy LEX18, AP]

Forty-five men dressed as Magnum, P.I.,  attending a bache-
lor party at a Tigers baseball game in Detroit,  were  ejected
for catcalling and rowdiness. . . .

Three National Football teams stayed in the locker room for
the National Anthem last Sunday,  as some others knelt  and
some prayed  (but most of them played). . . .

I am wondering about the use of  the  term  "fiancée."    The
Urban Dictionary says it is now considered  a  "White  trash
culture" term for a long-term girl friend.  I'm hearing it used
more and more by people I don't consider  "white trash."  Is
there another way to refer to  "a significant other"  when no
wedding is planned  or  date  set?  Do other cultures or lang-
uages have a word for this?
                                                         Wondering About Words