October 28, 2018:  Things you would never know if you did not browse the
    tabloids  while  waiting for your wife at the counter  in  the  supermarket
    –  the week's headlines
:

Russia hacks CIA (Enquirer); Michael Jackson back from dead, cutting=edge science kept him in hyperbaric chamber for 9 years (Examiner); Cosby learns piccolo in prison (Strange Times); Princess Kate, 96 lbs & having baby No. 4 (Star); Saudi Crown Prince freaks as Guilani offers to explain (Borowitz)
Russia hacks CIA (Enquirer); Michael Jackson back from dead, cutting-edge science kept him in hyperbaric chamber for 9 years (Examiner); Cosby learns piccolo in prison (Strange Times); Princess Kate, 96 lbs & having baby No. 4 (Star); Saudi Crown Prince freaks as Guilani offers to explain (Borowitz)

LETTERS to the EDITOR:

Jan wrote Fri 10/26/18 @17:55 EDT:

Oh,  the irony.  Law enforcement said that the misspellings

of Hillary Clinton's & Debbie Wasserman-Schultz's names

in Twitter & Facebook posts  helped  identify  the  MAGA

bomber.  That,  and his van's being a mobile shrine to Pee-

Resident Oompah Loompah.

Additionally, he wins this round of Asshole Bingo:
✔ White
✔ Male (evidently on steroids too)
✔ Registered Republican
✔ RWNJ (Right Wing Nut Job)
✔ Racist
✔ Homophobe
✔ Antisemitic 
✔ Believes in conspiracy theories
✔ Attended Trump rallies / posted selfies 
✔ Prior arrests
✔ Has and wears deluxe edition of MAGA cap
✔ Florida man (extra points)
✔ Lived with parents until recently thrown out
✔ Once threatened to blow up utility company
✔ Male stripper/wrestler wannabee
Wow, thanks.  Almost as bad as Brad Paisley dissing Peyton
Manning.  – Editor

Dumb news from Indiana (see also the sports):
A Valparaiso school bus driver,  27,  was charged with letting
three children – aged 17, 13 and 11 – drive her bus. . . .

Nyack, a 10-year-old lion on loan to the Indianapolis zoo from
the San Diego, California, zoo, was killed by his mate of eight
years, Zuri, in a domestic squabble. . . .

The pilot of a small airplane made an emergency landing  in  a
ditch beside a shopping center in Indianapolis. . . .

Catholic  priest  in Merrillville was placed on leave after re-
porting being attacked by someone complaining of sex abuse. . . .
jennleah.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Jennifer Farwell, WF, 5'5", 130 lbs, Forgery, FTA; Leah Seifer, WF, 155 lbs, unlawful possession of syringe, paraphernalia (Michiana Crimer Stoppers)
jennleah.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Jennifer Farwell, WF, 5'5", 130 lbs, Forgery, FTA; Leah Seifer, WF, 155 lbs, unlawful possession of syringe, paraphernalia (Michiana Crimer Stoppers)
Some Indianapolis apartments owners have employed a compa-
ny
called Poo Prints to takes cheek swabs from renters' dogs for
DNA samples
to identify dog shit.

 
                                       [courtesy Columbus Republic, WTHR]

Dumb news from Kentucky:
A  107-pounder  took the prize  at the Walter Hayes Memorial
Catfish Tournament near Paducah on the Ohio River. . . .


Voting is open on the Lexington Police Department's  web  site
and Twitter page  on names for two recently acquired barn cats
(the candidates for names of the feline brothers  are  Bit & Bri-
dle, Starsky & Hutch, Woody & Buzz, and Smokey & Bandit). . . .

lissareb.jpg Melissa R. Whitt, 52, mobery; Rebecca Reynolds, 38, aggravated mobery
shaleena.jpg Sarah E. Frankln,34, bail jumping; Shaleena D. Ray, 28; Amanda Courtney, 33
                                          mallorya.jpg 'n' yet an'er'n' perp in Paducah, Alyssa D. Mallory, 24, bail jumping (McCracken County Sheriff)
lissareb.jpg Melissa R. Whitt, 52, mobery; Rebecca Reynolds, 38, aggravated mobery; shaleena.jpg Sarah E. Frankln,34, bail jumping; Shaleena D. Ray, 28; Amanda Courtney, 33; mallorya.jpg 'n' yet an'er'n' perp in Paducah, Alyssa D. Mallory, 24, bail jumping (McCracken County Sheriff)
A third bear in three weeks was struck on State Highway 90 in
Wayne County.
                                                                         [courtesy LEX18]


Quotations of the week:
                                        "
. . . It takes a lot of damn gall for Saudi Arabia,  with a dictatorship with
                                           3,000 political prisoners held without trial, to lecture the U.S. on the pre-
                                           sumption of innocence."
                                                                                        – Senator Rand Paul (R-Ky.)

                                         "Some people talk in their sleep.  Lecturers talk while others sleep."
                                                                                                                                                         – Albert Camus
Quotation of the weak:
                                         "But that is all besides the point."
                                                                                                  Sally Herships, National Public Radio
                                                                                     
Quotations of the Wheat (Simon says):
"Miss, if you'll come home with me, I'll get rid of
  my Farrah Fawcett blow-up doll."
– Leonard Simon
Unisex name of the week:  Cecil.


Birthdays:
                   October 22:  Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme, 70
                                        Catherine Deneuve, 75
                   October 23:  Dwight Yoakam, 62
                                        Alfred "Weird Al" Yankowic, 59
                                       
Edson Arantes do Nascimento ("Pelé"), 78
                    October 24:  Malcolm Y, a/k/a Chairman Mal, 35
                                         Bill Wyman, 82
                    October 25:  Katheryn Elizabeth Hudson ("Katy Perry"), 34
                                         Muffin Spencer-Devlin, 65
                    October 26:  Keith Urban, 51
                                         Hillary Clinton, 71
                                         Pat Sajak, 72
                    October 27:  Julia Roberts, 51
                                         Marla Maples, 55
                                         Dylan Thomas (1914-1953)
                    October 28:  Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, 62
                                         Bill Gates, 63
                                         Bruce "Caitlyn" Jenner, 69
Deaths:
                Tony Joe White, 75
                Farolin Roberta "Lynne" Hicks, 75
                LaDavid Aljuawn "Dave" DeLorch, 35
                LePrecious Morris, 63
                Romilda Schaaf, 77
                Gretchen Schmuckie, 84
                                                                                             [Louisville Courier-Journal]
martinez.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green
          Texas County Sheriff)

Borf 's weekly BONUS:
A Catholic exorcist   scheduled special masses in San Jose, California,
to counter witches' hexes on Justice Kavanaugh. . . . A "good Catholic
male" pharmacist in Petoskey, Michigan,  refused to fill a prescription
for a woman having a miscarriage. . . . The Department of Health and
Human Services released a memo considering defining "gender" as bi-
ological sex  assigned  at  birth. . . . A week after the remains of 11 in-
fants were found  in the ceiling of a funeral home  in  Detroit,  Michi-
gan, police found 27 fetuses in a freezer and 36 more in a box at a sec-
ond funeral home. . . . A high school cook  in  Potter,  Nebraska,  who
added kangaroo meat to a beef chili was fired. .  .  . A woman high on
meth and heroin tried to bite a man's penis off in Hanahan, South Car-
olina, and then,  naked and bloody,  charged police on all fours before
she was stopped by a stun gun. . . . The  rapper  Ice-T  was arrested in
Fort Lee, New Jersey, for failing to pay a toll on the George Washing-
ton Bridge,  and also for failing to have license or registration  on  the
new McLaren sports car he was driving. . . . Sinead O'Connor conver-
ted to Islam and changed her name to Shuhadá Davitt. . . . See a chick-
en fuck a pig on YouTube.
                                                                 [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]
The sports:
Two college football players lost their suit  against  fan-
tasy sports providers FanDuel and DraftKings for using
their names, images and statistics without their permis-
sion because they were in the news,  Indiana's Supreme
Court  ruled. . . .

Both teams went  scoreless  four innings in a row three
times in game 3 of baseball's world series,  finally won
by the Los Angeles Dodgers in the  18th  inning,  after
seven hours. . . .
The Boston Red Sox' involvement in this year's World
Series reminds us of our favorite Red Sock of all time,
Jackie Jensen (1927-1982), their right fielder from 19-
54 to 1961, American League most valuable player in
1958  with 35 home runs and 122 RBI's,  who  retired
in 1961 because of
his  fear  of  flying  and  the major
leagues'  expansion  to  the West Coast.   He  was  the
first guy to play in the Rose Bowl,  the  World  Series
and the All-Star Game.
jackijen.jpg

Dear Eleanor:
                            I received on Clutterbook an "invitation to an event," from
                            a local friend whose daughter lives out of state  and  is  ex-
                            pecting.  Turns out,  the shower is on Clutterbook  – or,  at
                            least, "on line."  The invitation carried a link to the daugh-
                            ter's "registry." There's no date – just choose a gift and pay
                            to send it to her.

                            I always thought of a shower as a social gathering, to show-
                            the honoree with gifts, see what she gets, play games, visit,
                            and have refreshments.  This new concept seems  to me  to
                            be  in  poor  taste.  I don't intend to participate,  but I'd feel
                            rude just clicking on "Not going."  Am I a crotchety relic?

                                                                                            Old Timer in Texas
Dear Tex:
                    You're a relic, all right;  but I'll leave it to the girl's Mama and
                    others to call you crotchety.

                    You don't have to click, and you don't have to send. If you get
                    cross-examined on your neglect some day, you can just let on
                    that your friend's message musta got lost in the clutter.  If and
                    when your friend's daughter comes home for a visit some day,
                    and bothers to call on you, you can surprise her with a gift and
                    a dinner, play a game of scrabble with her (on a table,  not "on
                    line"),  wish her well,  and ask her what else she got.


Unopened e-mail last week included a message from "mbklhlmpr@gkpwri-
        isvipgaymjjd.juulumrockettis.com"
titled "Earn money w" and two more
       
messages from "Clutterbook" "Facebook" titled "See Stephen Yates's
        message and other notifications you've missed
."


DISCUSSION GROUP:

    Don't  forget!    Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to attend the Weekly World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky, just after church every Sunday.  Guest  speakers
lined up for meetings in the near
future include Megyn Kelly.

lifetoni.jpg Life Saver Dude: Which
                            twin has the Toni?

HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

  Remember,  if you don't want to receive any more of this  inane  crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

  But  remember  also,  you have to spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above, 
without quotation marks,  and  without
that  redundant 
"Re:"  that appears in so many subject lines  or you
will keep getting this shit!  ("Cut and paste" won't work, either.  We
have a special filter to detect that.)


"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment"Karen Crockett



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Borf Books borf@borfents.com               Ideas for a Better America
Box 413
                                                  The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210
            War Stories: The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  
270-597-2187         Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



October 21, 2018:  Things you would never know if you did not browse the
    tabloids  while  waiting for your wife at the counter  in  the  supermarket
    –  the week's headlines
:

Coward Cosby's prison hell (Globe); Bill Cosby marked for death in jail (Enquirer); Tim McGraw sober to save his marriage (Globe); Trump sends Sarah H. Sanders to Saudie Arabia as lies advisor (Borowitz); Kavanaugh devestated to learn high court has no 'happy hour' (Boroeitz)
Coward Cosby's prison hell (Globe); Bill Cosby marked for death in jail (Enquirer); Tim McGraw sober to save his marriage (Globe); Trump sends Sarah H. Sanders to Saudie Arabia as lies advisor (Borowitz); Kavanaugh devestated to learn high court has no 'happy hour' (Boroeitz)

LETTERS to the EDITOR
:
Nyjen Satey wrote Sun 10/14/18 @09:33 CDT:
So, does Columbus not even observe Pocahontas Day?

Dumb news from Indiana:
A South Bend policeman was charged with  moving  pumpkin
price  stickers
  to more expensive items he bought  in  a  do-it-
yourself checkout aisle at Wal-Mart. . . .

Tennessee rejected Valparaiso (Indiana) University's plan to re-
locate its  law  school  at Middle Tennessee State University in
Murfreesboro. . . .

Valparaiso city offices were moved from City Hall to  a  vacant
elementary school.
   
                                                  [courtesy Columbus Republic]

brycedeh.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Bryce Dehner, WM, 6'3", 155 lbs, attempted murder x2; Joshua Carillo, HM, 5'5", 170 lbs, burglary; Wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Allen Douglas Reed, WM, nonsupport; Jenna Marie Baker, WF, nonsupport; Louise Johnson, BF, assault w/intent to do great bodily harm < murder; Freddie Lewis, BM, assault by strangulation (Michiana Crime Stoppers)
brycedeh.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Bryce Dehner, WM, 6'3", 155 lbs, attempted murder x2; Joshua Carillo, HM, 5'5", 170 lbs, burglary; Wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Allen Douglas Reed, WM, nonsupport; Jenna Marie Baker, WF, nonsupport; Louise Johnson, BF, assault w/intent to do great bodily harm < murder; Freddie Lewis, BM, assault by strangulation (Michiana Crime Stoppers)
Dumb news from Kentucky:
Southeast Edmonson County Baptist Church congregation census,  12:-
30 p.m. Sunday, October 14:
                                                     New Liberty Missionary,  14 vehicles
                                                     Icy Sink Missionary, 24
                                                     Silent Grove Missionary, zero
                                                     The Mission, Brownsville, seven
                                                     Brownsville General, zero
                                                     Brownsville Missionary, zero
                                                     Pleasant Union United, three
                                                     Oak Grove United, zero
                                                     Oak Hill, zero
                                                                              [a Tabloid H. exclusive]

A coppertwoheaded snake will stay on display at the  Wildlife Education
Center in Frankfort as long as it stays healthy. . . .

Shayna got life in the can.     shaynah4.jpg
                                                                                        [courtesy LEX18]
dearment.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Damien Dearment, WM, 33, 5'6", 160 lbs, just thinkin' 'bout it; Legend Brown, BF, 21, 5'3", 120 lbs, done it & proud of it; September Bonds, WF, 25, 5'3", 110 lbs, wishin' it were still July; Kaila Reams, WF, 18, 5'3", 132 lbs, home at las!; Angela Garrison, WF, 36, 5'6", 150 lbs, Better luck next time; Larhonda Tompkins, BF, 33, 5'11", 179 lbs, dominatrix; Larvonia Jackson, BF (or native Amer'c'n?) 40, 4' 11", 30 lbs, slave; Kanaetha Honeycutt, 29, Mount Sterling (not Lexington), assault by stabbing (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)
larhonda.jpg
dearment.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Damien Dearment, WM, 33, 5'6", 160 lbs, just thinkin' 'bout it; Legend Brown, BF, 21, 5'3", 120 lbs, done it & proud of it; September Bonds, WF, 25, 5'3", 110 lbs, wishin' it were still July; Kaila Reams, WF, 18, 5'3", 132 lbs, home at las!; Angela Garrison, WF, 36, 5'6", 150 lbs, Better luck next time; Larhonda Tompkins, BF, 33, 5'11", 179 lbs, dominatrix; Larvonia Jackson, BF (or native Amer'c'n?) 40, 4' 11", 30 lbs, slave; Kanaetha Honeycutt, 29, Mount Sterling (not Lexington), assault by stabbing (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)

padper14,jpg Perps of Paducah: Jennifer Renée Massey, 43, a/k/a Jennifer Hackney; Johnny Harmon III, 25, trespass; Ashley Wooldrige, 37; Julio Dunivin, 30, contraband; Jennifere LeMasters, 31 (McCracken County Sheriff)
padper14,jpg Perps of Paducah: Jennifer Renée Massey, 43, a/k/a Jennifer Hackney; Johnny Harmon III, 25, trespass; Ashley Wooldrige, 37; Julio Dunivin, 30, contraband; Jennifere LeMasters, 31 (McCracken County Sheriff)

Unisex name of the week:  Peyton.


Quotation of the week:
                                        "As long as they are fucking with me, they are leaving someone else
                                          alone."
                                                            – baby_girl_a_freak, on Pogo.com games


Quotations repeated every week
:
                                                          "Exactly. . . . Precisely. . . . Indeed."

                                                                                                                             –   Shankar Vedantam

Classic Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said January 31, 2016):
"Electronic cigarettes?  You might as well suck a tit through a
  flannel shirt, hadn't you?"
– Leonard Simon
kanconye.jpg Celebrity not-so-lookalikes: Kanye Trump, Conyay Twitty
kanconye.jpg Celebrity not-so-lookalikes: Kanye Trump, Conyay Twitty
Birthdays:
                    October 15:  Richard Carpenter, 72
                                         Penny Marshall, 75
                                         Barry McGuire, 83
                    October 16:  Bob Weir, 71

                                         Tim McCarver, 77
                                         Angela Lansbury, 93
                                         Dave DeBusschere (1942-2003)
                                         Noah Webster (1758-1843)
                    October 17:  Earl Thomas Conley, 75
                                         Jim Seals, 75
                   
                     Gary Puckett, 76
                                         John Paul I (1912-1978)
                    October 18:  Martina Navratilova, 62
                                         Willie Horton, 76 (the baseball star, not the Michael Dukakis albatross)
                                         Erin Moran (1960-2017)
                                         Laura Nyro (1947-1997)
                    October 19:  Amy Carter, 51
                                         Peter Max, 81
                                         David John Moore Cornwell ("John Le Carré"), 87
                    October 20:  Wanda Jackson, 81
                    October 21:  Hope Hicks, 30
                                         Natalee Holloway, 32 (if she's living)
                                         Kim Kardashian, 38
                                         Judge Judy, 76
                                         Manfred Mann, 78
                                         Edward "Whitey" Ford, 90
Deaths:
                William Coors, 102
                Walter D. Huddleston, 92
                Jim Taylor, 83
                Paul Allen, 65
                Yvonne "Evon" Thomas, 86
                Glespy Tuck, 95
                                               [Louisville Courier-Journal]
           ponsonby.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Franklin S. Ponsonby, WM, 27, 5'11", 200 lbs, domestic battery; Racheal K. Schnur, 34, 5'5", 130 lbs, opiates; Jacyn Eugene Kelley, 28, custodial interference; Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Samantha Lynn Carillo, HF, 22, 5'6", 150 lbs, burglary; Karen Kinsey, WF, 53, 5'8", 147 lbs, controlled substance; Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Toni Nicole Taylor, WF, 24, 5'7", 155 lbs, burglary (Sedgwick County, Kansas, Sheriff; Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week courtesy Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers; Abilene Crime Stoppers)
ponsonby.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Franklin S. Ponsonby, WM, 27, 5'11", 200 lbs, domestic battery; Racheal K. Schnur, 34, 5'5", 130 lbs, opiates; Jacyn Eugene Kelley, 28, custodial interference; Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Samantha Lynn Carillo, HF, 22, 5'6", 150 lbs, burglary; Karen Kinsey, WF, 53, 5'8", 147 lbs, controlled substance; Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Toni Nicole Taylor, WF, 24, 5'7", 155 lbs, burglary (Sedgwick County, Kansas, Sheriff; Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week courtesy Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers; Abilene Crime Stoppers)
 
Borf 's weekly BONUS:


         Vandals adorned a statue of Revo-
         lutionary War  General  Nathanael
         Greene   with   "googly   eyes"  on
         Johnson    Square    in    Savannah,
         Georgia. .  .  . Norman  Bates  was
         found the scariest movie villain in
         a state-by-state survey on Google. . . .
googstat.jpg
Miss  America  stripped Georgia, Pennsylvania and West Virginia's and
another, unnamed state's participation for efforts by pageant officials in
those states to remove national directors. . . . India was turning to a Cal-
vin Klein cologne to control a tiger that has recently  eaten  13  persons.
. . . A woman and her emotional support squirrel were kicked off a Fron-
tier Airlines flight in Orlando,  Florida. . . . A  DNA  test  of  Massachu-
setts Senator Elizabeth Warren's blood  suggested American Indian her-
itage. . . . The grandmother of a 20-month-old girl found stabbed, burn-
ed and dead
in an oven in Shaw, Mississippi, was charged with murder.
. . . An "agriculture detector" beagle serving the airport at Atlanta, Ge-
orgia, found a roasted pig's head in the luggage of a passenger from Ec-
uador. . . . Clutterbook  Facebook  took down a posting of the  Declara-
tion of Independence  for "hate speech"  (a reference therein to "merci-
less Indian savages" was suspect). . . . A sex doll brothel opened in To-
ronto, Canada.
                                                                              [courtesy LEX18, AP]

Dear Abby:
                        My wife and I decided to start a family,
                        and the topic of names arose.  My wife,
                        who was born and raised  in  India,  in-
                        sists on Indian names  for our children.
                        The problem is. they are often difficult
                        to pronounce and spell.   I'm not oppo-
                        sed to Indian middle names, but I think
                        traditional  "Western"  names   may  be
                        more suitable,  since we will live in the
                        United States.  How can I make her un-
                        derstand  that  having  "unusual" names
                        makes certain aspects of children's lives
                        more difficult?
                                                             Making Life Easy
Dear Making:
                          
Your wife's concept of giving the chil-
                           dren Indian names is lovely. However,
                           practically speaking,  I agree with you.
                           Popular  names   in  one  country   can
                           cause  problems  for children living in
                           another.  Not  only  can foreign names
                           be  difficult  to  pronounce  and  spell,
                           but they  can  also  cause a child to be
                           teased  unmercifully.   Sometimes  the
                           name can be  a  problematic  word  in
                           the  English language.  And  one  that
                           sounds beautiful in a foreign language
                           can be grating in English.

                           I hope your wife will rethink this. Why
                           saddle a kid with a name he or she will
                           have to explain or correct  with friends,
                           teachers  and  fellow employees,  from
                           childhood into adulthood?
[Abby, whose full pen name, Abigail Van Buren, is
 a combination of Hebrew  and Dutch,  caught  hell
 for this column.]

Dear Eleanor:
                            My  husband  has had sex with more than 80
                            women, he says.  All the encounters, he says,
                            were when he was in high school and  in  his
                            early 20's.  Most were one-night stands.

                            When we met, he was honest;  and I was un-
                            derstanding.   He didn't  stay  in  touch  with
                            any of those females.  But now he's "friends"
                            with several of them  on  Clutterbook  Face-
                            book;  and,  while he doesn't "talk"  to them,
                            he "comments" and "likes" their posts.  This
                            makes me uncomfortable, as I don't feel that
                            past  sexual  partners  should be part of one's
                            life once someone is married.   I'm  not  jeal-
                            ous or insecure; I just think it's disrespectful.
                            Am I controlling?
                                                                   Anxious in Arizona
Dear Arizoxa:
                            I hope so!  But you'll have to "man up."  Tell
                            the old buzzard to back off.   Or  you  get  on
                            Clutterbook  and  invite  your  own "friends"
                            to be really "friendly."

The sports:
How do we know that Dallas Keuchel
of
the Houston Astros (who lost to the
Boston Red Sox last week  in the Am-
erican League baseball  championship
series)  is  Jewish?

Because  the sports broadcasters   pro-
nounce  his name,  which  would  nor-
mally sound approximately "KOIK-el"
in German,  "KIKE-el." . . .
keucheld.jpg
The new University of Kentucky baseball stadium was named Kentucky
Proud Park
.
Unopened e-mail last week included a message from "Al-
        len Ray"  titled  "Re:"  and  two more messages from
        "Clutterbook" "Facebook" titled "See Stephen Yates's
        message and other notifications you've missed."
benavide.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green
benavide.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Eric Benavides, 46, trespass; Alexua Kingsland, 22, fail to ID fugitive; Jennifer Richards, 41, DUI w/child; Kimberly Ybarra, 25, FTA; Johannah Hooper, 29, misc; Jessica Magallan, 35, DUI; Vickie McGee, 66, harassmt.; Michelle Burns, 30, assault; Thomas Hunsaker, 22, firearm theft

DISCUSSION GROUP:

    Don't  forget!    Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to attend the Weekly World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky, just after church every Sunday.  Guest  speakers
lined up for meetings in the near
future include
Dallas Keuchel.

lifemary.jpg LifeSaver Dude: We had a schoolmate we called 'Hairy Mary, the girl that shaves' - but this one didn't
lifemary.jpg LifeSaver Dude: We had a schoolmate we called 'Hairy Mary, the girl that shaves' - but this one didn't
"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment"Karen Crockett

Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index
Borf Books borf@borfents.com               Ideas for a Better America
Box 413
                                                  The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210
            War Stories: The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  
270-597-2187         Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



October 14, 2018:  Things you would never know if you did not browse the
    tabloids  while  waiting for your wife at the counter  in  the  supermarket
    –  the week's headlines
:

Inside the fights, lies, & final betrayal, Blake& Gwen split!, pregnancy secret that triggered her walout, will he go back to newly single Miranda, (and, uh, er, if so, will she have him? (Enquirer); George blindsided, dumped on 4th anniversary, clueless Clooneys, Amal wants custody and half the $billion (Life & Style); Richard Gere's baby, the next Dalai Lama (Examiner)
Inside the fights, lies, & final betrayal, Blake& Gwen split!, pregnancy secret that triggered her walout, will he go back to newly single Miranda, (and, uh, er, if so, will she have him? (Enquirer); George blindsided, dumped on 4th anniversary, clueless Clooneys, Amal wants custody and half the $billion (Life & Style); Richard Gere's baby, the next Dalai Lama (Examiner)

LETTERS to the EDITOR
:
Publius Leget wrote Tues 10/9/18 @16:04 CDT:
In light of evidence yet surfacing of Brett Kavanaugh's
"wild and crazy guys" days of the early 1980's,  I think
that for Christine Blasey Ford we can paraphrase what
Barry's Boys said in 1964:   "In your heart,  you  know
she's right."
Steve Yates wrote Thurs 10/11/18 @ 18:14 CDT:
So, Stevie Nicks was finally nominated for the Rock &
Roll Hall of Fame?  Isn't that a little late?   But,  speak-
ing of late,  what about Edith Bunker?  "Sweet child of
my-yine
,"   "Live and let die-eye,"  "Knockin' on Heav-
en's dor-war
"?

Oops!  My bad!  That was Axl Rose. . . .

Unisex name of the week:  Billy the Billie.


Dumb news from Indiana:
Purdue University dropped its plan to add "Northwest" to the name
of the school on its diplomas at its Lake County campuses. . . .

The Associated Press reported that both Indiana Senator Joe Don-
nelly and his Republican challenger, Mike Braun, lied in their de-
bate last Monday.
   
                           [courtesy Columbus Republic]
          timothy2.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Timothy Mayberry, BM, murder; Timothy Barber, WM, 5'10", 160 lbs, meth; Wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Tammy Irene Akers, WF, embezzlement (Michiana Crime Stoppers)
timothy2.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Timothy Mayberry, BM, murder; Timothy Barber, WM, 5'10", 160 lbs, meth; Wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Tammy Irene Akers, WF, embezzlement (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

Dumb news from Kentucky:
Even the oppossi log in to WMMT-FM for mountain
music  in  Eastern  Ken-
tucky. . . .

An ex-deputy  sued the
Fayette County coroner
for sexual harassment. . .

wmmtposs.jpg

A Jackson County man who posted on Clutterbook Facebook that he
was the victim of a wrongful traffic stop by the state police said, in a
lawsuit,  that he was visited at his home by three troopers,  including
the one who stopped him,  who hit him in the head, shoved him, chal-
lenged him to a fight and kicked his dog,  that they stole his fiancée's
s telephone as she was recording the incident, and that they received
no response from calling 911, whose personnel explained that the si-
tuation already was being handled by the state police. . . .

A man playing a Medieval knight in a competition in Williamstown
was impaled on his 7-foot lance and died.
                                                                                [courtesy LEX18]
jakevoge.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Jakevo Edwards, BM, 43, 5'6", 150 lbs, mayhem; Amanda Carrier, WF, 27, 5'5", 145 lbs, mayher; Jacqueline Wilson, WF, 39, 5'7", 150 lbs, Hemrage; Camravion Roberts, BF, 18, 5'7", 145 lbs, cornrage (pulled kicking & screaming from the Herald-Leader)
jakevoge.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Jakevo Edwards, BM, 43, 5'6", 150 lbs, mayhem; Amanda Carrier, WF, 27, 5'5", 145 lbs, mayher; Jacqueline Wilson, WF, 39, 5'7", 150 lbs, Hemrage; Camravion Roberts, BF, 18, 5'7", 145 lbs, cornrage (pulled kicking & screaming from the Herald-Leader)
padper13.jpg Perps of Paducah: Cassidy McClendon, 29; Jennifer Choat, 36, a/k/a Jennnifer Leigh Evans; Melanie Haynes, 36, bail jumping 1°; Chasity Tabor, 37, violation of a protective order; Debria Dailey, 27 (McCracken County Sheriff)
padper13.jpg Perps of Paducah: Cassidy McClendon, 29; Jennifer Choat, 36, a/k/a Jennnifer Leigh Evans; Melanie Haynes, 36, bail jumping 1°; Chasity Tabor, 37, violation of a protective order; Debria Dailey, 27 (McCracken County Sheriff)

Quotation of the week:
                                            " 'We the People' . . . has become 'Me the President'."
                                                                                                                                        – Colin Powell
Quotation of the weak:
                                          "Joey was born . . . to his . . . parents . . . ."
                                                                                                                     Louisville Courier-Journal obituaries
Classic Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said January 3, 2016):
"I cannot begin to tell you how very, very disappointed I am in
 Bill Cosby.  Neither I,  nor anyone I know,  ever,  ever gave a
 woman anything – beer,  wine,  liquor,  aspirin in a Coke,  co-
 caine, speed, crack, Quaaludes ("disco biscuits"),  Ecstasy,  o-
 pium,  heroin,  sleeping pills,  anything – to try to get into her
 pants."

  – Leonard Simon



Birthdays:
                    October 8:  Soon-Yi Previn, 48
                                       Sigourney Weaver, 69
                                       Chevy Chase, 75
                                       Jesse Jackson, 77
                    October 9:  Sean Lennon, 43
                                       Sharon Osbourne, 66
                                       Jackson Browne, 70
                                       John Lennon (1940-1980)
                                       Johnny Stompanato (1925-1958)
                                       Dionysius the Justified (1261-1325)
                    October 10:  Dale Earnhardt Jr., 44
                                         Tanya Tucker, 60
                                         Ben Vereen, 72
                                         John Prine,72
                                         Thelonius Monk (1917-1982)
                    October 11:  Michelle Wie, 29
                                         Gene Watson, 75
                                         Art Blakey (1919-1990)
                                         Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962)
                    October 12:  Nancy Kerrigan, 49
                                        
Tony Kubek, 83
                    October 13:  Tiffany Trump, 25
                                         Marie Osmond, 59
                                         Lacy J. Dalton, 72
                                         Paul Simon, 77
                    October 14: 
Natalie Maines, 44
                                         Cliff Richard, 78
                                         Ralph Lauren, 79
                                         John W. Dean III, 80
                                         Gary Graffman, 90
                                         Mobutu Sese Seko (1930-1997)

Deaths:
                George Taliaferro, 91


Borf 's weekly BONUS:
Columbus,  Ohio,  joined the list of American cities that have drop-
ped "Columbus Day," along with Cincinnati, Ohio, La Crosse, Wis-
consin, Somevrville, Massachusetts, and San Francisco,  California,
all of which, except Columbus, still observe holiday closures on the
second Monday of October (and although the City of San Francisco
dropped it,  it's still very much alive in North Beach) – and it's "just
another day" also  in  Columbus,  Indiana  (they say). . . . A DUI ar-
restee in Vero Beach, Florida, pleaded that he took gulps of bourbon
only when stopped at traffic lights and stop signs. . . .  A white tiger
killed a zookeeper in Kagoshima, Japan. . . . The media  lied  in sta-
ting  that Hurricane Michael was the first hurricane  to  hit  Georgia
since 1898:  Hurricane David hit the Peachtree State  in  1979,  and
Kate kissed it in 1985 (fake fucking news). . . . Kanye West made a
hat for the President saying "Make America Great"  –  without  the
"again,"  which he said hurts blacks (by the way, here's a substitute
for last week's defective link on Ye's 13th Amendment repeal cam-
paign). . . .  Lindsey Buckingham sued Fleetwood Mac for kicking
him out. . . . Hillary Clinton's security clearance was withdrawn by
the State Department (at her request).
                                                                         [courtesy LEX18, AP]

shannons.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls, Texas: Shannon Sheeree Allen, WF, 37, 5'5", 124 lbs, false ID; Samantha Lynn Carillo, HF, 22, 5'6", 150 lbs, burglary; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Roxie Ann Hailburton, BF, a/k/a Debbie L. Junior, 47, 5'9", 187 lbs, aggravated battery; Pamara Tyronza Sanders, BF, a/k/a Pamara Tronze Cooper,Catherine Cooper, 38, 5'3", 160 lbs, child torture; Taylan McGolden Adair,BM, 3, a/k/a Talen McGold, Talend Adair, 6'3", 160 lbs, tattoos "Me Shall No Prosper," left arm; "Talent," neck; "Any Weapon Formed Against," right arm: Rude physical contact (Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers, Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week; Sedgwick County (Kansas) Sheriff
shannons.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls, Texas: Shannon Sheeree Allen, WF, 37, 5'5", 124 lbs, false ID; Samantha Lynn Carillo, HF, 22, 5'6", 150 lbs, burglary; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Roxie Ann Hailburton, BF, a/k/a Debbie L. Junior, 47, 5'9", 187 lbs, aggravated battery; Pamara Tyronza Sanders, BF, a/k/a Pamara Tronze Cooper,Catherine Cooper, 38, 5'3", 160 lbs, child torture; Taylan McGolden Adair,BM, 3, a/k/a Talen McGold, Talend Adair, 6'3", 160 lbs, tattoos "Me Shall No Prosper," left arm; "Talent," neck; "Any Weapon Formed Against," right arm: Rude physical contact (Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers, Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week; Sedgwick County (Kansas) Sheriff
Dear Eleanor:
                           
My best friend of 40 years and her boy friend live
                            several states away from my husband and me. Ev-
                            ery  winter  she and her friend come to  our  home
                            for a week.  We can no longer do this.

                            Her friend is a  nice  guy,  but after a few days wehttp://www.therepublic.com/2018/11/02/in-custodian-arrested-voyeurism/
                            can hardly stand him.  He talks constantly, and he
                            knows  everything  about  everything.  How can I
                            politely tell my friend that we can't accommodate
                            them  any  more  without hurting her feelings and
                            maybe ending our friendship?
                                                                                  Weary Out West
Dear WearyWart:
                                   You can't.  Bite the bullet.  Tell your friend
                                   she  is welcome,  but Blow-Hard Billy Bob
                                   is  not.  And why.  Let her come up with an
                                   explanation  if  explanation  to  Blow  Hard
                                   must be.

                                   She made her bed,  and she has to sleep  in
                                   it.  But you don't.

chadanna.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Chad Elledge, 48, burglary; Anna Martinez, 36, possession; Amber Hamilton, 22, poss. marij.; Katie McGary, 27, drug par.; Rebecca Simmons, 44, burgl; Melissa Slatton, 34, possessn.; Valerie Solis, 36, poss.; Alcario Guerra, 22, mj.
chadanna.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Chad Elledge, 48, burglary; Anna Martinez, 36, possession; Amber Hamilton, 22, poss. marij.; Katie McGary, 27, drug par.; Rebecca Simmons, 44, burgl; Melissa Slatton, 34, possessn.; Valerie Solis, 36, poss.; Alcario Guerra, 22, mj.
People who invited us to be their "friends" on Clutterbook Facebook
        in the last week included
LaTrese Latrese.


lifelowe.jpg Freezers: Capacities: One person 3-7 cubic ft., small family 8-14 cubic ft., medium to large family 15-25 cubic ft.; LIfe Saver Dude: Aha! Is Lowe's now catering to serial killers?
lifelowe.jpg Freezers: Capacities: One person 3-7 cubic ft., small family 8-14 cubic ft., medium to large family 15-25 cubic ft.; LIfe Saver Dude: Aha! Is Lowe's now catering to serial killers?

Unopened e-mail last week included messages from "Twitter"
        titled "Hank Hebhoe, we miss you"; from "AARP" titled
        "We miss you – receive a Gift with AARP Membership,"
       
and
from "Clutterbook" "Facebook" titled "See Stephen
        Yates's message and other notifications you've missed
."


DISCUSSION GROUP:

    Don't  forget!    Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to attend the Weekly World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky, just after church every Sunday.  Guest  speakers
lined up for meetings in the near
future include
Stevie Nicks and
Lindsey Buckingham.



HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

  Remember,  if you don't want to receive any more of this  inane  crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

  But  remember  also,  you have to spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above, 
without quotation marks,  and  without
that  redundant 
"Re:"  that appears in so many subject lines  or you
will keep getting this shit!  ("Cut and paste" won't work, either.  We
have a special filter to detect that.)


"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment"Karen Crockett


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index
Borf Books borf@borfents.com               Ideas for a Better America
Box 413
                                                  The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210
            War Stories: The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  
270-597-2187         Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



October 7, 2018:  Things you would never know if you did not browse the
    tabloids  while waiting for your wife at the counter  in  the  supermarket
    –  the week's headlines
:

New flood to hit entire U.S. (Examiner); Angie's regrets, 'I want Brad back (Globe); To prevent Charles' arrest, Queen destroys Diana murder evidence (Examiner); Obama hurt Kavanaugh did not blame him (Borowitz)
New flood to hit entire U.S. (Examiner); Angie's regrets, 'I want Brad back (Globe); To prevent Charles' arrest, Queen destroys Diana murder evidence (Examiner); Obama hurt Kavanaugh did not blame him (Borowitz)

Unisex name of the week:  Michael Leo.


Dumb news from Indiana
:
A man was arrested in Gary for videoing police on a street
outside his home and posting it on line. . . .

The Spencer County Animal Control Board shut down the
"rescue" center in Rockport that froze kittens for euthanasia. . . .

State Bureau of Motor Vehicles were closing tomorrow for
Columbus Day (which isn't until Friday). . . .

Students in Hammond were protesting a change in diplomas
next year from "Purdue University"  to  "Purdue  University
Northwest."
                                                [courtesy Columbus Republic]

amysarah.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Amy Barr, WF, 5'10", 130 lbs, Unlawful possession of syringe; Sarah Meidel, WF, 5'11", 150 lbs, AWOL from jail; Wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Tyesha Denise Booth, BF, assault w/dangerous weapon; Bryna Nicole Morse, WF, uutering and publishing; Lexington, Ky.'s: Chris York, WM, 42, 6'1", 185 lbs, dopery (Ind. & Mich. courtesy Michiana Crime Stoppers - Mr. York pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)
amysarah.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Amy Barr, WF, 5'10", 130 lbs, Unlawful possession of syringe; Sarah Meidel, WF, 5'11", 150 lbs, AWOL from jail; Wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Tyesha Denise Booth, BF, assault w/dangerous weapon; Bryna Nicole Morse, WF, uutering and publishing; Lexington, Ky.'s: Chris York, WM, 42, 6'1", 185 lbs, dopery (Ind. & Mich. courtesy Michiana Crime Stoppers - Mr. York pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)

More dumb news from Kentucky:
Free cat adoptions were off-
ered  by the  Lexington  Hu-
mane Society in celebration
of   the  University  of  Ken-
tucky Wildcats' 5-0 (so far*) football season. . . .
catadopt.jpg
          * Sorry, it's over; Kentucky lost to Texas A&M last night; so
   no more free kittens. . . .

Two Hardin County women who sold catnip to drug buyers
          were charged with possession of synthetic drugs. . . .
A possession of child pornography charge against a Fort Mit-
chell man who had sex dolls resembling an infant and  an  8-
year-old girl, both bought from China,  was dropped because
no actual children were involved. . . .

school  bus  stopped to unload children in Laurel County
was struck in the rear  by a car occupied by the driver and a
child,  who were flown to Lexington   with  serious  injuries
(no one on the bus was hurt). . . .

Governor  Selfie  was raising funds for his wife's foundation
with an internet contest to classify his new beard. . . .

Governor Selfie tweeted support for  "Bring  Your  Bible  to
School Day
" Thursday (but most schools were on fall break). . . .

A URL once used for applications for jobs in Governor Self-
ie's administration,  but not renewed,  now  hosts  a Japanese
anime porn site.
                                                                     [courtesy LEX18]padper12.jpg Perps of Paducah: Christopher Hert, 41; Tessa Cutrer, 31, meth; Quanesha Holmes, 36; Rachel Pool, 29, theft by deception; Keaton Vance, 23 (McCracken County Sheriff)
padper12.jpg Perps of Paducah: Christopher Hert, 41; Tessa Cutrer, 31, meth; Quanesha Holmes, 36; Rachel Pool, 29, theft by deception; Keaton Vance, 23 (McCracken County Sheriff)
Quotations of the week:
                                        "What are we dunking if it isn't doughnuts?"
                                                                                                                  Mary Louise Kelly, NPR (for-
                                                                                                                     merly National Public Radio)

       
    "That strikes me as the arsonist taking credit for not burning down your house."

                                                                                    Scott Lincicome, international trade lawyer, scoffing at a
                                                                                       Trump aide's praise for his principal's NAFTA repatch

            "The FBI 'extended background check' was a sham to preserve the Kavnaugh scam.!"
                                                                                                                                                        – Publius Leget
Quotation of the weak:
                                         "People are not stupid."
                                                                                    – David Brooks, New York Times, on PBS News Hour
                                                                                       (ca. 10:55)


Quotations of the Wheat (Simon says):
"I'm a lot taller when I'm standing on my wallet."
– Leonard Simon

      
ellenmar.jpg Celebrity lookalikes: Tyler "Ninja" Blevins, Roger Federer, Ellen DeGeneres, Matteusz Grabski
ellenmar.jpg Celebrity lookalikes: Tyler "Ninja" Blevins, Roger Federer, Ellen DeGeneres, Matteusz Grabski
Birthdays:
                    October 1:  Julie Andrews, 83
                                       Jimmy Carter, 94
                    October 2: 
Kelly Ripa, 48
                                       Gillian Welch, 51
                                       Theresa May, 62
                                       Gina Haspel, 62
                                      
Gordon Sumner ("Sting"), 67
                                       Annie Leibowitz, 69
                                       Jana Novotna (1968-2017)
                    October 3:  Gwen Stefani, 49
                                       Al Sharpton, 64
                                       Ernest Evans ("Chubby Checker"), 77
                                      
Stevie Ray Vaughan (1954-1990)
                                       Eddie Cochran (1938-1960)
                    October 4:  Anne Rice, 77
                                       Leroy Van Dyke, 89
                                       Louis the Stubborn (1289-1316)
                    October 5: 
Kate Winslett, 43
                                       Steve Miller, 75
                                      
Teresa Heinz Kerry, 80
                                       Barry Switzer, 81
                                       Bill Dana (1924-2017)
                                       Philip Berrigan (1923-2002)
                    October 6:  Little Millie Small, 72
                                       Britt Ekland, 76
                    October 7:  Vladimir Putin, 66
                                       John Mellencamp, 67
                                       Oliver North, 75
                                       Joy Behar, 75
                                       Desmond Tutu, 87
                                       Joel Emmanuel Hägglund ("Joe Hill," 1879-1915)
Deaths:
                Charles Aznavour, 94
                Otis Rush, 84
                Peggy Sue, 78
                Jai'-dyn Michael Lee Cecil, 4 months
                Trypp Anthony Menser, 4
                Opal Riber "Pete" Proctor, 91
                                                                   
[Louisville Courier-Journal]

Borf 's weekly BONUS:
Kanye West advocated repealing the 13th Amendment  (and changed his
name to "Ye."). . . . Roman Polanski was proceeding on a new film. .  .  .
A patron feeding a 1-year-old rhinoceros at the zoo in  Cincinnati,  Ohio,
was bitten on the finger. . . .  A karaoke disk jockey in Seattle,  Washing-
ton, in a fundraiser, sang Garth Brooks' song "Friends in Low Places" o-
ver  and over  for  36  hours  (with occasional restroom breaks). . . . The
Mormon Tabernacle Choir was renamed the
Tabernacle Choir at Temple
Square (remember when the "FC" in "KFC" stood for "Fried Chicken"?).
. . . The guy who sent castor beans to the White House and the Pentagon
had his return address on the envelopes.

                                                                 [courtesy Harper's,
LEX18, AP]
magiggle.jpg
  The President boards Air Force One with a piece of the

  trampled Constitution hanging on his shoe. . . .

The sports:  Are you ready for a new baseball statisticWAR.

         jentyong.jpg Mug shot lookalikes: Wayne Jent, Robert Youngnattymug.jpg James Woods, Natty Bumppo
jentyong.jpg Mug shot lookalikes: Wayne Jean, Robert Young; nattymug.jpg James Woods, Natty Bumppo

Dear Eleanor:
                            My older sister,  "Lily,"  is in a biracial marriage
                            and has a son.  Dad didn't approve. He gave Lily
                            an ultimatum when she met "Rodney":    Choose
                            between him and us.  She chose Rodney.

                            After 30 years of not speaking to her and influen-
                            cing her siblings to do the same way,  our mother
                            died; and Dad rekindled his relationship with Lily.
                            He's 82 now,  and he puts her and her family first.
                            He spends money on them and a lot of time with
                            her and her son.

                            The rest of us feel so much resentment.  I realize
                            he's making up for lost time and feels guilty. But
                            it's sickening when we remember how he pushed
                            us to feel the way he did back then  and  now  ex-
                            pects us to do an emotional 180. We are OK with
                            being with our sister and her family.   It's Dad we
                            have the problem with.  How do we move on?

                                                                                Upset in the East
Dear Uppity:
                            Sounds like Dad convinced you.  You didn't say
                            he "urged" us to do the same; you said he "influ-
                            enced us" to.

                            And you left something out:  Is Rodney the upp-
                            ity nigger,  or the condescending cracker?   And
                            Lily,  the  other,  I guess.  So, that leaves the rest
                            of you:  Uppity,  conde,  or  simply  biased  yet?
                            And what about the little boy? Do any of his un-
                            cles and aunts love him?

                            Don't worry about your Dad; he's finally figured
                            it out.  It's time you and your sibs did.


The movies:  D.J. FLUFFERNUTTER
fluffern.jpg


DISCUSSION GROUP:

    Don't  forget!    Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to attend the Weekly World
News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky, just after church every Sunday.  Guest  speakers
lined up for meetings in the near
future include
Brett Kavanaugh.

kimberan.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Kimberly Aidala, 21, possession; Amand Galvan, 21, possession; Stephanie Begay, 33, poss.; Ariana Limones, 18, false ID; Alejandra San Agustin, 27, p.; Brandi Samaniego, 37, poss.; Amber Jimez, 25, mj.; Nancy Soto, 43, theft
kimberan.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Kimberly Aidala, 21, possession; Amand Galvan, 21, possession; Stephanie Begay, 33, poss.; Ariana Limones, 18, false ID; Alejandra San Agustin, 27, p.; Brandi Samaniego, 37, poss.; Amber Jimez, 25, mj.; Nancy Soto, 43, theft

Unopened e-mail last week included a message from
"Lyft Driver Opportunity"
        titled "Drive with Lyft, get a $500 bonus."

lifebigd.jpg Life Saver Dude: "Spaces matter;" Big D INNER BOX
lifebigd.jpg Life Saver Dude: "Spaces matter;" Big D INNER BOX

HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

  Remember,  if you don't want to receive any more of this  inane  crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

  But  remember  also,  you have to spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above, 
without quotation marks,  and  without
that  redundant 
"Re:"  that appears in so many subject lines  or you
will keep getting this shit!  ("Cut and paste" won't work, either.  We
have a special filter to detect that.)


"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment"Karen Crockett


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