May 26, 2019:  Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the coun-
ter in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
:

Royal baby war! Kate in tears after first visit, Meghan wouldn't let her hold Archie, Harry calls to apologize (In Touch); Malia Obama caught up in Harvard bribe scandal (Globe); Barr can't give straight answer at Arby's drive-through (Borowitz report); Freedom-wielding high schooler freedoms down 16 classmates in latest mass freedoming (Onion)
Royal baby war! Kate in tears after first visit, Meghan wouldn't let her hold Archie, Harry calls to apologize (In Touch); Malia Obama caught up in Harvard bribe scandal (Globe); Barr can't give straight answer at Arby's drive-through (Borowitz report); Freedom-wielding high schooler freedoms down 16 classmates in latest mass freedoming (Onion)

LETTERS to the EDITOR:
Donald Strump wrote Sun 5/12/19 @ 10:15 EDT:
  Why is my name always misspelled in Tabloid Headlines?
It is spelled creatively, sir, not misspelled,  because you behave so
like a strumpet – but with machismo and power, negativing the ef-
feminate suffix.    – Editor
Dumb news from Indiana:
Dozens of students and faculty wearing caps and gowns walked
out of Vice President Mikey's commencement address at Taylor
University in Upland (but he received a standing ovation). . . .

A sinkhole closed I-265 in Floyd County. . . .

A man was crushed to death working on an electric sign at a rest-
aurant in Dyer.
                                                        [courtesy Columbus Republic]
annanelo.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers): Brian McClellan, BM, 5'7", 125 lbs, criminal confinement; Anna Neloff, WF, 5'6", 160 lbs, probation violation (battery); Charles Dausman, WM, 5'9", 150 lbs, habitual traffic violator; Savino Lopez, HM, 5'11" 245 lbs, resisting x2, cocaine
annanelo.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers): Brian McClellan, BM, 5'7", 125 lbs, criminal confinement; Anna Neloff, WF, 5'6", 160 lbs, probation violation (battery); Charles Dausman, WM, 5'9", 150 lbs, habitual traffic violator; Savino Lopez, HM, 5'11" 245 lbs, resisting x2, cocaine
Dumb news from Kentucky:
edmgrads.jpg featured 2019 graduates of Edmonson County High School, Brownsville, Ky.: Kailee Duvall, Mikayla Duvall; Caitlin Daniele, Kaitlyn Scott, Katlyn Raymer, Keylee Saling, Kaley Hartz, Brittany Crews A+ in spelling, Danielle Dowdle, Seirra McStoots, Charish Hornback, Chasity Laporte
edmgrads.jpg featured 2019 graduates of Edmonson County High School, Brownsville, Ky.: Kailee Duvall, Mikayla Duvall; Caitlin Daniele, Kaitlyn Scott, Katlyn Raymer, Keylee Saling, Kaley Hartz, Brittany Crews A+ in spelling, Danielle Dowdle, Seirra McStoots, Charish Hornback, Chasity Laporte

"Infant dies after drowning in Calloway County pond." . . .

The Ark Encounter, a religious tourist replica of Noah's
Ark in Northern Kentucky, sued its insurance company
for inadequate protection from the rain. . . .

A woman raised a stink at Grant County High School a-
bout her deceased daughter's not getting an empty chair
for graduation in what would have been her senior year
– a girl who died even before she entered high school –
and Mama was not even allowed to attend. . . .

A 35-year-old woman told police that God had instructed
her to start a fire she set in Frankfort.
                                                               [courtesy LEX18]
baxtrjen.jpg Lexington's most wanted: David Baxter, BM.
baxtrjen.jpg Lexington's most wanted: David Baxter, BM."featured fugitive of the week" runner-up, mobery 3°; Jenny Davis, WF, 63, 5'7", 140 lbs, Sigma Pig, wants out; Kristen Kimbrell, WF, 45, 5'7", 140 lbs, naivety; Venus Mitchell, BF 39, 5'4", 150 lbs, piggery (dragged kicking & screaming from the Herald-Leader)
gabarpil.jpg Perps of Paducah: James Collier, 30, disarming a cop (left); April Hunter, 37, forgery (center) Gabriel R. Rice, 27, DUI, DWOL (right) (McCracken County Sheriff)
gabarpil.jpg Perps of Paducah: James Collier, 30, disarming a cop (left); April Hunter, 37, forgery (center) Gabriel R. Rice, 27, DUI, DWOL (right) (McCracken County Sheriff)
Quotations of the week:
                                        "I've looked at them and I've looked at their eyes, and I've said that is a soon-
                                         to-be MS-13 gang member. It's unequivocal."
                                                                                                                    – Mark Morgan, ICE nominee
        Joe Biden "is a fool of low IQ."
                                                             – (North) Korean Central News Agency

Quotations repeated every week
:
                                                        "That's right . . . .  That's exactly right"
                                                                                                                            Shankar Vedantam

Quotations of the Wheat:
"I could be the poster child for male toxicity."
                                                                              – Leonard Simon


Word of the week:  "rhaphanidosis" was a punishment in ancient Greece
        for adultery, promiscuity and homosexuality.  It  consists  of sticking
        the root of a radish up the offender's butt.



Birthdays:
                    May 20:  Jill "Hey, Paula!" Jackson, 77
                                    Joe Cocker (1944-2014)
                    May 21:  Lawrence "Mr. T" Tureaud, 69
                    May 22:  Tommy John, 76
                                    Ted Kaczynski, 77
                    May 23:  Jewel (Kilcher), 45
                    May 24:  Patti LaBelle, 75
                                    Gary Burghoff, 76
                                    Bob Dylan, 78
                                    Tommy Chong, 80
                    May 25:  Leslie Uggams, 76
                                    Tom T. Hall, 83
                    May 26:  Stephanie "Stevie" Nicks, 71
Deaths:
                Eleanor Roosevelt, 134                          January the Cat-a-log:
                Machilda Gary, 88                                                                        May 24:  Cat-a-mongus
                ernspikr.jpg Carl Thomas Ernspikeer, 65, Louisville,
          passed away on May 20, 2019, born April 27, 1954, to Archie
          & Margaret Ernspiker, prreceded in death by his parents
          and   May 25:  Cat-a-wumpus

                                                        [Louisville Courier-Journal]

Customs:
American Robert Whiting, 93, arrived in Paris by air.  It took a few minutes for him
to find his passport.


"You 
have been to France before, m'ieur?” asked
the customs officer.

"Yes," Mr. Whiting replied.


"Then 
you should know enough to have your passport ready," said the officer.

"The last time I was here I didn't have to show it," Mr. W. said.


"Impossible," said the Frenchman (remember, that's pronounced "eem-pos-SEE-
  bl
").

Mr. W.
gave the Frenchman a long look and explained, quietly, ''When I came a-
shore at Omaha Beach in
1944, I didn't see a Frenchman to show it to."

smileymi.jpg Most wanted in all of Texas Michelle Smiley, 35, 4'11", 230 lbs (Yorkshire hog), Probation violation (theft) (City of Waco)
smileymi.jpg Most wanted in all of Texas Michelle Smiley, 35, 4'11", 230 lbs (Yorkshire hog), Probation violation (theft) (City of Waco)
Borf 's weekly BONUS:
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West named their fourth child, a boy born
May 9,  Psalm  (joining siblings North,  Saint and Chicago). . . . A 25-
year-old woman pleaded guilty in Middlebourne,  West Virginia,  to a
Clutterbook Facebook threat to kill President Strump. .  .  . The White
House was considering  a  pardon  for Navy SEAL
Edward Gallagher,
charged with shooting a young Iraqi woman and an elderly man,  stab-
bing a teen-age captive to death  with a hunting knife,  and bragging a-
bout it all in "texts." . . . President Strump pardoned Conrad Black, au-
thor of the
approbative  Donald J. Trump:  A President Like No Other,
convicted of mail fraud in 2007. . . . A 16-year-old Malaysian girl kil-
led herself after posting a poll on  Instantcrap  Instagram  asking whe-
ther she should die,  to  which  69 per cent of responders said yes. . . .
Prime Minister Scott Morrison, a climate change denier, was re-elect-
ed after Australia's hottest summer. .  .  .  A  fugitive  from  child  risk
charges  reportedly agreed to surrender  if  15,000  people  "like"  his
wanted poster on a Torrington, Connecticut, police Clutterbook Face-
book page. . . . A healthy Shih Tzu mix dog was "euthanized" execu-
ted for burial with his owner in Virginia– which is illegal in the state.

                                                           [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]
The sports:
Al Unser Jr. was arrested for DUI in a  western  suburb  of
Indianapolis, Indiana (Avon, not  Speedway). . . .  Another
horse died at Santa Anita.

raywhite.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Raymond White, 24, DWOL; Corina Pena, 43; Alicia Munoz, 27; Teresa Clark, 55, DUI x3; Taecia Martin, 46, Cassandra Freeze, 46, theft; Lily Garza, 33, DWOL; Deserae Pacheco, 20, marijuana; Theo Baker, 51, controlled substs.
raywhite.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Raymond White, 24, DWOL; Corina Pena, 43; Alicia Munoz, 27; Teresa Clark, 55, DUI x3; Taecia Martin, 46, Cassandra Freeze, 46, theft; Lily Garza, 33, DWOL; Deserae Pacheco, 20, marijuana; Theo Baker, 51, controlled substs.

Dear Eleanor:
                           
I've been dating a divorced  man  who is more than
                            20  years  older  than  I,  and I like him a lot.   I  am
                            meeting some of his friends and his teen-age daugh-
                            ter  later  this  week.  I'm nervous about meeting his
                            daughter, mainly because I’m closer to her age than
                            his; and he warned me that she is very protective of
                            him.  How can I avoid  screwing  up  this  meeting?
                            What  is the best way to approach his daughter  that
                            is respectful and not threatening to her?
                                                                                                     Millie

Dear Millennial:
                                Smoke some dope with her.

lifemens.jpg Tenors of the Los Angeles Gay Men's Chorus rehearse (L.A. Times) LIfe Saver Dued: Stick it in! I can handle it!
lifemens.jpg Tenors of the Los Angeles Gay Men's Chorus rehearse (L.A. Times) LIfe Saver Dued: Stick it in! I can handle it!
Unopened e-mail last week included a message from "the Columbus Dispatch -
        Reader Relations" titled "You'll want to open this .. . ."


People who invited us to be their "friends" on Clutterbook Facebook in the last week included
Nancy Duncan.


DISCUSSION GROUP:

   Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectual
dissection of important current events are invited
to  attend  the  Weekly World News Round Table
at the offices of Borf Books outside Brownsville,
Kentucky, just after church every Sunday.  Guest
speakers  lined up for meetings in the near future
include Naomi Zeveloff.

naomizev.jpg


HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But remember also, you have to spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks, and without
that redundant "Re: " that appears in so many subject lines €“ or you
will keep getting this shit!  ("Cut and paste" won't work, either.  We
have a special filter to detect that.)



"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" €“ Karen Crockett


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Borf Books        borf@borfents.com            Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                      The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210          War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  (270) 597-2187     Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher     Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



May 19, 2019:  Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the coun-
ter in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
:

DNA test shows Haarry's not the daddy (Globe); Troubled Britney doesn't know what day it is (Life & Style); George Clooney dumped on 58th birthday (Enquirer); Bridesmaids a war, J-Law's wedding ruined! (Life & Style); Lori Loughlin's mental breakdown (Enquirer)
DNA test shows Haarry's not the daddy (Globe); Troubled Britney doesn't know what day it is (Life & Style); George Clooney dumped on 58th birthday (Enquirer); Bridesmaids a war, J-Law's wedding ruined! (Life & Style); Lori Loughlin's mental breakdown (Enquirer)

LETTERS to the EDITOR:
J. Ewing wrote Thurs 5/16/19 @02:37 EDT:
Eureka!  I finally found it:  A phonetic spelling
of Buttigieg:  "BOOT-eh-zhej."
Steve Yates wrote Sun 5/12/19 @ 09:15 CDT:
"Buddha-hedge"? "Booti-jeej?" "Beauty judge?"  "Booty
 hug"?  How 'bout:  Pete "Booty Cheez"?

Dumb news from Indiana
:
The mayor of Madison tried to distinguish his city from a Ku Klux
Klan
unit
there traveling to a rally in Dayton, Ohio. . . .

Former Indianapolis Colts' quarterback Peyton Manning and Hol-
ocaust survivor Eva Kor,  of Terre Haute,  were added to the Indi-
ana Historical Society's Class of 2019 Living Legends along with
A
ngela Ahrendts and Beth and Dan and Beth Elsener. . . .

school  bus  got fully engulfed by fire on the way to school in
Bartholomew County (the driver and two pupils aboard escaped). . . .

A semitrailer hauling 41,000 pounds of honey overturned on I-80-
94 near Hammond, spilling its cargo and diesel fuel,  blocking the
eastbound lanes for eight hours.
                                                          [courtesy Columbus Republic]
shelondy.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Christopher Draper, WM, 5'9", 160 lbs, possession of syringe; Ashley Young, BF, 5'5", 135 lbs, battery with a daadly weapon; Shelonda Dillard, BF, 5'5", 210 lbs, theft, Yorkshire hog of the week; Tyler Riggle, WM, 5'3", 125 lbs, burglary; no match for Shelonda (Michiana Crime Stopper)
shelondy.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Christopher Draper, WM, 5'9", 160 lbs, possession of syringe; Ashley Young, BF, 5'5", 135 lbs, battery with a daadly weapon; Shelonda Dillard, BF, 5'5", 210 lbs, theft, Yorkshire hog of the week; Tyler Riggle, WM, 5'3", 125 lbs, burglary; no match for Shelonda (Michiana Crime Stopper)

Dumb news from Kentucky:
Search and rescue officials in Powell County were on
the lookout for zombie raccoons. . . .

muffery2.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Danny Hall, WM, 30, 5'5", 135 lbs, "featured fugitive of the week," robbery 2: Tiffany Vest, WF, 38, 5'3", 115 lbs, muffery 2°; William Johnston, WM, 40, 5'10", 165 lbs, fluffery 1°; Lisa Hale, WF, 51, 5'4", 125 lbs, miffery 1°; Lawrence Godlett II, WM, 41, 5'11", 200 lbs, puffery 2° (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)
muffery2.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Danny Hall, WM, 30, 5'5", 135 lbs, "featured fugitive of the week," robbery 2: Tiffany Vest, WF, 38, 5'3", 115 lbs, muffery 2°; William Johnston, WM, 40, 5'10", 165 lbs, fluffery 1°; Lisa Hale, WF, 51, 5'4", 125 lbs, miffery 1°; Lawrence Godlett II, WM, 41, 5'11", 200 lbs, puffery 2° (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)

A woman stole a school bus in Whitley County. . . .

A Barren County school bus driver was arrested for off-
ering a girl $20 to show him her tits.
   
                                                          [courtesy LEX18]

Quotations of the week:
                                         "It is a nightmare, like dealing with a lawyer and the IRS
                                          at the same time."
                                                                         Paul Everett, Omega Steel executive

                "All the ones smoking grass down in the front there, I'm totally allergic to it . . .
                  fuck you."
                                       Roger Daltrey, to fans at a Who concert

Quotation of the weak:
                                        "Les Miserah"
                                                                    – unidentified narrator of a radio promo announ-
                                                                       cing upcoming
shows in Bowling Green, Ky.

Quotations of the Wheat:
"He's not meditating; he's medicating."
                                                                – Leonard Simon


josemata.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Robert Vaughn Lane, WM, 55, 6'2", 180 lbs, injury to child; Jose Luis Mata, HM, 26, 5'10", 195 lbs, family violence; Shawuan Izae Townsend, BM, 21, 6'1", 150 lbs, burglary; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas. not Wichita Falls, Texas): Robin Rochelle Smith a/k/a Robin Roulston, WF, 55, 5'2", 160 lbs, tattoo on chest, "Robin" and a bird, opiates; Jesus Aldaba-Lozano a/k/a Eric Ibbarra, Eric Allara, WM, 22, 5'5", 131 lbs, tattoo, lefrt arm "FTW", DUI, batt. (Abilene Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County (Kansas) Sheriff)
josemata.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Robert Vaughn Lane, WM, 55, 6'2", 180 lbs, injury to child; Jose Luis Mata, HM, 26, 5'10", 195 lbs, family violence; Shawuan Izae Townsend, BM, 21, 6'1", 150 lbs, burglary; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas. not Wichita Falls, Texas): Robin Rochelle Smith a/k/a Robin Roulston, WF, 55, 5'2", 160 lbs, tattoo on chest, "Robin" and a bird, opiates; Jesus Aldaba-Lozano a/k/a Eric Ibbarra, Eric Allara, WM, 22, 5'5", 131 lbs, tattoo, lefrt arm "FTW", DUI, batt. (Abilene Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County (Kansas) Sheriff)
Birthdays:
                    May 13:  Darius Rucker, 53
                                   
Stevland Hardaway Judkins Morris ("Stevie Wonder"), 59
                    May 14:  Mark Zuckerberg, 35
                                    Cate Blanchett, 50
                                    George Lucas, 75
                    May 15:  Emmitt Smith, 50
                                    K. T. Oslin, 77
                                   Madeline Albright, 82
                                   Hugh Nanton Romney ("Wavy Gravy"), 83
                    May
16:  Olga Korbut, 64
                                   John Conyers, 90
                    May 17: 
Eithne Pádraigín Ní Bhraonáin (Enya Patricia Brennan, "Enya"), 58
                                  
Henry Saint Clair Fredericks ("Taj Mahal"), 77
                                  
Ferdinand van Abshoven the Older (1576-????)
                    May 18:  Tina Fey, 49
                                   Reggie Jackson, 73
                    May 19:  Pete Townshend, 74
                                   Nancy Kwan, 80
Deaths:
                Herman Wouk, 103
                I. M. Pei, 102                              January the Cat-a-log:
                Doris Day, 97                                                                    May 12:  Cat-a-mongus
               
Tim Conway, 85                                                                May 13:  Cat-a-wumpus
                Grumpy Cat, 7
                Ruth Riddle Stepro Klockmann, 98                             
                Jonhetta Rice, 82
                Judith E. "Judy" Smith, 77
                                                                 [Louisville Courier-Journal]

Unisex name of the week:  Courtney.


Cities among the largest 100 in the United States you may never have heard of:

    Aurora, Colorado;
Henderson, Nevada; Chandler, Arizona; Gilbert, Arizona;
    Garland, Texas.  And Gilbert, pop. 242,354, ranked 91st, is officially a "town"
    (and the largest "town" in the nation).

vickydan.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County,Texas, Sheriff): Sara Moreno, 40, controlled substances; Alysia Ramirez, 25, contr. subs.; Tammie Ramos, 43, theft; Linda Garcia, 24, assault, deadly weapon; Vicky Daniels, 44, drug par.; Mariesol carbesol, 37,c.s.; Kaitlyn Freitag, 28,theft, c.s.
vickydan.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County,Texas, Sheriff): Sara Moreno, 40, controlled substances; Alysia Ramirez, 25, contr. subs.; Tammie Ramos, 43, theft; Linda Garcia, 24, assault, deadly weapon; Vicky Daniels, 44, drug par.; Mariesol carbesol, 37,c.s.; Kaitlyn Freitag, 28,theft, c.s.
Borf 's weekly BONUS:
January the Cat came home for Mother's Day. . . . Country singer Kane
Brown found an alternative to Heaven. . . . 
Uber's initial public offering
on the New York stock exchange was termed the worst in history.  .  .  .
The rock band Gun N' [sic] Roses  sued a Colorado brewery producing
a  beer  called  Guns  'N'  Rosé. . . . A man who crashed his riding lawn
mower
into a police car  in Haines City,  Florida,  was arrested for DUI
(his driver's license has been suspended since 1978). . . . The Harvard
Lampoon apologized for publishing a photo of Anne Frank's face on a
woman dressed in a bikini. . . .New York Mayor Bill De Blasio joined
22 others  in the race for Democratic nomination for President  despite
a poll that showed 76 per cent of New Yorkers think he  shouldn't  run.
.  .  .  Mick Jagger, 75,  was dancin' & prancin' again less than a month
after heart surgery. . . . A school lunchroom worker  was  fired  in  Ca-
naan, New Hampshire, for letting a student eat for free.

                                              [courtesy Harper's,
LEX18, HuffPost, AP]
The sports:
Manifest Obscurity's Maximum Security's jockey was
suspended for 15 days. . . . The horse's owners sued in
federal court in Kentucky  to  have his disqualification
overturned. . . . The filly  Congrats  Gal  collapsed and
died after crossing the finish line in the Ms. Preakness
Stakes at Pimlico, in Baltimore, Maryland,  and a 24th
horse since December collapsed and died at Santa Ani-
ta, in California.

denafost.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita  Kansas): Dena Foster, WF, 48, 5'2", 200 lbs.: Controlled substances, Y. hog contender; Brianna Nicole Cheek, WF, 25, 6'0", 205 lbs, prob. viol. (child endangerment); Yorkshire hog contender; Sasha Mae Garcia, HF, 33, 5'4", 260 lbs, contr. substs., Yorkshire hog of the week; Jeffrey Black, WM, 53, 5'9", 175 lbs, burglary (Wchita Falls Crime Stoppers)
denafost.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita  Kansas): Dena Foster, WF, 48, 5'2", 200 lbs.: Controlled substances, Y. hog contender; Brianna Nicole Cheek, WF, 25, 6'0", 205 lbs, prob. viol. (child endangerment); Yorkshire hog contender; Sasha Mae Garcia, HF, 33, 5'4", 260 lbs, contr. substs., Yorkshire hog of the week; Jeffrey Black, WM, 53, 5'9", 175 lbs, burglary (Wchita Falls Crime Stoppers)

Dear Eleanor:
                            My husband has  migraine  headaches  and  has never been hap-
                            py in any job he’s had.  He has tried every  available  treatment,
                            to no avail.   He still has them daily.   I think they may be partly
                            psychological.   In the 10 years we've been married,  he has had
                            six different jobs.

                            The longest job lasted three years but ended miserably. He went
                            on sick leave and  eventually  quit.   As soon as he doesn't like a
                            person above him or a situation, his headaches get worse, and he
                            quits.  He's now talking about leaving the job he got two months
                            ago.

                            He sees two different therapists to deal with these and issues and
                            others.Where do I draw the line between being a supportive wife
                            and just wanting a stable life for our family? We have two young
                            kids.  I earn a good income and have always had stable jobs (five
                            years per company and more).  I started a new job six months ago
                            that is very stressful,  and this has been tough on me.  Please  give
                            me some advice.

                                                                                                 Miserable in Montreal
Dear Mizzie:
                           Partly psychological?  Sounds to me like your husband is a head-
                            ache.  Get rid of the son of a bitch.


DISCUSSION GROUP:  

   Don't  forget!  Readers  interested  in
intellectual dissection of important cur-
rent  events  are  invited  to  attend  the
Weekly World News  Round  Table  at
the  offices  of   Borf   Books   outside
Brownsville,    Kentucky,    just   after
church  every  Sunday.    Guest  speak-
ers lined up for  meetings  in  the  near
future include
Tanzina Vega.

tanzinave.jpg The Takeaway


Unopened e-mail last week included a message from "The Columbus
        Dispatch – Reader Relations" titled "You'll want to open this . . ."
        and four more
messages from "Clutterbook" "Facebook" titled
        "See Stephen Yates's message and other notifications you've missed
."


HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But remember also, you have to spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks, and without
that redundant "Re: " that appears in so many subject lines €“ or you
will keep getting this shit!  ("Cut and paste" won't work, either.  We
have a special filter to detect that.)

lifeweed.jpg Life Saver Dude: Does "Weedies" turn your poop to stone(d)?
lifeweed.jpg Life Saver Dude: Does "Weedies" turn your poop to stone(d)?

"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" €“ Karen Crockett


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index
Borf Books        borf@borfents.com            Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                      The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210          War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  (270) 597-2187     Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher     Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



May 12, 2019:  Things you would never know if you did not
browse the  tabloids  while waiting for your wife at the coun-
ter in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
(P.S. Transmis-
sion of Tabloid Headlines may be delayed next weekend; the
staff will be in Cincinnati watching a baseball game):


Dying Angie leaves $116 million fortune to son Maddox, other kids don't get a dime (Enquirer); Single Angie dating again (Star); Hailey Bieber pregnant and alone (OK); Dolly's failing mental ilness (Enquirer); Model fatally drowns in ocean (Windstream)
Dying Angie leaves $116 million fortune to son Maddox, other kids don't get a dime (Enquirer); Single Angie dating again (Star); Hailey Bieber pregnant and alone (OK); Dolly's failing mental ilness (Enquirer); Model fatally drowns in ocean (Windstream)


Letters to the Editor
:  Below Quotations of the week.


Dumb news from Indiana
:
An aide to Pete Beautyjudge won the Democratic
primary election to replace his as mayor of South
Bend
.
                              [courtesy Columbus Republic]

hogendob.jpg South Bend's most wanted: William Hogendobbler, probation viol. (meth); Reynaldo Griffin, parole violation (burglary) (Michiana Crime Stoppers); Perps in Paducah (just downriver from Indiana): Shelby A. Morris, 27, theft and drugs; Gabriel Rice, 27, DUI (McCracken County Sheriff)
hogendob.jpg South Bend's most wanted: William Hogendobbler, probation viol. (meth); Reynaldo Griffin, parole violation (burglary) (Michiana Crime Stoppers); Perps in Paducah (just downriver from Indiana): Shelby A. Morris, 27, theft and drugs; Gabriel Rice, 27, DUI (McCracken County Sheriff)

Dumb news from Kentucky:
A day care worker in Elizabethtown admitted biting a
5-month-old infant after it scratched her face. . . .

An 18-year-old boy suspended from school in Walton
for not being vaccinated against chicken pox  has  the
chicken pox.
     
                                                   
[courtesy LEX18]
savshaun.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Raneisha Jackson, BF, 25, featured fugitive of the week: Intimidating a witness; Savonnah Price, BF, 28, aid. & abetting; Shaunda Brown, WF, 40, 5'6", 115 lbs, wrong place, worng time; Mitzi Cason, WF, 42, 5'4", 180 lbs, raving maniac; Allison Search, WF, 5'10", 120 lbs, accidental maniac (dragged kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)
savshaun.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Raneisha Jackson, BF, 25, featured fugitive of the week: Intimidating a witness; Savonnah Price, BF, 28, aid. & abetting; Shaunda Brown, WF, 40, 5'6", 115 lbs, wrong place, worng time; Mitzi Cason, WF, 42, 5'4", 180 lbs, raving maniac; Allison Search, WF, 5'10", 120 lbs, accidental maniac (dragged kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)
Dumb postcard from our dentist:
It was a reminder to call for an appointment, and the
label "PRIVATE MAILING CARD"  was printed on
the address side.

Quotations of the week:
                                              "If I were black, I'd be picking cotton.  But I'm white; so I'm picking
                                                U for prom."
                                                                        – unidentified Clear Fork, Ohio, high school student

                                              "The best horse did not win the Kentucky Derby.  Only in these days of
                                                political correctness could such an overturn occur."
                                                                                                                                    Donald Strump
LETTERS to the EDITOR:
J. Ewing wrote Mon 5/6/19 @00:30 EDT:
You'd think that dumb Donnie would identify with  the  horse
that came in second and was declared the winner on technical-
ities.  Guess the moron in chief has no appreciation of irony.


Quotation of the weak:
                                        "Kentucky Derby
stewards ruled that . . . Maximum Security . . . moved
                                          out of his lane . . . ."
                                                                             – Eleanor Klibanoff, on WFPL-FM, Louisville; NBC
Quotations repeated every week:

                                                        "That's exactly right."
                                                                                                – Ohio farmer Chris Gibbs on NPR
                                                                                                Rob Schmitz NPR

Quotations of the Wheat:
"The schools are encouraging bisexualism."
                                                                         – Leonard Simon



travsdan.jpg Country legend fighting to overcome life-changing illness
    Windstream  done  it  ag'in:    But this time it's the younger star,
    Randy Travis, 60, on the left (he had a stroke), not Charlie Dan-
    iels, 82, on the right.
travsdan.jpg Country legend fighting to overcome life-changing illness

Birthdays: 
                    May 6:  Bob Seger, 74
                                 Willie Mays, 88
                                 Sejong the Great (1397-1450)
                    May 7:  Eagle Eye Cherry, 51
                                  Teresa Brewer (1931-2007)
                                  Eva Peron (1919-1952)
                    May 8: 
Keith Jarrett, 74
                                  Toni Tenille, 79
                   
May 9:  Billy Joel, 70
                                  Candice Bergen
, 73
                                  Tommy Roe, 77
                    May 10: 
Donovan Leitch, 73
                    May 11:  Louis Farrakhan, 85

                    May 12:  Stevie Wonder, 69
                                   Burt Bacharach, 91
Deaths:
                Eleanor Roosevelt, 134
                DeShawn D. "Shawn" Banks Sr., 34
                Marlylon Logsdon, 67
                Genrose Whoberry, 93
                
                                        [Louisville Courier-Journal]
jacyangl.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita          Falls, Texas): Jacy D. Angleton, WM, 41, 5'11", 175 lbs,          propation viol. (crim. threat); Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas) (Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week); Jacy D. Angleton, WM, 41, 5'11", 175 lbs, probation viol. (crim. threat); Mary Downey, BF, 65, 5'3':, 240 lbs, surety off (assault); Belen Gonzalez, HF, 35, 5'4", 115 lbs, DUI x4; Christopher Castro,WM, 27, 5'8", 140 lbs, control. substs. (Sedgwick County Sheriff, Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers)
jacyangl.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Jacy D. Angleton, WM, 41, 5'11", 175 lbs, probation viol. (crim. threat); Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas) (Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week); Jacy D. Angleton, WM, 41, 5'11", 175 lbs, probation viol. (crim. threat); Mary Downey, BF, 65, 5'3':, 240 lbs, surety off (assault); Belen Gonzalez, HF, 35, 5'4", 115 lbs, DUI x4; Christopher Castro,WM, 27, 5'8", 140 lbs, control. substs. (Sedgwick County Sheriff, Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers)
Borf 's weekly BONUS:
Duchess Meghan had her baby nearly a week ago, but his name was
not revealed for two days – it's
Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Wind-
sor. . . . 
Shades of Maximum Security:  Don  McLean  was  named
winner of the
Gershwin  Award  for Lifetime Musical Achievement;
then the award was withdrawn because of his involvement in domes-
tic violence two years ago. .  .  .  Denver voters will get to vote on an
initiative to decriminalize certain mushrooms. . . . Sailors on the USS
Harry S.Truman were instructed to "clap like we're at a strip club" for
Vice President Mikey. . . . Pete Beautyjudge  and  his  wife   husband?
spouse made the cover of Time magazine (if he's elected, will his mate
be called the "First Queer?" "First Queen?" maybe). . . . A woman pul-
led a 1-foot alligator out of her yoga pants in a traffic stop in Charlotte
County, Florida. . . . A 9-year-old boy was arrested for murder and fire-
arms violations for shooting his mother to death with a rifle  in  St.  Jo-
seph County, Michigan. . . . Valerie Plame filed for a Democratic nom-
inaton for Congress in New Mexico. . . . Baseball-size  hail  hit Hous-
ton, Texas.
                                                             [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

P.S.  Isn't it a bit rude to name Naval warships after former Presidents,
as they are sent on dastardly missions, like the USS Truman and Linc-
oln?  Your most egregious examples, please, readers.

anitaher.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Anita Hernandez, 46, theft; Rita Velasquez, 50; Jessica Manley, 30, lying; Irene Gonzalez, 34, drug paraphernalia; Aaron Nitsch, 30, tresp.; Destiny Arambula, WF, 36, evading arrest; Roseanda Morales, 41; Christina Bacccus, 35, family viol.
anitaher.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Anita Hernandez, 46, theft; Rita Velasquez, 50; Jessica Manley, 30, lying; Irene Gonzalez, 34, drug paraphernalia; Aaron Nitsch, 30, tresp.; Destiny Arambula, WF, 36, evading arrest; Roseanda Morales, 41; Christina Bacccus, 35, family viol.
The sports:
Jars of horse turds from previous Kentucky Derby winners  were
on sale for $200 apiece from the Old Friends Farm thoroughbred
retirement home at Georgetown, Kentucky. . . . Swarms of hund-
reds of bees around home plate  delayed the beginning of a base-
ball game against San Francisco in Cincinnati.

More sports (Tabloid Headlines editorials):
Caster Semenya,  who was disqualified from women's sports a week
ago for too high a testosterone level in her blood, has not claimed or
been said to have been a "trans"-anything – but we learned only last
week that she is an admitted "lesbian."  Where does it end?  (Where
does it begin?)   Is she a woman,  or isn't she?   Do genitalia make a
difference any more?  See the Wheat's observation above.   We have
a suggestion:  Since society seems  to  have  abandoned  criteria  for
sexual differentiation,  orientation and qualification,  and  the  word
"sex" for "gender,"  why should "sex"  (or  "gender")  make a differ-
ence  any  more?  Particularly in sports.  Let 'em all compete togeth-
er.  If someone like Caster should lose,  she  could  blame  it  on her
sex, gender, orientation, or even her ability! . . .

Sports  disqualification  item  No.  2:  The Kentucky Alleged Derby.
See the President's observation above.    Something is rotten in Ken-
tucky,  not only in Denmark. The odds on the winner,  Manifest Ob-
scurity
Maximum Security – the favorite – were only 4-1.  A $2 bet
on him to win would have paid only $8.  The final odds on Country
Horse House – declared the winner – were  62-1.   A $2 bet on him
to win paid $134.  Don't you think we should investigate whom the
stewards bet on?


DISCUSSION GROUP:

   Don't  forget!  Readers  interested  in
intellectual dissection of important cur-
rent  events  are  invited  to  attend  the
Weekly World News  Round  Table  at
the  offices  of   Borf   Books   outside
Brownsville,    Kentucky,    just   after
church  every  Sunday.    Guest  speak-
ers lined up for  meetings  in  the  near
future include Molly Dean-Polacheck.

molldog.jpg
Dear readers:
                            Please send me your  sob  stories.  I  am tired of raiding
                            Annie's Mailbox and the mailboxes of Dear Abby, Dear
                            Ann and Dear Prudence.  And they are getting pissed at
                            me for giving wiser advice than theirs. Thanks.

                                                                                                       
Eleanor


Unopened e-mail last week included a message from "Greg DeMinco
" titled
        "Different from banks and investors" and five more
messages from "Clutterbook"
        "Facebook" titled "See Stephen Yates's message and other notifications you've missed
."



HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But remember also, you have to spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks, and without
that redundant "Re: " that appears in so many subject lines €“ or you
will keep getting this shit!  ("Cut and paste" won't work, either.  We
have a special filter to detect that.)

lifedogs..jpg Life Saver Dude: Dogs that look like something else - and that one on the lower right looks as much like January the Undead Cat as he does like a bear --like a fox, like a wolf, like a bear, "Shut up" (like a penis)
lifedogs..jpg Life Saver Dude: Dogs that look like something else - and that one on the lower right looks as much like January the Undead Cat as he does like a bear --like a fox, like a wolf, like a bear, "Shut up" (like a penis)


"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" €“ Karen Crockett


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index
Borf Books        borf@borfents.com            Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                      The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210          War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  (270) 597-2187     Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher     Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



May 5, 2019:  Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the coun-
ter in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
:

Mean Nancy Reagan terrorized Barbara Bush (Examiner): Britney's electroshock nightmare (Globe); William/Kate divorce talks (Globe); Celine quitting Vegas to drive a truck (Globe)
Mean Nancy Reagan terrorized Barbara Bush (Examiner): Britney's electroshock nightmare (Globe); William/Kate divorce talks (Globe); Celine quitting Vegas to drive a truck (Globe)

LETTERS to the EDITOR:
Fred Dean wrote Sun 4/28/19 @08:04 PDT re the latest person
to fall to her death from the rim of the Grand Canyon:
She should have been more patient and taken the long walk
down to the river  on the Bright Angel Trail  as two friends
and I did in in 1957.  It took us only four hours.

A Tabloid Headlines EDITORIAL:

After intense and  even  heated  deliberation,  the
Editorial Board of Tabloid Headlines has decided
to  endorse  Bernie  Sanders  for  President.   We
would be happy to vote for any other of the Dem-
ocratic  candidates  as  well,  especially Elizabeth
Warren,  or even Joe Biden,  or Pete Bootyjudge.

Dumb news from Indiana:
A student who passed his college admission test at age 11 became
the youngest graduate of Goshen College at 17. . . .

Two judges from Southern Indiana's Clark County were shot in a
White Castle parking lot in Indianapolis. . . .

Amtrak was pulling its Indianapolis-Chicago line.

                                                        [courtesy Columbus Republic]
mandyley.jpg South Bend's most wanted: (Michiana Crime Stoppers) Mandy Leyba, auto theft, fail. to app.; Shannon Weibold, WF, 5'6", 160 lbs, legend druge; Courtney Madaraas, WF, 5'7", 115 lbs, narcotics, fail. to app.; Rachel McCoy, WF, 5'6", 130 lbs, meth, "It's not so bad"
mandyley.jpg South Bend's most wanted: (Michiana Crime Stoppers) Mandy Leyba, auto theft, fail. to app.; Shannon Weibold, WF, 5'6", 160 lbs, legend druge; Courtney Madaraas, WF, 5'7", 115 lbs, narcotics, fail. to app.; Rachel McCoy, WF, 5'6", 130 lbs, meth, "It's not so bad"


Dumb news from Kentucky
:
derby19.jpg

shanehat.jpg
derbht19.jpg

Left:  Kentucky Derby hat designer Shane Walker, of Dal-
las, Texas,  with  Cher.   Above:  Some suggested hats for
this year (not his).


sheetsch.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Charles Sheets, WM, 56, 5'10", 190 lbs, Willie Nelson impersonatior: Misty Tapia, WF, 29, 5'5", 140 lbs, flirting with traffic cops; Misael Florers, WM, 40, 5'10", 170 lbs, Spanish impersonator; Austin Sexton, WM, 24, 6'1" 180 lbs, deceptively handsome; Bobby Dunaway, WM, 33, 5'7", 180 lbs, caught red-handed (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)
sheetsch.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Charles Sheets, WM, 56, 5'10", 190 lbs, Willie Nelson impersonatior: Misty Tapia, WF, 29, 5'5", 140 lbs, flirting with traffic cops; Misael Florers, WM, 40, 5'10", 170 lbs, Spanish impersonator; Austin Sexton, WM, 24, 6'1" 180 lbs, deceptively handsome; Bobby Dunaway, WM, 33, 5'7", 180 lbs, caught red-handed (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)
      chrisirt.jpg Perps in Paducah: Christopher D. Reed, 26; Maria E. Miller,45, felony f.t.a.; Elizabeth A. Culp, 39; Matthew R. Hirt, 32, drugs
chrisirt.jpg Perps in Paducah: Christopher D. Reed, 26; Maria E. Miller,45, felony f.t.a.; Elizabeth A. Culp, 39; Matthew R. Hirt, 32, drugs

Dumb news from Indiana and Kentucky:

           Bill Wolff,  of  Connersville,  Indiana,
           and  his  Black Old English Hen  won
           the   Super  Grand  Championship  of
           the  Green River Poultry Show  at the
           Edmonson County  Fairgrounds  near
           Brownsville,  Kentucky  (the  "S"  on
           Bill's shirt stands for  "Spartans,"  the
           Connersville   High   School   athletic
           teams  nickname).

                            [courtesy Edmonson News]
blackhen.jpg poultrys.jpg


Quotation of the week
:
                                        "Why should you have them?"
                                                                                             – Attorney General William P. Barr

Quotations of the Wheat:
"The Wheat for President, 2020:  Make America handsome
 
again!"
                                                                                                     – Leonard Simon


 julianbu.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County Texas Sheriff): Julian Winburne, 33, marijuana; Melinda Grigsbee, 29; Mirisa Couvion, 46, burg.; Kelsee Martin, 28; Juana Flores, 44, DUI; Aliyah Howard, 24, pro.; Rosalina Ramirez, 44, c.s.; Erin Cribbs, 33, c.s.; Janell Briones, 42
julianbu.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County Texas Sheriff): Julian Winburne, 33, marijuana; Melinda Grigsbee, 29; Mirisa Couvion, 46, burg.; Kelsee Martin, 28; Juana Flores, 44, DUI; Aliyah Howard, 24, pro.; Rosalina Ramirez, 44, c.s.; Erin Cribbs, 33, c.s.; Janell Briones, 42

Birthdays:
                    April 29:  God Shammgod, 43
                                     Jerry Seinfeld, 65
                    April 30:  Cloris Leachman, 93
                    May 1:  Ray Parker Jr., 65
                                  Rita Coolidge, 74
                                  Judy Collins, 80
                    May 2Arnold George Dorsey ("Engelbert Humperdinck"), 83
                                  Catherine the Great (1729-1796)
                    May 3:  Mary Hopkin, 69
                                  Ron Popeil, 84
                                  Frankie Valli, 85
                    May 4: 
George Will, 78
                                  Audrey Hepburn (1929-1993)
                    May 5:  Adele, 31
                                  Tammy Wynette (1942-1998)
Deaths:
                Richard Lugar, 87
                Peter Mayhew, 74

                snaketyl.jpg Bernard "Snake" Tyler Louisville
          69 passed away April 13, 2019, funeeral 11 am Friuday at
          Greater Israel Missionary Baptist Church 1509 Maagazine St,
          burial Kentucky Veterans Cemetery, visitation 5-8 pm Thursday
          at G. C. Williams
                                                                [Louisville Courier-Journal]

Borf 's weekly BONUS:
Australia was preparing a poison sausage to kill 2,000,000 feral cats by
2020 – and
the state of Queensland was offering a $10 bounty on every
feral cat scalp. . . . A parrot was arrested in Teresina, Brazil, for squaw-
king "Mama, police!" (in Portuguese) at the beginning of a drug raid at
his keepers' home. . . .  A
high school principal in Houston,  Texas,  im-
posed a  dress  code  for parents visiting the school forbidding pajamas,
hair rollers, leggings, bonnets, shower caps, saggy pants, shorts, reveal-
ing tops, torn jeans and short-cut dresses. . . .Louis Farrakhan and Alex
Jones were banned from Clutterbook Facebook  and  Instantspam Insta-
gram for "hate speech."
                                                              [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

jarvinat.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita Kansas) Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week: Jarvis Mitchell, BM, 26, 5'11", 155 lbs, felon with firearm; Natasha Latchett, BF, 31, 5'9", 140 lbs, theft x3; Crystal Gee, WF, 36, 5'2", 98 lbs, prob. viol. (drugs); Jennifer Jackson, WF, 33, 5'3", 162 lbs, possession; Teddy Alan Caskey, WM, 35, 5'4", 170 lbs, robbery
jarvinat.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita Kansas) Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week: Jarvis Mitchell, BM, 26, 5'11", 155 lbs, felon with firearm; Natasha Latchett, BF, 31, 5'9", 140 lbs, theft x3; Crystal Gee, WF, 36, 5'2", 98 lbs, prob. viol. (drugs); Jennifer Jackson, WF, 33, 5'3", 162 lbs, possession; Teddy Alan Caskey, WM, 35, 5'4", 170 lbs, robbery

Dear Eleanor:
                            I'm my wife's second husband. She had a daughter by her
                            first marriage,  and  together  we now have adult children.
                            My wife's first marriage was abusive, and her sister help-
                            ed her escape.  When she divorced she left her child  and
                            has never tried to trace or contact her.  She found the mat-
                            ter so painful she didn't even tell me until just before our
                            wedding.  I think she was close to leaving me rather than
                            do that.  I have kept her secret through our 30-year marri-
                            age.  Our kids have no clue they have an older sister,  let
                            alone that their mom was married before.

                            The only evidence was a sealed cardboard box with a few
                            pictures, in our closet. It kept coming along on moves, un-
                            opened.  Recently we realized it might be bad for that box
                            to be discovered by our children, with no explanation, af-
                            ter we're gone.  She asked me to dispose of the box, and I
                            did.  But I hedged and scanned some of the photos of her
                            and her daughter and secured them so that no one but me
                            can access them.  All this has me rethinking things.  I am
                            aware that genetic testing can bring this to light any time
                            in the future.  It would be easiest, and maybe best,  to let
                            sleeping dogs lie; but there’s a part of me that thinks our
                            kids should hear it from us,  and really from my wife, as
                            I can tell them little beyond the bare facts. However, my
                            wife would be hard,  or maybe impossible,  to convince,
                            and I don’t want to open her wounds unnecessarily.   I'd
                            love your thoughts on the matter.
                                                                                    Just Want to Do Right
Dear Dudley:
                            Let sleeping dogs lie.

                            By the way, you said your wife's first marriage was abu-
                            sive; but you didn't say which of the couple was the abu-
                            ser.  Wanna clarify?

thongket.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): David Thongket Keoduangkham, AM, 37, 5'8", 190 lbs, tattoos on both arms, opiates; Susan Lynn Davis, WF, 54, 5'5", 139 lbs, opiates and parphernalia; Darrell Lee Stewart, AM, 51, 6'1", 150 lbs, tattoos, right arm, shoulder, pro. viol. (agg. battery); Wanted in Waco: Jeremy Laray tate, BM, 27, 6'3", 210 lbs, marijuana, upside down ears (Sedgwick County Kansas Sheriff, City of Waco)
thongket.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): David Thongket Keoduangkham, AM, 37, 5'8", 190 lbs, tattoos on both arms, opiates; Susan Lynn Davis, WF, 54, 5'5", 139 lbs, opiates and parphernalia; Darrell Lee Stewart, AM, 51, 6'1", 150 lbs, tattoos, right arm, shoulder, pro. viol. (agg. battery); Wanted in Waco: Jeremy Laray tate, BM, 27, 6'3", 210 lbs, marijuana, upside down ears (Sedgwick County Kansas Sheriff, City of Waco)
 
The sports:
Former  equestrian  Stormy Daniels  (yeah, it's the same
Stormy Daniels you know)  attended the three-day Land
Rover event at the Kentucky Horse Park in Lexington at
the beginning of Derby Week. . . .The Belle of Louisville
beat the Belle of Cincinnati for its 28th Great Steamboat
race title in the 56th annual 14-mile Derby Week compe-
tition on the Ohio River,  beating the Belle of Cincinnati
(the competition was Cincinnati's  Delta Queen  through
2008 – New Albany,  Indiana's,  upstart American Duch-
ess beat both Belles in last year's race). . . . It rained a lit-
tle all day  in Louisville, and TV reception in our part of
Kentucky  was  patchy;  and then the heavens opened up
about half an hour before the big race, rendering Church-
ill Downs'  Kentucky  Derby  track  a sea of mud.   Favo-
rite Maximum Security won,  but he was disqualified for
blocking and bumping  other  horses;  and  65-1 Country
House  then  was  declared  the winner.  Jennifer Nettles,
in her little pink bonnet,  got away with the National An-
them   (the band, choir and fans'  rendition  of  "My  Old
Kentucky Home" stank); and in the American Turf preli-
minary race, the favorite, Social Paranoia, lost to Digital
Age (and to A Thread of  Blue, who placed).


DISCUSSION GROUP:

   Don't forget!  Readers interested in intellectual dissec-
tion of important current events are invited to attend the
Weekly World News Round Table at the offices of Borf
Books outside Brownsville, Kentucky, just after church
every  Sunday.  Guest speakers lined up for meetings in
the near future include
Horty Rosser.
hortyros.jpg Horty Rosser, realtor, Coldwell Banker, Legacy Real Estate Group, 270-308-6683 cell, 270-651-5674 fax, horty.rosser@coldwellbanker.com, 204 Cavalry Drive, Glasgow KY 42141, each office is independently owned and operated
hortyros.jpg Horty Rosser, realtor, Coldwell Banker, Legacy Real Estate Group, 270-308-6683 cell, 270-651-5674 fax, horty.rosser@coldwellbanker.com, 204 Cavalry Drive, Glasgow KY 42141, each office is independently owned and operated

Unopened e-mail last week included a message from "Shred-it<lynn.brown-
        @shredit.com>" titled "A breach can happen quicker than you think"
        and four more
messages from "Clutterbook" "Facebook" titled "See
        Stephen Yates's message and other notifications you've missed
."


lifeexit.jpg Exit, dramatic exit Life Saver Dude: He's outta here!
lifeexit.jpg Exit, dramatic exit Life Saver Dude: He's outta here!

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"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" €“ Karen Crockett


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