J. Ewing wrote Mon 8/24/20 @02:52 EDT:

Kim Jong Un was reportedly faking his death to get out
of speaking at the Republican National Convention.

Connie Harbeson wrote Sun 8/23/20 @18:51 EDT:

Today’s Life Saver Guy’s observation reminds me of a bar
in Flomaton, Alabama, with the sign "Ducks Dancing Beer
and Wine."

Hurricane Marco hit Louisiana on Monday,  followed
by Hurricane Laura  three days later:   What  ever  be-
came of "ladies before gentlemen"?   Or,  for that mat-
ter,  the alphabet?

Tested positive, 93,387; died, 3,277. . . .

The Dunes State Park prohibited swimming and wading in Lake
Michigan, blaming a shortage of lifeguards. . . .

Eight Monticello grade school teachers struck by plastic bullets
in an "active shooter training drill" have sued the police. . . .

Nine Daleville High School students were suspended  for  form-
ing a swastika on a gym floor.
                                                       [courtesy Columbus Republic]

ryanspic.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Danny Ryans, WM, 5'11", 140 lbs, sex offender w/o ID; Michael Spicer, Paducah, 47, flagrant nonsupport; Lexington's most wanted: Anthony King, BM, 27, 5'10", 155 lbs, murder (Michiana & Bluegrass Crime Stoppers, McCracken County Sheriff)

Tested positive, 48,937; died, 946. . . .

Senator Mitch McConnell hired Nicholas Sandmann as a re-e-
lection campaign assistant. . . .

Senator Rand Paul said the Washington, D.C., police saved his
life from an angry mob a block from the White House after his
Republican National Convention speech.
                                                                          [courtesy LEX18]

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):        "I'm looking for someone whose moral compass aligns with mine."                                                                                                     – Leonard Simon

jesusfer.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Jesus Euseble Ponce, WM, a/k/a Jesus E. Fernandez, Jesus E. Ponce-Mejia, 36, 5'7", 140 lbs, tattoos "Tribal" on both legs, dice & rope on left forearm, "Tribal," barbed wire & "Only God can judge me' on left arm, probation violation (opiates); Jessica Nicole Espinoza, WF, 35, 5'3", 140 lbs, probation violation (opiates); Catina Denise Smith, BF, 44, 5'1", 145 lbs, probation violation (theft); Maurice Darae Brown Jr., BM, a/k/a Reesey Brown, 26, 5'11", 183 lbs, tattoos, praying hands on right forrearm, stars & words on left forearm & back, probation violation (aggravated battery) (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

A "Free Britney" parade marched in Los Angeles, and the American Civ-
il Liberties Union chipped in,  to  challenge  Britney Spears' father's  con-
servatorship of her assets. . . . Scientists confirmed that  eyes  painted  on
cows' butts deterred animal predators in Botswana.  .  .  .   KFC (formerly
Kentucky Fried Chicken)  suspended its "finger-lickin' good" slogan over
covid-19 concerns.  . . . The wife of a Miami Shores,  Florida,  policeman
died of overheating, locked in the back of his patrol car as he slept in their
air-conditioned apartment. . . . A same-sex penguin couple hatched an ad-
opted egg at the Valencia Aquarium in Spain. . . . A rescue dog in Phoen-
 ix, Arizona, who lost all her puppies to premature birth adopted three kit-
tens. .  .  . Nicholas Sandmann's lawyer was hired by the Illinois boy who
shot up the demonstrators in Kenosha, Wisconsin. . . . The boy,  Kyle Rit-
tenhouse, pleaded self-defense. . . . Hurricane Laura took down a Confed-
erate statue in Lake Charles, Louisiana. . . . Julio Mora, 110,  and Waldra-
mina Quinteros, 104 (total 214),  of Ecuador,  were certified by the Guin-
ness Book of World Records as the  world's  oldest  couple. . . . The fiber-
glass statue of Donald Trump at Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum in New
York is now wearing a face mask.
                                                                  [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

junjensn.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by theTom Green County, Texas,Sheriff): Junior Shesler, 46, parole violation; Lllian Talavera, 20, card abuse; Chriselda Esquivel, 28, drunk; Molly Luz Dean-Polacheck, 21, Karen-baiting; Gloria Enriquez, 47, theft; Eliza Kai Dean-Polocheck, 18, Trump-dumping; Daisey Marquez, no driver lic.; Jonathan Jensen, 22, marijuana

DISCUSSION GROUP:     Don't    forget!  Readers  interest- ted in intellectual dissection  of  im- portant current e- vents  are  invited to attend the Week-

lifewith.jpg "I'm" with stupid!" Life Saver Dude: "Oops! Me too, I guess!"

Fred Dean wrote sun 8/16/20 @15:22 PDT

Those were the days, my friend – when "12:00 p.m. was
called "noon" (and 12:00 a.m. was called midnight  – or
is it the opposite?).

Opposite,  maybe.  Actually midnight is both  12 a.m.  and  12 p.m.
It is noon (m.) that the antes (a.m.s) approach and the posts (p.m.s)
follow.

There  was  another   mislead  in the signs in the photograph:   The
sign saying "Main Post Office, Brownsville, KY."     It is the (only)
Brownsville post office.    – Editor


Steve Yates wrote Sun 8/16/20 @10:01 CDT:

It appears that the cops corrected the spelling of Britt-
                        ney's name.
    
                                                           Brittany Decker

britthol.jpg and now a brand new way to spell BRITENEY

Tested positive, 86,312; died, 3,208.
                                                              [courtesy N.Y. Times]

Purdue University suspended 28 students for partying.

                                                     [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

lafaykol.jpg Terre Haute Indiana's most wanted: Lafayette Garrett, BM, 5'9", 180 lbs, meth; Lexington Kentucky's most wanted: Kolby Burdine, WM, 5'11", 180 lbs, robbery, DUI (Wabash Valley, Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)

Tested positive, 44,773; died, 890.
                                                                [courtesy N.Y. Times]

Nicholas  Sandmann,  the Covington High School senior who
sued the Washington Post and others over his photo with an O-
maha elder,  and now a Covington High School graduate,  will
speak at the Republican National Convention.
                                                                            [WCPO radio]

Red paint,  appearing to be blood,  was splashed across the face
of Breonna Taylor on one of Oprah Winfrey's billboards in Lou-
isville.
                                                                          [courtesy LEX18]

johnhicl.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): John Hicks, 26, ctrl. substs.; Desiree Gonzales, 28, DUI; Destinee Villa, 21, Marij.; Gabriella Villa, 19, Yorkshire hog of the week, marijuana; Petrita Caardenas, 34, DUI; Mayra Roberson, 32, c.s.; Mary Coronado, 53, ctrl. substs.; Santana Mendoza, 42, felon w/firearm

  

jesusdom.jpg Arrested in Abilene: (Texas, not Kansas): Mitchell Glen Lewis (l),WM, 5'10", 200 lbs, family violence; Jesus Dominguez (r), HM, 24, 5'4", 125 lbs, child sex abuse (Abilene Crime Stoppers)

A high school teacher in San Jose,  California,  was  suspended  after he ap-
peared shirtless teaching a class on line. . . .  Japanese Prime Minister Shin-
zo Abe was chastised for using his speech the Hiroshima anniversary in his
speech at the Nagasaki ceremony.  .  .  .  Reverse  waterfalls – water  flowing
backward up a cliff due to extreme winds – were seen in Australia. . . . Tavis
Smiley was ordered to pay the Public Broadcasting Service $2.6 million for
violating its morals clause by engaging in multiple affairs with subordinates.
. . . At least 4,800 chicks shipped to Maine by mail arrived dead.

                                                                     [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

alexakat.jpg Alexa Katherine Labombarda,WF, 36, 5'5", 128 lbs, tattoo on neck,burglary, opiates; Helena Woodward, WF, probation violation (opiates); Kahli Stuart, WF, 20, 5'6", 160 lbs, aggravated kidnapping & battery; [this one got away]; Aubrianna Wilburn, BF, 20, 5'1", 103 lbs, attempted murder and probation violation (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

Thom Brennaman was  suspended  as TV broad-
caster  of the Cincinnati Reds baseball team  for
Fox Sports Ohio after saying "fag capitals of the
world" on air not knowing the mike was loaded.
. . .The Kansas City Chiefs of the National Foot-
ball League banned Indian headdresses worn by
fans.

DISCUSSION GROUP:     Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectu- al dissection of important current events are invi- ted to attend the Weekly World News Round Ta- ble at the offices of Borf  Books outside Browns- ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday. Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the near future include (l. to r.) Asma Khalid (NPR)  and Amna Nawaz (PBS).

lifesand.jpg bar,cocktails,dancing sandwiches Life Saver Dude: These I've gotta see

Craig Klugman wrote Sun 8/9/20 @09:39 EDT:

I’m curious:  Why did you include Heather Pauline
among the list of dead?

Unlike our friend Nelson Ryan Sanders,  who has three sur-
names,  Heather Ann Pauline had three given names.   And,
she's white!  Our apologies for the misspelling of Anne. . . .

We ran out of space for our usual Louisville Courier-Journal
source line.

Tested positive, 80,507; died, 3,113.
                                                              [courtesy N.Y. Times]

baylockr.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Black crime matters): Henry Baylock, BM, 48, 5'8", 165 lbs, probation violation; Cornel Johnson, BM, 5'10", 5'1", 165 lbs, parole violation; Fabian Cedillo, H[sic]M, 5'8", 180 lbs, parole viol.; Bryan Ross, BM, 5'10", 180 lbs, parole violation; John Green, BM, 5'8", 240 lbs, parole violationn (Michiana Crime Stoppers - no onformation on the underlying offenses was given)

An Evansville man being sought by police for probation vio-
lation tried to escape up his chimney, and got stuck. . . .

Three black men from Milwaukee,  Wisconsin,  marching to
Washington, D.C., for a commemoration of the 1963  March
on  Washington,  were arrested on four-lane U.S.30 near War-
saw, Indiana, for disorderly conduct and obstruction of traffic,
and one of them for resisting law enforcement. . . .

State police agreed to stop blocking roads to the federal prison
complex in Terre Haute where executions are done. . . .

A derecho ripped through Iowa, Illinois and Indiana, reaching
112 m.p.h. in Iowa and wiping out a third of the state's corn.

                                                     [courtesy Columbus Republic]

Tested positive, 40,012; died, 822.
                                                                [courtesy N.Y. Times]

Lexington's most wanted   Cody Morris, WM, 24, 5' 8",   160 lbs.: Theft, contr. substs.           [courtesy Bluegrass Crime Stoppers]

A Lexington policeman  was  fired  after accidentally shooting a
person while off duty.
                                                                           [courtesy LEX18]

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     braddeck.jpg Eric Brady, Brittany Deckeer
A 25-year-old Rocky Hill man who eluded a  state  trooper  in
Barren, Edmonson and Warren counties until  stopped  with  a
"tire deflation device" was charged with menacing, possession
of  a controlled substance,  possession  of  drug  paraphernalia,
tampering with evidence, criminal  mischief,  failure  to  show
proof of insurance,  no operator's license, speeding,  disregard-
ing a stop sign, DUI, evading police, reckless driving,  wanton
endangerment,  failure to signal,  failure to wear a seat belt and
resisting arrest. A 26-year-old woman riding with him also was
arrested and charged with resisting arrest, menacing, possession
of a controlled substance, possession of drug paraphernalia  and
tampering with evidence.   In addition to outstanding arrest war-
rants, on both of them.
                                                [courtesy Edmonson News, Voice]

     

posthour.jpg Look! Postal clerks now get a 13-hour lunch break (but have to work a 15-hour day on Saturdays, Main Post Office, Brownsville, Ky., full service hours Mon-Fri 8:30 a.m. - 4:00 p.m., closed for lunch 11:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m., Saturday 9:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m., Sunday closed, holidays closed, lobby open 24 hours

                                        [Tabloid Headlines photo montage]

Police were called in Greensburg, Kansas, to defuse a dynamite rod that
turned out to be a beef stick. . . . Cristina Kirchner,  former president of
Argentina, sued Google for listing her occupation as "thief of the Argen-
tine nation (typo, right?). . . .The "Zoom" court hearing of a teen in Tam-
pa, Florida, accused of hacking Twitter was hacked with rap and pornog-
raphy. . . .The owner of Poochie Couture, a pet store in Boca Raton, Flo-
rida, was arrested for animal cruelty. . . . Workers moving a collection in
the public library of Walla Walla, Washington,  found a stash of Hamm's
beer and chewing gum 30 years old. . . . Prince Harry and Duchess Meg
bought a house in Montecito, California. . . . A woman and her two chil-
dren,  3 and 1,  were taken from a Southwest Airlines flight in Midland,
Texas, after her 3-year-old autistic son refused to wear a face mask.  . . .
"Steve-O," the star of a TV show called "Jackass," duct-taped himself to
a billboard in Los Angeles, California, and had to be rescued by firemen.
.  .  .  A 32-year-old woman was shot and killed by her former boy friend
in front of her six children, one of whom was attending school on line, in
Indiantown, Florida. . . . So, is it KAM-e-la (rhymes with Pamela) Harris,
kah-MAH-lah or KAH-mah-lah ("COMMA-law")?  Ask Tucker Carlson
(and don't miss the children's panel) – or ask Tamara (rhymes with "cam-
era;"  sounds  not  like  "tomorrow") Keith (NameShouts says COMMA-
law in Hindi,  KAW-maw-luh in English);  HowToPronounce  says  kah-
MAH-lah and tah-MAH-rah – and tah-MEER-ah!; NameShouts says tah-
MAH-rah, but the Pronounce Names site rhymes Tamara with "camera").
. . . The Persident requested a mail-in ballot, in Florida.

                                                                 [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

holdridg.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Trevor Bebemayor, WM, 29, 6'0",220 lbs, stalking after protection order served; Michael Ray Duane Vontress, BM, 38, 5'11", 250 lbs, tattoos on shouolders; scars nose, rt. arm, Opiates, marijuana; Zeferino Quintero, HM, 34, 5'4", 160 lbs, probation violation (interferencew/LEO (law enforcement officer); Godgon L. Pierce III, 6'0", 200 lbs, probation viol. (damage to propertyt; Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Derek Alan Holdridge, WM, 38, 5'7", 225 lbs, continuous sexual abuse of a child (Sedgwick County Sheriff, Abilene Crime Stoppers)

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):     "Women think they want a doctor, an actor, a philanthropist – what       they really want – and need – is a redneck Catholic."                                                                                              – Leonard Simon

josefalc.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): José Falcon, 60, DUI; Misty Siler, 39, DUI; Mandy Cruz, 23, controlled substs.; Julie Adame, 29, DUI; Patrick Fierro, 21, marijuana; Amanda Ramirez, 29, theft of svcs.; Haylee Marshall, 21, marijuana

The Big Ten and Pac-12 collegiate athletic confer-
rences canceled this fall's football seasons. . . .The
Roy G. Williams Park in Sanford, Florida,  was re-
named  Elliott Avenue Park  (Williams was the po-
lice chief who removed  Jackie  Robinson  from  a
minor league baseball game there  in  1946).  .  .  .
Would anyone but her mama really  want  an  ugly,
fat white chick, like Shelby Rogers, to beat Serena
Williams in a tournament tennis match?

DISCUSSION GROUP:    Don't forget!  Readers interested in intellectual dissection of impor- tant current events  are  invited  to attend   the  Weekly  World  News Round   Table   at  the  offices  of Borf  Books  outside Brownsville, Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.  Guest speakers lined  up for meetings in the near future in- clude this chickie.

lifejuck.jpg Vikram@gvicks "How do you explain this 4 year gap on your resume?" "That's when I went to Yale." "That's impressive. You are hired." "Thanks. I really need this Yob." Life Saver Dude: Juck, juck!

Jay Cory wrote Sun 8/2/20 @15:22 EDT:

I have to correct you on your "Stars & Bars" references
in "Dumb News from Kentucky" and again in "Bonus."
"Stars and Bars" refers to  the actual  Confederate  flag
with three bars (two red and one white) and a blue field
in the corner with one star for every state.  The Confed-
erate flag as most people see it  now  was  just  a  Navy
standard for the Confederate States of America. A square
version was used as  a  battle  standard.  The rectangular
version  was  popularized  much  later  by  the  Ku  Klux
Klan but never flew over any Confederate capitol during
the Civil War.  Here's a link.

Sophie Ann Kind wrote Sun 8/2/20 re the racism of the expres-
sion "master bedroom":

So, where does that leave "mastermind," "master chef,"
"master of ceremonies," "chess master" – and, "mastur-
bator"?

Anne Kindishop wrote Sun 8/2/20 re the spelling of "black," re-
ferring to people, with a capital B but "white" with a small w:

"Black" should be capitalized:  "Negro" and "Negroid" are.
And "white," technically, should be spelled with a capital C
(but few these days can pronounce all the syllables).

Honkin de Spain wrote Sun 8/2/20 to suggest for a new name for
the Washington Redskins:
                                                The Washington Monuments.

and with suggested new names for the Utah Jazz:
                                                                                    The Salt Lake Lickers -
                                                                                    The Salt Lick Lakers -
                                                                                    The Salt Licker Lakes.

Barry Wood wrote Sun 8/2/20 @09:27 CDT with the first correct
answer to last week's sports trivia question, "What has been the A-
merican League baseball nickname of  the  Montreal  Expos  since
2004?"
                  The Washington Nationals.

OK (a Tabloid Headlines poll; vote early and often):  Hurricane Isaias:  Is
it  "HURRY-cane  eye-ZAY-us,"  or  "who-ree-CAH-nay  EE-zah-EE-us?"
(Never mind; it was downgraded to a tropical storrrum after we wrote that.)

Tested positive, 73,986; died, 3,023. . . .

The name of Indiana University's seventh president,  David Starr
Jordan  (1851-1931, I.U. pres. 1885-1891,  founding president of
Stanford University, 1891-1915), was on the purge list – building,
river, athletic field, etc. named for him.  He was a eugenicist. . . .

A woman was hospitalized after a collection machine grabbed her
hand on the Indiana Toll Road in Gary. . . .

atoryona.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers): Robert Dilley, WM, 6'0", 160 lbs, meth; Alyona McConkey, WF, 5'10", 200 lbs (Yorkshire hog), narcotics; Atoreyona Clemons, BF, 5'4", 115 lbs, theft; Craig Leonard, BM, 5'7", 155 lbs, auto theft, ID fraud, marijuana

A 36-year-old mother in Plymouth got 30 years in prison after her
2-month old baby died from ingesting meth-tainted breast milk. . . .

An Amish barn fire in Elkhart County killed  241  calves  (29 sur-
vived).
                                                          [courtesy Columbus Republic]

Tested positive, 35,147; died, 785. . . .

More, the weather:  The main television station in Bowling Green,  WBKO (Channel 13),  no longer has a weather man, and not even a weather girl;  it has  a  weather  boy:  Justin  Hobbs.   We  have not found his age; you guess.  He does not appear to be any  dumber  than  your average weather man  (nor any brighter). . . . The State Fair, opening August 20, will be closed to the public. [courtesy N.Y. Times, WBKO-TV, LEX18]

  

joshdick.jpg Lexington's most wanted: J. Joshua Dickerson, BM, 28, 6'0", 165 lbs, wanton endangerment, probation violation (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers

kaidonsm.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas) Kaidon Daniel Smith, WM, 12, 5'0", 155 lbs, aggr. assault; Cesar Lamar Adams, BM, 20, 5'11", 150 lbs, aggrav. robbery; Michael Stewart Welch, WM, 35, 6'3", 200 lbs, continuous family violence (aggravated) (Abilene Crime Stoppers); Wanted in Wichita (Kas., not Wichita Falls, Tex.), Teril Laquenson Trotter, BM, 27, 5'11", 150 lbs, opiates, marijuana; Cameson Gregory Warren, WM, 25, 5'7", 140 lbs, probation violation (burglary)

A black mother and four children were handcuffed by police in Aurora,
Colorado, in a mistaken auto theft investigation. . . .  Four sisters in Ne-
braska delivered five babies in the course of 12 days. .  .  . At least nine
persons died in India from drinking  hand sanitizer  in a coronavirus-in-
spired alcohol prohibition. . . .Ohio Governor Mike DeWine tested pos-
itive. . . .  An Austrian tourist was accused of breaking toes off a statue
at a museum in Treviso, Italy.
                                                              [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

rudyflor.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Rudy Flores, 25, public intoxication; Linda Burrows, 18, theft, paraphern.; Ashley Brady, 23, DUI; Karina Hernandez, 31, drunk; Maaria Valdespino-Almaraz, 41, tres.; Irma Gutierrez, 19, marijuana; Daniel Graves, 25, drunk

A black defenseman for the Minnesota Wild of the
National Hockey League  knelt  during  the playing
of the U.S. National Anthem  at  a playoff game be-
tween Chicago and Edmonton in Edmonton, Alber-
ta, Canada. .  .  . Detroit Lions football quarterback
Matthew Stafford tested positive. . . . The 500 Mile
Race,  already  postponed  from Pre-Memorial Day
to  August 23  out of coronavirus concerns in India-
napolis, will be run without spectators.

liferead.jpg Private sign, do not read, LIfe Saver Dude:: Not to worry, I'm uneducated

Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 7/26/20 @23:03 PDT
to suggest the "Deserets"  as a new name for the
Utah  Jazz  of  the  National Basketball Associa-
tion  ("Deseret,"  an alternative spelling of "Des-
ert," was the Mormons' suggested name for Utah).

Tested positive, 68,773; died, 2,971. . . .

The Indianapolis Police Department adopted new rules on use
of  force,  including prohibition of shooting into or from mov-
ing vehicles.
                                                     [courtesy Columbus Republic]

Evansville's most wanted (Vanderburgh County Prosecutor): Travis Phelps, WM, 23, murder; Jacob Wes Bengert, WM, 28, murder; Mario Watkins, BM, 33, meth; Samuel Newbold, WM, 42, meth; Michael Foster, WM, rape; Roy Bebout, WM, 46, rape, kidnap

Tested positive, 31,072; died, 753. . . .

The Stars & Bars were removed from a flagpole outside
a middle school in Lexington.
                                                              [courtesy LEX18]

Souls were on sale in Brownsville (Tabloid Headlines photos):


 The small print is a little hard to read.  Above "The Mission" it says "Community
      Church at Cedar Springs"; below, "A place where everybody is somebody."

missale1.jpg The Mission, for sale Crye-Leike executive realty @thePuckettTeam 270-779-6925; missale3.jpg These Tabloid Headlines show rather typical congregations on Sunday morning at the Mission "outreach ministry" - in Brownsville, not in Cedar Springs, which is about 10 miles to the east. But, in fairness, we must admit we have seen as many as 6 vehicles there.; the Mission, an outreach ministry of Community Church of Cedar Springs

                                                                         

Milly the Kitten,  15 weeks,  of Manchester, Englant,  tested  positive  for  covid-19.  . . . Daisy the St.Bernard was rescued from the peak of England's talles tmountain, Scafell Pike.  .  .  .   A couple wore red face masks with black swastikas to a Wal-Mart in Mar- shall, Minnesota. . . . The California Parole Board  recommended  Leslie Van Houten's

application. . . . A gull in Chelmsford, England, was rescued from a
face mask in which its legs were entangled. . . .  The Wall of Moms,
Wall  of  Vets,  Lawyers for Black Lives,  Teachers Against Tyrants
and Chef Bloc all battled federal troops in Portland, Oregon. . . .The
Million Unmased March drew about 250 marchers in Springfield, Il-
linois.   .  .  The British Columbia (Candada) Centre for Disease Con-
trol recommended "glory holes" for covid-19 safe sex. . . . Hungarian
scientists accidentally mated sturgeons  and paddlefish,  thereby crea-
ting a new hybrid dubbed "sturddlefish." .  .  . The gondoliers of Ven-
ice reduced the capacity on their gondolas from six passengers to five,
citing not the coronavirus but overweight tourists. . . . A couple in Der-
byshire, England, had to go to court to get the right to name their new-
born son Lucifer. . . . A homeless man  living  in  the  woods  in a city
park in Burien, Washington, was being evicted. . . . David Duke was

barred from Twitter. .  .  . A Norwe- gian   flag  mistaken for the Confed- erate  Stars  &  Bars  was  removed from the front of a bed 'n' breakfast in  St. Johns, Michigan.    [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

The Miami Marlins'  opening home baseball game
was canceled after 12 players and 2 coaches tested
positive for  the  coronavirus  (three  more  players
tested positive later). . . . The Major Leagues went
to 7-inning games for makeup double-headers.

Sports bonus question (win a free Tabloid Headlines
subscription):   What has been the American League
baseball nickname of the Montreal Expos since 2004?

DISCUSSION GROUP:    Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectual dissection of important current events are invited to attend the Weekly World News Round Table at the offices  of  Borf   Books  outside Brownsville, Kentucky, just  after church every Sunday.  Guest speakers lined up for meetings  in  the near future include Ghislaine Maxwell.

lifepezt.jpg Life Saver Dude: Pezticide dispenser