:

Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 10/18/20 @20:06 PDT re last week's catfisher:

Whadya wanna bet he's not who she thinks he is, either.

Tested positive, 162,886; died, 4,118.
                                                             [courtesy N.Y. Times]

Bishops issued a dispensation from the duty to attend mass
during the pandemic.
                                               [courtesy Columbus Republic]

A basketball team photo caption in the Brown County Htigh
School yearbook listed one of the players as "Black Guy."

                                                                   [courtesy LEX18]

vladmont.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers): Jeffery Vladic, WM, 5'7", 175 lbs, DUI; Montea Murphjy, BF, 5'8", 115 lbs, criminal mischief; China Pinkney,BF, 4'11", 165 lbs, cocaine; Khatrina Lindsey, WF, 5'0", 130 lbs, unlawful sale of a precursor; Damontae Chick (sic), BM, burglary

Tested positive, 97,501; died, 2,569.
                                                                [courtesy N.Y. Times]

 
Dark bruises and bandages made Senator Mitch McConnell's
hands even uglier than his face, but he said he's OK.

                                       [courtesy Lexington Herald-Leader]

squidurb.jpg Left: suspect arrested in flying squirrel smugling investigation in Florida; right: John A. Durbin II, Sunfish, Ky.

codycarr.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls,Texas): Cody L. Carroll, WM, 19, 5'6", 140 lbs, probation violation (aggr. domestic battery, esc.); Reid Len Beaman, WM, 25, 5'7", 150 lbs, tattoos chest, both arms, prob. viol. (felon w/firearm); Rachel Leah Hepola, WF, 32, 5'5", 170 lbs, DUI 3rd; Donald Lee Smith, WM, 55, 5'10", 145 lbs, tattoos, chest, back, both arms; prob. viol. (burglary); Steve John Marks, W[sic]M, 48, 5'9", 220 lbs, scars on fingers, prob. viol. (robbery, battery) (Sedgwick County Sheriff)I

Jeffrey Toobin, legal writer for the New Yorker and CNN TV analyst,  was
suspended for exposing himself in a Zoom meeting.  .  .  .  A dumb mother-
fucking black nigger Negro former  high  school  principal  in Palm Beach,
Florida, who said he could not say the Holocaust actually happened was re-
hired. . . .Wal-Mart offered  three  "black  Fridays." . . . Sheriff's deputies in
Hillsborough County, Florida, drove over the body of a man reported killed
in a motor vehicle accident. . . .  A woman in Black Forest,  Colorado,  was
cited for keeping wildlife without a license after her pet deer gored a neigh-
bor. .  .  . A survey of 1,000 people "working from home" found that 29 per
cent of them worked naked. . . . A poll worker in Memphis, Tennessee, was
fired for turning away voters wearing  "Black  Lives  Matter"  and  "I  Can't
Breathe" shirts. . . . Pope Jorge endorsed  homosexual  marriage. . . . Macy's
barred Santa Claus. . . . An Elton John Barbie doll is coming.

                                                                      [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

kaseywal.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Kasey Walker, 34, marijuana; Brxianna Sanders, 29, inj. to child; Gabriella Moya, 23, fighting; Savannah Pendergrass, 23, theft; Melanie Rodriguez, 46, possession; Crystal Curl, 32, tresp.; Juan Salinas, 37, DWOL

Dear Witless:
                            The  guy  stinks, won't shave, and looks like a bum?
                            Wake  up  and smell the dirty underwear,  you dumb
                            bitch!   He's sending a message as loud as his stench
                            and as clear as the snot in his beard:   HE  DOESN'T
                            LOVE  YOU!     He's trying to be so disgusting  that
                            you'll throw him out  and  save  him  the  trouble  of
                            leaving on his own.  That way he can play the "Poor
                            me,  look what she did to me!"  card   and  make you
                            the bad guy.  Take  a  picture  of him as you boot him
                            out the door – show it to the divorce judge.

"Karen" haircuts to avoid:
                                               

DISCUSSION GROUP:     Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectu- al dissection of important current events are invi- ted to attend the Weekly World News Round Ta- ble at the offices of Borf  Books outside Browns- ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday. Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the near future  include  Ji-Man Choi  of  the Tampa Ray Bays Bay Rays.

The Brooklyn Los Angeles Dodgers tied a 1912 World
Series record  by stealing three bases in the fifth inning
of the first game of this year's World Series  against the
Tampa Ray Bays Bay Rays. . . . A 5-year-old boy in Es-
tero, Florida, hit his second hole-in-one at a golf course.

lifehoho.jpg Ho, Ho, Ho, L:ife Saver Dude: 'n' mo'?

October 18, 2020:   Things you would  never  know  if you did not browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter   in  the  supermarket –“ this  week's headlines  (this week's issue brought to you by C &/or nobody,  phone 597-1186 or -2562):

Anthony Dean wrote Sun 10/11/20 @09:56 CDT:

No, Claudia, it's they who listen to Trump who are
idiot fucking pieces of shit.

Tested positive, 148,400; died, 3,918.
                                                                  [courtesy N.Y. Times]

Three all-terrain wheelchairs were added for guest usage at the
Dunes State Park.
                                                     [courtesy Columbus Republic]

randonm.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers): Brandon McLeod, BM, meth; Amy Bar, WF, 5'1", 150 lbs, syringe; Joshua Arquilla, WM, 6'4", 210 lbs, battery; Tevin Fowler, BM, 5'11", 220 lbs, domestic battery; Arsimio Fox, BM, 6'0", 175 lbs, coke

Tested positive, 88,145; died, 1,356.
                                                                    [courtesy N.Y. Times]

Governor Andy reported 1,346 new covid-19 cases Wednesday,
the highest yet for a single day in Kentucky.
                                                                          [courtesy LEX18]
     

leavelld.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Derrick A. Leavell, BM, 39, 6'0", 180 lbs, robbery (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)

clutterj.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Jerry Duane Clutter Jr., WM, 39, 6'0", 175 lbs, prob. viol. (opiates); Michael Angel Gonzalez, WM, 18, 5'8", 160 lbs, dom. batt.; Linda Sue Barnes, WM, 46, 5'1", 150 lbs, probation violation (burglary); Kegan Lemondez Parks, BM, 32, 5' 11", 165 lbs, prob. violation (burglary); Kevin James Frankamp, WM, 31, 5'10", 150 lbs, burglary (by Sedgwick County Sheriff)

tarapadi.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Cliford Gibson, 42, mj, paraph.; Tara Padilla, 39, contr. substs.; Sabrina Gutierrez, 24, mariuana; Miguel Covarrubius, 18, mobery; Savannah Sais, 23, marijuana; Patricia Morgan, 21, paraphern.; Esai Lopez, 18, evasing

Meghan Markle was found to be the "most trolled person on earth"  last
year. . . . Protesters knocked down statues of Abraham Lincoln and The-
odore Roosevelt in a Columbus Day "Indigenous Peoples Day of Rage."
. . . Two policemen in Rockland, Maine, were fired for beating 11 porcu-
pines to death with their batons. . . .  A priest and two dominatrices were
arrested for obscenity for filming themselves having  sex  on the altar of
the priest's church in New Orleans,  Louisiana. . . .  Barron Trump tested
positive. . . .  A 21-year-old lemur was apenapped from the San Franscis-
co, California, zoo, but a day later was found in a church playground.. . .
A homeless person reported sleeping on a park bench in Bay Village,  O-
hio, turned out to be a statue of Jesus.
                                                                 [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

DISCUSSION GROUP:     Don't forget! Readers interested in intellectu- al dissection of important current events are in- vited  to attend the Weekly World News Round Table   at  the  offices  of  Borf   Books  outside Brownsville,  Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday. Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the near future  include Amy Coney Barrett  and her kids (her husband declined).

lifelose.jpg Tomb of the unknown LOSER Life Saver Dude:: Now we understand

  (most of this issue got
lost in cybeerspace,  but we did manage to retrieve the headlines
and some pittures):

   

         

juwanham.jpg Juwan Hamilton, BM, 5'9", 220 lbs, domestic battery; Peggy Moore, WF, 5'7", 150 lbs, meth, auto theft; Mary Church, WF, 5'1", 130 lbs, meth, theft; Alexander Traxler, Nip male, 5'7", 135 lbs, narcotics (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

Tested positive, 81,630; died, 1,203.
                                                                          [courtesy N.Y. Times]

jermaleh.jpg Lexington's most wanted, Jermale Hill, BM, 35, 5'7", 155 lbs, receiving stolen property, felon w/firearm, wanton endangerment, tampering w/evidence, indedisive name (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)

The Vice Presidential debate was dumber than the Presidential debate –
neither candidate would answeer a question,  whether from the other or
the modeerator.
                                                                [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

codyleed.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Cody Lee Wolf Davisk, WM, 31, 5'7", 130 lbs, burglary; Teaqwua Deangela Brown, BF, 34, 5'4", 145 lbs, tattoos "Virgo" on neck, previous moments figurre on left arm, probation violation (aggrravated battery, DUI, firearm poss. under influence, flee & evade); Doris Pauline Cruz, WF, 44, 5'5", 240 lbs, prob. viol. (aggravated domestic battery); Michael Christopher Joslin, BM, 39, 6'2", 354 lbs, attempt to elude; Juan Manuel Villasenor-Rosales, WM, 32, 5'5", 120 lbs, aggravated assault (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

Deaths:               Edward "Whitey" Ford, 91               Johnny Nash, 80               Eddie Van Halen, 65               Sophi the Indianapolis Zoo elephant, 52               Christina Drury Scrogham, 81               Thomas Dewey Swiggum Jr., 98                                            [Louisville Courier-Journal]

January the Cat-a-log October 6:  Cat-a-mongus  (1st time since January 1) October 7:  Cat-a-wumpus

priscilla.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, nolt Kansas): Kevin Bernard Harris, BM, 33, 6'1", 170 lbs, endanger a child; Kathryn Denise Scott, WF, 51, 5'5", 230 lbs (Yorshire hog), debit card abuse, elderly exploitation; Priscilla Marie Martinez, BF, 32, 5'6", 145 lbs, injury to child (Abilene Crime Stoppers)

       

clock111.jpg right side up 111, same upside down & backward - or three in Roman; clock222.jpg right side up 222, same upside down & backward, upside down 555!; clock333.jpg right side up 333, upside down & backward EEEzy!;clock444.jpg  right side up 444, upside down & backward hot as hell or hades, upside down waiting for Godot (at his funeral); clock555.jpg right side up 5:55, same upside down & backward; upside down 222!

lifecase.jpg Life Saver Dude: the cazse of U.S. vs. Pengin, "The defense requests a reduced bail as my client is not a flight risk"

Chairman Mal wrote Sun 9/27/20 @10:16 CDT:

That's Gera r d Butler Jen's dating, not Gerald Butler.

OK, our bad.  We never heard of either of them.    – Editor

B Woo wrote Sun 9/27/20 @1010 CDT:

I just saw a sign saying cowhide.  What's the difference
between that and leather?

Most dictionaries define "leather" as  treated  animal  skin  (e.g.,
tanned), and most don't limit it to cattle skin.  Further, "rawhide"
is listed as a synonym of "cowhide," and vice versa.    – Ed.

Publius Leget wrote Sun 927/20 @09:30 CDT:

I read that if Amy Coney Barrett is confirmed to  the  Su-
preme Court, it will have 6-3 Catholic majority, not mere-
ly 6-3 anti-abortion (but not the same 6).  Is it time to call
it the Extreme Court?

We can have two more primaries!  Political  (Trump vs. Biden)
and  celebrity  (Kanye vs. Meghan).   Then  the  election!   But
we recommend that you stay at least six feet away ("social dis-
tance")  from  all  of  them.

Tested positive, 124,959; died, 3,656.
                                                            [courtesy N.Y. Times]

loganbak.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers): James Harris, BM, 5'8", 190 lbs, probation violation (auto theft); Brittany Clark, WF, 5'0", 110 lbs, unlawful entry of motor vehicle; Logan Baker, WM, 5'8", 170 lbs, resisting law enforce.

A grade school teacher in Warsaw was arrested for grabbing an
8-year-old child by the ankles to make it sit down. . . .

A Lake County Sheriff's officer was placed on leave  after  her
dog escaped twice in a week.
                                                     [courtesy Columbus Republic]

Tested positive, 74,566; died, 1,232.
                                                                 [courtesy N.Y. Times]

A couple of Garrard County voters received  illegible  instruc-
tions with their absentee ballots. . . .

The Breonnna Taylor grand jury recordings that were released
revealed more about State Attorney General Daniel Cameron
did not recommend than about unknown evidence. . . .

A Louisville man advertised on "Clutterbook" "Facebook"that
he would shoot police for $30,000.
                                                                        [courtesy LEX18]

sandbruc.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Dana Caldwell, WF, 39, murder, felon w/firearm; Bruce Sanders, WM,  54, 5'9", 180 lbs, meth; (LEX18, Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)

hunsaker.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Thomas Hunsaker, 24, firearm theft; Isheanna Terry, 25, paraphern.; Mariesol Carbajal, 38, p.v.; Kara Dowd, 39, marijuana; Linda Burrows, 18, theft, drugs, assault; Irosha Suiters, 30, p.v.; Heather Moreno, 22, mj.; Reed Yandell, 31, c. substances

The Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle, declared her candidacy for
President of the United States. .  .  . Police were called to a Florida a-
partment where neighbors were yelling "Shoot!"  but it turned out to
be Tampa Bay Lightning hockey fans  yelling to a player in the Stan-
ley Cup finals. . . . The President and the First Lady both tested posi-
tive – and so did Hope Hicks,  Kellyanne Conway,  Amy Coney Bar-
rett, Chris Christie and the president of the University of Notre Dame.
.  . . "Murder  hornets"  –  a breed of giant Asian hornets that prey on
honey bees  – were being hunted down in the state of Washington.

                                                           [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

tyramack.jpg Wanted in Waco: Dennis Richard Marshall Jr., BM, 44, 5'7", 200 lbs, failure to register as sex offender; Tyra A. McWilliams, BF, 22, 4'11" (not including her hair), 125 lbs, probation violation (theft); Fred Wallace III, BM, 54, 6'0", 165 lbs, off bail (aggravated assault, nonfamily gun); in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas); Jaylen Quinn Dixon a/k/a Dieon, BM, 22, 6', 160 lbs, tattoos, sleeves on arms, caution: gang member: probation violation (aggr. assault); Christian De'Andre Williams, BM, 36, 6'3", 240 lbs, criminal possession of a firearm (City of Waco, Sedgwick County Sheriff)

Yes, this is your octogenerian bozo again; and it happened
again.   This time I ordered only onion rings going to (and
for after) the medical appointment.  "$3.16,"  the Hardee's
ditz said.  I had exact change, and I gave it.

"Would you  please  pull  over?"  the window delivery ditz
said.  "We don't have hot onion rings yet."

"No!"  I  said.   "I don't have time!   I have to be at the doc-
tor's.  Just give me my money back."

Back  and  forth.  Dumb  cunts!  Finally  I  got  my  money
back,  and  I  left.    On the way home I got my onion rings.
From Burger King, next door to Hardee's.  $2.

DISCUSSION GROUP:     Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectual dissection of important current events are invited to attend  the  Weekly World News Round Table  at the offices of Borf  Books  out- side Brownsville,  Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday. Today's will be held in a Kia in our parking lot;  next week's, in a Chevy Spark parked in the lot.

lifesqui.jpg Rerd squirrels drive slowly Life Saver Dude: Why are swuirrels allowed to drive at all?