Suggested sandwich (excerpt
from Ideas for a Better America
)

Want to make a million? Invent a sand-
wich, set up a sandwich stand, then anoth-
er, and soon you have a nationwide chain.
The key to success is not the sandwich, but
the packaging, and the marketing. Can you
compete with McDonald’s? Can you com-
pete with McDonald’s! What’s the matter
with McDonald’s today? It’s too God-
damn slow, that’s what! You have to wait
to get a McDonaldburger. That’s because
they serve fish, fries, cheeseburgers, double
cheese, Big Macs, milkshakes and Mc-
breakfast. They’ll even hold the lettuce.


That upsets us, because the more attention
they give every little thing, the less attention
they give the specialty of the house, the origi-
nal McDonaldburger. It is just not econom-
ical to hold hundreds of McDonaldburgers in
reserve – ready to pop into your impatient
paws before they cool – when other custom-
ers might want something else.

If you can concentrate on just one product
(oh, you can also serve Cokeone size only
– milk and coffee; no 7-Up), you can be the
fastest food in town. The harried hungries
will flock like sheep through your glass doors.

A sandwich you might start with would be

the Groucho — a simple, open-faced sand-
wich – a slab of American cheese melted on-
to a slice of Vienna bread, with lots of black
pepper sprinkled on it. That’s it. (Hold
the pepper? Go home and make your
own sandwich!
) People love them. We’ve
tried it on all our friends. You can make
one for less than a dime, and sell it for a
quarter, including tax.

A Groucho? The name has nothing to
do with the Marx brothers. My daughter in-
vented the sandwich inadvertently one day
when she slapped a slice of half-melted
cheese onto a slice of white bread and took a
bite. “What are you eating?” I asked from


across the room. “Grilled cheese,” she
mumbled with her mouth full. Groucho?!
I asked, bewildered, not having understood
her.

Once it’s caught on, you can introduce the
Super Groucho: Substitute rye for Vienna
and Colby for American (price 30 cents).
And for another nickel, you can even get a
slice of tomato. Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm.
We’ve got you hooked. The price for a
Super is soon up to 45 cents (55 w/tom).
Now we’ll hold the pepper. Even put on a
pickle. Next, the Groucho Supreme – half a

bagel, toasted on the crust side, slice of to-
mato (to cover the hole in the bagel), then the
cheese (and the pepper, of course). Sixty-
five cents.

Then you can really diversify. Filet o’
fish and slaw side-dish. Salad bar and
breast o’ gar. Orange Crush, hoecake
mush. Even a (shudder) hamburger for
the finicky brat in your family.

Eventually you will be just as slow – and
just as rich – as all the other fast food chains.

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“Over hamburgers sold!”