Your first lesson:

Think about it...... when you're on the fence, you're always right. If Mulder and Scully resolve their sexual tension, we can say, "Oh, yeah, well it was coming. Hurray!" And if they don't resolve it, we can say, "Well, it's not like we were expecting it anyway. But isn't the UST yummy?"

Being a fence-sitter means refusing to be manipulated by the evil force we call Chris Carter. He plays with us, dontcha know? One day, he looks out the window and says, "I think I'll give them a teensy little bit of resolved sexual tension and then rip the carpet right out from under them!" Then he giggles manaically for a couple of minutes.

Confer to Fight the Future (which I know is not the name of the movie, but come on, it's useful as a name).....they almost kissed, didn't, and then never resolved it. Right. Typical Surfer Boy. Should we be surprised? Should we be disappointed? Not if "we" are fencesitters. Because fencesitters know that He likes to manipulate us, so we arm ourselves against it. We say to ourselves "No matter what may come, it's important to keep the essence of Mulder and Scully." If they kiss, if they have sex, that's okay with us. If they don't, that's okay, too. We're watching the show for The Exciting Adventures of Moose And Squirrel. If we feel all mooshie inside sometimes, well, we're human. If we get disgusted with Chris Carter, well, wouldn't you?

I've figured out that you can indeed be a fencesitter and be schmoopy.

In fact, they're synonymous.

Hell, you can even take delicious dips into shippiness, as long as you have that extra strength prophylactic bungee cord securing you to the fence,

ensuring your automatic and speedy return.

If you will take a look at the PowerPoint presentation I have prepared for this occasion, I think my reasoning will become clear:

<PowerPoint presentation>

*ahem*

See, there is an MSR continuum

wherein

NoRomos (the most extreme of which are of the "there ain't no steeenkin' chemistry!" variety) reside on one extreme end

and

Shippers (the most extreme of which are the Fox-and-Dana-married-with-kids-called-William-and-Katherine variety) reside on the other extreme end

To wit: 

 Schmoopers occupy a rather spacious grey area in the middle,

to wit:  

 which, the audience will note, could be said to constitute not only a fence,

but an entire sub-continuum,

perhaps an entire temporal dimension,

all unto itself.

Some theorists claim that the cumulative mass of Schmoopers as they sit on the fence

in their La-Z Boys

swilling their 'ritas

may cause a gravity well, as illustrated thus:

Thus eventually sucking the entire NoRomo and Shipper populations onto the fence with them, thus:

thereby destroying the entire continuum and making a truly incomprehensible mess.

I don't subscribe to this view.

 

Schmoopers are not a force for evil.

In fact, Schmoopers by their very nature coexist harmoniously with both Shippers and NoRomos and accept both views.

If anything, they get more flak from the NoRomos and Shippers because to them,

Schmoopers appear to be unable to make up their minds one way or the other.

This is a misapprehension of Schmooper philosophy.

 

We have made up our minds.

 

We like it both ways.

 

This concludes my PowerPoint presentation.

 

</PowerPoint presentation>

 

Be a Schmooper.

It's a good thing.

Really.

Want to know more about the Fencesitters?

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THE SHIP OF DREAMS

LEAGUE OF OUTRAGED NOROMOS (L.O.O.N.)

 

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