Standard Disclaimers apply. The people from Gravitation were spawned by Murakami Maki, Sony Magazines and their respective owners. I own nothing Hahaha…

Kill me if you want, but this fic is Yaoi. Can’t stop it…  sorry…

A fanfic by ~> Bulma Briefs

Your Pain Equals to Mine

 “It’s the end of a love drama,” Yuki Eiri uttered as he stood near the doorframe, leaning slightly against it for support.
“But Yuki! I wanna live with you!”  Shindou Shuuichi grasped as he looked at his things all piled up on the floor. “Go away. I don’t want a small snotty boy around me anymore. You’re loud, annoying and also, you suck in bed,” Yuki Eiri as he turned around. “Yuki!!” the boy ran to his feet and hugged it tight. “I’m sorry! I’ll practice more till you like it, Yuki!!!” the boy exclaimed.

“I. Don’t. like. You.” Yuki spat and tore off his leg from the boy. He walked into his house and slammed the door shut.


Shuuichi cried as he remembered Yuki’s words. He sat there in agony. ASK’s Aizawa was such a bastard. He tricked him into his little trap, he hired a few boys to hit him and rape him and they even caught pictures. Now he was sore all over, inside out physically and mentally.

He loved Yuki so much but was it worth doing this to someone who just treats you as if you’re nothing but just a good fuck? Hell he even said that he suck at that. That made his heart ached more. He felt so broken.

He reached for his cell phone inside his pocket and dialed a series of number numbly. “Ey, Shuuichi? Have you apologized?” Nakano Hiroshi asked, a smirk on his face. Earlier he had his partner go back to Yuki and try to work things out. “Ne, Hiro… can you come pick me up…?” a weak voice replied on the other end of the phone. “Eh, what happened to your voice? Sounds terrible… Where are you now?” Hiro frowned. “I’m here… in front of your house…” was the reply. “Can’t you come up here by yourself?” he asked.  “… I … can’t walk…” the voice was weak.

Hiro frowned and ran down the fleet of stairs. He ran out and turned to his right. The poor boy was sitting with his legs beside him. All battered and hurt. He didn’t know what to say. “You see… I love Yuki…” Shuuichi started. “But I didn’t knew it had to be like this…  Is it wrong to want to be with the one you love??!” he used whatever strength he had to punch into the puddle of water. It had been raining… when? He didn’t know…

“Is it because I’m a boy? Or is it because I’m famous?” he uttered, uncontrollable tears rolled down his cheek.

“No, it’s not your fault,” Hiro kneeled next to the boy and pulled him into a hug. “It’s not your fault,” he uttered softly. In his heart it was boiling with anger.


Yuki sighed as a trail of smoke puffed out from his mouth. He looked out to the landscape from the high landscape of the park. He never wanted to hurt Shuuichi. He truly loved the boy. But with the power of media and what they could do to the boy and him, he had to do this.

He closed his eyes, an image of a sleeping Shuuichi played in his mind, then the way he would blabber the whole night away. It was sometimes annoying, yes. But now that it isn’t here, he felt a grave emptiness in him.

He walked back into his car and drove back to his house. As he pulled into his car park, he got out of his car and a high beam of light flashed into his eyes.  He turned away from it and blinked. It was Hiro.

“I told you if he ever cried aside the cause of his stupidity and naive ness, I would never forgive you!” He stepped up to the lanky handsome blonde. Then his hands reach up to grab the front of the guy’s shirt. “You know he protected you all the time he was hurt by ASK’s Aizawa!?” Yuki frowned slightly. “He was raped dammit!!” Those words sunk into Yuki’s brain like swords. “You think all this would’ve happened if you…” he was stopped when his wrist was held shakily but firmly by Yuki. “Are you saying that I’m too late?” he asked. His face was still as cold as stone.

Hiro sighed. The bond between those two is something that he didn’t understand. It’s better if he let both of them rearrange it themselves. He looked away and sighed again. “He’s at my house,” he uttered and turned around. He got back on his motorcycle and sped off knowing that Yuki would be trailing behind with his black Mercedes.

Yuki bit his lips as he followed the swift motorcycle close. In his mind images were playing like a drama in his head. Shuuichi… Shuuichi…

They finally stopped by the boy’s apartment and stepped out. Even though his heart was thumping madly, Yuki kept his cool. Hiro walked up to his house and opened the door hastily. He let Yuki in and closed the door. He gestured towards the door. “He wont let me clean him or anything. I hope you’ll do a better job,” Hiro sighed and sat on his sofa.

Yuki looked at the closed door. He stepped closer to it and reached for the knob. And without another thought he swung it open. There on top of a bed, laid his lover curling up in a fetal position, shaking. Yuki started to blame himself. If he didn’t take such action as to shove the boy out of the house, Shuuichi won’t be outside at this ungodly hour being raped by some freak.

He sat next to Shuuichi on the bed. His hand rested on the budge in the blanket that would most probably be Shuuichi’s head. “Shuuichi…” he uttered as he gently pulled the covers.

He nearly swore to kill himself as he saw the bad state Shuuichi was in. “Why are you here?” a soft shaky voice. A hand reached out to touch the batter skin of Shuuichi’s shoulder. “Don’t touch me!” he shouted, tears start to pour out from his eyes again. “…I’m dirty…” he said softly afterwards. Yuki hated every part of himself.

Yuki ignored the boy as he moved to cradle the boy in his arms. Shuuichi was too weak to fight so he closed his eyes as his head was pressed to Yuki’s chest. “I love you so much Yuki… but why do you hate me…?” his voice was frail. His energetic voice has lost his power. Yuki bit his lips, his own eyes threatening to emit tears.

“If you hate me so much… why are you here Yuki? Why do you call me stupid… why do you call me moron… why do you call me a fool?” his voice was so tearstained that if Yuki weren’t guilty as charged, he wouldn’t know what the boy was muttering about.

“I know I don’t do well in bed… but I never did it to anyone before… you were my first… why don’t you give me a chance?” Shuuichi cried.

“Stop,” Yuki’s voice was commanding, but there was a sad tone to it. “Stop it!” he hugged the boy close to him, burying his face into Shuuichi’s hair. “I’m so sorry! It’s my fault…!” he cried into the boy’s hair for the first time, after HIM.

He tipped Shuuichi’s head; big sad brown eyes were looking at him. He leaned over for a kiss but Shuuichi turned his head away. A slightly hurt expression was on Yuki’s face. “… I’m dirty… I… I was…” Shuuichi bit his lips. “If you think I’m just going to throw you away because you were raped, you’re wrong,” Yuki uttered, this time with his usual firmness.
Shuuichi looked up and blinked. Yuki leaned in again and kissed the boy. This time Shuuichi willed himself openly into Yuki kissing him back hungrily. Tears start to emit themselves as he kissed the guy. “Yu~~~ki~~! Ai shiteru… honto ni…” he choked back his tears as they parted for breath.

The blonde sighed and looked at Shuuichi. He smelled of blood and sweat that has mixes of his and his rapist, also traces of dried semen on his pants and shirt. He felt so guilty and bit his lips. “Come, I’ll clean you,” he stood up and reached his hand out to Shuuichi. Shuuichi looked up for a moment then looked away.

“I can’t move,” he uttered softly, as if in shame. Yuki smiled as he leaned down and scooped up the lithe body. Shuuichi blinked and looked into Yuki’s clear hazel eyes. “Yuki…” he uttered. He never dreamt of being lifted up by Yuki. He admitted that he was a little jealous when he saw Yuki carry Ayaka-chan a few days ago. But he didn’t dare himself to even dream of it.

But now in Yuki’s hands, he savored the feeling for he knows that Yuki, being his obnoxious egoistic-self wont do this type of thing often.

Yuki reached out to open the door. Hiro looked up and smiled and he got up and put the towel on Shuuichi’s stomach. “Aww… look at him. So smelly and dirty,” Hiro smirked. Shuuichi snorted and closed his eyes as Yuki brought him to the bathroom. He put the boy down in the tub and carefully took off his clothes. Yuki put aside the clothes turn on the spray. Shuuichi winced as the warm water hit his body and stung the wounds. “Itte…” Shuuichi cringed.

Yuki shut the tap immediately. “Is it too hot?” he asked, peering over to the boy in pain. Shuuichi sobbed. He didn’t know what to say. Yuki sighed and reopened the tap, washing away the dirt and grime.

Shuuichi closed his eyes. He hoped that the water would wash away all the bad feelings. He grit his teeth as the water traveled down to his anus. It hurt like hell. The bastards before didn’t bother to use lubricant or anything.

He grit his teeth, bearing the pain. Until he thought that most of the dirt was gone and he couldn’t stand the burning sensation anymore he stood up.

Yuki looked up and blinked. He dropped the sprayer and stood up, supporting Shuuichi as the boy fell almost as instantly as he fell. “Doushite?” he asked. Shuuichi looked up, his eyes red. “My ass hurts,” he uttered.

“Ass?” Yuki blinked, and then it registered in his brain. “Shit! I forgot!” he carried the boy, wrapping a towel around him. “I’m sorry… I didn’t realize that,” Yuki uttered, giving Shuuichi a kiss on the eyelids.

He walked pass Hiro who was watching some show on the TV and returned to the room before. Yuki put the petite boy on the bed and sighed. He sat next to the boy and looked at him. Shuuichi looked away from him.

He still felt bad. Partly cause he was raped and all, partly because he had heard Yuki saying all his bad qualities out to his face and wasn’t even interested in taking it back. He rolled over to his side, his back towards Yuki. “Sankyuu…” he uttered softly.

Yuki blinked and deepened his permanent frown. “I’m sorry for bothering you all this time…” a small smile was on his face, remembering all the times he had together with Yuki that he would treasure in his life forever.

Yuki was quiet, deciding to hear whatever the boy has to say. As always…

“I promise you… from today onwards… you won’t need to see me again,” Shuuichi uttered. Deep inside he hurt like a thousand needles through his heart. But he knew better than to annoy Yuki further. He loved Yuki more than life itself. If he were the cause of Yuki’s burden, then he wouldn’t want to be.

Yuki’s eyes widened.

He stood up and frowned again. He paced to the door and paused before twisting the knob open, he threw another glace to Shuuichi but the boy still didn’t move from his fetal position and his back towards him. Yuki looked away and opened the door. Hiro was standing in front it, hands crossed on his chest.

Yuki looked at the boy who has that same look when he saw him earlier. Yuki closed the door behind him. “You made him cry again,” Hiro uttered. Yuki looked away.

He was never a person of words. He took his coat and walked to the door. Hiro followed him. “Maybe you are not worthy of his love,” Hiro challenged the man. Yuki didn’t look at Yuki as he closed the door behind him.

Yuki drove forwards, speeding like no body’s business on the highway. Wasn’t this what he wanted, to have Shuuichi away from him? Wasn’t this what he thought was best for him? But why did he felt bad? And the fact that he threw all those bad comments about Shuuichi right on his face didn’t help much. If it didn’t get the boy to be in check with his normal mood, it got him worse.


“Shuuichi… do you want something to eat?” Hiro peered into the room. Shuuichi had been like that for three days. K had been informed about the incident that night and allowed the boys to take a week off. Shuuichi didn’t answer. Hiro knew he was awake but couldn’t do anything.

Shuuichi slept naked on his stomach on the bed, covered in a thick blanket looking out the window. His eyes seemed distant… thinking…

Hiro sighed and walked out the room. K and Fujisaki Suguru were outside. “How’s he?” the tall blonde asked, his piercing blue eyes sparkled with concern. Hiro shook his head. “If he continues to starve himself for another day…” he trailed off.

“Shouldn’t we send him to a hospital or something?” Suguru suggested. K shook his head. “This isn’t a normal sickness, my boy… this is an emotional sickness. It’s medicine - TIME,” K sighed and slumped himself down on the couch.


Yuki looked out the window. His house had been really empty… quiet…

He turned to look at the couch expecting a sleeping pink haired boy to sleep on it. A disturbing feeling crept into his stomach.

What kind of a beast was he?

The love of his life was raped a few days ago and he left him just because the emotionally unstable boy said that he didn’t want to show up in front of him anymore.

What kind of a beast was he?

To throw away all the boy’s belongings in front of the door, telling him how bad he was in everything, how stupid he was, how loud he was, and accusing him for being ‘bad’ in bed.

What kind of a beast was he?

To call the one person in his life now Stupid, Moron and Annoying…

He bit his lips to think that what would he feel like if he were in the boy’s shoes. Even how much you love someone but kept being treated worse than a sick dog…

Yuki closed his eyes. That was it! He can’t live without the boy.

For days he had been imagining him sitting quietly next to him when he worked, imagining that he was sleeping on the empty couch as he walked pass his living room, imagining the boy coming up to him exclaiming his name as if it’s the most beautiful word in the world, imagining his writhing body under his soft gentle touch…

He would get the boy back… but first he would take care of a few things.


“Shuuichi…” K started. But the boy didn’t move. He was in his same position 4 days ago. He’d sleep, then open his eyes for a few hours, then sleep again the cycle just goes around like a wheel.

K threw both his arms in the air. “There’s nothing else I could do… he didn’t even respond when I call his name… it’s as if he’s dead…” he said.

Everyone was outside in Hiro’s small living room. Seiguchi Touma, K, Sakano, Sakuma Ryuichi, Suguru… even Touma couldn’t threaten him to wake up back to his energetic self.

“I’m hungry…” Ryuichi pouted. Everyone looked at him, the nodded in agreement. “You all go, I’ll keep a watch on him,” Hiro smiled, albeit weakly. The agreed and vacated the house. “I’ll bring back something for you two,” Suguru smiled before going out.

Hiro shut the door and leaned against it. What should he do? A dying Shuuichi won’t be good for any of them.

Then there was a knock on the door. Hiro spun around and opened it. He blinked. The blonde was standing in front of his doorsteps. “I thought you’d be as stupid as to believe what a boy in a delirious stage would say,” Hiro smirked.

Yuki frowned. “Is he still here?” he asked. “He was so confident that you’d let him stay at your place that he told the landlady he didn’t want to rent the place no more,” Hiro looked away.

Yuki let himself in and shut the door behind him. He saw Hiro sitting on the couch, couldn’t care less about what he was going to do. He’d thought that Yuki didn’t make a difference the time before; he might not make any difference now.

Yuki opened the door and frowned deeper. The boy seemed to be in the same position he saw him last. He walked over to the bed and sat next to it, facing his face this time. The boy was sleeping peacefully. Yuki pulled the covers a little to let some circulation on his skin. The boy was so thin he could see his bone structure. Oh god… Yuki gasped, what have he done to this lovely boy.

He held the boy’s wrist, just to check his pulse. It was there, steadily pulsing. But the wrist itself felt frail and fragile; as if a simple flick could break it into pieces.

A sickening feeling crept up his stomach.

Shuuichi’s eyes slowly opened. It was half opened though. “Shuuichi…” Yuki called. No reply. “Shuuichi… talk…” Yuki told him. “………” the boy was still silent. “Why won’t you talk, Shuuichi?” Yuki demanded, his voice breaking.

And he really wasn’t expecting the answer he was going to hear.

“Yuki… said… I was… loud…” the boy uttered softly, his voice unrecognizable. “No Shuuichi, please talk… I want to hear your voice…” Yuki pleaded. “………”

“Shuuichi…” Yuki called, almost gently. “Yuki said I was stupid… I am… and I am annoying… why must I be annoying…?” he asked no one in particular. His eyes weren’t even focusing.

Yuki frowned, his eyes blurred of tears. Hiro bit his lips as tears emit for his eyes. His friend was dead; emotionally, he was a corpse.

Yuki reached out to turn the boy so he was lying on his back. Dead eyes looked straight up to the ceiling. It was painful to see Shuuichi like this. It didn’t suit his lovely baby face at all.

“Shuuichi!! Wake up!” Yuki exclaimed, he raised his his hand to slap the boy crazy. “YAMERO!” Hiro lunged forward and stopped Yuki’s hand mid air. “How could you! He’s so hurt now and you wanna hurt him some more?” Hiro exclaimed. Yuki looked away, pulling his hand off Hiro’s grip.

Hiro snorted and turned around. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything as he walked out of the room locking it.

Yuki climbed into the sheets with Shuuichi. He pressed the naked body against his, devouring the lost feeling inside. It felt right somehow to have the boy in his arms.

“Shuuichi…?” he called, as he had the boy’s face pressed on the crook of his neck. “I’m sorry for what I said to you… please wake up. This doesn’t suit you at all… You are the forever energetic Shuuichi now aren’t you?” Yuki frowned to himself. That must be the longest sentence he had uttered in his whole life.

He felt the boy blinked as his long lashes brushed against his skin. “Shuuichi… Have I ever told you how much I love you?” Yuki whispered. Now he felt his shoulder becoming moist. Shuuichi started to cry. “Go on love… cry…” he said softly, kissing the boy’s faded shampoo scented hair.

“Yuki…” he looked up, eyes wet with tears. Yuki smiled, his Shuuichi was back.

The blonde leaned closer and kissed the boy. Their kiss deepened as Yuki moved on top of him. He kissed along Shuuichi’s jaw and bit playfully at his neck.

His beautiful Shuuichi now writing under his touch, he felt full again. “Ai shiteru… Shuuichi…”


“Tadaima!” everyone was back. “We bought u some burgers,” Suguru showed the boy the plastic bag. “Ah, Sankyuu,” Hiro smiled and put it on the kitchen counter.

“So, how’s our little prince doing?” K asked, plopping down on the sofa again. “Okay, I guess,” Hiro smiled. “His prince charming had come to kiss the sleeping prince,” he giggled. “Somehow, that fairy tale ending sounds weird,” Ryuichi shrugged.


“Yuki?” the small boy asked as he laid on Yuki’s side, head resting on his chest, listening to Yuki steady heartbeat. “Do I really suck in bed?” he asked.

“You are the best boy… but there’s always room for improvement…” a small smirk was on his face. “I do suck, huh?” he uttered, a trace of hurt could be heard. “Baka…” Yuki uttered as he pulled the boy up so Shuuichi was facing him. He gave the boy a kiss and smiled.

Shuuichi blinked his big eyes then smiled. “Yuki~~~ Ai shiteru…” he uttered softly.

“Ore mou… eien ni… ai shiteru…” Yuki uttered, closing his eyes.


P/s : first gravitation fic! Haha…!! Huh? What about ASK? Watch the anime! You’ll know what happened! Haha!
Bulma Briefs


Bulma Briefs
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