Presidents to the Rescue
Pols Spruce Up City And Reputations
by Cael O'Maolain Rogue Market Correspondents
Philadelphia, April 28 - As a show of bipartisan unity to aid the American public, US President Bill Clinton and wife Hillary joined several former political figures of both parties in an effort to spruce up a rundown section of Philadelphia called Nicetown.
Joining President Clinton were former Presidents Jimmy Carter and George Bush, VP Al Gore, and Retired General Colin Powell. Various other political figures and volunteers from all over the US descended on this Philly suburb to paint, pick up litter, read to the children and generally refurbish a decaying neighborhood.
One building services manager for the City of Philadelphia looked across the sparkling scene with a tear on his cheek. "What a difference!" he exclaimed, "But do you know how much it's going to cost this city to repaint the walls that all these Presidents painted? It's tough to tell the Commander-In-Chief that he missed a spot. Now we know why they went into politics and not construction."
The project has turned out to be enormously successful for the politicians--particularly when compared with the mediocre administrations of Presidents Carter, Bush and Clinton. As a result, they are reported to be planning a new business: "Presidents 'R' Us, Trash and Carting, Inc." The new firm has selected as its motto: "Haul to the Chief."
President Clinton's popularity has seen a small rise lately. While trading in Clinton shares are still somewhat sluggish, his market price has reached an all time high. Shares of Colin Powell, too, are trading close to their high, after a long two-month rally.