Inner Flame Special Episode:"Beer, Potato Chips and TOO MUCH SUGAR!!!" By: Lord Jareth



Send questions, comments, flames, etc. to me at lord_jareth_solaris@yahoo.com This is my first feeble attempt at humor so be kind. It starts off kind of dull, but bear with me. It gets better. If you want to know who the characters are read my story, Inner Flame. This story takes place after about chapter 15.


Durandel watched the group of travelers make their way along the beaten dirt road. His fiddling would be working shortly.

“Heh, heh, heh…” he chuckled. “Soon they’ll all go crazy!… no small thanks to that lovely little ring, however. Mwahahahahahahaaa! Though sometimes I wonder if it hasn’t affected me.” He collapsed into the bushes, laughing.

“Hey!” said Tiger. “I heard something!”

“You’re always hearing things, Tiger,” Hare grumbled. “Give us a break from your worrying for a while!

“There’s a town nearby, according to this map. We should be able to stop and rest. You can bother us after we’ve had a proper night’s sleep!”

Jareth dashed forward suddenly. “I smell beer!”

“What?” Zurath looked puzzled.

“Beer, stupid! You drink it and get drunk! Sake too! And potato chips! And sugar! Race you guys there!” Jareth dashed off.

“You’re on!” Genki yelled. He strapped on his skates in record time and skated after Jareth. The others started running to catch up.

Eight hours later…

“Beer!” Jareth was still running.

“Got… to keep… up…” Genki gasped. He had a lot of energy, but eight hours of skating non-stop had begun to wear down his system.

“Damn…” Tiger wheezed. “If she had so much energy, why isn’t she a bit… more… lively the rest of the time?”

“You’re just being stupid!” Zurath laughed. “I want to find out what beer is!” Everyone except Jareth—who was running—and Genki—who was already on the ground—tripped.

“You don’t know what beer is?” Hare started laughing.

“Hey! Don’t be mean to me! I was only unlocked two days before we met! Zurath forced his features into a hurt expression.

Hare just laughed harder, and Zurath started laughing too.

“You guys are going crazy!” Suezo yelled over their laughing. “The town’s up ahead and you probably don’t even care!”

“BEER!” Jareth yelled, dashing into the town. She trampled the sign at the edge into the dust.

The sign read, “Welcome to Vegas. Don’t get too drunk.”

**********

“I want Pringles!” The sound of off-key singing (the song from the Pringles commercials, I might add.) wafted through the street. It originated in a bar.

Jareth strutted into the bar, dragging the others behind her. “BARTENDER!” she yelled over the noise. “A DRINK FOR MY FRIENDS!” Holly looked at her as if she’d never heard those words before. Genki backed slowly toward the door. “DON’T STOP NOW!” Jareth yelled at him “GOT TO DRINK FIRST!” Holly turned and bolted out the door.

“Now then,” said the bartender mildly, “What can I get you?”

“BEER!” Jareth yelled. “GIMME THE WHOLE KEG!” The bartender obliged, bringing a keg of beer from the back. Jareth ripped the top off and guzzled the whole thing down in one swallow. “MORE!”

“I’m afraid you’ll have to pay for that first one before I can give you another one,” the bartender muttered.

“THEN GIMME THE KEY TO THE SUPPLY CLOSET!”

“I can’t do that either.”

“THEN GIMME BEER!” Jareth jumped up on the counter.

“All right!” the bartender whined. “Here’s the key. Just don’t lose it, it’s the only one I’ve got!”

Jareth grabbed the key and ran out to find the supply closet. When she got there, Zurath, Tiger and Hare were guzzling down beer like there was no tomorrow.

“HEY!” they looked up. “THAT’S MY BEER!” Jareth ripped open another keg and guzzled it down.

“Well, there goes the problem of getting the beer out fast enough.” Hare said, his eyes wide, as he watched Jareth down a second keg.

“The question is, how are we gonna get any for ourselves now?” Tiger shook his head resignedly.

“Well, we could look elsewhere,” Zurath suggested.

“GO RAID A BAKERY OR SOMETHING!” Jareth bellowed as she finished her fifth keg.

“Good idea! I’m outta here!” Zurath dashed out to find a bakery. Tiger and Hare followed.

Two hours later…

“SUGAR!” Jareth barged into the bakery and began to stuff herself with the baked goods that Zurath, Tiger, Hare, and also Holly, Suezo and Genki had already severely depleted.

“I thought you were getting drunk!” Zurath snapped at Jareth.

“RAN OUT OF BEER! NEED SUGAR!” Jareth continued to eat in a frenzied manner.

Holly bolted out the door again.

Jareth followed her. “HEY HOLLY! USE YOUR MAGIC STONE TO FIND ME SOME POTATO CHIPS! THE BAKERY’S OUT OF STUFF!”

Holly began to run.

“YOU CAN’T ESCAPE ME, HOLLY! FIND ME POTATO CHIPS WITH THAT STUPID STONE OR YOU’LL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN!”

Holly ran (stupidly enough) into a Pringles warehouse.

“PRINGLES!” Jareth grinned madly. “NOT AS GOOD AS CHIPS, BUT CLOSE!” she dashed in and began to stuff her face with chips.

**********

Next morning…

“Oh man…” Jareth mumbled. “My head… where the hell am I anyway…?”

“You’ve got a pretty bad hangover, by the looks of it,” Hare told her.

“And whatta you know ’bout hangovers?”

“He knows plenty.” Said Zurath. “Oh, and we owe the city of Vegas 20,000 golds in damages and bills.”

Everyone stared at Zurath. “WHAT?!”