"You lost your baby, didn't you?" James asked.
James was uncertain as to what the noises were but he was sure that someone had been inside the cabin above them. All was quiet for a long time before James whispered to Paul that he was going out to check. It was even longer before he returned. He knocked twice on the trap door then climbed down the ladder, closing the door behind him. He turned on the illuminator.
"Yes, we did, but how did you know?"
"You tried to tell me about it but the medication was stronger than you were."
"Her name was Kerri Paulette. She was only eleven months old when she died. Her hair was so blond it was almost white. You should have seen her eyes. They were the color of emeralds and they sparkled like diamonds in the sunlight. Terri kept trying to tell me she was sick, but she wasn't. We just couldn't get enough to feed her. The other three kids ate whatever they could find, anywhere they could find it. We tried...We really tried. We did the best we could but it just wasn't good enough. It wasn't long until she was so weak she couldn't sit up alone. I stayed with her day and night. She died in my arms..."
James could feel the love in Paul's voice and the pain in his heart as he talked. He seemed to be reliving that portion of his life. It had been a long time since James had felt compassion for another person, to allow himself to be touched or even to think of another persons feelings instead of his own.
"That night," Paul continued, "I buried her under the porch." He paused long enough to lay down on the cot, then continued. "Terri took it real hard. She felt like it was her fault. A few nights later, she went to meet a friend of hers who was going to get something for us to feed the kids. Terri was waiting behind some trash cans in an alley when she heard a woman scream. She peeked out in time to see a D.O.G. pull a baby from the woman's arms and smash it against a brick wall. The woman was hysterical and they shot her down in cold blood. Terri joined the System before she came home. I guess it was just too much for her. She tried to get me to join but I couldn't. She just couldn't understand why I wouldn't. She said that I was being unreasonable. The next day she took the kids down and signed them up with the System. The kids thought it was the greatest thing that could ever happen to them. They came home with groceries and new clothes and even a puppy. They talked about the real nice government house they were moving into and the new government training center they would be going to. They just didn't understand what it was all about."
"I guess there are some of us who are cursed with a lesser degree of understanding," James stated.
"Of course, after I lost them to the System, I had to leave to insure them a moderate amount of safety. I won't be much of a threat to them unless I'm taken alive, and I don't think that's very likely."
James looked down at his hands.
"Paul," he said, then paused thoughtfully. Without looking up, he continued, "I never killed anyone. Can you believe that?"
"I didn't mean to imply that you had and I'm sorry if I gave you that impression. I only wanted to let you know why Terri joined the System and why I had to run."
"I didn't want you to think that I took an active part in their sadism. I did only what was absolutely necessary. I did my job the best I could and talked to no one, not even my own son. When he was very young we were real close, but that was before..."
"They take great pleasure in destroying everything that unites.."
"Quiet!" James whispered loudly enough for Paul to hear as he sprang from the chair and turned off the illuminator. Both men waited quietly in the darkness of the small cellar, listening...
"We'll have to be more careful from now on. I'm sure there was someone here. It might not have been the System but I can't be sure."
"I had better change your bandages so we can turn the illuminator down."
James took the medical kit from the shelf and proceeded to change the bandages. The rope burns on his wrists no longer needed to be bandaged. The wound on his forehead was almost gone. The bruises were nothing more than yellowish blotches and the scrapes were gone. The 'C' that had been neatly carved in his chest was almost healed. James pressed on the cracked ribs.
"Does this hurt?"
"No, should it?"
"Does it hurt when I press here?" James asked as he pressed gently on the broken rib.
Paul winced.
"You'll need to sit up while I bandage that rib. I'm sure it was broken."
James helped him sit up and remove his tunic. The gunshot wound needed no special attention, only the usual antiseptic. Paul grimaced slightly as James wrapped the bandage tightly around the broken rib. When he finished, he put the soiled bandages in the dispose-a-bag. He helped Paul put his tunic on, then gave him more medication. "Your recuperative powers amaze me. I've never seen anything like it."
Paul swallowed the medication then laid down. "How do you feel?" James asked as he put the medical kit back on the shelf and turned down the illuminator.
"I feel stiff, like I need to get out of this bed and do something."
James sat back down in the chair. He tilted it back on two legs, resting the back of the chair against the rock wall.
"What made you do it, James?"
"Do what?"
"Why did you save me?"
"I believe I have already answered that question."
"A man doesn't do what you did, just because he is reminded of someone else. I think there is more to it and that's why I've asked you again."
James didn't respond immediately. In the darkness he studied the dimly-lit face of the young man he admired. No, not admired, envied. What would it hurt to give him an honest answer?
Paul's voice was soft as he expressed his concern.
"I would like very much to know the real reason. That is, of course, if you want to tell me."
Paul waited patiently for the answer he was sure he would get.
James took something from his pocket and studied it. He glanced at Paul as he rubbed the object he had in his hand.
"As I've said, I lost my father." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, keeping his eyes on the object in his hand.
"I lost my wife, also." He paused for a moment, the continued. "My son and his family are like strangers." He transferred the object from one hand to the other and back again, never taking his eyes off of it as he talked.
"I had everything I could dream of to make my life enjoyable. Except someone to share it with. I woke up one day and realized I was alone. Really alone. My life was empty. Unbearably empty. Each day, worse than the one before it. There was no longer a reason for me to live from one day to the next. To be truthful, there wasn't any reason for me to live at all. The only thing left for me was death, and with my luck, I'd probably be alone when I died. Just me and my trusty computer. You want to know why I saved you. Well, I'll tell you."
James put the object back into his pocket and looked Paul in the eye.
"The reason, of course is a selfish one. By saving you, I acquired meaning for my existance. I didn't do it as an attempt for absolution, because for me, there is none. At least now, I can accept whatever fate befalls me."
"Didn't you know they'd kill you for what you did?"
"I knew. Did you know they would kill you for what you refused to do?"
"Stalemate." Paul closed his eyes and continued, "Strange isn't it? The two of us, on opposite sides, the same and yet so different."
James waited for more conversation but nothing else was said. Paul's breathing was slow and regular, indicating he was already asleep. James recorded for several hours before he finally turned off the illuminator, settled down in the chair and fell asleep considering the words of his companion.